Merlin looked at Morgana, lying still in her bed, unconscious. She seemed rather peaceful but was very pale.
"Ow!" he suddenly exclaimed.
"Sorry," Gaius apologised as he finished to bandage his wounded arm. "You look bad, you should go get some rest."
"No, I... This is where I should be right now," Merlin insisted, still looking at Morgana. He had things to sort out with her.
Gaius observed him silently for several seconds. "Will you tell me what happened on that tower exactly?"
Merlin hesitated. He wasn't very proud of how things had turned out, and what he'd had to do regarding Morgana. He shrugged. "Maybe later..." he finally said, and sat back on a chair next to Morgana's bed while unfolding his sleeve.
Gaius kept observing him. "I understand I might not always sound like the best person to confide in to you," he stated calmly.
"Oh no, it's not that..." Merlin contested. "I just don't feel like talking right now..."
"It's all right, Merlin..." Gaius assured him. "I've come to realise recently just how difficult it must have been for you to grow up with the gift of magic, while it had been so easy for me. And I think I know why."
"Because you've never actually ever been any good at magic?" Merlin teased with a smile.
"No..." Gaius replied, rolling his eyes. "Because back then, you didn't have to look for long to find people with whom you could discuss magic for hours. But nowadays..." He shook his head and sighed. "You need more contact with other sorcerers. I mean nice, decent sorcerers your own age, who would have more to offer than an old disillusioned man like myself."
Merlin stared at his tutor, surprised by his assertion. "Are you actually encouraging me to seek out other sorcerers? Despite all the risks it would imply?"
"I suppose I am," Gaius admitted, "though I can't say I'm happy about the danger it would put you in. But take that group of sorcerers Livia's a part of, for instance. They seem to have found a good balance by meeting every once in a while. I believe you could benefit from that sort of group as well."
Merlin had to recognise it had been easy to tell Livia some things he would have balked at discussing with Gaius. Sometimes, it was just easier to talk to someone you weren't afraid to disappoint...
"I'll think about it," Merlin agreed. "But what about her?" he continued while indicating Morgana. "She can't afford that luxury..."
"Well, naturally, as the King's ward, it will always be harder for her to fully come to terms with her gift..."
Merlin couldn't help but think about how unfair it was. And about how right she had been to be angry at him. She didn't have someone like Gaius to talk to, and he had denied her the right to talk to him. "Will she be all right?"
Merlin didn't like the way Gaius pondered his answer for several seconds.
"If I'm not mistaken, the cursed villagers were all miraculously cured because Morgana cast a healing spell at the scale of the entire city, right? And that was undoubtedly extremely draining for her, considering her current condition. I... hope there won't be any lasting damages."
"What sort of lasting damages?" Merlin worried.
"To be honest, I'm not sure. Morgana isn't accustomed to using magic in a controlled way, and she must have had to push herself beyond her limits. That's why I fear there may be consequences..."
Merlin looked at Morgana again. He hoped it wouldn't be anything serious.
"I should get going, the King is expecting me," Gaius announced. "I won't warn him immediately about Morgana's state, but promise me you will get some rest."
Merlin just nodded absent-mindedly.
Gaius sighed, shook his head and left, leaving him alone with Morgana.
After what had happened on top of that tower, Merlin wasn't sure where he and Morgana were standing any more. The damage done to their friendship might be irreparable.
The way they perceived magic was so different... The minute Morgana had a chance to have a look at his magic book, she immediately headed for the harmful spells, like the fireball. While he, on the other hand, always tried to use those spells advisedly.
Was that what the dragon kept warning him about when speaking of Morgana? That she was attracted to a darker side of magic? But in the end, she made the right choice and healed all the persons she had accidentally cursed... This had to mean she was a good and well-intentioned person, right?
Merlin sighed. He was tired, so tired... These last few days had been so exhausting... Slowly, he began to doze off.
He woke up to the sound of Morgana stretching slightly in her bed. He wondered briefly how long he had been asleep, unable to say if it had been only a few seconds or as long as a couple of hours.
Morgana finally opened her eyes. And when she looked at him, he didn't see any anger or resentment.
"Merlin?" she whispered.
"Yes, I'm here. How are you doing?"
"I... feel dizzy... Are you... What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to look after you. And, if you wish to, we can also discuss what happened between us. I think we should clear some things up."
"What happened between us? What are you talking about?" Her gaze became distant, as if she suddenly remembered something. "How is Gwen? Did you find a cure?"
Merlin frowned. "Gwen is fine. We healed her, don't you remember?"
Morgana shook her head slowly.
"What about what happened on the tower, this morning?"
She seemed puzzled. "I haven't been to the tower in a long time... Merlin, what's going on?"
"What is the last thing you remember?"
Morgana shrugged. "I came back here to get some rest after spending the day at Gwen's bedside. Why?"
Merlin sighed. This was probably what Gaius had meant by lasting damages. It seemed casting that spell had been so draining it had wiped out her latest memories...
"Morgana, this happened two days ago," he told her.
"Really? But then what happened in the meantime? And why don't I remember it?"
Merlin hesitated. Should he tell her hundreds of villagers, including Gwen, had been affected by a curse she had cast herself? Should he tell her she healed every single one of them after a rather violent confrontation with him when finding out he was a sorcerer?
No. He had a unique opportunity to make things right. He could spare her the guilt she had felt for casting that curse. And he could tell her about him the way he should have from the start.
"Have I been practising magic recently?" Morgana suddenly asked. "I have, haven't I? I can feel it... There is something I remember... A feeling of... all-power... So pleasant and... appealing..." Then she looked down to her hands pensively, and smiled.
Merlin realised that maybe that was what the dragon dreaded. To see Morgana fully aware of her own abilities. In any case, it was now or never... He gathered his courage and spoke up:
"Morgana, there's something I should tell you about me. Something I should have told you a long time ago."
"Oh, no..."
Merlin was taken aback by her reaction. "What?"
Morgana sighed. "I already know, Merlin," she confided.
"You do?" Merlin asked with surprise. "So you remember what we said on the tower?"
"No, Arthur told me."
Merlin paled. "Arthur knows? But he seemed to believe... I mean..."
"He warned me a long time ago that you might have developed... feelings towards me... I didn't believe him back then, but I guess I should have..."
"Oh, no! No, no, I haven't... No, that's not what I want to talk about! And Arthur was wrong about that!" Merlin exclaimed, unsure whether he should be relieved that she was mistaken or not.
"This is so embarrassing..." Morgana continued, apparently not listening to him. "I really don't want to hurt you, Merlin, but..."
"No, it's fine! I swear, I absolutely don't - "
He was interrupted by a light knock at the door. Gwen entered slowly.
"Gwen!" Morgana exclaimed. "I'm so glad to see you are fine!"
"Gaius warned me you were feeling unwell," Gwen explained, "and that Merlin might need someone to take over."
Morgana turned to Merlin. "So, Merlin, what we just talked about... It is settled, right?"
Merlin pursed his lips. "Yes, of course, but..." He sighed. This was no use. "Yes. I should get going," he finished, and left silently.
As soon as he was out, he rested his back against the wall and closed his eyes. After everything that had happened over the last couple of days, he was right back to square one. This was so disappointing and upsetting. Would he ever manage to tell the truth to anyone?
"Ah, Merlin, there you are!"
Merlin opened his eyes and saw Arthur, obviously initially headed for his chambers but changing his course to walk up to him.
"So, did you sleep well? Did you have a nice rest, while the grown-ups took care of the situation?" Arthur immediately mocked. "In case you're wondering, everyone was healed. Including the King."
"Yes, I heard," Merlin replied tiredly. He wasn't in the mood for one of his usual banters with Arthur.
"Oh, and I know what you're going to say."
"Really? Please, enlighten me, Sire..." Merlin invited, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You'll undoubtedly complain that's it's unfair that the witch was sent to the dungeons and condemned to the stake. Again. Because she helped curing everyone and almost certainly had no role in casting the initial curse," Arthur stated.
Merlin shrugged. "It does sound like something I could say..."
"Well let me tell you, no matter what you say, I will not intervene and I will not help her escape this time." When Merlin didn't react, he continued. "Tonight, during the changing of the guard around midnight, there will be a fifteen minutes gap during which a lone and inexperienced knight will be watching the dungeons. And I would hate for anyone to take advantage of that flaw to get her and her fiancé out."
Merlin frowned. "Are you... asking me to help them escape?"
Arthur sighed. "I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm just pointing out some facts," he finished with an instant look. Which meant he did want Merlin to help them escape.
"All right. I will not take care of it, then, as you so subtly asked me to. I was looking forward to a good night of sleep, but I don't mind spending it not rescuing people instead," Merlin concluded and started to walk away.
"Why are you limping?" Arthur called behind him.
Merlin froze and turned to face him again. He was tired, so tired of lying, constantly...
"Well, after you left this morning, I was so eager to get back to bed that I... slipped in the stairs." When Arthur smirked and made to speak, Merlin continued: "Yes, I know. Clumsy, useless Merlin, right?"
"Oh come on, no need to be so dramatic," Arthur said while giving him a friendly tap on the arm. Right where the magic arrow had cut him.
Merlin couldn't help wincing.
"Are you wounded?" Arthur wondered with a frown.
"No, it's nothing. Just a bruise I got in my fall," Merlin dismissed.
"It's not a bruise, you're bleeding," Arthur pointed out.
Merlin checked his arm, and his wound must have reopened because his tunic was stained with blood.
"Seriously, what happened?" Arthur insisted.
Merlin sighed, exasperated. "You want the truth? Fine! Morgana tried to kill me! There you go!"
Arthur extended his hand to put it on Merlin's forehead.
"What are you doing?" Merlin asked.
Arthur removed his hand. "Judging from how delirious you are, I think you might be coming down with something," he stated. "Go see Gaius. And take the rest of the day off. As for tonight..."
"Yes, I know what I should not be doing tonight..."