[The reporters get free, causing Lindsay, George, and Tobias to have to escape the party.
Note: In Chapter 21, Maeby mentioned at the fountain that Lindsay once tried to steal Steve Holt, and the reporters thought this meant that Lindsay had dated Steve Holt. Also, the season 2 episode "Afternoon Delight" is discussed in this chapter.]
The reason the press didn't mob Lindsay and Steve Holt earlier was that Stan Sitwell had his security people keep all the news media away from them, using the excuse that no photography or videorecording was allowed during Tony Wonder's magic show.
The frustrated and bored reporters didn't like being penned up and given press releases about Lindsay's new green building initiatives at the Bluth Company. So they began discussing the Bluth family's earlier scandals among themselves, and some photographers remembered a Christmas party at the Bluth banana stand on Balboa Island. A marijuana-impaired Lucille Bluth ran over her son-in-law Tobias, then crashed her car into the banana stand, trapping Gob, who got rescued by Buster with a crane. It was a huge disaster and a very strange party, but rather typical for the Bluths.
At the time, some of the Bluth Company employees had mentioned in TV news interviews that Lindsay and George Michael sang "Afternoon Delight" during karaoke just before the car crash. A temporarily deaf Tobias had even said, "That's my wife and nephew! We have an open relationship." So it seemed that Lindsay had a history of being inappropriate with her nephews, long before she knew she was adopted. Trisha Thoon called in the scoop to her TV station, and her colleagues started to look up old footage from the Christmas party last year. Unfortunately, they didn't have any footage of the actual karaoke singing, just interviews about it and the subsequent car crash.
After the magic show ended, Sitwell's security folks finally released the reporters, but it took them a while to find out where the party guests all went. They missed the cake cutting and when they caught up, Lindsay was still on stage finishing her cake slice and watching the final fireworks that wished her happy birthday.
Seeing the news media straggle in, Sitwell held up the big charity foundation check again and gestured for the paparrazzi to come get photos of it.
They had no interest in that topic, though, and Trisha Thoon asked where Steve Holt was.
Another reporter added, "And where's Maeby?" They'd love to hear more details about her mother trying to steal her boyfriend.
Not to be outdone, Trisha remarked snidely, "Are they singing karaoke somewhere?"
"Or having Afternoon Delight with Michael?" According to witnesses, Michael had also sung the song with his niece Maeby during the previous Christmas party at the office. This crazy family was just full of incestuous incidents, and always had been.
"Oh no!" Lindsay got embarrassed and backed away from the barrage of microphones and cameras. George Sr. didn't understand the references, though, because he'd been living in the attic at the time. So she whispered to her father, "It's like Buster's 'Why I Want to Marry My Mother' magazine article again. Only worse."
"Oh." Now he got it, and tried to shield Lindsay more, while Ice and Sitwell joined in. Tobias was still somewhat numb and distracted, not sure what was going on.
Holding the giant check in front of her, Stan Sitwell urged Lindsay to leave quickly.
Lucille Austero also went to the front of the stage, trying to tell the reporters that the karaoke singing was old news and no big deal. After all, she herself and her brother Argyle had played young lovers in The Fantasticks musical years ago, and that didn't mean anything. She defended the Bluths, "They were probably just joking, or roasting themselves for the company employees."
Meanwhile, Lindsay, Tobias, and George Sr slipped out the back while the reporters kept asking where Maeby, Steve Holt, and Michael were. Behind the stage, George led the way and tried to blend in with the crowd.
Some party guests had already started to leave after the cake-cutting, and some were now abandoning ship due to these accusations of incest. Clearly this party was ruined, and they should have left earlier when Maeby fought with Lindsay at the fountain. Not even Lucille Austero singing and tap dancing with her brother could save this mess.
As they ran for the front gates, Lindsay briefly thought of ducking into the guest house to hide (and get the rest of her presents), but she knew that Maeby was there and likely still angry enough to fight again. Maeby would certainly make things worse with the press.
So Lindsay said nothing and just followed her father to where the cars were parked. There was already a crowd gathered, and the valets were having trouble keeping up with demand.
George got annoyed and asked where the limo was. He would be forced to ride in Sitwell's limo after all.
They soon spotted it, and the chauffeur was already waiting for them, since he saw the final fireworks in the sky. So George, Lindsay, and Tobias got into the back and locked the doors. They told the driver to go, and soon the limo drove away from Sitwell's estate.
The other Bluths, however, were late for the cake-cutting, due to hanging out backstage with Tony Wonder, and at first they didn't run into the people leaving the party.
While they tried to find the stage, Buster mentioned that he and Steve were getting a ride home with Lucille Austero.
Gob asked his son if he could keep the Camaro for the night and return it tomorrow instead.
Steve said sure, and mentioned that he was going to see Sue tomorrow, so he would need his car back.
"Good." If Steve was busy on a date, then he wouldn't be clingy, and Gob would get to spend more time with Michael on Sunday.
Then Michael, Gob, Steve, and Buster finally encountered the crowd of people rushing away from the party, often leaving cake and champagne behind on benches. The edge of the fountain was also littered with plates and glasses. Only the Balboa Country Club waiters stopped to try to clean up the mess.
"What's going on?"
Then hordes of reporters arrived and saw the Bluths. They were most interested in Michael and Steve, and they mobbed them with questions about Maeby and Lindsay and "Afternoon Delight."
Michael had no idea why they were bringing up old news, but he tried to back away. "What? No, I did not try to steal Maeby from my son!" What an absurd question.
Gob tried to distract the reporters with a fireball, but ended up shooting lighter fluid in their eyes instead. He grabbed Michael's hand and ran away with him.
Most of the reporters didn't follow, instead making their way to the fountain to try to wash the lighter fluid out of their eyes.
Steve thought that this was very clever of his father, and he threw champagne and cake at anybody who was still bothering him. Then he and Buster ran away together. By that time, Sitwell's security people arrived to try to control the situation as well.
Meanwhile, the brothers were getting lost in the crowd, and Gob stopped to steal a piece of cake from the ground, using a handkerchief in his pocket. Michael wasn't sure if Gob was going to use it on a reporter, but he urged Gob to hurry. Gob stuffed the handkerchief in his coat pocket, then they ran out to the parking lot, which was jammed up too.
"How are we gonna get out?"
Gob wished that he had doves in his pockets to release, or maybe mice. He did spot the key to the Camaro hanging on a hook behind the harried valets, so he took it, and ran off with Michael to the car.
They got inside the Camaro and caught their breaths, hoping that the reporters wouldn't still come after them. If they did, maybe they would assume that Michael and Gob brought the staircar instead and look for that. Michael wondered if he should call Buster and Steve.
Gob said that they'd probably find Lucille Austero and get their ride home.
"I guess so." Michael held hands with him and said, "This party ended about as badly as the Queen Mary party."
"Yeah." Gob was wondering about what Tony Wonder was doing right now. "I hope he doesn't get upset and back out of our deal."
"You mean not get you back in the Alliance?" Michael was worried.
Gob said, "Well maybe he'd still do that, but I think he might feel weird about you dirty dancing with Maeby-"
Michael sighed with regret about that Christmas party.
Gob continued, "And maybe he wouldn't help me break you out of prison."
"Break me out of prison?"
Gob explained the deal he had made with Tony to help Michael escape prison.
Michael was touched by Gob's concern, but told him again not to worry about his trial. "I'll be fine. If anything goes wrong, I'll try to make a deal to go under house arrest."
Gob tried to be assured, but George Sr. had spent a year in prison despite being an innocent patsy. He squeezed Michael's hand and said, "Wish you could be with me on the yacht."
"I know," Michael said. "Me too." He wished they could leave for Cabo right now and go to that Mexican model home. They could spend the summer there alone, starting a new life and being free of their family for good. Free of everyone except George Michael, of course. But Michael was beginning to have hope for the future.
Maybe Gene Parmesan would find some proof that he and Gob weren't related. Then maybe someday, Michael could tell the truth to his son instead of hiding Gob. Maybe George Michael could understand because of him and Maeby? He'd acted pretty understanding about Michael and Lindsay, after all.
George Michael was still in the guest house, waiting. His wife had finished gossiping with Sally Sitwell, but they went into the bathroom to fix Maeby's makeup, after the crying she did earlier that evening. Sally had convinced Maeby that she should pretend to forgive her parents, so that Tobias would still do the homeschool thing for her. Then she could keep her studio job, and still devastate her parents later with the movie portraying them both as horrible people. By the time it was finished and released to theaters, Maeby would be 18 and not need a work permit anymore.
Sally said, "It's just like how I'm pretending to go along with my Dad working at the Bluth Company. That way, he'll still trust me and tell me all his plans for Lindsay."
"And we can ruin them!" Maeby said. "They'll never know what hit them."
George Michael was willing to go along with their scheme by not telling Lindsay or Tobias the truth about the film, but he hoped that he wouldn't have to actively participate in anything illegal like he did when he tried to buy pot for Uncle Buster's girlfriend Lucille 2. George Michael wanted to support his wife, and maybe the movie was the only way to teach Lindsay and Tobias a lesson for being bad parents. They still thought they were so much better than Tracey and Michael. George Michael would be sure to tell the writers how wonderful his mother had been, and how her dying had been a great tragedy.
While Maeby and Sally were in the bathroom, George Michael turned on the TV news. Reporters were already covering Maeby's fight with Lindsay at the fountain and speculating about what juicy details would be in the tell-all movie.
George Michael expected this reaction, of course. "Well, she certainly got major publicity for our movie instead of Annyong's." Maeby's boss Mort Meyers would probably be pleased.
However, some old footage from the Bluth Company Christmas party last year came on, and Trisha Thoon reported via phone, "But that car crash and giant banana rescue overshadowed something far more disturbing going on." She gossiped about the karaoke singing and made insinuating remarks about the whole Bluth family.
"Oh no." George Michael got worried then.
Just then, Maeby came out of the bathroom with Sally Sitwell. Maeby was on the phone with Mort Meyers who told her to check the news.
She also was stunned and embarrassed to be reminded of singing "Afternoon Delight." She hoped that there wouldn't be footage of the actual singing. "Mort, that was an accident. It wasn't-"
In breaking news, the TV now showed Lindsay hiding and disappearng after the cake cutting, and the chaos of all the party guests leaving. Then there was Michael and Gob running one way, and Buster and Steve running another. When security people finally showed up, there was also some confusion as the orchestra and Tony Wonder's assistants tried to leave with the magic props.
Sally enjoyed seeing the birthday party get ruined so spectacularly. "Ha! Maybe Dad will finally see that Lindsay's more trouble than she's worth! She's not sweet innocent little Nellie anymore. She's a Bluth, through and through." She clapped excitedly, then decided to leave the guest house to enjoy the fun. She only stopped at the door to say, "Call me later," to Maeby.
Maeby stayed behind and listened to Mort say that any publicity was good. "People love Bluth brawls and scandals. They'll eat this up. Annyong's movie won't stand a chance. Good job!"
So Maeby shrugged and hung up, feeling weary. "Let's go home," she said to George Michael, who was more than happy to leave. "If anybody stops us, just say 'No Comment' and keep walking." There was no point in trying to defend themselves about the karaoke, if it was good publicity. Besides, they'd have their final say in the movie. For now, Maeby just wanted to go back home and rest before she had to fake forgive her parents tomorrow.
In jail, Lucille Bluth also saw the news about the family and realized that she dodged a bullet by not attending the party. Her lawyer John Haverstock called to tell her about the ruined party as well.
Lucille said that Lindsay deserved this scandal for refusing to grow up, even after finding out about her adoption. She was pretending that she was only 35 years old and trying to recapture the social status that she had in Boston when she was known for charity fundraisers.
Haverstock said, "Well, take care that the reporters don't bring up your own relationship with Buster. We might have to put you in rehab to make you look more sympathetic to the jury."
Lucille hated the thought of being deprived of alcohol longer. She just wanted to go home and sleep in her own bed and take her postpartum pills again. With alcohol, of course.
Meanwhile, in the limo, Tobias was relieved to finally leave the party, no matter the reason. He hadn't wanted to stay, ever since he saw Tony Wonder kissing Gob. Later, he become more depressed to see Gob dancing with Tony on the stage. Dancing with him in public, even though he claimed that his being bisexual was a secret.
Tobias brooded about that silently while Lindsay and George Sr. kept talking during the ride home.
Lindsay explained all the "Afternoon Delight" references to her father. "Didn't Michael tell you about those Christmas parties?"
George answered, "Mostly he just said that Gob fired everybody at the first party and that Lucille crashed the car at the second party. Oh and some stuff about George Michael not spending any time with him." George didn't actually see a problem with Gob firing all the employees, because he did many mass firings of employees over the years. But George had been annoyed about Gob wearing all his suits, and getting one covered in candy.
Lindsay could understand Michael being embarrassed about the karaoke incidents. "I thought this stuff blew over the first time, but they think they have new ammunition I guess."
George tried to look on the bright side, saying that Sitwell's party turned out no better than a Bluth party after all.
Lindsay nodded, and said, "Maybe Sitwell can issue press releases tomorrow saying that nothing happened with me and Steve Holt. Or George Michael. It's just a misunderstanding." Lindsay remembered with chagrin the time she offered to be a mother figure to George Michael, only to learn later that her nephew had a crush on his teacher and had misunderstood Lindsay's offer. She hoped that George Michael wouldn't tell Maeby about that, because Maeby might use the story in her movie.
Then George complained that Sitwell gave Lindsay presents that she couldn't return. "And what use is a million-dollar check to a charity foundation going to do us? You can't spend that money."
Lindsay said that she liked the charity foundation, as long as she didn't have to spend time with the underprivileged children herself. As for money, maybe they could return the other presents instead.
"What other presents?"
Lindsay told her father what Sitwell had whispered to her, that he got her many other birthday presents, and left them all at the guest house. "We must not have seen them because they were in another room I guess."
George was annoyed that Sitwell waited so long to tell her that. "You mean they were there all along, and he had us stay at his party for the magic show and the cake for no good reason? What a horse's ass!"
"I'm sure he didn't want to ruin the surprise, Daddy. Besides, I liked the magic show and the cake. We just have to wait for those reporters to leave. Maybe tomorrow I can sneak back and pick up my presents. We have to go back anyway and get the Mercedes you left behind."
"Sitwell just wants you to hang out at his guest house some more and be tempted to move in." What little he'd seen of the house looked far nicer than the model home in Sudden Valley. "Don't do it, Lindsay."
"Of course not. I'll probably just try to get Maeby and George Michael to stay there for the weekend instead of going back to L.A. Then we could talk and make up I guess."
George Sr. shrugged. "Yeah if she can change her movie to not trash us, we could use some good publicity."
"Yeah, that's why we need the charity foundation, to make us look good." Lindsay reached in her pocket to pull out her new membership at the Balboa Country Club. "This will be great too, so I can lunch with society ladies. And you can use my golf membership to play with the investors, Dad. Get them on our side so we can vote out Sitwell."
"I already have a golf membership," George said.
"No, no, Michael reduced it to a pool membership while you were in prison." He was such a penny pincher. "Mom tried to get Michael to upgrade it so she could eat in the clubhouse, but then she changed her mind without telling him. She pocketed the extra money so she could send Buster back to school instead." He joined an archaeological dig and got a huge rock stuck in the car for a while. "Your card never got upgraded from the pool membership."
"Oh." George considered whether he wanted Lindsay to buy him back his golf membership, or else use the new membership that Sitwell bought for Lindsay. After all, using Sitwell's own gift to undermine him at the company board meetings would be satisfying.
So they talked about which investors to woo, and how Lindsay could spy on Sitwell at the Balboa Country Club, where he might be relaxed and not as careful as he was at work.