Nat arrived home, half an hour early from work; one of the registers had shut down just two hours before she had to leave and because the place was low on clientele at the time, her manager didn't see any use in keeping her there for nothing.

Slogging up to the front door, the woman's eyes narrowed as she spotted the note shoved in between her door and the doorjamb.

"Huh," she pocketed the notice and stuck her key in the door, joggling the knob a couple of times before stepping inside to Mo's loud, welcoming bark.

"Hey you," she knelt down to give the dog some well-deserved pampering. "He didn't take your head, huh?"

Distantly, she heard the buzzing sound of a television and stood up, clenching her hands.

"What the hell are you doing?" Nat asked marching into the television room to find Col. Tavington stretched out on one of the couches, watching SpongeBob Square pants with a terribly upset expression on his face.

"Hey!" the woman snapped her fingers and Tavington shook himself aware, his face smug once more.

"I told you not to touch that!" Nat grated.

"Well it was rather easy to figure out." He replied casually. "At least part of it; the mechanics-"

"I don't fucking care!" Nat shouted. "How long were you watching?!" she demanded.

"Temper temper," Tavington replied, stretching the thread of her patience. "Fifteen minutes at best."

"Did you change the channel?!"

"I did not."

Nat sagged with relief.

"I am comfortable to turn the thing on and off. I would have worked further, but you came home… early."

"Yeah; give me that." Nat snatched the remote out of his hand and turned the television off. "You're lucky it landed on SpongeBob." She said, plopping down next to him while Mo entered the room to scurry over and rest his head on her leg.

"Sponge-bob? That is what you call this?"

"Not the television, but the show, yes?"

"The show? But where is it?"

"In the screen, recorded."

Tavington frowned.

"It's not real-"

"It's not real."

"It's an illusion, then?"

"Kind of; we'll go with that."

"Not magic-"

"-Not magic," Nat repeated.

"Well it's ridiculous and illogical," the colonel replied. "You cannot dwell in a pineapple whilst living in the ocean. And a squirrel of all creatures? Rubbish!"

"It's fictitious." Nat tried. "Like your comedies with animals and men."

"Those have lessons," William answered. "This has a talking sponge who happens to be an obnoxious, blundering fool whom I am supposed to find 'funny'.

"Well I like him," Nat defended. "He's funny to me."

Tavington gaped.

"It's like slapstick humor, with a bit of satire. The stupid happy guy and his grumpy, irritating neighbor. Make more sense?"

The colonel rested his head on his chin.

"If I strip it of all stupidity, perhaps. But that squirrel…"

"Forget the squirrel," Nat interrupted. "What about Gary?"

"Gary?" Tavington repeated. "The snail?"

"Yes, Gary the snail."

"He's useless." Concluded William. "Can't even talk, and he's so… odd looking. His proportions are overly emphatic. Monstrously so."

"That's part of the act," Nat explained. "Goofy, make fun of it; jest."

"I don't' see the point."

"Fine, fine," Nat let up. "But can you tell me about this?" she pulled out the note the officer had left behind.

"Suspicious activity," Tavington read, taking the paper from her.

"Did you do your wacko-jacko soldier thing?" she asked.

"Wacko?-"

"Did you pull your gun on someone or do something else?"

The colonel replied with a harsh laugh.

"Did I do something? I was defending myself against your cretin of a neighbor-"

"So you did pull your gun on him?" Nat started to become perplexed.

"No, he spied on me, and I saw fit to diffuse the issue before it became a threat." William answered with crafted deliberateness.

"Why was he spying on you?" Nat chose to save the more prodding questions for later.

"My coat," the colonel replied. "I hung it out after pressing it and he found it of interest."

"Oh," Nat started. "You didn't say it was a costume."

"He's not quite that dull, I'm afraid-"

"Well what did you do? Scare him?"

"Something of the like, yes."

Nat rolled her eyes, spotting the officer's saber in the corner of her vision.

"Did you use that?"

"I did not; he only saw me."

"Great," Nat threw up her hands. "Threaten someone and watch TV! We are fucked."