A/N: spygoose, sonnetStar, Kylie Winchester, Guest and Guestdod: thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I possibly have the best readers in the world. As for your questions, I hope the next chapter (#26) will answer those. Thank you so much!

"There's little joy in life for me,
And little terror in the grave;
I've lived the parting hour to see
Of one I would have died to save"

- Charlotte Brontë

"I'm Monica..."
"Miss Marple knows human behaviour better than anyone else!"
"Hello, Dr. Reid"
"...thought trees and nature would speak to me if I could just..."
"...we ever had a son..."
"...Spencer Jr"
"When you touch me, I get all giggly"
"You know you love it, hondo"
"...go ahead. I wanna see your butt when you walk"
"...the Godfather - starring Dr. Spencer Reid, Henry LaMontagne and Hank Spencer Morgan"
"...the TARDIS, duh"
"...more like a dick-measuring contest..."
"Rebecca!"
"Cause it's not good for my reputation as a feminist to be so crazy about..."
"Dr. Reid?"
"Oh god, Spencer..."
"Spencer..."
"...Spencer"
"I love you - that is the only explanation I have..."
"...Spencer"
"...take me. Not him. Please"
"Spencer..."
"...Spencer"
"Spencer"
JJ put a hand on his shoulder. It pulled him back to the present, dimming the voice that rang in his ears. Spencer opened his eyes.
He was beyond exhausted. Breathing was all he could manage. Monica's voice, his memories with her - it all threatened to drive him insane. His mind was overwhelmed with everything Monica. How could he be alive when she...
"Hey", JJ said.
He looked up. Her face was sympathetic, mournful.
Choking back a sob, she said,
"I'm so sorry..."
It wasn't her fault. But he was so tired. He didn't have enough energy to tell her.
"I shouldn't have let you go to her place alone. I..."
"It wasn't your fault", he said.
What else could he say? Everything that could go wrong had. Just like he knew it would. Fate always reminded him he didn't deserve the love of a good woman. The breakup, some rogue assassin, her saying 'I love you' over the phone - nothing could have prepared him for losing Monica.
Garcia came running to them, panting. She asked, catching her breath,
"How is she?"
Spencer answered her without looking up.
"Monica is dying"
JJ quickly explained.
"She's in surgery. They can't tell us anything for sure yet"
He didn't see Penelope's eyes glossing with tears. But he felt her sitting down beside him and holding his hand.
Rossi came back from another wing in the hospital. He asked Garcia,
"How are Emily and Luke?"
"They are okay. Getting patched up"
JJ looked to Rossi.
"Heather?"
The man sighed.
"Her family just arrived"
Spencer didn't want to think about it. His teammate had to die. So did two of Cummings' people. Beatrice would have taken him and JJ too, had Monica not taunted her, forcing her to abandon her plan and come for her instead. But sitting in the hospital where Monica had flatlined, he didn't know it. His mind recollected the image of Beatrice tearing through Monica's arm with her teeth. The massive head trauma, the blood loss, the broken knees, the shock brought on by having her flesh ripped out - he hoped to God Monica was strong enough.

After an hour, the doctor stepped out. She had pulled off her bloody gloves and pulled down her mask. Rossi asked her,
"How is she?"
"We managed to stop the internal bleeding. But it's still touch and go. The injury to her brain is keeping her in a catatonic state. We can't say more until her heart rate improves. Sorry"
Rossi and JJ glanced at each other, and then turned to look at Spencer. There was a haunted look about him that could have repelled anyone. But Penelope sat by him anyway. The profilers knew it would be useless to tell him anything about Monica's condition right now.
"Do you want some coffee?", Penelope asked him.
He didn't say. JJ and Rossi came to the two, disappointment drawn plainly on their faces. Penelope looked up at them but she didn't have to ask. She gripped Spencer's shoulder instead and stayed by his side.

Emily and Luke joined them soon after. Tara did too, after consoling Agent Roane's family. Having round up the technical matters with CSU and the Bureau, Matt was the last one to arrive. The clock had struck 2:15 AM by then.
"He needs to sleep", he said about Reid.
Luke told him.
"He won't move"
"Has anyone called Monica's family?", Tara asked.
JJ had. She told them so. The team glanced over at Emily trying to talk to Spencer. He only looked more desolate with each passing minute.

Monica's family arrived a day later. George had to fly in from Africa. His father was beyond himself with grief. It only worsened when the doctors told them they could do nothing more for Monica. George asked, his voice trembling with anger and pain,
"You're asking us to pull the plug on my sister?"
Catherine sobbed.
"George, don't"
Their mother was quiet, much like Spencer. The doctor told them,
"Whether we... do it or not, it's just a matter of a few hours. I'm sorry"
George wept, trembling in his grief.
"How can she die? She's my baby sister. She's... she's fucking thirty-one, for Christ's sake! Audrey, tell them. She's only thirty-one... oh god"
He broke down in his sister's arms. Audrey held him as they mourned together. Max begged his father to stop crying, fighting back his own tears. Not too far from her family, Dr. Fleming was sitting in the chair next to Spencer.
"Thank you... for making my daughter happy. Ever since she met you, she was more herself than she had been in years", Dr. Fleming said to him, "With time, you are going to forget things about her. It's healthy, part of the healing process. But, she loved you more than anything - I hope you don't forget that"
Their voices fell on deaf ears. He sat motionless, staring into the void Monica's death would leave in his life.
Who would hold him every time he had nightmares? Who would kiss him awake? Who would remind him every day that he was the love of her life? If it wasn't going to be Monica, he didn't care.
Max walked over to Dr. Fleming and Reid.
"Mom?"
"Yes, dear?"
"We have to say goodbye to Monica. Come on"
The woman's bosom shook with repressed screams and cries. She didn't make any effort to wipe her tears, as her son gave her a hand.
Spencer sat there. He was thinking about the night he had told Monica he couldn't spend his life with her.
'Got your wish, didn't you?', he thought.

The Knights had said their goodbyes. They, his friends - everyone was looking at him, waiting for him to do the same. As Spencer was still hazy from his own injuries and a lack of sleep, Rossi walked with him to where Monica lay. He gave the young man's shoulder a gentle pat before leaving him alone in there. Spencer raised his gaze from the floor to the hospital bed. And he wept.
How lifeless her eyes looked. The bruises, the mouth hanging open, the breathing tube, the hair a mess - she never looked this unruly even in her sleep. Always pretty. Always neat.
And now this travesty.

With tears blurring his vision, Spencer approached the bed. He took another step, making sure her dying eyes were on him. His mouth felt rough as sandpaper when he opened it to speak.
"Monica?"
Beep beep.
He ignored the low beeping of her electrocardiogram, the heart rate monitor. Spencer stood by her bed. He looked down. There was the hand that had caressed him so often. He sat on the edge of her bed and took it, knowing it was the last time he would get to touch her. He was never going to hear her speak again, never feel her hand against his cheek, smell her perfume when she embraced him, never talk to her again. He suppressed yet another onset of tears that thought evoked. All the love they had shared - in the end, it didn't matter. His love wasn't enough to save her.
"Monica... I..."
As her heart beat faster, the ECG machine beeped louder. Spencer tried again.
"I need you to know..."
It got so loud it drowned out his voice. So loud it brought a doctor and a couple of nurses rushing in. So loud he couldn't hear what they were saying as they tried to make him leave.
"You ha... to wait out... pl..."
The heart rate monitor sounded crazy. Spencer watched as they rushed the cart in. He stood outside while a nurse closed the door in his face. Someone pulled him back. Too much was happening all at once. Monica's family and his friends were talking among themselves, looking as confused as he was.
Why wouldn't the doctors let him say goodbye?

Max pulled Catherine away from the closed door.
"Be honest with me. Is she flatlining?", he asked.
"No. Her heart actually started beating faster", Catherine looked over at Spencer, "...when he went in"
"But they said..."
Max stopped. He and Catherine turned to stare at the dishevelled man surrounded by his colleagues. Monica's father asked his children,
"Is it a good thing? Cathy?"
Catherine turned to him.
She was unsure, but she said,
"Not usually, but this... this means she just might have a chance"

A/N: I hope you will forgive the creative liberties I have taken with the medical terms and concepts in this chapter. Leave me some feedback please. Thanks!