Irreparable
Prompt: Hope is a lie.
Kunzite threw her in the cell, being brutal with her.
"My friends will come for me! And when they do, you'll regret ever you were on Beryl's side!"
His laugh only caused her anger at the situation to double.
"I'm not afraid of your friends. Not only are you so insignificant that they won't notice your absence, but they wouldn't be able to find you if they were given the exact location."
"I believe in my friends! They'll save me, I know they will!"
He smirked at her, leaning closer as if he was about to tell her a secret, "If they ever do, you'll be irreparable."
"I have hope, that's all I'll need to survive until they get here."
"I think you'll soon realize hope is a lie."
The day after the imprisonment…
She made sure Kunzite was really gone before taking out her communicator. Deciding calling all of them would probably create a sufficient amount of noise for someone to hear, she clicked the Mercury button, hopping that she wouldn't ask too many questions at once.
The blue haired genius answered immediately and spoke before Usagi could open her mouth, "Usagi! Thank goodness! Let me get the others, I'll be-"
"No! Ami listen, I don't have much time! Please don't get them; it'll cut my time even shorter if anyone hears voices! Listen, I don't know exactly where I am, but its freezing. I mean, I'm in a dungeon, but it shouldn't be this bad," she heard footsteps and looked behind her. She really needed to hurry up, "I need you to do two more things on top of finding me; talk to tuxedo mask to start off, it's a long story but we've always had this weird connection… He can tell you all about it. But this is really important! Protect my famil-"
"And just what do you think you're doing?!"
Before she could defend herself, he stomped on the communicator while she was still holding it, consequently hurting her hand and causing her to try to muffle her scream of pain - not that she did a very good job at it.
Three days after the imprisonment...
He put the food outside of her prison, just out of her reach. Her only response was a scowl. He'd done this before, mocking her when he came back to see the plate untouched. She was fed at least once a day, although if she wanted more meals, she had been told she could give information for food. But she knew, not matter what happened, they would give her enough to live, and that was all she really needed.
She'd also learnt that if she ever insulted Kunzite and he couldn't think of a retort, she'd be physically punished. It was always worth it though; they would've injured her anyway.
They were always trying to break her mentally, but she fought back. Anytime they would tell her hope was a lie, she'd say surrendering wasn't an option, or that a life without hope wasn't possible. She loved to argue with them, it kept her mind off of the pain and the miniature voice of doubt in her head.
A week after the imprisonment…
"You'll never be loved, not someone so weak and useless."
"At least I have the ability to feel!"
"Feelings are a weakness, just as hope is a lie!"
"No they're not! It can't be because it's the only thing I have left!"
She wept. It was the first time since she'd arrived that she shed tears and she despised herself for it. But she was hungry, in pain, worried every day over her friends and family and missed everything and everyone at home - including Mamoru
She didn't know when Kunzite left, or when he brought her food, but she did know it was the first time she didn't eat when it was a possibility.
A week and a half after the imprisonment…
She lay on her back, looking at the ceiling with unseeing eyes. She was desperately clutching to her last lifeline, her last weakness and strength, the only one Kunzite didn't seem to know existed and the one she'd only found out recently.
She daydreamed of the day he would ask her out, his blue eyes sparkling, but with a slight fear in them that told her he was being honest with her. His usual smirk was replaced by a sweet and hesitant smile, anticipating her response. She would brush his wild bangs out of his face, standing on the tips of her toes just to be able to tease his lips as she answered. Then she would lose her balance, but he would wrap his arms around her, and start kissing her. She would keep her own arms around his neck, pulling him towards her as she tried making herself taller. Mamoru loved her and she loved Mamo-
"Why fancy meeting you here."
The illusion was crushed as it had so many times before. She turned her head towards the voice, too tired to answer her enemy as he walked towards her. She could feel unconsciousness creeping at her already, and he hadn't even started tormenting her.
"Good news! I'm ready to let you go."
She stared at him, feeling as though annoyance was poking her in the face.
"All you have to do is tell me the names of the other Sailor Senshi, and you're free to go!"
That ticked her off.
"Oh really? You torture me for so long that I've lost track of days, and you just want to let me go? Even if I give you the information, you're not letting all of your hard work escape; you're not giving me a chance to heal. Giving my friends up for nothing? Thanks, but no thanks."
"What, the same friends that gave up on you? Or do you mean Tuxedo Mask? Because it seems to me, you sacrificed yourself to save him, and he doesn't care what happens to you."
"You don't know anything. My friends will come."
The words were hollow to her own ears.
Two weeks after the imprisonment…
She kept her eyes closed as Kunzite spoke. She was listening, of course she was; he was telling her about the latest battle and how he'd learned everyone's identities, including her own. When he spoke of the fact that Tuxedo Mask had stated he didn't care for her at all, her already shattered heart was annihilated.
She knew she shouldn't trust him, but she was starting to believe everything he said, from hope being a lie to being the unlovable girl.
"Hope is a lie," he went silent at her quiet words, and even though she had her eyes closed, she knew he was grinning victoriously.
Two weeks and a half after the imprisonment…
"Usagi! Usagi are you here?!"
The petite blonde lay motionless. They were here, she should be joyous, she should be screaming at the top of her lungs that she was right here. But she couldn't, she didn't want to. What was the point?
"I found her! Over here!"
That voice surprised her. She turned her head to see Tuxedo Mask. A single tear fell down her cheek; she'd thought it was Mamoru.
"Are you alright? It'll be okay we'll get you out of here, we'll bring you back home."
His sweet voice barely registered. She had turned away from him, unable to push her guilt away. They'd all come risking everything for her… But they shouldn't have. Even if they managed to escape with her, she knew she would never be the person they wanted; she'd never be as happy and energetic as she'd been before.
"Move Tux-boy!" Ah, that was definitely Rei.
The door was suddenly thrown open, Mars, Tuxedo Mask and Mercury all running in.
"Come on, we'll get you out of here, we have a plan."
"There isn't a point," her words startled everyone.
"What do you mean? Are you hurt?" Mercury promptly took her computer out, getting it ready to scan her friend.
"No. Yes. Depends how you see it."
"We don't have time for this! What the hell are you talking about?!"
"Mars… Do you want to know if I am hurt? Because I can explain."
"What is there to explain?" Tuxedo Mask knelt next to her, holding his hand to the two girls to let Usagi talk.
"I have been injured, but I am healed. So no, I am not injured physically. Mentally… Emotionally… Yes. Very much so."
He turned her on her back and met her vacant stare, his heart constricting. She realized they knew they were too late.
"We can help, all of us," Mars nodded at her own words, trying to convince herself more than anyone else. She knew they were all terrified of the emptiness in her eyes. They were never devoid of their shine and their warmth.
"No you can't. I'm not just broken, I am… I am nothing anymore. I am but a shadow of the girl you came to save. You can't fix me, I am irreparable."
"That's not true. You kept your faith in us, or you would be dead."
"Hope is a lie."
"Snap out of it Usako."
"I am weak and useless."
"Usako, please listen to me..."
"I am the girl who will never be loved."
"Usako, we all love you! I love you! Snap out of it and come back!"
"Come back? From where? There is nowhere for me to go to if I am nothing, and if I am nothing, then I am nowhere."
"Mamoru, grab her, we need to leave."
Mamoru.
"I knew a Mamoru… I loved him."
They all went silent, and she felt something wet hit her face. Tears mixing with her own.
Ami spoke first, "Loved… As in, past tense?"
"Yes… Back when I had hoped that love existed."
A week after being saved...
They hadn't let her out of their sight; someone was always there, always talking to her, always trying to get some reaction out of her. She wasn't eating, not really. She only ever ate or drank when they forced her, but only Mamoru and Rei did that. The others didn't want to push her over the edge, not realizing she had long since fallen off.
Today was Mamoru. He was doing homework, but he was obviously too distract as he kept glancing at her, opening his mouth, shaking his head and returning to his work. He wouldn't stop, he just kept doing it over and over and-
"Please say something."
His voice made her turn her head, which was the first thing she'd done on her own since she'd gotten here. She licked her lips. Something was wrong, and she didn't mean the fact that she kept falling, and everyday she'd fall deeper and deeper into the darkness.
She knew she was dying, she'd known for a while, but… She had wanted someone to see through her mask, to see that if they tried hard enough, they could crack her facade.
No one had.
Pain lurched through her, and she groaned, rolling over and landing on the floor. Mamoru was there within a second, yelling for help while still trying to take care of her. He turned her towards him, whispering words of encouragement to her, promising her that she would be fine, to just hold on, to stay awake.
She lightly brushed hair out of his face, not fighting to stay conscience. If she was honest with herself, she'd expected this. She'd been through too much to have survived without anyone to help her. She hadn't realized she'd spoken out loud.
"I would've helped you..."
"You didn't."
"You never asked! You pushed us away!"
"And you never noticed me slowly wilting away? You never noticed how I tried, but was terrified?"
His apology was muffled by his sob, guilt tearing at both of their souls.
"I'm sorry… I would have fought you anyway… It's not your fault," she spoke with emotion in her voice, for the first time since they'd found her.
Her eyes fluttered shut, a small frown appearing on her face. For the first time since she'd been taken away, she didn't want to die.
But it was too late.
One-shot
By SailorNerd
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon isn't mine, who would've figured.
I'm back with the final chapter! This final chapter is longer than the others, so I hope that makes up for the long wait. I will be posting more angst, but on separate stories and it won't be that often. Thank you greatly for the continued support of this story, it means more to me than I can put into words!