Author's Note: Ahhhhh, this episode. Definitely one of my personal favorites of season one. There's just so much FUN to be had with this episode. ::Sigh::

P.S. – After the last installment the word count of this project was exactly 130,000.

…I just thought that was kinda nifty.

EDIT as of 7/28 - Thanks to the wonderful reviewers that I have, I've gone into more detail about some things, changed some things, basically addressed everything that people have mentioned in their reviews on this chapter thus far. You guys really know how to keep a girl on her toes. I love you for it. ::Hugs::

Season One, Episode Twenty-Five: This Side of Paradise

Well we hit the ground running this episode with the "Something scary is coming" music.

Random Crewman: "Approaching Omicron Seti III, sir."

Kirk goes to Uhura, who tells him that she's been broadcasting a signal but has gotten nothing but dead air.

Kirk then goes to Spock and leans one hand on his chair and the other one a console.

(((Fanvid editors, take note.)))

Kirk: "Mr. Spock, there were 150 men, women and children on that colony, what are the chances of survival?"

Spock: "Absolutely none, captain. Beartoll Rays is such a recent discovery, we do not yet have full knowledge of their nature."

(((Wait…what?)))

Spock: "It is known, however, that living animal tissue disintegrates under exposure."

(((Oh okay, so its bad. Got it.)))

Spock: "Sandoval's group could not have survived after three years."

(((Wait…what?)))

Kirk: "Are you saying that those people built a future in a place knowing they might not survive?"

(((Ohhhh, people tried to settle on the planet even though it had a toxic atmosphere and now the Enterprise is being sent to that planet to see how everything's going.

…

Well why the shit didn't they just say that?

What? Revealing dialogue such as this enlightens the viewer without holding their hands and making the characters seem like dumbasses in their own universe?

Oh. Well then.

I'll shut up.)))

The random mumbling crewman then says that they've pinpointed a settlement, and Kirk orders for a landing party of five to be assembled to beam down. The landing party is Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu and a couple of random crewmen in case someone needs to die later.

Well they land on a nice little farm area that's completely deserted oh no wait there's people.

Sandoval himself strolls on up and welcomes them.

(((Well. Ain't that a kick in the Sexy Pants.)))

Back from titles, and Sandoval is excited to see them and anxious to show them around. The trio plus Sulu have a little 'What the shit is going on' conversation, where they conclude that, even though the Rays are certain to kill humans after a week or so, Sandoval and his men are, in fact, alive.

(((SHUT UP, the walking, talking people are ALIVE?)))

They follow Sandoval into a lovely little house and into a lovely little room and he talks about the planet being ideal for agriculture.

Then a lovely little blonde shows up.

(((FINALLY, we get a Dame of the Hour. I've only been waiting like TEN episodes for some hot Kirk-on-female action.)))

Romance music plays as the camera zooms in on the woman's face. Then the camera zooms in on…Spock??!?!

(((The VULCAN gets the Dame of the Hour??? DO WHAT NOW???)))

(((It is here that I would like to mention the fact that the original script for this episode had Sulu getting cozy with the Dame, and only after one of the writers (a Ms. DC Fontana) insisted on making it Spock and making the necessary changes for that, did it actually happen. DC wrote another episode, and Spock has a 'love interest' in that one too. This chick just had a hard on for Spock lovin' the ladies.

Interesting, though, how both cases (this episode especially) can be rendered moot anyway.)))

Sandoval introduces everyone to Leila, the blonde botanist.

Leila: "Mr. Spock and I have met before. It's been a long time."

Leila looks at Spock. Spock looks at Leila. Leila looks down. Kirk looks at Spock.

Kirk: "Mr. Sandoval we do have a mission here."

(((So a woman from Spock's past shows up, the only reaction shot we get from someone other than Spock and Leila is Kirk, and Kirk is super quick to be all "::cough:: BUSINESS AND SHIT ::cough::"

And speaking of reaction shots, check out the way Kirk throws his look to Spock. He only moves his eyes, like he doesn't want to get caught. He doesn't find this situation amusing either, even though the situation of running into an old dame from a Vulcan's past is hilarious. Nope, no humor on Kirk's face.

I wonder why.)))

Sandoval is more than happy for Kirk's crew to poke around and examine their life, and starts talking about their philosophy of leading simple, quiet existences. Kirk has to drag his eyes off Leila just to look at Sandoval as he's talking.

(((And his stare is most certainly NOT of the 'Me nail you now' variety. No, no he's not distracted by a pretty face, that much is clear. His expression is very serious, not like he's looking at her and thinking, "Hey HEY, a chick from Spock's past! I can think of sooo many jokes to unload on my good buddy, this'll be great" and why not? If he and Spock are such good friends he should make jokes! Tease his buddy a bit about the chick with the killer blue eyes.

He made jokes at McCoy in The Man Trap when they went to see the woman from his past, but suddenly it involves Spock and he's looking at the chick like he's sizing her up and there's not a trace of humor on his face.

And even when he does look at Sandoval, it's clear that he's not listening to what the guy is saying. He even looks down for a second before looking back up and smiling a little like "Yeah, yeah I'm totally listening, sure." I mean come on, Sandoval doesn't even say anything that would warrant a smile.

Meanwhile his inner life is yelling at us that something else is on his mind.

From what we've seen, it's clear what that 'something else' is.

He wants to know who the HELL this 'Leila' chick is and how she figures in with Spock's past.

I wonder why.)))

(((I guess it's only fair that Kirk go through this. Spock went through the same thing (though it was a bit less focused on) with Ruth in Shore Leave. My my, what an interesting parallel…)))

Sandoval says that they can make themselves at home and everyone starts to exit, with Spock looking at Leila in a very 'I know you from the past but nobody knows what our real back story is yet and that is mysterious' kind of way.

Transition to Sulu and a random crewman having a look-see around the grounds.

Random Crewman: "What exactly are we looking for anyway?"

Sulu leans on a railing right next to two big, exotic flowery looking things that have no business being in the surrounding they're in.

Sulu: "Whatever doesn't look right. Whatever that is."

(((Like, I dunno, these HUGE ALIEN LOOKING PLANTS…or something.)))

Sulu: "When it comes to farms I wouldn't know what looked right or wrong if it were two feet from."

(((Well yeah, but if you're looking around and the scenery goes barn, barn, GIGANTIC UGLY FLOWERS, you should still be tipped off.)))

The random crewman then notices that the barns aren't filled with cows, and Sulu then realizes that they haven't seen any animal life at all.

Cut to Leila and Saldovar in a house.

Saldovar: "You know the Vulcanian?"

Leila manages to flash the creepiest smile possible.

Leila: "On Earth. Six years ago."

Saldovar: "Did you love him?"

Leila: "If I did, it was important only to myself."

Saldovar: "How did he feel?"

Spock: "Mr. Spock's feelings were never expressed to me. It is said he has none to give."

(((Well we all know that Spock has plenty of feeling going on, so that rumor is bullshit.

Hm, Leila kinda sounds like a Nurse Chapel to me. A really creepy, oddly serene, Children of the Corn Nurse Chapel.)))

Saldovar: "Would you like him to stay with us now? To be as one of us?"

Leila: "There is no choice, Elias. He will stay."

(((Fatal Attraction called, they want their stalker back.)))

Transition to McCoy finishing up an evaluation of a random farmhand. Kirk comes in and McCoy reports that everyone is in absolutely perfect condition. Then Spock calls in via communicator to say that there's no animal life. Kirk and McCoy both think it's weird that there's no animal life because…well that's weird.

Saldovar joins the fun and wants to show them the fields and crops, and Kirk goes with him. Near the garden Saldovar babbles on about the amazing soil and how they grow anything, but then a random crewman (((hey, isn't that Mr. NotSoHandsome?))) pops up and Saldovar ducks out so the guy can report that yeah, they can grow shit, but they don't have much stockpiled they just have enough to sustain the colony.

Kirk: "It's like a jigsaw puzzle, all one color. No key to where the pieces fit in. Why?"

(((Not your strongest metaphor, Captain Sexy Pants.)))

And just to make things feel like you're going in circles, McCoy calls him back into the house via communicator. Once Kirk is back, McCoy reports that Sandoval's medical file says that he'd had his appendix removed, but McCoy just checked him out and he has an appendix so that's, you know…odd.

Cut to Leila and Spock in a garden, where Spock is checking out the crops.

(((For those of you wondering: Leila's still creepy, Spock is still adorable.)))

Spock: "Nothing, not even insects, yet your plants grow and you've survived exposure to Beartoll Rays."

Leila: "That can be explained."

Spock: "Please do."

Leila: "Later.

Spock: "I never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question."

(((Neither have I, Spock, I totally sympathize with you on that one.)))

Leila: "And I never understood you…until now."

Leila puts her hand on his chest.

Leila: "There was always a place in here where no one could come."

(((Uh, honey, his heart isn't in his chest. So unless you're talking about how no one could get into his lungs you're a bit off in your attempt to be dramatic.)))

Leila: "There was only a face you allow people to see. Only one side you'd allow them to know."

Leila seems to be onto something, because Spock merely walks away.

(((We can see it on his face too. She's not totally crazy in her theory, Spock does spend his entire day trying to make sure he's Mr. Logical, and that keeps him closed off from everyone.

Well except Kirk, but that's obvious.)))

Spock: "I would like to know how your people have managed to survive here."

(((Smooooooth.)))

Leila: "I missed you."

Spock: "Logically you should all be dead."

(((Translation: CHANGE the SUBJECT you stupid COW.)))

Leila: "If I tell you how we survive, will you try to understand how we feel about our life here? About each other?"

Spock: "Emotions are alien to me. I'm a scientist."

(((So, what, you're a scientist not a feeler?)))

Leila: "Someone else might believe that, your shipmates, your captain, but not me. Come."

(((Um, excuse me, Creepy McBadHair? Kirk is more in touch with Spock's human side than ANYONE, so hows about you not write him off as any ol' shipmate, hm? Thx.)))

Leila then offers her hand to lead Spock off somewhere, and while he follows her he makes a point of NOT taking her hand.

(((So up until this point we don't have any idea how Spock really feels about Leila. All we know is that a while back she loved him and he played the Mr. Logical card for whatever reason. He hasn't had any dialogue like, "Hey, I told you that I was into you but couldn't afford a relationship because of such and such" he's just stayed quiet.

Remember, Spock can be affected by a pretty face if he wants to be, and before the Enterprise there would be no reason for him to turn down someone unless he just flat out didn't care for them.)))

Cut to Kirk and McCoy and Sandoval. Kirk has gotten the order from Starfleet to evacuate the planet and he tells Sandoval as much. Sandoval has a teeny problem with that, what with this planet being so gosh darn wonderful and all.

Kirk asks him why all the animals died and Sandoval is all, "Psssh, every animal dying is no biggie, come on now."

Cut to Spock and Leila walking.

(((Apparently Bob is back with a vengeance, only instead of terrifying antennae he's stuck one of the alien flowers in front of the camera.

Revenge might be sweet, Bob, but you're still a douche.)))

Leila: "It's not much further."

Spock: "You've not yet explained the nature of this thing."

Leila: "It's basic properties and elements are not important. What is important is it gives life, peace, love."

(((It melts your innards and turns your blood to urine but you're HAPPY about it!)))

Spock: "What you are describing was once known in the vernacular as a happiness pill."

(((BINGO, big point there, keep that in mind.)))

Spock: "And you, as a scientist, should know that that's not possible."

Leila: "Come. I was one of the first to find them. The spores."

Leila gets Spock to walk near some of the freaky plants Sulu made a point not to notice earlier.

Spock: "The spores?"

Then the flower sneezes confetti on Spock! ACH, DU LIEBER!!

Spock slowly falls to the ground, grasping his head and groaning in pain.

Leila: "It shouldn't hurt…"

Spock: "No I can't…please don't…"

Leila: "Not like this, it didn't hurt us."

(((He's NOT HUMAN, you WINGNUT.)))

Spock: "I am not like you."

Then Spock looks up, he's not in pain any more.

Leila: "Now…now you belong to all of us, and we to you."

(((Even on spores, that has GOT to still sounds creepy and cult-like.)))

Leila: "There's no need to hide your inner face any longer. We understand."

(((We put the lotion on the skin…)))

Spock takes Leila's hand.

(((Mr. Nimoy has some nice hands, fyi.)))

Spock: "I love you. I can love you."

(((Makarios was good enough to mention the following observation that I had forgotten to mention: He says that he CAN love her, like 'zomg I can haz emoshuns!?' It's perfectly likely that he could be so overwhelmed with the ability to love that he glomps onto the first thing he sees. I mean it sure as hell LOOK like that what he does.)))

((('Cause you know, if you drugged me up with Happy Spores and showed me a cute blonde I'd love her too.

Just sayin'.)))

They kiss.

Cut to commercial.

(((So Spock says that he loves her, he even smiles a little, and he kisses her. He's also drugged out of his skull and is completely not himself, as he will soon demonstrate. It was made very clear that if he'd never run into the spores, nothing was gonna happen with him and Leila.

And again, the original writer didn't even want Spock to be the one with Leila, he wanted it to be Sulu, but DC insisted, so this whole thing hardly seems fair.)))

We come back from commercial to see Kirk and Sandoval arguing about the evacuation of the planet. Kirk is like, "Listen, Mr. Jump Suit, I have ORDERS, see? And them orders are gonna get obeyed even if I gotta force ya to comply, y'hear?"

But Sandoval still refuses to cooperate. Kirk starts giving Sulu orders for the evacuation when he realizes that he hasn't seen Spock or a random crewman in a while, so he gives Spock a call, because nobody gives a damn about random crewmen.

Spock and Leila are cloud gazing and ::gasp:: Spock has the green jump suit on. His communicator goes off and Leila eventually picks it up as Spock is showering her with kisses.

Kirk: "Spock."

Spock: "Yes, what did you want?"

Kirk: "Spock, is that you?"

Spock: "Yes, captain, what did you want?"

Kirk: "Where are you?"

Spock: "I don't believe I want to tell you."

Kirk: "Spock, I don't know what you think you're doing, but this is an order: Report back to me in the settlement in ten minutes. We're evacuating all colonists to Star Base 27."

Spock: "No, I don't think so."

Kirk: "You don't think so what?"

(((Whups, now Kirk is getting pissed. He's been somewhat understanding up until now, which is a shock in and of itself because he normally doesn't take very well to insubordination, but Spock gets away with a lot of crap in general, so why not this too?

Except now it's gone on long enough.)))

Spock: "I don't think so sir."

Kirk: "Spock, report to me immediately."

Spock doesn't reply then though, he's too busy sucking the face of Creepy McBadHair.

Kirk taps the communicator. It is cute.

Kirk: "The frequency is open but he doesn't answer."

McCoy: "That didn't sound at all like Spock, Jim."

Kirk: "No…I thought you said you might like him if he mellowed a little."

McCoy: "I didn't say that."

Kirk: "You said that, I…"

McCoy: "Not exactly. He might be in trouble."

(((Ha, I love this whole little bit just because these guys are so adorable and play so well off each other.

Defensive McCoy is…defensive. =P )))

Kirk tells McCoy to get the evacuation organized while he uses Spock's open frequency to track him down.

Transition to Kirk, Sulu, and a random crewman tracking Spock. They find the communicator on the ground, but no Spock.

Then they see him off in the distance.

Spock…hanging off a tree branch like a five year old.

And holding hands with Leila every now and then.

Kirk's face looks like a combination of this: O.O and this: =O

Kirk: "Spock…"

Kirk clears his throat because that first Spock barely came out.

Kirk: "Mr. Spock!"

(((Kirk's expression is priceless. He's simply dumbfounded and, well, aren't you? Spock is CLIMBING TREES for chrissake, there is definitely something very wrong. He's also playing around with Leila chick, which is another big surprise, but Kirk is so shocked that the first time he goes to yell Spock's name it comes out as a croak.

Heh…cute.)))

Cut to McCoy rounding up supplies etc for the big evacuation. A random crewman brings a couple of the weird freaky flowers to take aboard.

(((Well this couldn't possibly end badly.)))

Cut back to Kirk and company walking up to Spock and Leila. Spock is still hanging off a tree.

Kirk gapes at Spock, Spock smiles back.

Kirk: "Mr. Spock…are you out of your mind? You were told to report to me at once."

Spock: "I didn't want to, Jim."

Kirk: "You…yes I can see that."

(((Aw, poor confuzzled Kirk.)))

Kirk tries to continue business then, but when Spock keeps acting, well, GOOFY, Kirk has him placed under arrest until further notice. Spock drops down from the tree, takes Leila's hand, and leads them away. Kirk stays behind for a second, jaw to the floor as he watches Spock walk off.

(((None of this is making any sense to Kirk, and then on top of that you have Spock holding hands with Leila. He even gives the tree one last 'wtf' look before following them.)))

Kirk catches up with the rest of group just in time to get sneezed on by the flowers. Sulu and the random crewman shoot off to Happy Spore Heaven, but Kirk is completely unaffected.

(((Two things to note here:

Sulu and the random crewman were standing in front of the flowers all the while Kirk was catching up. A perfectly acceptable, in fact an even MORE acceptable, way this scene could have gone is if the flowers sneezed before Kirk even got there. That would make perfect, 100% logical sense. But no, they decided to have Kirk get sneezed on too.

Kirk, very explicitly, gets exposed to the spores and they do not affect him at all. Keep that in mind, I'm gonna explode about it later.)))

Kirk walks off to try and figure out what the SHIT is going on and he finds McCoy, who tells him that they beamed up some of the plants, and seems to be acting quite Spore Happy himself.

Kirk gets up to the bridge where Uhura delightfully informs him that she's short circuited all communications except for ship-to-planet. Kirk reacts to this by throwing one of the flowers across the bridge.

(((Yay for infantile responses to emergencies.)))

Kirk is then heading down a hallway where he finds a line of crewmen and women waiting to beam down to the surface and they're just too happy to follow any order Kirk gives. Oh noes, mutiny!!!

(((And really pleasant, creepy mutiny at that.)))

Kirk's Captain's Log basically says this: "Sneezing flowers SUCK."

He also specifically states that he doesn't know why he isn't all spore happy and McCoy is all kinds of not helpful when it comes to explaining the effects of the spores, going on about some drink called Mint Julip and just being so gosh darn pleasant.

Kirk beams down to the planet and interrupts a conversation between Spock and Saldovar. Spock decides to be helpful for .7 seconds as he explains that the spores thrive on the Beartoll Rays etc etc, and Saldovar throws in that the spores make them peaceful and content.

Kirk: "That's paradise?"

Saldovar: "We have no need or want, captain."

Spock: "It's a true Eden, Jim. There is belonging…and love."

(((There's LOVE here, Jim, if you GET what I'm SAYING.)))

((('Cause you know Spock would drop Leila like a creepy sack of potatoes if Kirk was spore happy.)))

Kirk: "No wants, no needs. We weren't meant for that, none of us. A man stagnates if he has no ambition, no desire to be more than he is."

Saldovar: "We have what we need."

Kirk: "Except a challenge."

(((Everyone clear on what the message of this episode is? Yes? Good.)))

Spock: "You don't understand, Jim, but you'll come around sooner or later. Join us. Please."

(((So that little bit of dialogue is your general spore happy person talking, until the end. That 'please' really sends up a flag. If Spock wasn't trying to get Kirk on spores so they could frolic and carry on before, it's pretty darn clear that he is now. Spock's tone for that one, simple word says it all. And look at Kirk! He's staring off, but we get a sense that he's listening, considering, struggling internally…but he just can't do it. He can't be a mindless, happy idiot, even if it means finally getting his hands on Spock.)))

Kirk: "I'm going back to the ship."

(((He doesn't even give Spock a direct answer, and that says something. He just needs to get out of there…poor Kirk. =( ))

Cut to Kirk entering a lonely bridge, in fact the entire ship is lonely 'cause everyone has gone down to the planet. He's completely lost, he has no crew, he is totally alone and he doesn't have any idea what to do about it.

(((Uh oh, Kirk is confronted with one of his biggest fears: Ending up alone.)))

(((Again, I gotta hand it to Shatner, this entire moment is just wonderful to watch. He is completely believable, concerned, and afraid right down to the core. It's lovely, and a bit heart-wrenching, to see.)))

(((In Ultimately Shallow News: The moment where he's sitting and covers his mouth with his hand…he looks ridiculously handsome, especially with the way they have the light hitting him…dayum.)))

When Kirk sits in Sulu's chair, he also sits near the flower he threw earlier. Just when he's getting good and lonely, the flower sneezes and this time the spores take effect, which apparently makes the lights on the bridge want to brighten.

(((But why? Why now and not before? Hold your horses, it's all explained here in a second.)))

Kirk, now spore happy, contacts Spock and says that he's just gonna throw together some things before beaming down. Spock is happy to hear that, and says that he and Leila will meet him at the beam down point.

As Kirk packs, he takes out a medal that we assume was awarded to him by Starfleet for being so damn sexy- I mean brave. He gets serious for a moment, then more or less shrugs it off.

Cut to Kirk in the transporter room, all ready to beam down and frolic with Spock. But as he gets ready to transport (and I assume those things can be set on a timer or something) he struggles against the spores' control.

Kirk: "No…I…can't…leave!"

This snaps him out of being spore happy.

Kirk: "Emotions…violent emotions, needs…anger!"

(((AHA! So really strong emotions counteract the spores.

So remember that one part a while back, where Kirk gets sneezed on by the flowers and the spores don't do anything to him? What had just happened that would make Kirk SO emotional as to negate the effect of the spores? Well let's see, there was Spock hanging off a tree, that was pretty weird, but enough to get him highly emotional? That might be part of it, but that couldn't be ALL of it…so…hmmm…

Oh.

Wait.

Kirk had just seen Spock and Leila holding hands and being all happy together.

I dare say, jealousy is a pretty damn strong emotion, don't you think? And if you recall, the flowers had plenty of time to go off before Kirk got there, having Kirk get sprayed was completely deliberate. The show wanted us to see Kirk not getting spore happy right at that moment.

And also, wouldn't that suggest that Kirk's jealousy for Spock outweighs his big huge fear of being alone?

…………………………………………

………………………………………

EXACTLY.)))

Well now that Kirk knows what the hell to do, he asks Spock to beam up to "help him with some equipment."

(((So…why doesn't Kirk have Scotty beam aboard? Once Scotty was sane Kirk would have his head engineer to help him out, but instead he goes with Spock, who could possibly kill him in a fit rage.

Well I guess Spock was already there and everything, which would make him the quick, convenient choice. That's the only non-slashy explanation I can come up with, anyway.)))

Kirk beams Spock aboard, but not before he does he grabs a random metal pipe to defend himself with.

(((Ugh, how many times has he told Gary to clean up all the metal pipes in the transporter room? They're just laying there, waiting to be made into weapons. I guess it came in handy this time, though, but still, that place is a MESS.)))

Spock is on board a grand total of .1 seconds before Kirk throws his plan into action.

Kirk: "Alright you mutinous, disloyal, computerized half breed, we'll see about you deserting my ship."

(((Well DAMN, Kirk isn't wasting any freaking time. He hit like 394 of Spock's soft spots in one sentence.)))

Spock: "The term half breed is somewhat applicable, but computerized is inaccurate. A machine can be computerized, not a man."

Kirk: "What makes you think you're a man? You're an overgrown jack rabbit, an elf with a hyperactive thyroid."

Spock can't help but laugh a little.

(((I'd laugh too if someone called me a jack rabbit.)))

Spock: "Jim, I don't understand-"

Kirk: "Of course you don't understand, you don't have the brains to understand, all you have is printed circuits."

Now Spock is starting to get a little annoyed.

Spock: "Captain, if you will excuse me-"

(((Ooooo, Spock's gone back to using 'captain,' even with happy spores. That's a key change.)))

Kirk: "What can you expect from a simpering, devil-eared freak whose father was a computer and his mother an encyclopedia."

(((JESUS, Kirk, you really know how to cut through the bullshit to what really pisses Spock off.

Also, not gonna lie, I had look up 'simpering,' and it means 'to smile in a silly way.' True, but harsh.)))

Spock: "My mother was a teacher, my father an ambassador."

Kirk: "Your father was a computer, like his son. Ambassador from a planet of traitors. A Vulcan never lived who had an ounce of integrity."

(((Uh oh…he's going after all Vulcans now…Kirk is changing tactics on the fly, and he's doing so quite beautifully.)))

Spock: "Captain…please don't…"

(((Now I'm starting to feel bad for Spock, he has NO idea what's going on.)))

Kirk: "You're a traitor from a race of traitors, disloyal to the core, rotten like the rest of your sub-human race, and you've got the gall to make love to that girl."

(((::looks around:: Wait what? When the hell did this become about Leila?! And when the hell did Spock have sex with her, and how the hell does Kirk know that?

The answer is that we have no idea if Spock has nailed Leila, and neither does Kirk. I guess Spock could have done it, he did have an outfit change earlier, but we didn't get any even remotely specific or direct evidence.

Since Kirk has no idea, he could very well have thrown it out there because if Spock had slept with her it would hit home, but it would hit home just as hard if Spock hadn't but was considering it. Either way it's incredibly offensive.)))

(((Special Note: A few people asked for me to explore this moment more, and I realized that I didn't give this moment as much attention as it deserved (hey, I'm human) so here goes:

Kirk literally changes subjects mid-sentence, and the subject he changes to (Leila) comes out of freaking nowhere. Up until then it had been all "You suck, your family sucks, all Vulcans suck" and then at the drop of a hat it became "And how dare you frolic with that woman!" Those lines of thought are nowhere near each other.

On the page and in the scene, it seems to burst out of Kirk before he has a chance to think twice (which makes sense 'cause he was on a pretty darn good roll) and then he changes the subject back to Spock being 'a computer' just as quickly. It's like we get a small glimpse into what Kirk has been dying to talk about this whole episode and, as we're about to see, he stashes it away as fast as he can.

It's like if a guy was talking about the new stuff he added to his car and then, in the same sentence, asked you out. The bullshit about the car was just that, bullshit. The real issue is that he wanted to ask you out. He might even backpedal and try to make it seem like he was asking you out to take a drive in the new car so you could see what he was talking about. Same case here. Kirk was full steam ahead on one subject and then BAM, the real issue slipped out. Look at how he says it. 'And you've got the gall to make love to that girl' is delivered with more fervor than ANY of the other insults.

All signs point to "Kirk is jealous as all HELL" and it fits right in with what we've seen so far since that same emotion is exactly what kept him immune from spores the first time he was exposed. Spock being with someone else is tearing. Kirk. the fuck. apart.)))

Spock: "That's enough."

Kirk: "Does she know what she's getting, Spock? A carcass full of memory banks that should be squatting on a mushroom instead of passing himself off as a man."

(((As tempting as it is to jump on another mention of Leila from Kirk, these two lines of dialogue are a whole coherent thought. The first line (a question) sets up the forthcoming insult (the answer). Kirk used Leila to segue back into insulting Spock directly. As quickly as the subject was brought up, it was discarded, even though insulting Leila and Spock's intentions towards her would be a wonderful way to get Spock pissed and fast. Again, the evidence points towards Kirk bringing up Leila as an outburst of what he's really thinking, and then the subsequent burial of that thought.)))

(((About the whole 'mushroom' thing, some people says he's calling Spock an elf again, some say a frog, some say...something else that I can't remember. I'm trying to find out what it could mean, but if anyone finds out for sure please let me know.)))

Kirk: "You belong in the circus, Spock, not a starship. Right next to the dog faced boy."

Well that tears it. Spock attacks Kirk and starts to beat the shit out of him.

(((So it was the circus crack that finally pushed Spock over the edge, not Leila…hm…)))

Before Spock can crush Kirk with a little stool thing, he snaps out of it.

Kirk: "Had enough? I didn't realize what it took to get under that thick hide of yours. Now, I don't know what you're so mad about, it isn't every first officer who gets to belt their captain multiple times."

Kirk watches Spock as he puts it all together.

(((I adore the way Kirk does this. He's making jokes out loud, but he's keeping an eye on Spock to make sure that he's really alright. What's that about how we make jokes to mask our true feelings?)))

Kirk: "Believe me Mr. Spock, it was painful…in more ways than one."

(((There he goes, making a little joke again, and right as he was admitting to something personal, too.)))

Spock: "Spores. They're gone. I don't belong anymore."

(((Poor guy, he just wants to fit in. How...human.)))

Kirk explains the whole 'extreme emotion kills the spores' thing and Spock notes that they can't really start a fight with 500 crewmembers. Kirk asks if they can put together a subsonic transmitter that will broadcast over all the communicators and he says they can so Kirk heads off to get to work.

(((As he asks, he takes Spock by the arm and leads him a couple of steps away. While the act itself is totally pointless (I'm gonna have to call a Yay 60s on that one) I do like the fact that they touch after such an intense scene. The touch itself only lasts long for Kirk to lead Spock, but it's still nice to see.)))

Spock: "Captain."

Kirk turns to him.

(((And from the way he does it looks like he's preparing himself for something heavy. Not end-of-the-world heavy, but something with a bit of weight.)))

Spock: "Striking a fellow officer is a court martial offense."

Kirk: "Well if we're both in the brig, who's gonna build the subsonic transmitter?"

Spock: "That is quite logical, captain."

(((Aw, Spock even gives a little bit of a smile at the end of that line.)))

Kirk smiles and they're off to save the day.

(((Just like old times again. ::Sigh:: )))

Cut to Leila watching the sky for when Spock returns. She's still creepy.

McCoy wanders over and Leila is all "Oh I wish Spock would return so I have someone to entertain with my freaky smile" and McCoy is like, "Psh, dahlin' I can help you with that no problem" and he calls the Enterprise.

Spock answers, and McCoy hands the communicator over to Leila.

Leila asks if he's alright etc, and Spock has a difficult time saying yes. What he doesn't know is that Kirk is walking up behind him, watching him closely.

(((It's a fantastic moment of drama. Kirk is clearly now wondering, "Holy crap, does he really care about this chick?" and that thought seems to worry him.

I. wonder. why.)))

Leila asks if she can come aboard.

(((Kirk has a really wonderful moment when he hears her ask this. He looks down for a second before refocusing his eyes on Spock. Again, eye movement becomes a gesture in and of itself on film. Kirk clearly has an opinion about her coming aboard, and it's a serious one.

Guh, the love for Shatner knows no bounds.)))

Spock agrees to beam her aboard and gives her the proper instructions. Kirk looks down again as this happens.

(((Jesus, Shatner, could you not be brilliant for like TWO SECONDS?)))

The second Spock closes the communication channel, Kirk speaks up and makes his presence known.

Kirk: "Mr. Spock…"

Kirk sits on the railing and doesn't look at him as he speaks.

Kirk: "Ms. Kalomi is strictly your concern, but…should you talk to her while she's still under the influence of the spores…"

Kirk finally looks over at Spock.

Spock: "I'll be back shortly, captain."

Spock manages a very small little smile and leaves. Kirk looks towards the camera like he has a huge weight in his stomach.

(((GUH, WHAT, HUH?!?!

You just watched JAMES T. KIRK express concern over losing SPOCK to someone ELSE.

Look at this scene! Kirk implies that, if Spock talks to Leila while she's all spore happy and alluring, then Spock will run off with her anyway, and from the look of sheer and utter WORRY on Kirk's face we can tell that he really, really does not want that to happen.

So what does Spock do? He says that he'll be back soon, gives him a brief flicker of a reassuring expression, and leaves. He just verbally told Kirk that he's going to come back, and non-verbally told him not to worry about a thing and tried to make him feel better.

Unfortunately, from the look Kirk has after Spock leaves, it's clear that he's still very concerned.

How does the romantic drama of this scene NOT punch you in the face? Actually, fuck punching, this scene CHAINSAWS YOU IN HALF WITH ROMANTIC TENSION, STARTING WITH YOUR LEGS SO YOU'RE NOT INSTANTLY KILLED AND THEREFORE ALIVE FOR MOST OF THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN.

Srsly.)))

Cut to Spock beaming Leila aboard. He's clearly not looking forward to this.

(((It's a kick ass moment from Nimoy, actually. It's just a profile shot, but man do we get the sense that he does not want to hurt this chick. Poor Spock. =( )))

Leila immediately runs up and hugs him, but he doesn't hug back.

Leila: "You're no longer with us, are you? I felt something was wrong."

Spock: "It was necessary."

Leila: "Come back to the planet with me. You can belong again! Come back with me, please."

Spock: "I can't."

Leila starts to get emotional.

Leila: "I love you. I said that six years ago and I can't seem to stop repeating myself. On Earth you couldn't give anything of yourself, couldn't even put your arms around me. We couldn't have anything together there, we couldn't have anything together any place else. But we're happy here! I can't lose you now, Mr. Spock, I can't!"

(((So now we get to learn a little bit more about this whole mess. Basically, he wouldn't love her on Earth, he wouldn't love her anywhere, but hey, he'll love her when he's doped up on Happy Spores!

While she has made some astute observations about him, there are still things that she just doesn't get, and she's perfectly okay with being on Happy Spores if that's what it takes for him to love her in the exact way she wants it. She wants to change him in order to make him what she wants.

Unlike Kirk, I might add, who accepts and understands Spock for what he is.

Of course Spock feels bad for having to dump the poor girl, he has a SOUL, but when he's in his right mind he just doesn't have any feelings for her. He didn't six years ago and he doesn't now, she just drugged him into thinking he was.)))

Spock: "I have a responsibility…to this ship…to that man on the bridge."

(((Geez, Spock, AMBIGUOUS MUCH???

He's back to his normal self now, where the term 'captain' is used to refer to Kirk more than anything else, but he very specifically does NOT say that here. If it was just a 'hey, I've got a job to do for Starfleet and the captain' then he would have said 'captain' but NO, the writers had him say this completely ambiguous, very very telling line. He's saying that he has a responsibility to two separate things: the ship, and 'that man on the bridge.' One is his job and the other, apparently, is something else not related to his job. Two guesses as to what that 'something else' is.

And check out the delivery of the line too. 'That man on the bridge' is barely audible, he barely gets it out.

UGH, the brilliance is overwhelming.)))

(((And hey, yeah, Spock called Kirk 'Jim' an awful lot when he was on spores, which was when he was free of his Vulcan side and embracing his human side. This is solid proof that when Spock calls Kirk by his first name, it comes from an emotional place. Now since Spock was all spore happy whenever he called Kirk 'Jim' in this episode there's no real significance, but looking at all of the other times it pops up makes things wayyyyy more clear.)))

Spock: "I am what I am, Leila, and if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. Mine can be no worse than someone else's."

(((I'm really glad people asked me to elaborate on this because I can't for the life of me figure out how I skimmed over this line.

To go from 'that man on the bridge' straight into 'I am what I am,' is a big ol' unsubtle was of saying that it doesn't matter how much Leila gushes about adoring him, he is what he is, he loves who he loves, and that's just something he has to endure and she has to accept.

The 'purgatory' he refers to has two meanings: 1. He's half-Vulcan and not knowing where he belongs is torture, 2. He can't do anything about his attraction to Kirk, and that's torturous as well.

And yes, the 2nd one is a perfectly reasonable conclusion given everything that has happened up to this point.

But at the same time he acknowledges that his purgatory can be no worse than anyone else's. Take Leila for example. Leila's purgatory is her love for Spock, Spock's purgatory is his love for Kirk. The only difference is that Spock's love isn't unrequited.

.......

GodDAMN I love this project.)))

Leila: "I have lost you, haven't I?"

(((Yeah, to someone HOTTER, SMARTER, and WAY LESS CREEPY.)))

Leila: "Not only you…I've lost all of it…the spores…I've lost them too."

Spock: "Captain discovered that strong emotions and needs destroy the spore influence."

(((Oh so NOW he's 'the Captain,' eh?

So to break it down for you: Kirk was cured by jealousy, Spock by anger, Leila by sadness. That's a nice wide range of emotions, I feel.)))

Leila is all "So I still love you and everything" and Spock is like "……"

Then:

Leila: "You never told me if you had another name, Mr. Spock."

Spock: "You couldn't pronounce it."

(((And everybody wanting to know what Spock's last name was sighed a collective "damn.")))

Welp, now it's back to business. Kirk and Spock rig up the ever-complex subsonic transmitter to send out a frequency that will agitate everyone within radius of a communicator on the planet. It works, and everyone starts fighting with everybody else. Why, even McCoy and Sandoval snap out of it with a good ol' fashioned brawl. Now in his right mind, Sandoval contacts Kirk and says that he's willing to cooperate with the evacuation plan. Kirk is happy to hear it and, well he's just plain happy, as his nice smile tells us.

(((Heehee.)))

Transition to later on, when everything is back to normal and the Enterprise is leaving the planet's orbit. McCoy pops in to report that everyone is in tip top condition thanks to part of the spore's affect.

(((You can all thank ESP for the following tidbit: Until McCoy speaks, Kirk is watching Spock write a report. Spock seems to be actually working, Kirk seems to just be staring, off in his own world, looking at Spock's hands until McCoy's voice snaps him out of it.

...

Yeah.)))

McCoy: "Well, that's the second time man's been thrown out of paradise."

Kirk: "No no, Bones, this time we walked out on our own. Maybe we weren't meant for paradise. Maybe we were meant to fight our way through, struggle, claw our way up, scratch for every inch of the way. Maybe we can't stroll to the music of the lute, we must march to the sound of drums."

Spock: "Poetry, captain, Non-regulation."

(((And Kirk quoting it seems to please the Vulcan.)))

Kirk: "We haven't heard much from you about Omicron Seti III, Mr. Spock."

(((Kirk's tone changes with this line. He's no longer extolling philosophies, he's talking to Spock, which means a gentler, fonder tone.

No really, you can hear the change. Kirk even has a twitch of a grin. He's not full out amused by what happened, he knows how heavy it's weighing on Spock, but he does know that Spock did stay, and who can't be just a little happy about that?)))

Spock: "I have little to say about it, captain, except that…for the first time in my life…I was happy."

(((Well of course he was happy, he was doped up on Happy Spores. Nevertheless we get the sense that Spock misses the feeling, what with ignorance being bliss and all.

Oh I WISH they had shown a reaction shot from Kirk, but sadly, it cuts to credits.)))

Thus endeth This Side of Paradise!

Spore- I mean, score!

Episodes Left Before Amok Time – 8

Times the Ship is Taken Over/Hostage – 2

Times Kirk completely ignores/resists a pretty woman when he has no 'reason' to – 4

Times Kirk outsmarts computer – 3

Times Kirk is put in a ridiculous machine - 3

Kirk and/or company Play Dress Up to Fit in with Their Surroundings – 1

Time Travel is Featured/Discovered – 2

Random Crewman Body Count – 10

Times Kirk rips/loses/has no shirt – 9 (Kirk hasn't bumped up this stat in six episodes…I'm starting to worry about him.)

Times Kirk Kissed a Woman While Driven By an Ulterior Motive/Controlled by Other Force – 4

Times Spock is Injured – 3

Times Kirk is injured – 3

Times the transporter breaks/malfunctions – 3

Kirk Taken Hostage/Prisoner - 2

Pointless Rolls - 2

Times a disease threatens the crew – 2

Times god-like being is featured – 2

Times they land on an "Earth-like" planet – 1

Times immortality is found – 1

Times the Ship is taken Hostage - 1

Times Kirk offers himself instead of crew/ship – 1

Times an Alternate/Parallel Universe is Featured – 1