A/N: OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! I'm so so so so so sorry that I haven't updated sooner! I have exams this week, so I've been focusing on them with all my heart. I finally finished this today, so I hope you don't all hate me! :) For everyone that's stuck with me though this story, thank you so much! I hope I can get the next chapter out sooner, but I will be spacing them out because the next episode doesn't come out for another month. I CAN'T WAIT TO WRITE THE REUNION! I love you guys! Thanks so much for the reviews! ALSO! I say thanks to my beta for giving me an inspirational speech to keep my writing juices flowing! :)
Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT!
"Me?!" Mary Margaret almost shrieks. Her eyes are wide; I feel a little sick. She quickly clears her throat, obviously trying to conceal her true surprise. "You were thinking about me. And that's when your injuries healed." I can't do much other than nod my head; I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say. "I see." She nods her head slowly, trying to comprehend everything that seems to be happening way too fast. I clear my throat.
"So, we should get back." I say, nervously shifting on my feet. I refuse to make eye contact with Mary Margaret; I know the look she's giving me. It's the 'I can't believe you don't want to talk about what just happened' look, the one that always makes me feel like a terrible person when I turn and walk away.
"Emma." She pleads with me, but I turn anyway, not really knowing how to explain all the thoughts rushing in my head. "No. You can't keep running from me." I didn't even realize I had started walking away until she steps in front of me, halting my steps.
"What else am I supposed to do?!" The desperateness in my voice makes me check myself, clearing my throat and trying to steady the wall around my heart that constantly threatens to fall. "What you call running, I call protecting." I say, hoping it's enough. Of course I'm wrong. She narrows her eyes at me, clearly not pleased.
"You're protecting yourself from me? You don't have to protect yourself from someone that's not going to harm you, Emma." She speaks slowly, her voice grave. I shake my head at her, again, not really knowing what I'm supposed to say. I keep finding myself at a loss for words, and it's becoming annoying rather quickly.
"Not from you." I don't meet her eyes but focus on my feet and the trees, my eyes constantly shifting to another object. I shift the weight of my body often, the nervous habit becoming my go-to for letting out nervous energy.
"Then what? What are you protecting yourself from that I can't protect you from myself?" She's not angry, but she's desperate. Anger bubbles in me at the thought of needing to be protected. I don't need someone to be there to protect me.
"I'm doing fine without your protection. I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself." I see my stubborn streak sticking out profoundly, my fists clenched at my sides.
"Then why are you running?" She has a point, but I refuse to acknowledge it.
"I'm. Not. Running." The hardness in my voice taking even me aback.
"You call it protection, I call it running. So, Emma, what are you protecting yourself from?" The way she throws my own words in my face makes my irritation and anger grow. I swear, fighting with this woman is like fighting with myself.
"From…" What am I protecting myself from? "From pain." I whisper, not really realizing I actually admitted to anything until it's too late. I don't make any eye contact with her for fear of seeing mocking eyes. Deep down I know she would never dream of mocking me, but flashes of all the kids that used to laugh at me whenever I mentioned that I was scared of something run though my mind, taking away any and every drop of confidence that I have.
"Oh Emma." I'm never going to get used to the love that constantly radiates from her voice when she addresses me; I've come to that conclusion all on my own. "I'm not going to hurt you. I-I would never purposely hurt you. Never would I dream of it." She cups my cheek, forcing our eyes to meet. I see the honesty there, and it takes my breath away.
"That's what everyone says." I try to sound stronger than I feel, but it comes out in a mere whimper. Her eyes become unfocused as if she's reliving a memory of some sort.
"You can't always believe what everyone says. Someone once told me that love is weakness. I never believed that for a second, even if people were telling me that it was true." I feel the blood drain from my face.
"Wh-what?" I squeak. Love is weakness. That's all I was ever told when I was a child. The only difference is I believed everyone. It was true back then; I had no one, therefore I had no weaknesses. Nobody could take something away from me and control me. Nobody had the power to manipulate me into doing what they wanted. The price I paid was a great one; I was always alone.
"Yeah. Regina was quite a talker. After she went from Regina to Evil Queen, that's all she would say. 'Love is weakness, dear.'" She tries to mock Regina, but I know she can't possible mean it. Regina hurt her so much; she can't possibly mock the Evil Bitch- she has no right to be called a queen- without some pain.
"It's true." I find myself saying. Wow… I just agreed with Regina on something. Weird. I suppress the shiver from the thought. Mary Margaret looks at me with wide eyes, shock written all over her face.
"You think that love is a weakness? But Emma, that's so lonely." Her eyes are full of concern; my heart beats practically out of my chest with nerves.
"That's a price you have to pay." I say, shaking my head. "You may be lonely, but when all the people around you hurt you, loneliness seems like a vacation from pain." My voice is solemn and empty. Lonely is all I've ever truly been. Until I came to Storybrooke, that is. Until I met Henry. Henry. We need to get back and see if Aurora's woken up.
"But what about the people that love you?" She asks tentatively. Sadness sweeps over me as I think about the ex-sheriff. She'd said close to the same thing that night when I decided to open up to him.
"You said something similar to that the night I opened up to Graham; look where that got him. I can't let that happen to anyone else." I turn to walk away, heading back to the camp where Aurora rests, coming back with news from Henry. "We have to get back and see if Henry's said anything. I can't wait much longer."
She stays silent, but I know she's mauling over what I've told her. She's going to think of something to say that'll knock me off my feet again; something that I'm not going to know how to respond to. I'm waiting for it; I really am.
"It's not your fault he died. You didn't kill him." She says quietly. I stay quiet, knowing she's going to continue. "Opening yourself up may hurt you, Emma, but it'll help you, too. The more you let people in, the less alone you are. You may be keeping yourself from pain of being hurt by people you love, but being alone causes greater pain. Regina has been alone her whole life because she refused to let people in, and look where that got her." My throat is dry; I know if I try to talk, it'll come out in a rasp. So I just stay silent for a few moments, trying to gather my thoughts.
The sounds of our feet crunching against the branches and fallen leaves echoes around the whole woods, it seems. After a few minutes, I can't take it much more. The silence has wrapped me up in unwanted thoughts, so I say the first thing on my mind; it turns out to not be a smart move.
"I was thinking about how you could love someone like me." The words are a rush, and my eyes widen when I realize what I've said.
"What do you mean?" Crap.
"I, uh, I was wondering how you could love me, cause, you know, I'm, like, really messed up." I stumble over my words, not really knowing, or wanting, to explain what I was thinking.
"You're not messed up, Emma." Mary Margaret rolls her eyes at me playfully, trying to lighten the mood. I shake my head disbelievingly at her.
"How can you not see it? All of this is my fault, Mary Margaret. All of it. Henry wouldn't have eaten that apple tart if I had believed in him. Then he wouldn't be having these terrible dreams that might or might not be real. And we wouldn't be in this position if I hadn't thought that Regina was actually capable of change and letting me leave peacefully. If I hadn't been so stupid we wouldn't be in this position. We wouldn't have been close to getting eaten by an ogre, or I wouldn't have fallen off of the beanstalk. All of the things that I do, disaster seems to follow! So keeping you and everyone else that I love away from me is what's safest for all of you." I finish my rant desperate for her to understand that I'm only doing this because it's what's best for her and everyone else. Even when I was going to leave Henry. It was what was best at the time, though now, after we get home, I'm never going to leave his side again.
"Emma, how can you not see it? While you've messed up, so have I. I've had plenty of time to think about all of the mistakes I've made, but I have to move past them. I'm not saying I've forgotten them, because that's hardly the case, but I've learned from them. And Emma, keeping yourself away from me isn't going to do any good. You may be trying to keep me safe, but being away from you will destroy me. I can't leave you after I've been away from you for twenty-eight years. That's like taking a baby's blanket away; they kick and scream until they get it back." We've stopped walking, and we're facing each other, green locked with blue. She gently reaches her hand up to cup my face again. "Whenever you run from me, protecting me or yourself, I'm going to run after you, make no mistake. Wherever you go, I will find you." The words are said so softly and lovingly that, for a second, I feel the magic buzzing around in my head and heart.
The words echo in my head, buzzing around noiselessly, flipping and turning as I examine her face. I find no lie; nothing to indicate that she could even possibly be telling the slightest of fibs. It's enough for me to fill with a sense of love and acceptance that I've never felt before. She'll find me no matter where I go, no matter where I run.
I feel relief flood my being, leaving my heart light. Her hand has moved from my cheek, and she's turning to walk away, but I grab her wrists and pull her into a hug. No tears flow from my eyes as I let my chin rest on her shoulder even if the emotions threaten to overtake me. She exhales and hugs me back instantly; a small smile graces my lips even as we pull away.
"Thank you." The earnestness in my voice takes both Mary Margaret and I aback.
"You're welcome." She breathes, holding onto the sides of my arms. I smile lightly at her before turning back to the campsite.
"Let's see if Aurora's woken up from her beauty sleep." I chuckle at my own joke. Mary Margaret just nods her head, turning to walk with me.
We walk in silence, though it's not uncomfortable. My thoughts race around in my head, anger, guilt, and sadness clouding my thoughts. I just want to go home. The only thing that really keeps me walking is the thought of getting back to Henry. I'm so close, but it feels too far.
When we march though the clearing, I see Aurora sitting up, talking to Mulan.
"Aurora! What did he say? Is he all right?" I rush forward, hurriedly spitting out questions. She looks a bit dazed, but she still answers my questions with a small nod.
"He said that he was fine, that everyone else is okay, too. I told him what you told me to, Snow. That we have to find a way to stop Cora and that Rumplestiltskin's the only one that knows how to do it. He said he would try. We're meeting back in two hours." I jerk my head forward in what's supposed to be a nod. My son's able to talk to Aurora in his sleep. Jesus Christ, this is insane. I never wanted to drag Henry into my magical problems; I never wanted him to be hurt by this.
"We should move out. Hook's out by now; he could find us any moment." Mulan's normal harsh exterior is broken by the concern that barely laces her voice, nearly undetectable.
"I agree. Emma, lets get our stuff." Mary Margaret throws her head over her shoulder, nodding in the direction of where we put all of our stuff. I nod my head at her, looking back down at Aurora.
"Thank you." I say softly before turning around and following Mary Margaret. We gather our stuff in silence, but I can't help my gaze from falling on Aurora multiple times, worry etched into my features.
"He said he's fine. I'm sure he'd mention if he wasn't safe." Mary Margaret's hand finds my forearm.
"Would he?" I ask softly, not really sure myself. Since he's my son, he probably won't mention being in any pain if someone else is in far worse danger than himself. That's how I am; I look after the people who need it, and then think about how much pain I'm actually in. It's an instinct.
"Of course he would." She insists, but I catch the waver in her voice. She's thinking the same thing. I take a deep breath and look at her, eyebrow raised.
"No. He wouldn't." I shake my head, throwing in a disbelieving, harsh laugh. "It's the 'I'm fine' act, Mary Margaret. You should know; I used it on you plenty of times." I look away from her, hiding my tears. My son is in pain; I know it. Something's different about this dream. It's a room full of flames and red curtains with no windows or doors. And it's real. Mary Margaret said so herself. She's been in it, and she thinks it's real.
I continue to pack my things in silence, not really paying attention to what I pick up. The compass has been on my person the whole time; I'm never letting it out of my sight. Mary Margaret doesn't say anything more; I think she knows I'm right, whether she wants to believe it or not.
Aurora's still a little out of it, and I try not to push her, but it's difficult to think about my son being in danger when I'm not around to help him. So I try not to think about it, only concentrating on getting home. I refuse to let my mind wander to the touchy subjects; things that could- and would- start up my emotions. I can't have that right now, not with everything that's on the line. Mary Margaret's counting on me; Henry's counting on me; hell, David's probably counting on me, too. My whole family, the family that I just got back, is counting on me. No pressure, right?
I try not to think about anything, really. I try not to think about Henry and how much I miss him. I try not to think about Mary Margaret and how much I truly do lean on her for support. I try not to think about David and how many apologies I owe him for all the times I cursed him under my breath every time he upset Mary Margaret. I try not to think about all the people that I made friends with while living in Storybrooke: Ruby, Granny, Ashley, and August. I try not to think about Regina and how much I really wish I could ring her neck, though that is a daily thought, in or out of Storybrooke. The one thought that I truly try to block out is the fact that I'm a savior. Or, I'm supposed to be. Obviously, not thinking of these things hasn't worked very well. I dwell on these things, my mind tossing and turning until I can barely register the leaves and twigs snapping under my own feet.
"How close are we?" I drag myself out of my own thoughts, tired of hearing what my brain has to say. The voice that comes out of my mouth is forced and sounds more panicked than I intended it to sound. "Henry could already be waiting in that netherworld." I spit the word, not enjoying the taste in my mouth when I say it. I don't want him in that hellhole any longer than he has to be.
"No!" Aurora insists, sounding quite panicked herself. "We planned to meet back there in two hours." She tries to calm me; it doesn't work.
"You're not going to leave him waiting." Mary Margaret insists with understanding. I turn on her, trying to confess some on my fears.
"But what if he's-"
"He said he was fine." Aurora cuts me off, sounding somewhat annoyed.
"There." I turn around to where Mary Margaret is pointing. "That looks like relatively safe high ground. We'll set up camp there." I continue to walk forward, inspecting the trees and surrounding area. "Aurora, you'll settle in and find Henry. Get the information we need from Rumplestiltskin. And we do this fast, in and out, it's still dangerous out here." I can't help the slight tremble in my hands as I fret over my son, questions assaulting my head. Mary Margaret and I continue forward, but I only hear our footsteps, leaving me to wonder about Aurora and Mulan.
When I turn around to look for them, Mary Margaret takes up my view, her humored but concerned eyes searching mine.
"Calm down, Emma. Henry's fine; I'm sure of it." The playful smile leaves her face, instantly becoming serious when my breaths become shallow, nerves racking my body.
"What if he's not okay? What if something's wrong? What if he can't get out of that damn dream?" My hands start to shake, my eyes huge. So many things can go wrong.
"Emma. Deep breaths. Think about it, you would know if something was wrong with Henry. You would feel it in your heart." I look at her scornfully, about to tease her for being so cheesy when she holds up her hand and rushes her words out. "And before you start talking about how cheesy that is, it's true. You would be in pain; I know you probably don't believe me, but I've been in that position before. I could feel it with every fiber in my being." She takes her first breath since she started talking, but I'm entranced by her words; so entranced that I don't realize I'm rocking forward on my toes. Mary Margaret's hand stops me from falling forward, holding me to the ground. She looks concerned at my reaction; I am practically hanging on every word she says. I feel compelled to offer her some explanation.
"I, uh, I don't know what's gotten into me." I don't meet her eyes, but I'm not lying. I really don't know what's gotten into me. Why did that entrance me so much? "Let's get settled." I grumble, not giving her much time to cut in. I walk away, still feeling somewhat dissatisfied with Mary Margaret's explanation, but I shove the thoughts aside.
We unpack everything, all of us moving at a rather sluggish pace. I can't explain why I'm moving so slow- shouldn't my thoughts be frantic- but my mind continues to ponder what Mary Margaret said, that I would feel Henry's pain in my heart. How did she know that? How could she possibly understand what I'm going through? My child's in a whole other land, and I have no idea what he's going through; if he's okay; if Regina has done anything to him.
But then, I think about it some more and come to a conclusion. That's exactly what she must have been feeling when I was put in that wardrobe to go to a whole other world. I wonder if she felt pain every time I did. It's an interesting question, one that will be saved for another time. I'm just ready to get home.
We finally finish putting everything up, working faster than I realized. Maybe my brains just moving slower than I originally thought. Aurora settles in, eyes closing almost instantly. I don't know if she just willed herself to sleep, or if she took some weird magic potion or something, but it's shocking to say the least. Mulan touches her forehead, looking up at us before giving a nod of approval. She's asleep. How the hell did she do that?
I turn and walk away, waiting for Aurora to wake up with news. I keep my hands in my front pockets and away from the swan dangling around my neck. Maybe if I don't fiddle with it, Mary Margaret won't notice how nervous I really am. The knots in my stomach make me sick with anticipation.
I don't hear Mary Margaret's footsteps behind me, so to say I'm startled when she gently pulls my hand out of my pocket and holds it is an understatement. I glance down at her hand for a second before squeezing it lightly. I feel some of the urge to get rid of the last thing I ate leave me, but the uncomfortable coiling in my stomach is still there.
"Hey." She whispers to me, catching my attention. "It'll be okay. You'll see Henry again." I swallow, gazing at her intently. My frown doesn't break, but I'm put to ease somewhat at her reassuring words. "This will work." She insists as I search her eyes for any source of a lie; I find none.
I'm about to reply when the snapping of a branch catches me off guard. Both of our heads jerk at the sound, reflex taking over.
"What was that?" I ask quietly, scared that Cora's come back already. I realize our hands are still connected, so I give another gentle squeeze before letting her hand drop. My head whips around as I prepare for whatever it is that's coming out of the forest. Really, I'm ready for whatever's thrown at me. I've seen ogres and giants; I've seen the notorious Captain Hook and princesses that like to fight more than a normal princess should. Whatever normal means. I've seen people talk to other people from worlds away through their dreams; I've seen life and death through the power of magic. I've seen people transform into other people, and hell, I've seen someone that's more evil than Regina, her mother. I've seen just about every frickin' thing possible.
That 'just about' appears in my head as I look around for anything that could harm our group, even if it is just a small animal. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mary Margaret look back at Mulan, a grave look on her face. That scares me. It's probably just a bird or a rabbit. Something small, nothing to worry about. I try to calm my nerves, but deep down I know we're all screwed. Another snapping from behind us startles me, making me jump about three feet in the air. Hook and Cora are after us, and I'm trying to trick myself into believing that some small animal is about to jump out of the forest; I don't think so.
Stupidly, I walk toward the cracking sound, craning my neck to see if I can spot anything from this far away. Nothing jumps out at me, surprisingly, and I can't see anything out of place, so I keep walking.
"Be careful, Emma." Mary Margaret whispers behind me. I turn to look at her, bow raised with an arrow prepared to be shot, and smile lightly. Seeing the bow and arrow makes me think about getting my own weapon out, so I slide the knife from my boot into my hand, careful with the blade.
With the knife in hand and pointing outward, I proceed, my mind on high alert. Still nothing jumps out at me, but out of the corner of my eye I see something move. I narrow my eyes and peer around the bush concealing the hiding figure. Oh hell no.
"What the hell?!" I gasp as one of the tattered people from Mulan and Aurora's home gets up off the ground and stalks forward. This man, he was dead. He was the first person that I checked to see if he had any pulse. He didn't.
"Emma? What is it?" Mary Margaret's concerned voice reaches my ears, but I don't look away from the man approaching me. He walks like he's alive, like nothing was ever wrong with him. The only difference is that his face holds no emotion. It's the ultimate mask, one that no living, breathing human could ever accomplish. Not even Regina.
"He's dead. He's walking, and he's dead." I say slowly, hoping she understands. But just as the words finish leaving my mouth, more of them appear, charging at us head on. They run like they're alive, too. And it's freaky beyond anything that I think I've ever seen.
As one of them takes a swift swing at me, I expertly duck and take my own swing, cutting into his stomach with my knife. This is going to be another long day.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Tell me what you think! Any suggestions or things you want to see happen? 7 reviews and I'll update as soon as I get the next chapter written. I promise. Again, I'm so sorry for the delay! :/ It wasn't my intention to put off this chapter for so long, I guarantee that. Love you guys!
~ladywolf101