Training Sessions
Its funny how quickly things seem to settle back into a normal, steady flow around you even though you're not quite there yourself. After a near death, haunting experience, you'd think it would take a long time for me to recover. But no, well yes in a way, I hadn't recovered; the nightmares still haunted me every time I closed my eyes, an underlying fear still lingered at the back of my mind and I loathed being alone. Yet all of this just seems to make me more determined - strong enough to constantly fight a losing battle inside my mind. There wasn't even a slight possibility that anyone sane would say that I'm completely fine and ready to go and face my worst fears in a simulation, but I had to be. I wanted to be. I am ready. You keep telling yourself that, maybe Eric will finally start believing you.
A week had passed since my unspeakable experience. They were making me see a doctor every night now and by they, I mean Eric and Four. It was the only thing they had ever managed to agree on. Seeing a doctor made me feel weak, pathetic but there was no way I was getting out of it. I hadn't said much to the doctor; I'd only talked about the underlying fear that always seems to be at the back of my mind.
I hadn't left Eric's apartment yet, but I had seen my friends. There reaction was typical; they appeared worried, scared, anxious to know what had happened to me. Robotically, I had told them a faint story, not delving into too much detail and I had explained how I was okay and dealing with it. Tris seemed the most worried and confused, mostly because she was there on that night when the monster tried to kill me. Later on, I had explained to Christina what Eric had done for me, since she was the only one who knew about mine and Eric's relationship. She had seemed a bit sceptical to why he was helping me so much after being so horrible, but she trusted that I made the right decision in trusting him. However, I somehow felt distant with my friends. The only thing they had to worry about was getting into Dauntless. Me? I had gotten past that fear a while ago. Now, all I could think about was getting caught as a divergent and being murdered my a narcissistic person.
" Are you ready?" Eric's voice echoed around the silent, soleness training room, bouncing off of the high walls and circling around my ears.
" I'm ready."
A few days after the attack, and a few days into staying over at Eric's apartment, I had asked him yet another favour. I wanted him to train me. I didn't want him to go easy, I wanted to be intensely trained, so that if an attack ever happened again, I would be able to protect myself. Though the Dauntless training had taught me the basics, I hadn't been taught quite enough to protect myself completely. For what felt like the thousandth time, I needed Eric to help me. He had hesitated a little at first, claiming that I wasn't ready - that I was too weak and afraid. My persuasive skills had much improved since my arrival in Dauntless, though, and Eric had finally agreed after I'd told him that I didn't want to remain a weak and helpless girl who could be killed so easily.
From out of nowhere, Eric charged and my body instinctively tensed. Skilfully, he held his arms up in front of him, while charging towards me with graceful, intense speed. Crouching down, I ducked out of his way and moved to the side, using his speed against him as he came close. Noticing my disappearance, he turned quickly, swinging a punch towards the right side of my body. I blocked his punch quickly with my forearm, just like Eric had taught me, before I threw myself down to the floor, spinning my legs into his left side and knocking him off of his feet. Though Eric hadn't been expecting this, his body tumbled before he quickly picked himself up into a crouch, and dived towards my laid down figure. Again, I used his forced against him, rolling over to the opposite side as his body covered mine. His body hit the floor with a thud and I spun to sit on top of him, gripping his wrists with one hand and pulling a knife out of my belt with the other.
The shock on his face was priceless and a smirk formed on my face in return. " I win." I gloated, pointing the knife towards him.
Quickly, the surprise left Eric's expression and his eyes narrowed. One of his hand slipped out from between my grip and grabbed me by the neck, throwing me off of him. The wind was knocked out of me as I smashed against the floor and this time, Eric rolled on top of me, stealing the knife from my hand.
" Never hesitate at slicing your enemies neck open. That technique you used there, it was good but you need to be carefully when pinning someone down on the floor. If they are stronger than you, attack quickly before they manage to throw you off like I just did." Eric explaining in an authoritative tone, climbing off of me and slipping the knife into his back pocket.
" O-Ok." I gasped for breath, trying to recover my breathing and not admit to Eric that he'd actually hurt me. In the past few days, bruises had been arriving all over my skin from the fights I had with Eric, but I'd somehow managed to hide them from him. I didn't want him to stop training me in order not to hurt me.
" You're winded, I knocked you too hard." Eric stated in a matter of fact tone, his voice emotionless. His expression remained impassive, as if he didn't care. Instead, it was his eyes that shined with concern.
" I'm fine... Can we just take a break? I just need a minute, to get a drink." I asked him, forcing a smile to my face.
" You've got 3 minutes, then we're going to try something else. It won't involve fighting or shooting." Eric stated, bending down to grab my hand and pull me up to my feet. His profound strength surprised me, almost causing me to knock into his body. Swiftly, he moved away and grabbed my water, handing it to me.
Ever since the night where I had slept in his arms, Eric had remained distant. Though he hadn't been rude or awful to me at all and had only been normal, in a way, it still felt like he was avoiding me. I'd become use to craving his protective, comforting touch and warm body, but I couldn't help but feel that he saw things differently; a nuisance who was getting on his nerves. Every time I had these awful thoughts, however, I was reminded of Eric's loving words. I care about you, Rianna...
" I thought you were training me how to protect myself?" I said after taking a long sip of water and finally catching my breath back. " What else could there be besides shooting and fighting?"
" You need to learn how to hide your divergence." Eric answered after a short pause. " If it had been anyone else in the fear landscape room that day, they wouldn't have hesitated in shooting you. People like me have been trained how to spot divergents in simulations, so you need to learn how to act normal."
I raised my eyebrows. " Normal?" My voice took a darker turn, hints of anger shined through.
" You know what I mean, Rianna." Eric rolled his eyes at my pettiness. " If you can't hide it, you will be killed during the final test. Now tell me, what is it your thinking in simulations? How does your twisted mind work."
" Will you stop making it sound like I'm abnormal!? My mind is just the same as everyone else's!" I protested, crossing my arms defiantly across my chest, closing myself off to him.
" No, it's not. Your mind works in a different way to mine or anyone who is not divergent. The sooner you accept that, the better. That way you can learn to control it, so you don't give yourself away." Eric said.
" Eric, your asking me to change myself. I can't do that, how is that possible? There is nothing wrong with me!" My body was shaking and I could almost feel the old Eric slipping back in front of me - the side of him I feared. And that's when I realised it... The mistake I had made. I was shouting at Eric, saying he couldn't change me, when that's exactly what I'd done to him.
" Rianna, stop shaking." Eric ordered, his eyes skimming over my shaking figure. " You're okay, you're stronger than this. You just need to accept that you need to hide who you are, otherwise you're going to die. I don't want that to happen to you." For the first time since a week ago, Eric brought his hand up to brush across by cheek comfortingly, breaking me away from my thoughts.
" I'm sorry, I just..." I shook my head, throwing away all the fear building up in me. " What do I need to do? How do I hide it?"
" Wait a second, slow down. Are you okay?" Eric demanded.
" I'm fine, honestly. Just a moment of weakness. I'll make sure to tell the doctor about it tonight, if that makes you feel any better." I replied, my voice growing spiteful at the mention of Dr Octavian.
Eric's eyes narrowed as he studied me, before he finally spoke, " I'm going to teach you how to act like a non-divergent in a simulation."
" But its against the rules to go through my full fear landscape before the test... If I get caught-"
" I wouldn't put you in that kind of danger," Eric rolled his eyes, as if that statement was obvious. " Your going to watch on the monitor as I go through mine. You'll see how I get out a different situations."
" Can't you just put me through your fear landscape? Or can't we both just go through?" I asked, slightly confused to why he was putting himself through his worst fears just to show me how to hide my divergence.
" No. If we go through together, I'd end up hurting you. When I or any other ordinary person is in a fear landscape, we're not aware that it's not real. What we see in front of us is what we class as a fear and I know that the only thing going through my mind in simulations is how the hell I'm going to get out of there. And I'm not sending you in alone because you won't know what to do," Eric replied.
" Can't you just tell me what to do, rather than putting yourself through different landscapes of your worst fear?" I questioned, my face twisting with slight concern.
An arrogant smirk grew on Eric's expression. " Your worried about me?" He stated the obvious, almost laughing as he spoke.
" I'm I not allowed to be? Your always worrying about me, you can't deny that. So quit the tough act." I told him, cursing myself as I felt a small blush rise on my cheeks.
Eric studied me for a moment, his typical ice cold grey eyes sparkling in the dim light. " I've gone through my fear landscapes nearly a hundred times. I know what I'm doing, Rianna. I don't get stuck in there like some weak initiate."
" Fine, show me then."
Evening had fallen and me and Eric had been training for most of the afternoon. We'd been given lots of free time before the final test into dauntless. All the initiates had been scheduled to have a private tutoring session each day in one of the simulation rooms and once everyone had been trained, the final test would begin. They'd pushed my appointment back until next week, giving me chance to 'recover'.
It wasn't long until we'd filtered through a few corridors, that were only sparsely filled with strangers who I didn't recognise in Dauntless, and reached the main simulation room. Since Eric's apartment was on the otherside of the Dauntless building, we were using a private gym area before to train, which only Dauntless people were usually allowed to use. This meant we were also allowed to use the main simulation room which the tests took place.
" Take a seat in front of the monitor." Eric ordered, pointing towards a large, soft chair in front of a large, currently blank screen. " When I enter the simulation, click the red button on the keyboard and the image of my simulation will appear on the screen. Once I'm done, press the blue button. Don't press the blue button before I'm done, I don't need to be pulled out of a simulation early."
" What if you get too scared?" I teased.
" I won't" Eric replied firmly, his face contorting in slight anger. " Watch exactly what I do. In simulations, your not supposed to realise its not real and you can't just create something you need with your mind. In the simulation I saw, you stopped two bullets with your bare hands. You can't do that. You have to find a way out of the simulation by either escaping or calming your heartbeat down."
" I get it, I get it. Now, get on with it. I want to know what tough guy Eric is actually afraid of. Spiders? Ghosts?" Though my voice was playful, I was being deadly serious. I was extremely curious to see what Eric was actually afraid of. To me and everybody else, it seemed like he didn't fear anything. But everyone had to fear something...
" I'm being serious, Rianna." Eric stated, rolling his eyes at my petulance. " But if you repeat a word of this to anyone-" He began in a deathly tone.
" You know I won't." I replied and Eric nodded, before grabbing the needle from the side table.
" I'll see you on the other side, Anna..." Eric whispered in a much softer tone, before plunging the needle into the side of his neck. As his eyes grew groggy with sleep, his eyes locked with mine before shutting completely, while his mind was pushed into a new world.
In a way, I was actually worried. I'd never seen Eric afraid before. He was like a rock to me; I always used him to calm myself down in dangerous situations, because I always know he isn't scared. Seeing him afraid would only remind me constantly that we all have something to fear in this world... That none of us are safe from our nightmares.
Pushing all thoughts away and concentrating all my focus on the screen, I pressed the blue button on the keyboard and watched as a bright landscape appeared on the screen.
Here is the promised update. I know you guys have been waiting for over a month for this, I'm so glad you've all been extremely patient. I've had a few GCSE's these past two months which have required all of my attetion, but I officially have finished and I only have course work next to do before next year, so hopefully updates will be more frequent. This is a little bit of a filler chapter, but I think this was needed after a whirlwind of events in the past few chapters. I hope you enjoyed this though and I hope it gives you a little more insight into Eric and Rianna's devolping relationship.
Thank you for sticking by this story, I love you guys! Your support is amazing.
-DareToDream