Part Five
Chapter Ten
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Am I alive?
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Heavy and darkness.
Pounding and discomfort.
Dryness and thirst.
Pain.
...
Am I alive?
Her body lying, a faint rustle and crunch of clothing as though someone was pacing relentlessly nearby, a thin shadow of bright speckled light sifting steadily through her heavy-lidded eyes, and none of it made any sense at all.
Am I alive?
She remembered... she remembered... pieces. Segments of images playing through her mind like a scratched and shredded cassette tape. It was all blurry jumpy pictures, distorted audio and mangled memories. She remembered fear, pain, hopelessness, agony, anger and, finally, peace. Peace, she remembered, because she was letting go. Letting go of it all.
Am I alive?
She tried to ask the question aloud but what came out was a dry and hoarse gurgle.
"Sarah?"
That voice, she recognised that voice, but everything felt so heavy. Her head, her body, her eyes. Nothing made sense. Her name came as though through the other side of a long and destitute tunnel. As though whoever was speaking was incredibly far from where she lay. How could she be lying?
"Sarah, can you hear me?"
The voice sounded so lost, so alone, so sad. She wanted to call out to it, to let it know she was there, and that she was also alone. She opened her mouth as though to reply and felt the stabbing of pain from her parched and barren throat. She raised her hands to soothe her neck, only to panic when she realised she couldn't. She couldn't move her arms! She couldn't even feel her arms! If Sarah had been connected to a human machine that monitored a persons heartbeat, the beeping would have blasted louder then a hundred chattering voices. As it was, this was no human hospital the girl lay in, and the figure watching over her quickly ran to her side.
"Karen! Get Oberon! Tell him Sarah's awake!"
Karen. Sarah knew that name. She recognised the voice of the person who was talking, recognised they were talking about her, but she just couldn't believe...
I'm supposed to be dead.
Am I alive?
"Sarah, can you hear me? Don't panic, okay? Calm down! I'll get you some water!"
Water. Now, whatever that was it sounded wonderful. She jolted in surprise as a cold firm object was then pressed to her lips, the liquid sloshing over to touch upon the dried skin.
"Sarah, come on now drink! It's okay, you're okay! You're safe now sweetheart! I promise I'm never going to let anything happen to you again! Come on, you can do it, just drink."
As though compelled by the desperation this one voice held, Sarah forced her wielded lips to rip apart, giving way for soothing liquid to pool down her throat. She gulped the offered substance greedily, whimpering in protest as the cup was then quickly snatched away.
"I know, I know it hurts sweetheart, but you can't drink too much to quickly, you'll choke. Go slow for me okay?"
The panic in this voice confused Sarah greatly.
If I'm dead, is this hell?
No, it couldn't be. She knew hell, and it was an empty place.
A place of loneliness and misery and heartache.
A place of darkness and captivity.
A place where no one cared for her as this one mysterious voice did.
A place where...
Jareth!
Her heart froze at the name, then she began to flail. Frantically tangling in the sheets that restrained her the way those chains always had.
Oh god, it's him! I didn't kill him! He's alive and he's here! Oh god!
"Sarah stop! You'll hurt yourself! Stop baby, please! Just listen to my voice, okay? Please!"
"What happened?! What's wrong?!"
"She started panicking! I can't calm her down, please do something!"
Too many voices and they were all screaming all at once! Sarah didn't understand! How could she be hearing voices? The last memory she had was of her very bones being crushed to dust! She should be dead! She had to be dead! Otherwise...
Otherwise, how could she possibly face them?
"Sarah, can you hear me? You're safe now. Your family are here with you. You..."
The voice kept speaking but Sarah couldn't understand a thing. Not a thing past 'family'.
"Dad!" She called for the one person she needed the most in all this confusion. The one person who had always been her family, right from the beginning. The person who had stuck by her, even when she mercilessly took him for granted.
"I'm here, I'm here sweetheart! Right here! You're safe now baby, I promise! Listen to my voice okay? I'm right here."
She ceased flailing immediately, captivated by the promises this soothing voice made. She knew this voice. The authoritative, kind, compassionate, loving voice of her father. But there was only one way to ensure he was really there. She had to open her eyes.
Slowly, painfully slowly as the surrounding light beat against her sore retinas, she steadily forced her eyes to break apart. She cringed as the light invaded her senses, igniting it all with a fierce blaze of colours and fire. She tried to shield against the pain, but her body felt so heavy despite having thrown herself around like a rag doll mere moments before. All she felt was the incessant pressure compounding on her head as her eyes watered, slowly adjusting to the light after what felt like years and years of darkness.
I remember only darkness. Only darkness and pain. But I died. What's going on?
His was the first face she saw as the stinging gradually soothed away. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, had deep dark circles resting in the light wrinkles of his haggard face. He hadn't shaved. He looked so relieved.
"Sarah? Can you hear me? Can you understand me? Blink if you can't talk. It's alright now. You're safe."
How are you here? How am I here? I died. I remember...
"Da-" She croaked, but couldn't manage the word. Her throat hurt like hell, and she coughed and swallowed as her father dove for the cup again.
"Don't talk honey, you've been resting for a long time. Here, just drink slowly and blink if you understand what I'm saying."
Sarah blinked twice as she soaked him in. It was like a mirage. He moved forward and gently slipped his arm under her head to tilt her upwards before bringing the cup closer to her lips. She drank the soothing substance gratefully, eyes never leaving her father's pale, hollowed face. She thought she'd never see him again. It felt like this wasn't even real. How could it be? She remembered dying! What was happening?
"Sarah? Honey? Are you alright?" Another voice from across the room pondered in concern. Sarah reluctantly pried her gaze from her father's run-down state to another.
Karen!
She's here too?
The girl nearly gagged as she jolted up too quickly, only to be pushed gently back down again.
"No, Sarah! Relax. Don't move to fast. We're here. We're all here and we're not leaving you. You're safe. You understand sweetheart? You're safe now! You're safe!"
Safe. She remembered that. Her eyes hunted all over her stepmother, then back to her father. She was safe with them. Before...
Flinching away from the cup, her stinging eyes darted between the two. She didn't quite know how to ask. It didn't seem real. That they were here, in front of her. Her family.
"What," she croaked, swallowing heavily. Her father squeezed her hand encouragingly. "What happened?"
Robert Williams frowned, then looked to the left of him. Sarah peeked around her father, to realize in surprise that Oberon was standing by the door. He was here as well? Then...
"You're alive?" She whispered, so quiet and strained she wasn't sure if anyone heard her. Her father's face came back into focus as he moved closer. He seemed so cautious, as though he were afraid she was going to lose control or start panicking again. She stared at his nervousness completely confounded.
"Sarah, what do you remember?" He asked. Sarah squirmed frantically between her parents and Oberon. She remembered... so much.
"There was a fight, you got hurt," She wheezed, staring at the king who stood by the door with an unreadable mask. "Then I ran and... and he caught me and... and..."
The girl's eyes widened, her heart raced once more. "Is he..? Did he..?"
"Sarah, breathe," Her parent ordered hastily, leaning forward to cup his daughter's fearful face with both hands. He looked deeply into her terrified eyes, hoping for his life and soul he'd never see such fear again. He had failed to protect her once. As long as he was her father he swore it wouldn't happen again.
"He's gone Sarah," Oberon said from behind her father. "He's dead. Jareth will never be able to hurt you again."
The words took but a moment to sink in, and then... she burst into tears.
He's gone?
He's really gone?
It's almost too good to believe!
He's gone!
Sarah threw herself in her father's arms and held him as tightly as she could. She had felt it. The pressure compounding upon her body, crushing her bones to dust. She remembered the way he screamed in agony. Remembered saying goodbye to them before she knew no more. How was she here? How was she alive? It made no sense! How could he be dead, if she had survived?
"Are you s-sure? Are y-you... he's really..?"
"He's gone Sarah," Her father cooed, stroking her hair just like he had when she was a child, "he'll never hurt you again. You're safe."
Sarah clung to her father's soiled blouse and wept relentlessly onto his shoulder. He smelt like he hadn't showered in weeks, but she didn't care. She needed him. Needed to be held by someone she loved and who loved her.
He was gone. He'd never hurt her again. Never touch her again. She'd never suffer under his hand ever again. But...
"How?" She panted breathlessly through her tears, "how am I..? How am I alive?" She raised her head over her father's shoulder to Oberon's stoic face. "I don't understand," She admitted, weeping, "I smashed the vial! I felt it! The spell, I felt it working! How did I..?"
"It doesn't matter honey, all that matters is that you're safe. We all are. We've all been so worried about you, but you're alright now. You're alive and you're healthy, and that's all that matters to us. Now shh, come on now, shh, you just woke up. Take a moment to breathe, and..." She kept speaking, Karen, but her voice was so quiet and soothing, her words so comforting, Sarah found herself closing her eyes to their gentle melody and fell right back to sleep on her father's chest.
Several hours – or days – later, she woke. In the same room, with but a small amount of light coming from a tiny burning candle by her bedside. It was quiet, too quiet, and she felt a moment of panic as her eyes hunted around the room in search for her missing parents, only to freeze upon the Seelie High King, sitting slumped in an old worn armchair, staring unabashedly. She gulped at the look he was giving her, then fell back to the pillows as a migraine pounded her head.
"What... where's dad and Karen?" She asked him fearfully. She wasn't sure what she remembered was real. She remembered her father holding her, Karen telling her she was safe and with her loved ones, but it all felt muffled and so far away. Had it really happened? Had it been a dream? Was he really..?
"I convinced them to get some rest. Your parents refused to leave your side until you woke. Neither of them have slept well in days, but I reassured them I'd watch over you. They should be back soon."
Sarah had no reply. She merely stared.
He didn't look as though he had gotten much sleep either. In fact, the finely aged man looked more run down then Sarah had ever seen him. His expensive clothing was rumpled, his normally neatly combed hair was a mess, even his eyes seemed more dry and veiny then usual. She was glad he had survived the blow he'd taken during battle, but what reason did he have to stay by her bedside?
Watching the young mortal girl lying weakly before him, The King's guard suddenly turned sorrowful. Sighing heavily, he braced his elbows on his knees and buried his head in his hands in an unusual display of humanity. She heard him let out a harsh heavy sigh, before looking up at her guiltily.
"Sarah, I'm so sorry," He whispered mournfully. She was lost.
"Why... why are you sorry?" She croaked, swallowing heavily as the thirst once again scratched her throat. How long had she been sleeping this time? Was the memory of her father giving her water and telling her she was safe really real or had it all been an illusion? She wanted to ask him, but the king looked so hollow, she could do nothing but focus on him.
"I was so consumed with revenge and the need to avenge my family, that I led you right into danger without any regard for your safety. I..." He shook his head, looking at the diminished, confused girl with absolute remorse. "I let Jareth find you."
His confession brought a gasp of shock from a disbelieving Sarah's mouth. Her eyes stared wide and watering as the defeated king's words sharpened her foggy mind.
What does he mean? Who is this man? What is going on?!
"Sarah, please, listen to me," The king begged as Sarah hastily pulled herself as far from him as the bed allowed. The dark shadows of the room did nothing to hide her growing fear.
"What do you mean? He's dead isn't he?! I remember you telling me... please tell me he's dead!" She begged. A cold sweat ran down the back of her neck as she condemned herself to the truth. It would indeed be a cruel joke the universe was playing, making her believe she was free only to yank it all out from under her feet. She couldn't go through this torture again, she just couldn't...
"He's dead Sarah," He reassured her urgently, noting the young girl was one wrong word away from a panic attack. "Trust me. He's dead."
Sharp relief stole over her body so fast it knocked her back to the pillows. So it hadn't been a dream? Her father really had held her and told her she was safe? She really was safe this time? He was gone. She was safe.
But then... why did the Seelie King look so guilty.
"What do you mean you let Jareth find me?"
He couldn't have been lying to her this whole time, could he? From the beginning, he had acted like he had no idea who she was! He couldn't have been...
"I suspected you were special as soon as Jordan brought you here. I had many spies in the Goblin Kingdom as well as the city, but none of them had any knowledge of you. Jareth went to great lengths to keep you a secret, and I couldn't fathom why, until," He looked over the frightened girl contemplatively, "Until you told me your connection to the labyrinth. When you said you wanted to go back there, I should have told you no. Jordan was right about it being unsafe, but I led you right to the heart of it because... because I always suspected that Jareth was the Unseelie High King. I had most of that damning spell completed and all I needed was some of Jareth's land. I used you as a shield and then... then I did something incredibly selfish and stupid."
"What did you do?" She interrogated him, staring fearfully through his royal facade to the guilty broken man on display before her.
"I called him." He admitted.
"It was before we found that cave, before we found out you were the only one capable of ending his life. Had I known I..." he clenched his eyes shut, turning away so as not to face his guilt in those green orbs.
"When you found me in the woods that morning, I was doing more than collecting the earth of his land. I was leaving tracks for his spies to find. He sentenced young Jordan's father to death, I believe in the hope of enticing him back to his kingdom, so I left the tracks to draw him out. I was sure I had enough to defeat him on his own, but knew there was no way to get into his castle without his consent. I'm so sorry! I swear I thought the spell would work! I should have protected you! I shouldn't have let him catch me off guard! I-"
"Oberon," She interrupted him cautiously, staring at this beaten man with a strange mixture of fear and disappointment. He had used her as bait, purposefully brought Jareth as well as his army to their small infantry, got many of his own men slaughtered in a fight that could have all been avoided, had he simply been more patient. All these things he should have felt guilty for. But there was something else. Something he wasn't telling her. Another reason he was sorry. Something that must have happened between him being knocked unconscious and her waking up in this bed. She remembered that spell crushing the life right out of her. How was she even still here?
"What happened?" She demanded, staring him down from across the room, "The spell it... I felt it. I smashed it to the ground, I was to close to him, it surrounded the both of us and I saw him... I saw him... die. How am I alive?! Tell me!"
The king shook his head, regarding the fearful girl with resignation and sorrow.
"The labyrinth saved you. The spell... it was far more powerful then anyone could have anticipated. It didn't just kill the Goblin King, it eviscerated his whole kingdom. Only the labyrinth survived. But.. in order to ensure you survived, it needed a life in exchange. Sarah..." He whispered, lost in her watering, tearful denial. "Jordan volunteered."
No.
No. No. No.
I couldn't... it couldn't be...
"You're lying." She accused him shakily. The king's miserable expression only affirmed the truth.
Without warning, Sarah wailed in despair.
Her friend. Her first and only friend in this horrible, abysmal world.
Her rescuer, her saviour, her lifeline, her bonded. He was gone. He was gone.
Great big ugly cries ripped free from Sarah's throat as she clung to her chest and screamed tears of agony. The king watched mournfully, wanting to comfort the girl, but having no idea how. It was all his fault. If only he had waited. Been more patient. Not led an ambush right to them. Not let the Goblin King taunt him into letting his guard down. So many stupid mistakes and this girl's pain was the outcome of it all.
"What happened!" Came an outraged shout as the door suddenly burst open. Robert ran to his hysterical daughter as the king stumbled disgracefully from the chair, backing himself against the wall as though afraid of the human man's wrath.
"I told her about Jordan. I'm... I'm sorry-"
"You said you wouldn't say anything! She just woke up! What were you thinking!" He yelled at the mystical being, holding his daughter tightly in his arms as she sobbed uncontrollably. The sound broke his heart.
"I killed him, dad!" Sarah wailed, countless tears flooding her miserable face. "I killed him!"
"No, Sarah! No." The father denied, gripping the girl by the shoulders and pushing her back so her teary bloodshot eyes were forced to meet his compassionate ones.
"He made a choice. No one forced him. The labyrinth, or whatever its called, it asked him if he was willing to give his life to save yours. He agreed. He saved you because you are his friend. It was his choice. You have nothing to feel guilty about!"
Sarah did feel guilty though, so much so she didn't even recognise her father's odd use of words. She had meant to die! Meant to kill him and end the painful world the pair of them had created. She didn't want to live. Why had the labyrinth saved her? It had told her it wanted her as its queen because she was pure and innocent and nothing like the Goblin King. But she killed him. She smashed that vial at his feet knowing it would end his life and that meant she was no longer innocent. She was a murderer. Why had it saved her? Why had it taken Jordan's life to do it?
Why, Labyrinth? "It should have been me, dad!" Why? Why? Why?!
"No, Sarah! Don't say that! He chose to save you! No one forced him! You didn't ask him! He saved you! It's not your fault! He made his choice and he's fine with it! As long as you're alive, and you go on to live a good normal life, He's willing to die!"
Robert didn't realise what he'd really said until realisation flashed in Sarah's eyes. She choked on her sobs and pushed herself away, gaze narrowing in a heartbeat. Fuck, Robert thought. He hadn't meant to tell her.
"He's.. he's still alive?" Sarah questioned immediately, eyes drying as she looked frantically between her father and the king. Robert cursed his tongue and his own child's perceptiveness. He hadn't meant to tell her.
"Sarah..." He attempted to backtrack, but Sarah would have none of it.
"Dad, tell me, is he still alive?!" Please tell me...
"He's... well he's..." Her father attempted to stall, but Sarah saw right through him. He's not dead yet, she guessed. He traded his life for mine, but his not dead yet?
"Dad, please tell me." She begged him tearfully. If her friend was truly still alive, she needed to know.
Robert shifted uncomfortably, looking behind him at his wife's tear-stained face, knowing she shared the same fear. If Sarah knew her friend was alive what would she do? He felt bad for the boy, of course, he did. But Sarah was his child. He'd protect his own.
Realising her father wouldn't break his silence, Sarah instead turned her gaze to the deceitful king. If she had to guilt him into telling her what she needed to know, she would.
"Oberon, please. Tell me. Is he still alive?" She begged, sitting as straight as a line, gaze boring into his as the king regretfully looked away.
Why isn't anyone telling me anything? How could Jordan have given me his life if he's still alive? Where is he? Why won't they look me in the eye?
Not capable of baring the toxic silence, Sarah hastily threw back the covers she was immersed in, hoisting herself to the end of the bed before her father took her wrist.
"Sarah, what are you doing?" He asked in alarm. He was worried about her health, both physically and emotionally. She'd not only been comatose for days, but she had suffered a tremendously traumatic experience. He blamed himself for allowing her to go back to that kingdom in the first place. He had trusted her judgment of a world he knew nothing about, and stupidly put faith in this so-called king who had promised her safety. He wished he had fought harder to keep her by his side. The monster who hurt her may have been dead, but at what price? What had he done to her while she had been alone and unprotected? When the king returned to the kingdom with her unconscious body in his arms he wanted to cry in sorrow and howl in rage. She looked dead. She was despairingly pale and completely lifeless. The king told him about the fight, and that all he knew was that everything and everyone in the Goblin Kingdom was gone. That he had been knocked unconscious and had awoken to the gigantic burning crater where once stood the great castle and huge city. The destruction apparently going further than the eye could see. Only the labyrinth and all creatures residing had survived.
There wasn't a moment in Robert Williams life that was more harrowing then seeing the little girl he had held through teething and colic, walked to her first day of school, cradled while she wept over her mother's abandonment and fought with over his rapid re-marriage and parenthood; lying limply in the arms of a virtual stranger, as white as a ghost and just as animated. He had wept at her bedside, begging her to wake up. He had almost lost her, would have, if that boy hadn't sacrificed himself for her. He was tremendously grateful, but he couldn't risk Sarah getting to him. He needed his daughter. He didn't care if he was selfish. In those fiery green eyes shone the same little baby he could have held with one hand. He hadn't protected her through this year of hell she'd injured without his knowledge, but he could protect her now. He would! Even from herself.
"I'm going to find Jordan. If you won't tell me where he is, I'll look for him myself!" She declared, hoisting her body up only to stumble and collapse back down again. Her legs felt like rubber. She must have been asleep for a long time.
"Sarah, you're not well enough to be walking around," Her father insisted, jumping to her side immediately, fussing around her, "Please just get some rest. We can talk in the morning-"
"Tell me where he is, dad! What's going on? Why won't you tell me the truth?" She cried. The tears sparkling in her father's raw eyes made Sarah want to wail all over again. It was clear the answer wasn't pretty, but if there was any chance Jordan was still breathing somewhere, she had to see him. He had given her his life. She had to know why!
"Sarah," Oberon began from across the room, but Robert was quick to snap at him. "Don't," He growled warningly, only to immediately regret it when he saw his daughter's helplessness. In sheer desperation, Sarah placed both hands to her father's cheeks and looked deeply into his tired eyes.
"Daddy, please. He saved me! Not just once but dozens of times! He saved me from Jareth, took me away from his kingdom, brought me here, helped bring you here. He's my friend! Please, dad, please! Please tell me where he is! If he's alive then you have to take me to him! Why won't you tell me what's going on? Please!"
Her distress broke Robert's heart. He felt her despair as though it were his own and the two violently clashed until he was weighted down by both his guilt and her anguish. He couldn't take it any more. He stuttered out the truth.
"He's not dead yet Sarah. But he will be soon. The stronger you get, the weaker he becomes. It won't be much longer now."
A single tear trailed down the girl's sodden cheek. She swallowed in determination.
"Take me to him."
Her father paled.
"Sarah, please don't-"
"Dad. Take me to him."
AAA
He looked worse then she felt. His skin was sickly pale, nearly green and almost rotting in its complexion. His face was sunk in and hollow as though he had lost all his weight since the last time they spoke. He was facing away from her, lying on a bed, Queen Titania by his side, looking nothing but sympathetic and compassionate. Her eyes widened in surprise as she caught sight of Sarah by the doorway, her father holding her elbow, his wife and her husband standing stranded behind them. She frowned at him. She was under the impression the two men had agreed to honour Jordan's wish of not speaking a word to the girl until he had passed, but it appeared that one of them had cracked. She wasn't entirely shocked. With the way the dark-haired girl was staring at young Jordan, she would have been hard to say no too.
Noticing the queens stare, Jordan painfully twisted his frail body to the doorway, only to croak in sorrow seeing the girl staring mortified back at him. He could have cried. This wasn't what he wanted. Why hadn't they listened to him?
"Jordan!" She wept, attempting to throw herself right at him only to stumble and collapse right back into her father's supporting arms.
"You promised you wouldn't tell her!" He tried to yell, but it merely came as a pathetic crackling murmur. He was losing strength quickly. He could feel it draining from his body. But that wasn't going to stop him from shaming these men. How could they?
"I'm sorry, son. I wouldn't of. But she wanted to see you and I couldn't say no. I would have kept her away from you if I could've."
Sarah looked up at her father's face as though she had been punched in the gut. Why were they talking like that? Why had her father tried to keep her away from him? Did Jordan not want to see her? Thinking this way made a glacier of ice slide down Sarah's chest. She looked at her friend lying weakly upon the bed and wondered... does he regret saving me? Is that why he didn't want me to see him? Does he not want to be around me now that I'm a murderer?
For some reason, the thought hurt Sarah more then she believed possible. He looked so genuinely... disgusted. His head lying back against the headboard and his eyes sealed tightly shut, like he couldn't stand the sight of her.
Does he hate me now? Do I sicken him because of what I did?
Do you hate me?
"Oberon, perhaps we should give these two a moment alone," Titania suggested quietly, as the room had sunk into solemn silence. Sarah expected Jordan to deny her request, to tell her that he didn't want to be alone with her, the murderer. It would be nothing less then what she deserved. The guilt was so heavy and suffocating, she could barely keep the tears from spilling through. But what right did she have to cry? Her friend was dying because of her.
Why won't he look at me?
"Titania, I don't think that's such a good idea-" The tired king replied, but his gentle wife cut him off with a single glare.
"Let them alone, Oberon. They deserve it." Everyone in the room heard the words the woman did not speak; it would be their final chance to be alone.
Sarah's father helped the girl limp to the chair Titania had only just occupied, laid a gentle kiss on her forehead and turned to walk away. She, however, didn't miss the pleading look he sent Jordan before all four adults left the room, and only the weakened pair of friends remained.
Sarah stared at Jordan's emancipated body in fear and sorrow. He looked so sickly. So crippled and defeated, so lifeless. Nothing like the lively happy boy she had grown so close to in all these weeks. He seemed more wraith then human, lying hunched in the bed, head still tilted towards the ceiling. He wouldn't even look at her.
He hates me now. Because of what I've done.
The silence was suffocating.
"Are you in pain?" She whispered quietly, not knowing how else to even begin talking to him.
He gave his life for mine, and now he won't even look at me.
His eyes squeezed closed, his body lightly quaking, bottom lip quivering as though he were a second away from bursting into tears. Two noiselessly leaked from Sarah's sore eyes as she was met with only silence.
He hates me.
"Jordan, please.." She begged him. Begged him to give her the chance to apologise. She hadn't meant for any of this to happen. She was supposed to die. She hadn't meant to survive. She didn't want to face any of them, knowing what they'd think of her now she was a murderer. Her father seemed to have overlooked her crimes, but he was blood. Jordan saw her for what she really was now. He saw the truth. She was a monster.
"Why did you do it?" She silently wailed, misery leaking down her sodden cheeks as her friend continued to ignore her. Her sobs quietly echoed through the whole room, like she was already mourning the dead. From Jordan's lashes slipped a single tear, but he still didn't look her way.
It hurt so much.
"You should have let me die." She declared.
He couldn't do it any more.
He just couldn't.
Slowly turning his body to face hers, he was hit by the sheer grief she bore. He knew this would be hard. Why hadn't they listened to him?
"I deserve to die."
"No."
Her gaze bolted to his. He was finally looking her in the eye, yet his gaze held no hate or disgust, he merely looked... sad.
"Why did you take my place?" She questioned him quickly, capitalising on his willingness to speak to her before he no doubt banished her from his life for good, whatever of it was left. She wanted to cry.
He was tired, completely exhausted, felt the cold hand of death approaching with every minute that past, but even at that moment he couldn't help but think of how adorably dense she could be sometimes.
"Because I love you."
A gasp of shock choked itself from Sarah's throat as her heart squeezed tightly. Her weary eyes brimmed with tears as she felt more surprise then she'd ever felt in her entire life. There was no deceit in his eyes, no cruel yearning, no false empathy, nothing she was used to seeing when hearing those rancid words. There was only sincerity. Pure and complete love.
She didn't understand.
"But," she stuttered, leaning on the edge of her seat, staring wilfully into his marbled eyes, "Don't you hate me?"
Jordan looked at his friend sadly. He would have been baffled by her question had he not come to expect it by now. His poor Sarah. Completely brainwashed into thinking everything bad was always her fault. He would have rejoiced in the death of the scumbag who had forced those perceptions upon her, but he had no room for malice. He was slipping away. And though he had asked her father and Oberon to keep her in the dark until he was gone, perhaps... perhaps this was his one final chance to make her understand...
"Sarah. Of course, I don't hate you. You're the only person in this world I've ever really loved. Why would you even think that?" He asked, but felt he already knew the answer. She always was too hard on herself.
"Because... I killed him. I murdered him. I smashed that vial and I knew exactly what would happen when I did. I meant to die Jordan, why would you offer to take my place?" She begged to know. She had to understand. How could he not hate her, he was dying because of her. And so many others had already perished. All those people who lived in his kingdom. The nobility, the commoners, the servants, the goblins, all of them were dead because of the choices she made. She had only meant for the two of them to die but that didn't make her any less guilty. Innocent people she had never even met, people who had never spoken a single word to her, the poor goblins who served her food and cleaned her room every morning, all of their blood was on her hands.
Why would he take her place?
Why couldn't he have just let her die?
"Sarah, before you, there was nothing. I've lived for hundreds of years, and I never accomplished anything. I was just a scared lonely boy, committing horrible crimes all in the name of appeasing a father I knew had and could never love me. If you only knew half the things I have done... But then you came along, and you stole what little of my heart I had left. You're the first person in my entire life I've ever had to call friend. The first person I've ever truly cared about. The first person to care about me. What kind of a life do you think I could live if I let you die?"
Sarah wiped her tears away, feeling unworthy of her weakness before him. "But then, why didn't you want me here? Why did everyone try to keep me away?" She needed to hear him say it. Needed to hear that he didn't hate her. He was the only person she'd had to hold on to in so long. The only one who helped her. Without him, she'd still be rotting in darkness. She had to know.
Jordan squeezed his eyes shut again. He didn't want to tell her, but if he didn't, would she ever truly forgive herself? He didn't want her living her life in constant anguish over what had been given in exchange. He wanted her to have a future, not wallow in the dark remains of her past.
"Because the Labyrinth asked me to give you life in exchange. The stronger you get, the weaker I become. Your father wanted to keep you away because he was afraid I'd go back on my word."
Sarah stared bewilderedly, failing to connect the dots. Her mind was still so hazy, suffocated in trauma and exhaustion. What did he mean? Why had they all tried to keep her away from him? Why had her father looked at him so pleadingly before he left the room? Why..?
No.
She gasped, looking at him stupidly while Jordan denied her gaze.
"Jordan, can you change your mind?!"
He didn't reply.
"Jordan Please!" The girl begged, sharp green frantically tracing over his sunken face.
"Jordan, you have to take it back!"
"No." He denied simply, painful sobs ripped through the room.
"Jordan... Jordan you... you have to! I smashed that vial, I knew what I was doing! I should be the one who's dead, not you! You can't throw your life away because of me, I won't let you!"
Her attitude almost made him smile. If he wasn't so exhausted he might have even laughed. Typical Sarah.
"I'm sorry Sarah, but this isn't your choice." He murmured, staring pleasantly in reply to her demands. Her wobbling chin and tear-soaked lashes caused him great pain as always, but he refused to be swayed. It wasn't even an option any longer. This was his final chance to be strong, and he would take it, for her. Only her.
"It was my choice! I chose this, Jordan, not you! You have to take it back, you-" Her voice cracked uselessly as she breathlessly begged him to reconsider. She just had to convince him! She couldn't let him die!
I love you, he had said.
She couldn't let him die!
"No." He refused her stubbornly, watching calmly as she shook. "I've made my decision and I've made my peace with it. Now you have to honour my choice, and go on living."
Sarah whimpered, wanting to reach out to him, wanting to crush him in her arms and hold him as tightly as she could, but he looked so frail. She was afraid he'd collapse if she laid even a finger on him. She sobbed.
"It's not fair."
"Life's not fair. It can be cruel. It can be heartless. It can take from us the people we love and take everything we hold dear. But it can also give. My life was meaningless. Hundreds of years of doing horrible things to appease a father who hated me only for being what I am. My life had no meaning... until you."
"What makes my life more important than yours?!" She wailed, desperate to talk some sense into him. Jordan, feeling hopeless in the face of her anguish, lifted his arm from beneath the thick wool blanket. His whole body literally shook at how much effort he was using to hold his arm up. Seeing his struggle, Sarah immediately launched forward to help him, only to be met with his soft, brittle hand caressing her cheek. She leaned into his gentle touch, tears pouring down her face.
"Because you can change things, Sarah. You changed me. You gave me friendship when all I've ever known is hate. You gave me hope and life and you can do the same for others. The Goblin Kingdom has fallen, because of you. Jareth may not have been the Unseelie High King but he was still powerful, and now he's gone. Show people that power. Show them your strength, make the Unseelie take notice and let them know where their paths of hatred and destruction will lead them."
"I won't be able to do any of that without you." She whimpered. Jordan only sighed.
"Sarah you've got your whole life ahead of you. You're free now. Finally and completely free. I don't even think you've realised what that means just yet."
Through her sorrow, Sarah barely registered the true weight of his words, until she noticed him looking down. She followed his gaze, far too weak in the heart to ask, and then gasped.
The shackle. The shiny metal collar that had marked her as a slave. The disgusting embodiment of its master that had so often stolen her freedom. It was gone.
Sarah launched to her feet, stumbling backwards over her chair, staring relentlessly at her leg in awe. Her hand shook violently as she leaned down to brush her fingers against the smooth skin of her right leg, almost not fully believing what was right before her very eyes. There was nothing. No tan line, no marking no nothing. It was as though the putrid thing was never even there. It was gone.
He was gone.
He was really really gone.
I'm free.
He can't hurt me anymore.
I'm free!
The young fae made one final plea, "I don't want you to spend the rest of your life mourning me or feeling guilty, I want you to go on living and be happy. Go back home, be with your family. Live your life. Live your future. I'll always be with you, Sarah. Please promise me you won't make me your new captor. You're free now. Don't make your guilt another prison."
And of all the things they'd said that night, that was the one thing that finally stuck. Shocked emerald eyes moulded with a weakened brown and she knew, finally, what he was trying to tell her.
She had been given a second chance. He was giving her a second chance. The only way to be worthy of his sacrifice was to do as he bade.
She had to live.
Without him.
Her bonded.
And as though a thousand fireworks were exploding in her mind everything finally clicked into place. The story of the two brothers dying on the battlefield, joining hands and cleansing the air of all of its evil. There had been so much evil. So much pain and corruption and death. There would always be. But that didn't mean that the fight was worthless. In that one single moment those brothers knew what to do, and so did she.
There was a reason they had found each other. A reason Sarah had always felt so out of place living life aboveground.
And it wasn't so he could die in a strangers bedroom while she kept living.
"No," She said, shaking her head. Jordan was devastated, misinterpreting her meaning.
"I won't go on. Not without you."
A tear slipped from the boy's eye, thinking she was giving up, thinking she was refusing to move forward. Perhaps he was right in the beginning. Maybe she should have simply stayed away. He'd never be able to pass peacefully if he knew she'd spend the rest of her life in pain.
"No, Jordan. Not without you."
And not giving her actions a single second thought, did she launch herself towards him and swiftly grab his hand.
The light... it was amazing. Jordan's eyes widened to the size of watermelons as he stared through the shining luminescence, only to meet a fierce determination. Her pupils dilated, her forest orbs sparkled, the brilliance surrounded her entire being and her body glowed. Jordan could only stare awestruck at her beauty. She was magnificent.
And he felt it. The power. The cleansing. His whole body felt it. And he was no longer lying weak on the bed, and she was no longer sitting hunched in the little wooden chair; they were floating. Floating through the air in a powerful caress of painless fire. He held her hand, stared right into her eyes, and everything else just... fell away.
He didn't notice the door burst open. Didn't notice the shouting from the people below him. Didn't notice the power of the energy bursting all the windows and shattering every glass. All he saw was her. The glorious creature who had captured him, heart and soul. And she stared just as deeply, and smiled.
"I love you."