Big war chapter coming up ;)

I stared at him quietly watching as he looked up onto the grey metal of the bunk above. We have been sitting in this silence for what seemed to be an eternity. I could not speak. For some unknown reason words failed to form in my mouth. I wanted him to weep again so I knew how he was feeling because he was void of any emotion and that made me awfully worried. It was tough getting him to come all the way back here after everything went down, but he reasoned with me and allowed me to help him back to the prison. His refusal to leave Merle lying there nearly got us both killed with the amount of walkers there. He listened to me though. And now here he sat showing nothing but a sad face. I longed to touch him but every time I tried he push me away. He was pushing me away… I walked out of the cell and down the stairs. "How is he doing?" Hershel asked moving his crutches to the side.

"He won't talk. He won't cry. He is just sitting there." I sighed grabbing a cup and filling it up with water. "I wish he would do something than just sit there emotionless."

"He's in shock. He doesn't know how to feel." Hershel said. "Sit with him. He'll need you."

My grip on the cup tightened. "I know that and it hurts me to see him like this." I stormed out of there and into C block to make my way back to Daryl. He was still lying there. "I got you some water." I said holding out the cup which he did not even glance at. "Come on Daryl you have to drink." No response. "Daryl pl-!"

His hand swiped up and knocked the cup right out of my fingers. The water splattered across the floor on the cement ground. "Go away."

I frowned. "Don't do this Daryl. I understand you are very upset I cannot blame you for going through such a traumatic experience, but please, do not do this to me. Do not do this to us. You need to be strong. I know you aren't an emotional person and that you like to keep everything bottled away, but I need you to let me care for you just as you care for me. I hate seeing you like this."

"Be strong?" He sneered at me not daring to make contact with my eyes. "My brother just died! You have no idea what that feels like! My own brother died and I had to kill him!" I wonder if he realized I did know what it felt like. My brother abandoned me, that had the same feeling. It was not grief but it still made me sad at night.

I took a deep breath trying to look past his loud words. "People are going to die Daryl, but staying in here wallowing in your own grief is not going to bring him back. We are going to war; avenge him."

He finally looked at me. "I did not mean to hurt you."

"You didn't." I sat down on the bed placing my hand on his chest. "You are hurt Daryl, you have all the right in the world to be angry, and distant, and irrational. I would go through a million fights with you if it meant you could get your emotion out. Sitting here in silence not saying anything that's what I hate." I curled my fingers into his shirt feeling his muscles tighten beneath my hand. "I am so sorry about everything that has happened and not a day goes by I don't wish you could give your pain to me so you wouldn't have to endure it. You don't know how much it makes me cry that I can't take your sorrow."

"I didn't mean this." his lips tugged down even further. "I meant this." His fingers trailed down my arm where scabbing cuts littered my skin. "I-I didn't-"

I grabbed his hand in mine squeezing them both together. "It is alright."

Dark shadows lingered in his eyes. "I should never hurt you. What I did was unacceptable."

"Hey," I reached over resting my hand on his cheek. "I am not hurt. I am alright. Don't think for a second I am scared of you or mad at you because I never was or ever will be. You were going through such a terrible time when everything went down. I would go through anything just to make sure you are okay."

"Doesn't that scare you?" he asked, "Being so willing to make sacrifices for another person."

"Every day," I smiled leaning down to kiss him. "Whenever you are ready come downstairs and help with the preparations." I stood up leaving him behind me in the cell block. I knew I should not have rushed his grieving process but letting him sit there and going into battle sad would be devastating. He needed to straighten up before The Governor decided to attack. We had no idea when he would come but we were preparing. Rick would have met with him yesterday to trade Michonne and no doubt he would have killed both of them and still come here to ambush us. Rick guessed they would most likely come in the next few days so he was gearing up. He sent Glenn, Maggie, and I into the tombs to search for anything we could use against him. Now with Daryl being disabled to do any work Rick was depending on me to scavenge and defend. Even though I was just filling in I was proud with how far I had gotten. Just a year ago I was always cowering inside the R.V. scared to ever leave unless Lori or Carol needed my help with chores, but now I was venturing into a dark place where danger lurked around every corner and the best part was I was leading the other two. Beth kept asking how I could be so happy despite Daryl's lack of coping skills, so I would tell her it was nice to be involved.

"Is he alright?" Rick asked as I exited the prison out into the courtyard.

I nodded. "I think he is ready to move on."

Rick put his hand in front of his face to shield from the sun. "What did you say to him?"

"Just some stuff," I shrugged. "I tried to talk some sense into him."

"You can't be angry at him for being upset about his brother." Rick stated as if I had just yelled at Daryl for crying.

My head shook back and forth. "I'm not. I just told him he needs to accept his grief and face it with courage. Bottling it up would be terrible for him while going into war. Give his despair a back rub and blanket and it will transform with beauty."

Rick smiled looking around. "I wonder if this place is worth it."

"It is." I smiled back shifting on my own feet. "Why do you think Philip wants it?"

He frowned. "I just don't want to lose anybody."

"You won't."

He walked closer to me. "Will you take Judith? I'd feel a lot safer if she was with you. I would give her to Beth but she would be with Hershel and I don't feel like their defense is reliable."

"Beth can handle anything." I said. "My place is here, with you guys."

"I know," he sighed. "But w-!"

"She's staying here." The door on C-block slammed closed as Daryl emerged from it holding his crossbow. His footsteps were weary as if he were to take one wrong move his body would crumble beneath him. He was fighting so hard with himself; an internal conflict I could not fathomed if it were about Merle or me.

"Are you okay?" Rick asked knowing how much he had slipped off the edge when Lori died.

Daryl glared at him. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters." I gave him a playful shove trying to diffuse his building anger and sadness. "We care about you; we don't want to see you upset. Come on; help me take out some walkers by the fence." I smiled grabbing his hand and pulling him away. I knew after all this war stuff was over I was going to have to deal with Daryl's grief. I was okay with that; as long as he was in a fit state right now. I needed him to be strong so I could be. We were always pushing away our conflict hoping it would figure itself out over time. This was different. I could see it in his eyes, those big sad eyes, with longs to just scream out all his pain but he held it in for the sake of everything. We would get through it. We always did.