Chapter 25: Do you want to send a message home?

"I'm going off world with Teyla," Major Sheppard told me at breakfast the next morning. "Zelenka worked out where the hive ships will be stopping. We need intel and there's a planet close by where Teyla is well known."

"Oh," I tried not to let him see how much that worried me. "Be careful ... I know – you're always careful!"

"I wasn't gonna say that," he denied with a smile. "I was gonna say you be careful too."

"I'll do my best Major," I looked up at him with a smile of my own, a smile I couldn't hold as I watched him walk away.

I went down to the Wraith weapon room as soon as he was gone, intending to continue my work as best I could. It was difficult with my hands bandaged to work quickly but Dr Beckett had assured me there was no serious damage and that the bandages would be off in a couple of days.

As usual, Major Sheppard didn't return when he was scheduled ... I spent every waking hour in the weapon room, frustrating myself with my lack of real progress. I'd translated many sections on the walls but none of it had anything to do with how the weapon actually worked. I was beginning to worry that the weapon would be like every other piece of Ancient technology we had found - long on potential, short on instructions!

It was almost two days before Major Sheppard finally returned. "How's it coming? he asked by way of greeting.

"Slow," I admitted, relieved that he was home safe. "Why don't you have another look, Mensa Boy?"

"Rodney told you about that?" Sheppard looked uncomfortable.

"Only to complain that you refused to join his Atlantis chapter," I laughed at his expression of distaste at the thought. "Who knew you were a geek?" I teased.

"Don't laugh too hard," he took delight in informing me. "I saw your test results – apparently you could be a Mensa geek too if you wanted."

"No way," I denied.

"Way," Sheppard insisted.

"Well, don't tell Rodney," I said dismissively. "I don't want to join his Atlantis chapter either." I turned back to the wall, trying to continue my work but too aware of Sheppard standing silently behind me.

"How was the mission?" I asked casually.

"Don't ask," he replied. "We got the intel we needed and we saved a few people from the culling. One of them is a friend of Teyla's."

I knew he was leaving out much of the detail but I also knew that pressing him now would only make him defensive. Even though I'd never seen a Wraith myself I was filled with anger at their callous disregard for human life in this galaxy.

"Do you want to send a message home?" he abruptly changed the subject.

"What?"

"McKay found a way to send all our Intel to Earth through the Stargate. Apparently even though we only have 1.3 seconds to get the message through there's still a whole second left. Dr Weir suggested we could all send video messages to our families. Do you want to?"

"I'm good," I refused, looking back at my notes.

"You don't want to tell your family you're okay?" Major Sheppard asked in surprise.

"No family," I rushed that one out.

"Well, what about friends then?" he persisted in digging at me.

"No friends," I said it even quicker, trying to give him the impression that I was completely fine with that.

"Surely there's someone back on Earth who'd be happy to hear you're okay?" he said in disbelief.

"No one that would miss me if I disappeared," I admitted. "Can you just drop it please, because I really don't want to talk about it."

"I don't have any family either – parents died in a car crash a few years back and I never had any siblings," he said it quietly.

"That's sad," I said softly. Of course I wanted to know more about the Major but at the same time I was unwilling to enter into a deep and meaningful conversation if it meant I had to reciprocate.

"I tried the whole marriage thing but it didn't last very long," Major Sheppard continued. "Long absences and too many secrets killed things before they really even got off the ground. Moving around with the air force, especially my last posting at McMurdo, doesn't make for keeping non military friends."

"Why are you telling me this?" I looked over at him before looking away again.

"I realised when Elizabeth mentioned letters home that I don't know anything about your life before you came to Atlantis," Sheppard admitted, moving to stand just a short distance away from me. "I thought it might make you feel more comfortable telling me about you if I shared a little of my past."

"Well it doesn't," I retorted, turning my back to him. "You want to know? Fine. I never knew my parents, grew up in foster care moving from family to family because I was never good enough to be adopted. As soon as I was old enough I went out on my own. I couldn't work out what I wanted to do with my life though so I just drifted from place to place doing whatever jobs I could get. Never stayed anywhere long enough to make friends. End of story."

"I'm sorry," Major Sheppard said quietly, putting his hands on my shoulders and squeezing gently. I tried to shrug him off but as usual found that he could be pretty persistent when he wanted something.

"I'm sorry you never found your place back on Earth, never found people who could appreciate you." I snorted in disbelief at that last bit. Major Sheppard turned me around so he could see my expression. "You have a place here," he said it with firm resolve, "and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure it's never taken away from you."

My eyes began to water as I registered the commitment he was making to look after me. Leaning my head against his chest I whispered a grateful thank you. I felt him kiss the top of my head as he held me, circling a hand over my back as he patiently waited for me to get myself back together.

"Happy now?" I finally asked, pulling away from him and swiping an embarrassed hand across the tears still on my face.

"Not quite," Sheppard drawled. "But I'm getting there."

"Good for you," I quipped, trying to put some emotional distance between us. "I need to get back to this so if there's nothing else ..."

"I'm going," he said.

I went back to my work with a lighter heart, and a smile on my face.

Authors Note: Sorry for the slight fluff element ... I think the lack of emotional ties is a crucial element in what motivates people in times of crisis. Anyway, on with the next chapter!