"Turbulance"
The last thing Cole recalled was sitting down at the river, enjoying the water. He'd intended to wash off, since Dorian suggested it not long after Lyn retreated to her tent. Something about smelling like fish and how 'The repugnant odor would drive any woman off'. Sometimes the rogue wondered if he would ever understand what goes through the Tevinter's mind. Lyn didn't seem to care, either way. However, before he knew it, he'd heard footsteps not far off and only had enough time to grab his dagger and crouch behind some bushes.
As it seemed, the Freeman were scouting the area for some reason or another. Walking upstream to their destination, but they were pretty close to their camp. Almost too close.
One of the men stopped, sniffing the air like a dog. "Do you smell that? I think there might be a camp nearby." He must have been referring to the fire. Cole crouched low, ready to strike if need be.
"Sister Costeau isn't gonna be happy knowin we didn't bring no one." The younger of the group offered, his hair tied up and out of the way. "Where's she sellin' em off to, anyway?"
Even from this far away, the youngest one asked the question not out of just curiosity but out of doubt. He regretted joining the Freeman after some of the things he saw them doing. It had been a bout of childish whim that brought him along, following a superior officer to desert and form the rough group that now called themselves the Freeman of the Dales. 'Bad idea, these people aren't what I thought they were.'
"That's none of our business, boy." The older one snapped back and his shoulders slumped in response.
"Is there a camp over there that I see?" One of them squinted and Cole could have sworn he felt his stomach drop. The only one on watch at the moment was a few Inquisition officers that kept an eye out on the roads and whatnot. The others were still sleeping and it was barely dawn, yet. They wouldn't be up for another hour, at the very least.
If it meant keeping his friends alive. It was worth it. Cole popped out of the bushes and slashed at one of the men. The one he'd gotten went down like a sack of potatoes and he turned to go to the next one, but was knocked to the ground by a shield. The rogue felt the air leave his lungs as he crashed into the dirt, forgetting that he should have probably been wearing his armor before attacking so blindly.
But his friends might get hurt …
That's when everything seemed to get hazy as he was knocked around and his vision blurred. He could have sworn he heard the others arguing silently as he lay on the ground. The youngest of the group had spoke up about something, because he'd suggested they just leave Cole where he was. There was hope yet for the young man. He, however, got beaten pretty badly and left behind by his buddies to die for questioning their orders.
"Looks like a farmer's boy, couldn't..." Their voices would phase in and out as his consciousness slowly slipped. "No armor, see?"
"He'll have to do." Cole had gotten hit in the head pretty hard and before he knew it, his eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out. He never recalled ever getting knocked out before, since he never had to put up with people ever actually seeing him. Or remembering him for that matter.
But when he started to regain consciousness after Maker only knows how long. He blinked his blue eyes, seeing blurred shapes standing above him. His head hurt so bad that it took awhile for him to even be able to keep his eyes open for long.
Where was he?
"Poor boy, none of you happen to be a healer do you?" A woman's voice asked, causing him to wince. The sound hurt, causing his head to throb. The only response she got was a few 'no's. Cole sat up and the woman he'd heard was crouched at his side. He knew she meant no harm, not only by the look on her face but the worry that seemed to seep off of her as she got closer to him.
The woman almost seemed to mother him as he tried to stand up, "Oh, no. You shouldn't stand so soon. Do you see the bump on your head, hun? Sit back down." The brown haired woman pushed him back down on the dirt floor against a rather jagged wall. The other side of the space he was in was lined with metal bars.
He was in a cell with four other people. Cole's thoughts immediately flickered to his friends and their camp. Had he been able to distract them from finding them? No, there was only three after he was done with them. They must have taken him hostage and brought him here. But why?
Cole didn't realize it, but he'd started to shake from the anxiety that he was feeling. Once the realization popped in that he would likely be unable to get out of this cell unless he was somehow saved. He knew how unlikely that would be. How would they even begin to find him? What was going to happen?
"Shhhh, it's okay. Listen to me, okay? Everything will be alright." The woman hushed, looking at him with sorrow on her features. 'Too young. Why? This war...'"My name is Gertrude, what's yours? Let's introduce ourselves, okay?" She tried to placate him, to keep him from becoming hysterical. Gertrude spoke in soft tones, almost as if coaxing a skittish horse down from being riled up.
"C-Cole. I am Cole." He spoke through his ragged breaths.
'BANG!' a shot echoed in the distance, muffled by the fact that it came from somewhere far outside of the cave he was in. It caused the rogue to snap his attention out passed the bars of their glorified cage. The sound, he knew, meant someone had died. But the sound also shot hope into his body. Was she still alive? Were they still alive? Even though he knew the unlikeliness that they'd ambushed the camp after he'd taken two of them out, he still feared for their safety. It seemed that they were okay, though. The sound was followed by a few more, then even more.
They were in a rather cavernous cave, torches nailed to the wall to provide enough illumination for them to see. Some tattered wooden furniture, crates and barrels were scattered around haphazardly and a number of the Freeman people that had attacked him were lingering around, though now they were standing on edge from the odd sounds outside of the cave. Sunlight somehow found a way to pour in from somewhere at the top at the far end, sending daggers of light spreading throughout the ground.
Soon enough, Cole was greeted with the sounds of battle and yells not far from the mouth of the cave. Hope bloomed in his chest, but he still felt fear for his friends. What if they got hurt? He looked himself over and found that he, of course, did not have any of his weapons or armor. Still sitting there in his leather pants and white undershirt. He can't help like this! What was he supposed to do?!
Cole squinted his eyes at the crumbling brick wall on the far side of the cavern. He saw a face appear just on the other side of one of the holes for only a second before it disappeared. A grey figure darted off to the left and behind some crates and his breath got caught in his throat. There were still people fighting outside and this person, he knew.
Lyn was on the other side of the crates as the archers were too busy discussing whether or not they should help them outside. He watched as she took aim, pointing to his right and away from the gilded cage he and the others were in. She did not want to risk hitting them by accident.
'CRACK' It resounded within the hollowed out cave, causing his ears to ring. Cole could faintly make out the terrified screams of the other prisoners before another followed. And another. Until it paused as Lyn took cover behind the crates to reload her weapon. The archers from the front lay on the ground dead not far away before people started to pour out of the wood walled room to his right.
"What in Andraste's name was that!?" One of the men yelled, fear and horror flitted around the group as they looked around for the enemy. Cole saw the other captives curling up against the wall in their fear. He stood up and shuffled closer to the metal bars to get a better look.
"Are we being attacked already? There's still battle out –" The other man, a rogue, was interrupted as another'Bang!' echoed in the cave. The odd ammunition that she used for her weapon pierced through his light leather armor and a small spurt of blood sprayed out of his back as he dropped to the floor.
A few more of the men dropped, some of her shots missing and hitting the wall behind them and kicking up some dirt and dust. He heard her curse as she fell behind the crates to hide again. Her sudden attack had caused an uproar among the small group as they crouched in a small battle formation.
"What the hell are you thinking, Lyn!" Cole saw Krem rush forward, sword and shield at the ready as he thudded to a stop right beside her hiding place. When he turned, he saw four enemies ready to attack. "Shit …"
"Get them!" Costeau, the leader, called out as she aimed her weapon at the warrior and the rogue-in-training.
"God damn it!" Lyn cursed and popped back up with her gun, firing off frantically at the group. Her nerves made the rest of her shots miss as they skittered off the stone wall yet again. Her gun started to click. Her face contorted into frustration at seeing four more people left in front of her. Krem dove into battle with the skill of an experienced fighter, taking on two of the men at once. The leader stayed behind, watching her three lackeys as they tried to take out her enemies.
Cole felt dread settle in his stomach when he realized none of his other friends came in from the mouth of the cave to assist her and Krem. She had run ahead? Why!? She could get killed, because of her lack in fighting at close combat.
"Run!" Cole yelled, his voice finally coming back to him. If she died, he didn't know what he would do. The thought itself sent his thoughts into a frenzy, everyone else's faded from his mind as his own took hold. Eyes widened, his thoughts tumbled out of his mouth in a rush of jumbled words. "Cold, frigid, dread settling in my stomach like a block of ice. No, can't be happening."
"Fall back and get the others." Krem tried to order, but Lyn was undeterred as she dodged around one of the men's attacks with a scowl on her face.
His friend's brown gaze flicked to him for but a second before she glared back at the two in the back. An archer and the leader. The clashing of metal and screams from battle were but background noise as the woman in plate armor started to laugh.
"Lyn!" Krem warned as he slashed at one of the men, sending them to the ground in a motionless heap. Red splatters could be seen on the warrior's armor. The other enemy that was trying to attack Lyn focused on Krem instead, letting out a battle cry and charging at him.
"I'll put you down like the demon you are." Costeau's voice wavered from underneath her full helmet, her hands shaking as she held up her weapon and shield. She feared the small woman's weapon, which was resting at her side in her hand as she glared over at the two.
Lyn scoffed, the metal on her armor glinting in the sun as she stood on the other half of the cave.
"I don't appreciate it when people take what's mine." Lyn growled, glaring at the woman. Hers? There was something … different about her. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. She was serious. She was going to try and take these two on without help!
"No!" He called frantically, scrambling to the cell door at his right as he started to shake it. "C-Can't help, can't get out. New weapons, new armor, new to fighting – can't hold it right, not yet. Not yet. You can't do it, don't!" The sounds of the metal door clanging did not deter her anymore than his pleas did as she stuck her hand in her pouch and threw a handful of caltrops on the ground right in front of Costeau. The woman with the mace was at his left while the archer was at his right, which meant …
Costeau scoffed and Cole watched in distress as an arrow was fired at Lyn but skittered off of the metal piece that was on her chest, falling harmlessly onto the gravel. The archer tried to notch another arrow but was met with a blur of black that hit him in the middle of the head, sending him stumbling back with a cry. She'd thrown her gun at him. His friend unsheathed her dagger and pounced at him faster than he's ever seen her move, sending her weapon into the bottom of his jaw without even a second thought. Her face set in fierce determination.
There was no way he was going to get her to stop.
With a wet gurgle, the man fell and she turned around just in time to strafe out of the way of an incoming mace. Lyn was about to dodge the enemy's attack again, but she didn't have to. The warrior was knocked back by Krem's shield. He'd dispatched the man from earlier and was now glaring rather angrily.
Their movements were almost a blur at this point as Lyn and Krem seemed to take turns attacking the woman, even though the latter looked almost upset that she'd decided to stay. The battle was more important, however. Costeau, for the most part, seemed confident in her skills as she used her shield to hit Krem across the face and send him to the ground.
She didn't get a chance to jump on him as Lyn popped forth and tried to distract her. Because that's all she seemed able to do. Distract. Her swings and stabs were almost clumsy as she tried to attack. Cole watched with trepidation as Lyn dodged, dipped and strafed as the heavily armored woman swung the weapon at his friend. At least her training in dodging Sera's stick was paying off. His hands were clamped so tightly onto the bars that his knuckles were turning white.
The warrior on the ground recovered as fast as he could, stumbling into a standing position. Lyn evaded another swing, staggering back with her mouth open as she panted from overexertion. Even though she knew she had next to no chance at defeating her opponent, she remained. For him. He knew that, now. But she shouldn't. Shouldn't have come down here. Shouldn't be doing this! It was all wrong!
"You know, he is kinda cute. What use could we make of him, I wonder?" The warrior wondered aloud, her voice echoing from her helmet as she tensed her shield arm. He watched as Lyn's self-control seemed to snap right then, anger boiling over as she let out an enraged yell. His friend lunged at the woman blindly, only to get slammed by the woman's shield and sent tumbling on the dirt floor.
Costeau turned and her shield met with Krem's.
Cole cried out, as if he'd gotten physically struck himself. She stood back up and lunged at her again, seeing that she was occupied with her other friend. Her stubbornness. Her persistence was going to get her killed this time. While she was blocking the Charger, she thrusted her mace into Lyn's side. He heard her grunt in pain as she stumbled back, but glared at the woman like she was the most disgusting thing in the world.
A small flit of hope appeared as he saw white robes and the familiar curled mustache of his Tevinter friend appear just on the other side of the cavern. The warrior was too occupied on Lyn and Krem to notice.
"And if he's a virgin, they sell for much much more. Isn't it -" She got cut off by some fire as it engulfed her head and she let out a loud wail of pain. The woman pulled her helmet off and tossed it to the side in her panic. Lyn snarled rabidly, likely at the warrior's last statement, and saw an opening as she lunged forward and latched onto the woman's plate armor. She started to stab blindly in the seams to get at her body, but couldn't seem to do it right.
"Vishante kaffas! Get out of the way!" Dorian yelled, a trail of curses in his home language followed. His friend kept getting beat on the side of her body with the mace, the warrior screaming at her to let go. She wouldn't, Cole realized, she wouldn't let go because of him. This was all because of him, wasn't it?
Blood started to seep out of her leather pants and hip area, but she was relentless in her quest to kill the woman. Krem and Dorian were standing not far away now, watching in horror as the woman latched on like a leech and attacked her in a blur of frenzied movements.
"Fucking piece of shit!" Lyn screamed, finally pulling her dagger up to stab through the seam of her armor that lead down to her collarbone and chest area. "Rot in the Pit for all I care!"
Why hadn't she just aimed for that in the first place? Answer: Blind rage. She wasn't thinking clearly. He already knew that. The warrior eventually toppled over on top of Lyn, who was panting as she continued cursing. Her brown eyes were still wild and unfocused for a few beats before they finally fixated on the heavily armed woman that lay limply over her body.
A few of the others rushed in, swords and bows at ready as they slowly took in the scene before them. Cole was still standing at the door, shaking as he stared at his friend that was underneath the enemy. Krem walked over and pulled the woman off and Lyn sighed in relief, trying to redirect her attention to keep from looking at the bodies.
She never liked looking at the bodies.
"Why didn't you listen?" Krem ground out, sheathing his weapon and setting his shield aside. Lyn glared up at him with a defiant look in her eyes as she attempted to stand. She stumbled and her breath hitched in pain, before falling back onto the ground with a whine. The woman didn't answer.
The left side of Lyn's body was bloody and obviously pretty beaten up underneath her leather armor. It had protected her, sure, but it did little against that woman's mace. Dorian had rushed forth to tend to her wounds and make sure they weren't as grievous as they looked.
Cole could faintly make out the sounds of Gertrude trying to direct someone to get the key to the cell, but his vision seemed to almost tunnel at this point. He didn't even look to see who opened the door before he darted forward and up to his friend, who was still sitting on the ground as Dorian casted some major healing spells on her. Stitches had arrived as well and was digging around in his pouch for some bandages and poultices to get her fixed up enough to move. Everyone else, for the most part, seemed relatively unharmed. Aside from some bruising and cuts from battle.
He stopped only feet away from her and crouched next to his friend, staring at her worriedly. Lyn turned her gaze to Cole, her eyes glinting with irritation.
"What the hell were you thinking?!" Her voice cracked, sounding almost broken. Scared. "Going out alone in the dark like that, you could have gotten yourself killed!"
"Killed. Killed, you could have gotten killed. Rushing ahead, alone, why didn't you wait for the others?" Just like before, she rushed out unthinking into battle. She risked her life for him. Why for him? Why? She could have waited for the others to come in with her! If it hadn't been for Krem following after her, she'd likely be dead.
"Because they heard us coming, what if they moved you guys or … orkilled you!?" Lyn ground out angrily, "I wouldn't let that happen."
"N-Not again. It was like before, you're hurt because of me. W-why?" He trembled when his eyes focused on her wounds that Stitches was still tending to. The man hadn't made a noise from his spot and sometimes he'd see Lyn's face scrunch when he poked or prodded the wrong area. "You should have just –" 'Left me' he was going to say, but was stopped when she poked his chest. She knew what he was about to say and she couldn't even read his mind. Her blank expression switched to that of annoyance.
"No." She cut him off, almost snarling. "Don't you dare finish that sentence!"
"But-"
"You mean too much to me to just leave behind, you idiot!" She almost screamed as she clutched onto his white undershirt and yanked him forward. He stared down at her, both glaring at each other with varying levels of frustration.
"You could have gotten killed!" Cole spoke louder, feeling anger boil and roll over his body in waves. He had to be louder, his emotions screaming at him. He didn't even want to think about it. He couldn't.
"A sacrifice I was willing to make."
"Y-You can't!No!" Cole began to sound frantic at her easy dismissal of her own life. Did she really think so lowly of herself?! "You're reckless – careless! Unthinking. Anger roiling around as it blinds your senses, I-It-"
"Sometimes people do reckless shit for the people they love. It's just a fact of life!" Lyn refuted, her face turning pink at her declaration. Her confession. Cole's mouth was open but the words he was about to throw back died in his mouth. He stared, open-mouthed at her as the words slowly sunk in. She … she loved him?
"Alright, that's enough you two." Bull shoved them away from one another, preventing any further arguments. Well, he shoved Cole away because Lyn still couldn't really move from her spot on the ground. The two looked away from one another, refusing to meet gazes. Cole stayed near her, but did not speak as she was slowly patched up enough so that she could limp back to camp with assistance.
Lyn was being reckless and throwing her life on the line because she loved him. Cole was unfamiliar with the feeling, but the he was torn on what to feel about it. On one hand, he was happy that she loved him. Overjoyed, even. He wanted to embrace her and let her know how it made him feel. But it was causing her to almost kill herself in the process. He was killing her.
The thought terrified him, the fact that she did so without pause when it came to him. Usually she was cautious, hesitant and calculating in her actions against the enemy. But what he saw that day showed him just how blind to logic and caution she could be when it came to this. To him.
First Person
Well, the cat was out of the bag. So to speak. And it ran away hissing and screaming, because Cole was avoiding me now. No, he wouldn't walk away and hide. He would stand nearby but would refuse to look at me and that made it even worse. I was too afraid to try and initiate a conversation, for the fear of one of us saying something that would only end up irritating the situation even more. He obviously greatly disapproved of my actions back at the cave.
I could see it now.'Cole Greatly Disapproves'. I'm so fucked.
What the hell was I thinking!? The words just tumbled out of my mouth back there, like word vomit. Not even a couple hours after finding out that I loved him and there I am blurting out half-assed confessions! I really hated myself sometimes. My mouth had a hard time filtering itself when I was so angry. And oh, had I been angry. Angry was not a great enough word to describe it. I was pissed. That warrior woman had sent me into a blind rage back there and it took me awhile to actually fully calm myself. It didn't help to know that Cole had wandered off on his own and almost got himself killed in the process. I was still upset about that, to be honest.
Well one good thing did come out of this little adventure. I was now bullet-less (If that's even a word), which meant that I could melt down my gun when we got back to Skyhold. It was by sheer luck that I even had enough to reload a couple of times back there. Had I waited, I could have prevented myself from even getting as injured as I currently was. My left thigh and hip area was pretty fucked up and my armor was mangled to the point that I'd need to get it repaired when we got back. Harritt was going to have my head.
I groaned at the thought. At least Dagna would be there to calm the grumpy old man down.
It was mostly numb, thanks to some herbs that one of the Inquisition officers happened to have. Well, it was like a potion of some sort. A poultice? Most of the healing that I needed would have to be done by Solas, which I have to admit, I was not happy about that. At least it was not Vivienne, because I would rather have my leg amputated than ask her for help. Okay, maybe not that bad.
The rest of the days spent in the Emerald Graves consisted of me staying at the Inquisition camp we were all supposed to meet up at when our mission was over. The only one that stayed behind being Cole and Varric. Varric stayed because he heard about our spat in the cave and wanted to be there for us. He was the only one that came into the tent regularly to visit. The dwarf, thankfully, knew not to talk to me about it. I was not in the mood to speak about it, anyway.
Cole never visited me. He simply sat on the outside of the tent and kept watch the whole time. Almost like if he left I would end up getting attacked and killed. Had it really bothered him that much? I felt a stab of remorse course through me at the thought. I didn't mean to hurt him, but I couldn't leave him behind like that either. I couldn't just …
I had even gotten a lecture from Bull and Krem, the latter seemingly disappointed in my reckless behavior. He expressed that quite thoroughly during our talk and I felt effectively scolded by the two. Kind of like a child, really. In the end, I thanked Krem for looking out for me. Despite the fact that I'd been the one to be an asshat this time. (Okay, so maybe I was an asshat a lot of the time, but I'd never admit it out loud.)
By the time everyone met up to head back to Skyhold, I was well enough to at least hobble around and get on top of my horse with the assistance of Bull. My friend, yet again, refused to talk to me as he kept his piercing gaze on the road ahead of us. He, dare I say, looked almost angry. For this long? Cole never struck me as the type to hold a grudge.
The others noticed, as well. Noticed him being upset and my hurt and saddened expressions. No one commented but I assumed they'd been filled in on his capture and the results as such. Not only that, but they were too busy discussing the results of the mission to really notice much else. Solas had checked me over himself before and during our journey, making sure that my wounds were tended to correctly. The elf tried to ask how I was, but I didn't answer. I was quiet the whole time, lest I absolutely needed to answer.
When we finally got back to Skyhold after days of traveling, everyone was gladly running to the tavern for some rest and a drink. The ride back, might I add, was hard on my ass. My wounds, too. But those were already coming along quite nicely, thanks to Solas. Why was he being nice to me all of a sudden? Well, I'd assumed he would simply not help me because we'd never been on good terms. This was, after all, the first time I'd seriously been injured outside of Skyhold around him.
Maybe he wasn't as bad as I've been making him out to be? I wouldn't let him know that, though.
I wanted to help the other stablehands, but with a glare from our resident hobo-mage, I decided against it and made my way slowly up to the loft I'd claimed as mine. The thought of being able to lay in my makeshift bed made me want to groan in relief. I missed it, despite it being all prickly and uncomfortable at times. It was my bed.
Imagine my surprise when I saw the familiar lanky shape of my friend, his oversized hat hiding his expression as he sat on my bed with one leg drawn up to his chest. I hesitated at the top of the stairs but eventually took a deep breath and walked forward slowly, trying not to make it seem like I was still limping. Still hurt.
"Did you mean it?" I knew instantly what he was talking about as he stood up from his position on my bed. Cole's voice came out quiet, almost a whisper. "My thoughts were jumbled. Angry. Buzzing in my head, everyone else harder to hear. Harder to see."
Straight to the point, I see.
I sighed, looking down at the ratty floorboards of the barn. "Yes." It came out so quiet, even to me. "I … it came as a surprise to me, too. I- W-When you were taken from me. I –" My throat closed up at the thought of just how horrified I'd been when I found out he was taken and possibly even dead. The damn word, it was so foreign. I grew up knowing very little of love, but I knew one thing for certain. This was what it was. I'd never felt it for anyone before, the amount of affection I held for him. Just him.
"You shouldn't." His voice was almost a whisper, but it was enough to fill me with dread. A fear of rejection surfaced as I stared up at him with unease. "You need to stop."
I was forcing down the pain that those words seemed to cause me. It was like they ripped into me, tearing at my insides. I didn't like where this conversation was leading. The way he was looking at me, it made me … nervous. For once, I was almost scared that he would hurt me. He seemed to have caught that stray thought, because his head turned to the side as he frowned. He didn't even want to look at me. Oh Gods … no. Please no.
"D-Do you even know what you're asking me to do?" I choked out, feeling my body start to tremble. Maybe this was his way of saying that he just didn't feel the same way? Love was, after all, a very complex emotion. It was many in one, so vast and even complicated for me to understand. Self doubt won out and I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes as I looked away angrily.
"I know. I know a lot more than you think." He retorted, voice sounding passive. "You got hurt because of me. I won't let that happen, not anymore." He was dead set on this, wasn't he? I only knew how to deal with things one way when I felt vulnerable. I lashed out.
"It was my decision to run out like that, not yours! And you think pushing me away will help!?" I snapped back in irritation, "What kind of backwards thinking is that!? It's bullshit and you know it!"
"Y-You can't. Can't. T-This can't happen! Not when I –" My friend stuttered, breathing ragged.
"I can't do it. I won't." My voice wavered as I spoke, I clenched my teeth together and let out a breath before continuing. "You mean the world to me and there is nothing you can do to make me stop!"
The silence that followed was almost deafening. It ticked on, the only sound I could hear was my own breathing, my own heartbeat as it thudded relentlessly in my chest as I glared up at him defiantly. I saw tears form in his eyes, his expression softening. But it was gone as fast as it appeared, before his face hardened into a look that I knew people only made when they were dead set on something. Nothing I could say could budge Cole on his decision. He really didn't want this, did he? But I held my ground. I always did.
"I don't matter." Cole stated, his voice sounding almost defeated. There he went again, thinking that he didn't matter. He did. How could he not see that? I reached out and grabbed a fistful of his shirt, dragging him down closer to me so that I could get my point across easier. I'd just have to show him, then. His eyes widened in alarm as our faces were mere inches apart.
"You're an idiot, sometimes." I replied lowly, acting completely on impulse and leaning forward the rest of the way to plant a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. I felt something just then, like a spark within my chest. It spread throughout my body and made my hairs raise. Just as the feeling was starting to intensify – he stiffened from the contact and backpedaled out of my reach. We both let out a gasp, though obviously for different reasons.
Cole stared at me with wide eyes, looking almost horrified at what I'd just done. (Little did I know he was only surprised.) I felt pain erupt inside of me, rejection coursed through my body. Of course.
The last thing I saw of him was that look on his face before he disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I couldn't help the whimper that escaped my mouth as my shoulders slumped forward. I didn't even bother to look for his shimmering form that usually indicated where he was when he went into stealth. I could have persisted, but I knew how fruitless it was.
He didn't want it.
Once he disappeared, it seemed like everything went quiet. Everything … the horses, the sounds outside. Even my heartbeat. Realization slowly set in. He never willed himself invisible on me before. Never. He hardly ever did, to be honest, since his change. He especially didn't do that to me. He's never just … left.
I don't think I've ever quite felt it, what was going on right then. It was like a hole opened up in my chest. My expression remained blank as I slowly took in the situation. No. I've felt something similar. Usually it was just a dull ache, though. This – this was almost like stabbing, searing pain. It wasn't just rejection I was feeling, I realized. It was something else entirely. Something not known to me. I looked down at my chest fearfully, as if I'd see something there scratching and eating away at me. That wasn't the case, however.
I turned on my heel and darted toward the stairs, intent on trying to get rid of it. I didn't want it! I didn't want this! I stumbled my way across the lower courtyard and up the stairs, tripping on someone on my way there. I looked back at them but I didn't even register who it was as I ran toward the training grounds.
There.
Bull was talking to Krem and Cassandra was reading a book silently in the corner, the evening sun glinting off of the ground. The stone path crunched underneath my feet as I ran up to the two talking. Bull stared at me before shaking his head,
"No. Not this time, girl. I don't feel like kicking the shit outta you." He refused with a frown on his face. My brown eyes flicked over to Krem, begging. I could see pain and anger flit through his gaze before he walked over to grab some practice weapons. I was still hurting, injured from the incident in the Emerald Graves. But I needed this. Something told me that if I didn't somehow find an outlet for my emotions ...
What's wrong with me?
He handed me two dulled daggers and he held his own dulled short-sword and motioned for me to come at him. I was sloppy, reckless and unthinking – just like I had been back in the cave. My senses were so dulled that I didn't notice the pain, my body screaming at me to stop. I didn't even notice the wet trails falling down my cheeks, expression oddly passive for the amount of turmoil that seemed to flit through my mind.
Krem didn't even seem like he was trying as he blocked and parried my frenzied attacks with ease. I don't even know how long we fought before his face set into an expression I couldn't read as he knocked my weapons out of my hands and sent them flying. I made a frustrated noise, lunging forward at him even though he still had a sword in his hand. He dropped it, stepping aside and tripping me easily.
I fell onto my hands and knees, staring at the rocks and dirt underneath me. My breathing was ragged, vision blurry. A shadow loomed over me before I saw knees come into my line of sight, warm arms encircling me as I was pulled forward into a hug.
I sat there, staring blankly and refusing to believe that I was crying over this. Something so little.
But was it so little?
Even with my dulled senses, I realized Krem was hugging me. He was trying to comfort me without words, because he knew that I never liked talking things out. Was this what it was like to have an older brother? I was always the oldest, the strongest. My siblings always looked up to me as the rock, the one that didn't stumble when times got rough. It got so tiring at times, trying to be the strong one. Being the one to hold your head high even through tough times. It was difficult.
I didn't move, nor did I speak or respond to him in any way. I just sat there, completely lost in my thoughts as I stared forward blankly.
Third Person
She'd given him something that he always longed for. To be so important to someone. Even though he'd never outright said it, never really thought about it anymore. It hurt to just let her go like that, but it was for the best. This way, at least, she won't get herself killed. He didn't want to know what he'd do if she died on him. Them being separated was far better than her laying on the ground dead. Motionless and just … gone.
He was deep in thought when she turned to stumble away.
It's better this way.
He repeated that sentence in his head over and over, as if to convince himself. No matter how wrong it felt to let her run away like that. To see that expression on her face. To see her … break. It's better than her being dead. This world taught him that sometimes he had to make decisions, no matter how hard they were. Bad or worse? Hurting now or killed later?
It's better this way.
He watched from the loft as she ran up the long stairs and into the upper courtyard, tripping over Varric in the process. The dwarf turned and looked at her with a confused expression on his face and she looked back at him only briefly before she turned and continued to her destination. He looked back over to where Cole was standing, no longer cloaking himself in the barn loft as he watched her run off.
He knew Varric would come and check on him and ask what was going on. He'd tried to talk to him on the way back to Skyhold, too. He always worried about him. Always. So it didn't surprise him when he heard the dwarf's voice from behind him only minutes later.
"What happened? Screech looked like a complete mess just now." Varric sounded concerned as he walked up to stand right beside Cole. He looked down at the dwarf with a frown on his face, not even realizing the pained look that still lingered in his blue eyes.
"Lyn says that people are reckless when they love someone. She loves me. B-But she can't. She can't. I told her to stop." He explained, finally speaking to him after days of silence. He couldn't take it anymore, how was he supposed to deal with this? Was it normal? Was what he did the right thing to do? It hurt him, seeing her like that. Varric paused for a moment, grabbing the rogue's arm to gain his attention.
"So wait, let me get this straight … she tells you that she loves you and you pushed her away for it? Shouldn't you be happy?"
He was. Cole shook his head furiously, looking down at Varric through a mop of blonde hair. "She almost died – protecting me. Reckless, unthinking, thoughts clouded by rage. She jumped into battle without a thought!"
"Alright, listen. There's always going to be danger out there in this world, that's why she's training her ass off everyday so she can get better." Varric began, putting his hand on Cole's shoulder in attempt to calm him. "You can't expect to protect her from everything. Pushing her away isn't going to solve anything, it'll just end up breaking the poor girl's heart. I'd never wish that kinda thing on anyone else, it's pretty painful."
When he didn't answer the dwarf after a few long minutes, Varric let out a sigh and continued.
"You should be there for her, instead, and help her get stronger. I understand how you feel, I fear for her too. But she's strong, she's proven that hasn't she? Screech has gotten this far, I'm sure she can do it. That woman's so stubborn, I bet death wouldn't even want to take her." He chuckled and stepped back to get a better look at Cole, who was still staring out toward the upper courtyard.
She wouldn't always be helpless. Well, she wasn't necessarily helpless anymore. Just inexperienced. Pushing her away had been the wrong thing to do.
"I did it wrong."
"Yeah you messed up pretty bad, Kid." Varric sighed, giving him a pat. The dwarf then looked out toward the upper courtyard, as well. "Best go clear up any misunderstandings as soon as you can."
When Cole made his way into the upper courtyard, he was greeted with the sight of his friend kneeling on the ground next to the tavern and Krem holding her against him. The girl looked like she wasn't even responding to his attempt at comfort, but even still the blonde rogue felt something sharp dig in his stomach at the sight. He wanted to go push them away from each other, as petty as it sounded at the moment. The warrior seemed to have taken notice to his arrival, because he turned and glared at him from his place on the ground in front of Lyn.
Krem stood up abruptly, stalking in his direction with an incredibly pissed expression on his face. Jaw clenched, hands balled into fists, the warrior looked menacing as he strode in Cole's direction.
"You lying piece of –" The rogue saw it coming before he even did it, crouching and avoiding Krem's punch as he felt the air shift just above his hat. Cole frowned, but didn't bother to try and retaliate. He knew that he was simply angry because of what he'd done. He knew.
The blonde rogue dodged and twisted out of the way of the warrior's attempts to inflict pain on him and eventually he stopped and settled with glaring at him with his angry brown eyes.
"N-No! I did it to protect, preserve! But I did it wrong!" The rogue spoke quickly, trying to explain what he'd told to Varric just minutes ago. The time long ago when she was almost taken by the Ben-Hassrath flitted through his mind just then. "Cold, motionless, dying in my arms. Blood. So much blood. Fire fading away … gone. Dead. She could have died, l-like before! B-But." Cole stared at Lyn, who was sitting on her knees near the tavern with her hair covering much of her expression. He wanted to apologize and tell her he was wrong, tell her why he had done it.
"That's a load of crap! Do you honestly think hurting her like this was how to solve your issues?!" Krem shoved his hand in Lyn's direction, pointing at her with his face twisted into fury at the rogue in front of him. Cole could even hear his unspoken words as he continued his tirade, 'Talk to her, not push her away. What an idiot! What was he thinking?'"She would probably do it again and again, no matter what. Because she loves you, whether you like it or not." The warrior almost sounded bitter, just then. But he was right, and Cole recognized that.
"I want to make it right..." He spoke softly, his nimble fingers fiddled around with the hem of his sleeve.
Lyn's head lifted, rust colored waves falling out of her face and he took in her despondent expression. His stomach clenched and he felt sick, because he knew that it was his doing. She stood up slowly and simply ambled by, not even glancing at the two of them.
"I need to be alone for awhile." Lyn's tone was that of forced composure, her eyes red and puffy. She refused to look at them as she continued down to the loft where she usually slept.
"Probably best if you wait until she doesn't want to burst into tears at the sight of you." Krem muttered disdainfully, knowing all too well that the woman had almost gone into a hysterical rage. Her anger was what she always threw around so carelessly when she refused to feel what was in the moment, if it was too much for her to handle. Anger was just easier, more efficient than laying around and blubbering like a fool. But that opinion might be subjective. Some may believe the anger would only end up causing one to do things they regret and crying was an easier and safer release.
"She could have died." Cole forced out again, repeating an earlier statement but trying to make a point nonetheless. He allowed his hat to hide the almost disturbed expression that made it's way to his face. It was the only thing he could think about all the way back to Skyhold.
"I know." Krem ground out.
"I'm sorry." Cole paused, thinking about how he'd run into the cavern after Lyn and how she was probably alive now because of the warrior. "Thank you. For keeping her safe."
"I didn't do it for you."
First Person
I'm always fine. Eventually.
I spent the rest of that night laying on the square bales that were my bed, staring up at the rafters. I couldn't seem to get any sleep, though occasionally I'd feel myself drift off and I could swear I felt someone petting my hair. But I'd jolt awake and the sensation would stop. Perhaps it was just my sleep addled mind playing tricks on me.
The next day wasn't that much easier, either. I went to work, as sore as I was, and continued on like nothing had happened. Though I didn't really speak to anyone and they seemed to notice my change in demeanor. My usual scowl was missing and replaced with a passive look on my face, eyes seemingly duller. I still went on, though.
I refused to curl up on the floor of the loft like some sniveling little child. No matter how much I wanted to.
I lamented silently over the fact that I'd likely just torn our friendship to pieces. I mean, usually when people hurt me like that I hated them. Despised them, even. But I just couldn't bring myself to hate Cole for what he'd done. I couldn't even get angry at him. It's not like he did anything to earn that anger, in the first place. Sure I was angry, but it wasn't directed at him. I was angry at myself for being so brash and unthinking. How was I to know if he actually felt the same way for me?
Feelings like that, I knew, were pretty difficult to understand. Even for me. I've said it before, but it was true. Loving someone left you open and vulnerable to getting hurt, to getting attacked. Used. Hell, I wasn't just afraid for myself here. How easy would it be then, for me to hurt Cole? If he actually felt the same way, that is. Hypothetically, since for all I know he's avoiding me because he doesn't even see me in the same light and doesn't want to hurt me more. But judging by he and Krem's argument yesterday …
Hurting him would be unintentional, something I'd say or do because of my rough behavior. I wasn't exactly the most delicate with people and I had very little tact when it came to speaking. I'd only end up hurting him in the end.
Perhaps it was better this way.
The thought caused me only more pain as I grunted and shook my head. I should stop thinking about it, for now. Things always found a way to work themselves out, for better or for worse. I knew one thing for sure, though, once I was able to contain my little issue I'd try to reconcile with him. I refused to leave him, despite what happened. If he'd let me, that is.
"So … hows 'bout that drink ya owe me?" I heard from behind me as I walked around to make sure all the stables were locked up for the night. The bolts made 'click click!' noises as I jiggled them absently. "You look like ya need it."
I felt her slap her thin hand on my back and I turned to look at Sera. She was grinning, though the look in her eyes told me she kind of worried for me. Of course, the elf would never outright say it. She usually made me feel better by either pranking me or … drinks, I guess?
"I don't drink, Sera." I spoke for the first time that day, my voice sounded bland.
"Come on! We have a bunch of others an' we're having a party tonight. Small get-together. It'll be fun, yeah?" I rose a brow at her, thinking of all the stupid things I'd get myself into if I ever actually drank any alcohol. I mean, I've tried it once (Just one drink) but I despised the taste of the stuff. It was just downright disgusting.
"Sera …" I tried again, with a small frown twitching onto my face.
"I'll even pay for yer drinks!" Sera grinned, grabbing me by the wrist and pausing to look at my disheveled appearance. "Might wanna get cleaned up, though. Ya smell like shite."
Ah, the perks of working with horses. I get my own brand of stank.
"Whatever, a few can't hurt. Right?" I sighed, finally conceding. "Only this once." I didn't plan on ever doing it again, but I did owe her for the caltrops and poisons she bought me. Which, by the way, saved my ass back in the Emerald Graves. She may have said that she would buy my drinks for me, but I still planned on bringing my own silvers to pay for them.
"Good!"
When I walked into the tavern that night, I stood up straight and put on a mask of indifference. The atmosphere was warm and inviting, besides the usual smell of alcohol and stench of … people. People being cramped into one building never did end in there being a 'good' smell. People stink.
Quite literally.
Angel and Eren were here, which wasn't a surprise. I knew that my sister drank a little back home, despite being under 21. In America you had to be 21 to drink, which I had no opinion about. I knew I was quite biased when it came to alcohol since I hated it so much. Despised it, really. It's surprising I even accepted Sera's offer in the first place. I sighed, walking up to my sister and looking over at the dalish elf with a flat look in my eye.
"Hello, Eren." I crossed my arms and looked down at him as they sat at the rickety looking table in the far right corner. Said elf looked up at me and gulped down his drink with a nervous look on his face. He knew that I was keeping an eye on him just in case he hurt my sister. I had yet to have a talk with him, however. Angel let out a long breath out of her nose, probably knowing what was coming.
"L-Lyn." He acknowledged in his high pitched voice, holding his tankard up to cover part of his face.
I leaned forward and forced a smile onto my face, "If you are getting her drunk to take advantage of her, you will not wake up tomorrow."
He gulped, purple eyes widened in alarm as he offered a rather shaky looking smile in response. "I-I … wouldn't do that t-to her."
"Good boy."
"Lyn, Eren is one of the nice ones. Trust me." Angel's eyebrow twitched in what seemed to be irritation. I looked to her with a passive look on my face. She's said that before, about some of her exes that only ended up using her. Or sometimes they'd simply 'date' her for her looks to show off to their friends. Sometimes I'd even see their hungry looks when they thought no one was looking, those ones were the ones that left her and never contacted her again. Angel always wondered why and I never told her that it was my doing.
Since my sister was what most would call 'attractive' she had a lot of people that looked at her. That's usually all they did, though, is look. People look and see things on the surface and judge based on just that. I only hoped Eren proved to be different than the rest, because I'd hate to have to do it again. He had yet to slip up, however. I chuckled,
"I would not be an older sister if I did not look out for you, yes?" I offered, looking back over to the young elf. He was actually closer to my age, to be honest. Angel was almost 18 years old and he had to have been about 20 years old. As long as he didn't harm her in any way, I had no issue with their relationship.
"I can take care of myself!" Angel spoke up defiantly, crossing her arms over her chest. "You don't always have to coddle me like some child."
I felt my irritation rise and it must have showed because I saw her practically bristle in response, ready to argue and defend her lover. Though I did not feel particularly ready to argue at that point, feeling almost drained. I hadn't even gotten any sleep the night before, so I simply sighed and nodded. The teen's face crumpled and she seemed almost confused at my response as I waved at her and walked over to Sera's table. She was, after all, the one that invited me here.
Said blonde elf was hanging out where Bull and the Chargers usually sat in the Herald's Rest, the table was almost full aside from an open stool between Sera and Dorian. When she noticed my approach she waved me over, pointing at it enthusiastically. Lynn was at her side taking a small sip out of her cup as she spoke with Bull from across the table. I paid them no mind as I took a seat between the two, only to have a huge tankard slammed in front of me.
"There ya go. Drink up, Screechie." Sera pretty much ordered and I grunted in response, pulling the thing over as I peeked into it and took a small sniff. The shit smelled rank as hell and my nose scrunched in distaste. There was almost a sour smell to it that made me want to push it away and refuse, but I'd already agreed. So …
"Ale is horrendous, why not try some fine wine?" Dorian offered once I'd gotten settled at the table with a few of the others. True to Sera's word, a bunch of other people were out and about in the tavern drinking and eating some special food prepared by the cook. Is it just me or did I see french fries before I sat down? Angel must have been at it again.
"Wine? You're joking right?" I asked with a straight face, "I'm not a drinker at all and you want me to jump right into having wine."
"They don't even have proper wine here in Skyhold. Had to buy some myself, you see." He spoke as he swirled it around in his fancy looking chalice, "Consider yourself privileged! I usually do not share, darling." He spoke as if imitating a certain tanned Orlesian mage. I snorted.
"I think I'll pass."
"Your loss." The Tevinter shrugged as he took a delicate swig of his drink, legs crossed as he sat up straight in his stool.
I took another look at the tankard in front of me and took a sniff, again. Sour. The hell with it, might as well get this shit over with right? I lifted the thing up and took a huge drink. It wasn't the smartest thing to do on my part, seeing as how I'd never had this in my life.
I was immediately rewarded with the nastiest taste ever, I swallowed it and started to cough erratically. Sera and a couple of the others started to laugh at me as I sat there wheezing with tears in my eyes. That shit was strong! Or maybe I was just being a baby, I wouldn't know.
"T-That shit tastes like … ass."
"How would you know what ass tastes like? Is there something you'd like to share with the table?" Varric spoke from the other side of Iron Bull. My eyes widened and I looked over at him,
"Oh, I didn't see you there." I lifted my hand and made a sign with my pointer finger and thumb, implying that he was too small for me to see. "As for how I know. Your mother."
I heard someone spit out their ale at my horrible 'your mom' joke. I wonder if anyone else has made these kinds of jokes here in this world? I have never heard them.
It was about an hour later that I finally realized that I was actually starting to feel a little different. I mean, it wasn't a huge change. I was simply more relaxed and my problems seemed far off in the back of my mind as I listened to Varric tell stories of some of the shenanigans he got into when he was with a man named Hawke.
I silently wondered if they'd gotten into any 'Hawkward' situations in Kirkwall. Heh. Heh.
It was kind of warm in the tavern, I thought as I stared out at everyone as they conversed. I'd almost half expected drinking would make me delirious like the time Sera drugged me. That was, however, not the case. I was still my quiet self, albeit a bit more giggly as I enjoyed their banters that night.
That is, until someone popped the question. Now I'm assuming tact kind of goes out the window when you're drunk? Because they'd been avoiding the subject until then.
"So, what happened between you and the spirit boy?" Dorian finally asked, getting a few shocked looks from the table. Like 'why did you ask?!'. I hummed and took a sip of my drink.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Mage."
"Ooooh … so I'm 'mage' now. Hits me right where it hurts!" The Tevinter put a hand over his heart and looked at me in mock offense. I snorted and averted my gaze, opting for simply looking at my drink instead. It was my second one … maybe third? I can't remember.
"Nothing really." I shrugged nonchalantly, "I kissed him, he didn't like it. We're avoiding each other." I summarized, cursing myself in the back of my head for even sharing that much. What the hell?! Shut up Lyn! Varric seemed to give me a look, but otherwise didn't comment on my little predicament.
I heard most of the table groan in response to my statement, causing me to look up curiously. Bull looked absolutely pleased with himself as I saw people throwing piles of silvers and even some sovereigns in the space just in front of him.
"I told you, why did no on listen to me?" Varric let out a breathy laugh, "This is why I don't bet against Tiny when it comes to people."
"I was so sure Cole would kiss her first!" Lynn had her head in her hands as she shook her head.
So what, am I simply a game to them? Something to bet on and make fun of? Logic was telling me that wasn't the case, but since I was already in a horrid mood it only served to irritate me even more. I didn't even try to yell and I simply frowned, downed the rest of my drink from my tankard and stood up to walk away. I heard them speaking to one another as I left.
"You said we'd be ass-deep in trouble for asking that. This is more like knee-high." Dorian complained to the dwarf, who chuckled in response. They'd obviously expected me to do something more drastic.
"I didn't specify who's ass, did I?"
"Leave it to the dwarf, always lowering the bar." He sassed back, causing a bunch of the others to burst into peals of laughter. Short jokes. Gotta love 'em.
That was the last thing I remembered that night, everything seemed to go by in a blur. I think I may have blacked out or something. It seemed I was a lightweight. Not that it mattered because I was never doing that again. That shit tasted nasty and …
When I woke up the next day, the sun that was piercing through the windows felt like it was burning my eyes out of the sockets. I almost expected to hear them sizzling like eggs on a pan. I suppressed the urge to groan as I blinked sluggishly at the high vaulted ceiling. Wait, high vaulted ceiling?
My senses were slow at coming back to me, and I took notice how I seemed to be laying in a rather plush bed with two warm bodies pressed against me on each side. I say bodies, because when I tried to move I was pulled up against someone like I was their teddy bear. I felt the blood drain from my face as I slowly realized I was, indeed, not sleeping in my room. Or the loft.
Fuck my life.