First Chapter 25: Unhappy Reunion, a mass effect fanfic

A/N: I pose a question to my readers. Please respond in reviews. Should Shepard cheat on Kaidan? I haven't decided yet. Thank you and enjoy a nice long chapter!

HERS

There he was, walking out from behind some crates like a dream. She held her breath.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel." His voice is still like velvet. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan," Kaidan told the Horizon mechanic. "And a ghost."

As Delan bitched and walked away, Kaidan's gaze caught hers and her heart gave a funny thump. Nothing had changed her feelings for him. Shepard wanted to run to him, kiss him, touch him, but she stayed where she was, uncertainty filling her soul. I know it's been two years, but it only feels like a month that we've been apart. Does he feel the same?

"I thought you were dead, Rachel. We all did." His arms wrapped around her and she would have melted, but for the bitter tone in his voice. I wish this hug wouldn't end. But it did, and Kaidan looked at her in a way she couldn't read.

"You don't sound too happy to see me, Kaidan. Something bothering you?" She felt stupid saying those words, but nothing else seemed appropriate. Her heart clenched in love and disappointment. He has moved on, without me.

"Yeah, something's bothering me. I spent the past two years thinking you were dead?" Kaidan's voice couldn't hide his exasperation. "I thought we had something, Rachel. Something real! I-I loved you!" Loved, meaning past-tense. Oh, Kaidan, don't you know I still love you?

Kaidan continued, "Thinking you were dead tore me apart! I yelled at your mom. Hell, I even thought about killing Joker, about killing myself. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" Now he was yelling at her.

Shepard couldn't hide the shock on her face. "Kaidan, I was dead! I don't know how, but Cerberus took two years and somehow rebuilt me. It wasn't my choice! Don't you know that if I could have I would have?"

Kaidan recoiled and his eyes narrowed. "So you are with Cerberus. The reports were right."

Garrus finally interjected. "Reports? You mean you already knew?"

"Hell yes, I did. You haven't been hiding well, Shepard." Kaidan saying her last name instead of her first hurt just as much as if he cursed her to hell. "Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. I got a tip this might be the next one hit. Anderson stonewalled me when I asked him about you. But there were rumors, even news vids, that you weren't dead. And that you were working for the enemy."

"Kaidan, our colonies are disappearing! Cerberus and I want the same thing. To save human colonies. That doesn't mean I answer to them, and I can't stand by while the Alliance twiddles their thumbs or sends me to hunt after Geth."

"You can't really believe that? We both know what Cerberus is like! What they are capable of! Or did you forget about Kahoku, or Akuze?" Kaidan's piercing glare at that last word shot a hole in Shepard's heart.

Shepard's wounded spirit lashed out. "I never forgot Akuze. I live with that nightmare every goddamn day. But you aren't seeing the big picture, Kaidan! The Reapers are looking to destroy the entire galaxy! That's bigger than anything I could hold against Cerberus. I'm not working for them. I'm working with them. There's a big difference!"

"Hardly, Shepard. I wanted so badly to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You've turned your back on everything we stood for. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

"Kaidan, you know me, or at least I thought you did. You know I would only do this for the right reasons. I thought you had my back. You turned down that promotion for me. You told me you believed in me!" Shepard's voice came out in a hiss. "You saw it yourself. It was the Collectors. They are targeting human colonies and working for the Reapers."

"I want to believe you, Shepard, but I cannot trust Cerberus. They could be using this to manipulate you. What if they're behind it?"

"Typical Alliance attitude," Miranda replied. "You're so focused on Cerberus you can't see the real threat."

"Shut it, Miranda," Shepard ordered. "Kaidan, you are letting how you feel about Cerberus get in the way of the facts…"

"Maybe, or maybe you feel like you owe them for bringing you back." Disappointment showed in his expression. "Maybe you are the one who is not thinking straight. You changed, but I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not." Kaidan turned to leave. Don't walk away from me like this!

"Kaidan, I could use someone like you on my team. I need you. It'll be just like it was before." Shepard knew she was begging, but she couldn't help her heart's cry.

He looked back at her, stone-faced. "No, it won't. I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye, Shepard, and be careful."

After Kaidan was out of sight, Shepard punched a nearby crate, denting it. She shouted, "You sound just like my fucking father! Damn the Alliance to hell!" A few tears escaped, but she quickly regained her composure. Work had to be done.

"Joker, get a shuttle to pick us up. I have had enough of this hellhole." What happened? What went wrong between us? I guess it's just as well I don't have my tags anymore.

HIS

Kaidan was still stuck in stasis, and had been for a few hours when the giant Collector ship suddenly lifted off. He saw it leave the atmosphere and his stasis lifted. Falling to the ground, he shook his head to regain his bearings. He began to search the colony for any survivors. When he heard voices from around a corner, he hurried to them. Delan's voice he recognized, but who was the woman's…voice. His heart leapt as recognition hit him. Rachel.

"Shepard, I recognize that name. You're some kind of Alliance hero or something," Delan said.

Kaidan felt he was being drawn to her and he could no longer feel his steps. He could only see her. The world around faded.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delan," he chastised the mechanic. "And a ghost." She looks wonderful. Like all my dreams.

He couldn't hear what Delan said; Kaidan just knew he had walked away. His heart beat wildly as he closed the distance between them. She looked the same from further away, but as he approached he could see the glowing scars on her face. It was disconcerting. He was flooded with mixed emotions and they warred inside his soul.

She's here finally. I can hold her again, smell her, taste her. But where the hell has she been? What's wrong with her face? That woman has a Cerberus symbol on her outfit. God, it is true. I wanted this to be easy, a happy reunion. To be together again.

Kaidan reached out and pulled her into his arms. He smelled her familiar scent of coconut and vanilla. For a second, he could lose himself, but his own words wouldn't let him. "I thought you were dead, Rachel. We all did." He knew the sadness in his voice was apparent.

"You don't sound too happy to see me, Kaidan. Something bothering you?" That's all she has to say after all this time? Irritation surfaced.

"Yeah, something's bothering me. I spent the past two years thinking you were dead! I thought we had something, Rachel. Something real! I-I loved you!" His heart was breaking and she looked like it didn't matter one bit. "Thinking you were dead tore me apart! I yelled at your mom. Hell, I even thought about killing Joker, about killing myself. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" Tears stung his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall.

"Kaidan, I was dead! I don't know how, but Cerberus took two years and somehow rebuilt me. It wasn't my choice! Don't you know that if I could have I would have?"

Flinching and stepping back as if he were stung by a bee, Kaidan said, "So you are with Cerberus. The reports were right."

"Reports? You mean you already knew?" Garrus said. She finds Garrus and not me? What the hell, Rachel?

"Hell yes, I did. You haven't been hiding well, Shepard." She doesn't deserve to have me be an intimate anymore. I can't say her name…Rachel. Shit. "Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. I got a tip this might be the next one hit. Anderson stonewalled me when I asked him about you. But there were rumors, even news vids, that you weren't dead. And that you were working for the enemy." Shepard's eyes flashed at the accusation.

"You can't really believe that? We both know what Cerberus is like! What they are capable of! Or did you forget about Kahoku, or Akuze?" Kaidan knew by Shepard's reaction that his words found their mark.

"I never forgot Akuze. I live with that nightmare every goddamn day. But you aren't seeing the big picture, Kaidan! The Reapers are looking to destroy the entire galaxy! That's bigger than anything I could hold against Cerberus. I'm not working for them. I'm working with them. There's a big difference!" Is it really? You can still be arrested for just driving the getaway car. Criminals are criminals.

"Hardly, Shepard," Kaidan could no longer hide his bitterness. His heart was bleeding and the wound was deep. "I wanted so badly to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You've turned your back on everything we stood for. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

"Kaidan, you know me, or at least I thought you did. You know I would only do this for the right reasons. I thought you had my back. You turned down that promotion for me. You told me you believed in me! You saw it yourself. It was the Collectors. They are targeting human colonies and working for the Reapers." Kaidan saw the tears forming in her eyes and he felt like a heel, but he just couldn't get past the horrors they had seen before.

"I want to believe you, Shepard, but I cannot trust Cerberus. They could be using this to manipulate you. What if they're behind it?"

"Typical Alliance attitude," the Cerberus woman replied. "You're so focused on Cerberus you can't see the real threat."

"Shut it, Miranda," Shepard said. "Kaidan, you are letting how you feel about Cerberus get in the way of the facts…" The way I feel about Cerberus is based on facts. How could you forget that? She isn't who I thought she was. At least not anymore.

"Maybe," Kaidan sighed, "or maybe you feel like you owe them for bringing you back. Maybe you are the one who is not thinking straight. You changed, but I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

Kaidan's heart begged him to stay, to work it out, to do something, anything. I can't. It seems there's nothing left to salvage.

"Kaidan, I could use someone like you on my team. I need you. It'll be just like it was before." He heard her voice get thick. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to run off and forget everything, but he just couldn't. Regret filled his heart.

"No, it won't. I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye, Shepard, and be careful."

Kaidan walked back to his little colonial apartment and turned on the vid comm. "Admiral Hackett, I just spoke with Shepard. She's alive and working with Cerberus, but the Collectors are real. They took half the colony before I could get the defense systems online."

"I'm sorry, Commander. About Shepard, is there any more detail you can give about why she's with Cerberus?"

"Sir, she said Cerberus is working to stop the Collectors. She said the Collectors are working for the Reapers. To be honest sir, the entire colony, including myself, would have been abducted if she hadn't shown up. Her motives still seem honorable. I just don't understand why she's with Cerberus."

"Neither do I, Alenko. I will keep in touch with her myself. Perhaps we will see how loyal she is to the Alliance if we send her some outside assignments. I want you to evacuate the rest of the colony, then return to Earth. I have a new assignment for you. Hackett out."

Kaidan's heart hurt and he knew he had to apologize. He was glad he had left his omni-tool on covert scan. He had gotten her direct message address, and he planned to use it.