25.
"You really don't understand his feelings for you..."
"What I understand is that he left me. Understanding fully mine for him. And, I think, what it would do to me. And while I may understand why he did... how he thought it was the 'right' thing to do... and the 'selfless'... and the 'kind'... and the 'noble'... all I can really know... is what I have now. Which is nothing. And no one. And very different from what he put me through Hell to have."
the quiet is broken again
by me
breaking something else
with words i didn't mean to
like Edward maybe
did with his
to me
in this very place
just feet away from where we stand
just into the trees
Come take a walk with me
is how he'd started
to finish me
before he did
truly
with This is the last time you'll ever see me
and You don't belong in my world
and...
i don't want to think about the rest now
or myself
only
because i was wrong
when i said i had nothing
because i do
have something
one thing
and saying i didn't hurt it
hurt him
my friend
hurt i heard with my own ears
in his sad wolfy whimper
that i never want to hear again
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Didn't think before I said it."
i stroke his fur gently
at least i hope i do
i don't really know
if gentle to me is to him
like Edward didn't
couldn't have
which is why sometimes he left a map on me of where he'd been
where he'd touched me
left hurt where he'd only meant to leave love
give...
something beautiful...
like i want to do
"I don't have nothing. I have you. It would just be easier to not forget that if you looked like you."
"It really isn't safe for him to look like the him you knew, Bella. Because you don't look entirely like the her he knew. Which is all I was trying to say before."
"You hated me and you didn't kill me. Don't insult me by saying I'd kill my best friend who I love."
"I wasn't a newborn. And I didn't hate you. I hated what you were. And that I wasn't the same. With the same possibilities. And abilities. And that I had to have all that was you–all that I would have given anything to be again–shoved down my throat. While you risked it all for my brother. It wasn't personal."
"And you didn't get some sort of thrill taking it all away from me? Come on, Rosalie..."
"No. Not at all. The only thrill I got was in my hopes that what I did would save my brother's life. But that is still just that. A hope."
"What do you mean?"
"Because he still doesn't know, Bella. Alice showed him your death... but she can't show him your new life. Because she can't see it."
"Why not?!"
"Because that one thing you think you have... is the one thing that will never let her. Jake–in this form or the one you want to see–makes you invisible to her. And because he does, to Edward, too. Who's only chance of seeing you like this is through her, unless they can find him to tell him. So, as long as he's here... with you... it may as well be as if you never existed at all. To Edward."
..tq..
i know it was a different kind of thing... but after that last bit of Rosalie... in my head i heard that sound (musicy thing after her gasp) at the end of new moon... you know what i'm talking about, right? maybe?
well, whether you do or you don't... i promise we'll get there. to where you want to be. or HE will. to where she is... cross my heart. which will ALWAYS belong to Edward, if i didn't already make that clear.
or this... thank you to the few of you who are still with us waiting for him. i'd hug you if i could. honest i would.