Disclaimer:The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on ABC's Once Upon a Time's intellectual property.
Half of My Heart
"Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
That I can't keep loving you
With half of my heart."
-John Mayer
A few weeks later, Emma had thrown herself into working at the bar; she busing tables at the bar as her cellphone vibrated in her back pocket. She took it out, saw who it was, and silenced it. David watched her do this almost every night, knowing who was calling. She had been doing really well since her blow up at graduation - smiling more, embracing the freedom of summer, just working at the bar with her friends.
But she was still in heavy denial about what had happened with Killian; David knew that whatever feelings for Killian still lingered, she was studiously ignoring him. Every night like clockwork, Killian would call to check in, and every night David watched her ignore the call.
David knew because he spoke to Killian frequently and while the majority of their conversations were not about Emma, he still mentioned leaving voicemails sometimes. David wasn't sure if Emma ever listened to them.
Killian, though he respected her choice, knew that nothing was simply black and white with Emma - he needed her to know that he hadn't abandoned her the way so many had.
Emma understood, and every night she silenced the phone, her fingers hovered over the green answer icon; but she knew nothing would be like he wanted it to be. She knew she wasn't ready to talk to him again, even in casual conversation. Though she had been angry at him for keeping secrets - that weren't really mandatory for her to know given their non-relationship - she still knew fervently that she wasn't ready. The very fact that she had been so defensive about the secret was proof enough of that.
Emma had decided just to focus on the simple things for now. Like working in the bar and preparing for Harvard and getting back to herself - the Emma who had survived abandonment and foster homes to get into Harvard University. She didn't need the complications relationships brought, and so ignoring his calls grew much easier over time. But she never told him to stop, it was comforting in a way; he still knew what she needed and her heart ached at the distance she was putting between them.
But one day the calls stopped coming, and the first few days she assumed he was just busy with work and long hours, however she realized towards the end of July when the sun was unreasonable warm on her neck as she walked to the bar that he had finally given up.
She felt an emptiness now, every night; and every night, David watched her sink deeper into herself. At some point, they would have to intervene - no matter how much space they wanted to give her.
Killian's pencil flew across the large piece of paper on his drawing desk, working late on another draft of some hotel building renovations. For the most part his internship has gone as expected, though it had only been two and a half short months. He was grateful for the chance to study under renowned architects and build relationships that might eventually lead to a chance to design his own structures.
His internship partner, another man from UCLA, was not pleasant and Killian had never experienced such a cutthroat person in his life. Still, interpersonal relationships aside, he was happy to be able to spread his wings as it were. He was trying to stay focused on his main goal of earning a job at the end of the internship year at the firm, but there were still some lingering threads that needed to be resolved before he could commit completely.
He kept his personal sketchbook in a drawer and every once in a while opened it back up, reviewing some sketches he had drawn in a happier time - one where Emma smiled at him without the weight of all of their issues attached to it.
His phone rang out shrilly and he snatched it immediately, "Jones." He spoke shortly, finding even in the first two months of his internship that he didn't have enough energy or time to give more in way of greeting.
"Sir, I believe I've located him," the grizzled voice spoke into his ear and Killian stood up and began to walk around the floor.
"Where is he, then?" Killian kept a reign on his emotions, but just barely; they were threatening to snap and he had always been the calm one.
The voice spoke firmly, "Kingston, Ontario. He looks to have been there for a while from what we can tell, sir."
Killian clenched his fist and ground out, "Please send me the information. I'll be there in the morning."
"Of course, sir." He ended the call and looked at the ceiling, processing his next steps.
He was certain he was overstepping his bounds as a friend - or more than a friend - but Neal Cassidy did not deserve a life of peace, even if it was in exile. It burned Killian's blood to know that he had left so much damage in his wake - and not just to Emma.
He turned off the light and grabbed his bag, heading to the elevator; the investigators in the Boston police department had been looking for Neal for the past two months with no luck, their resources unfortunately spread thin. They were currently only relying on BOLOs (be on the lookout) across the nation. Killian had decided to take matters into his own hands when the police hadn't been able to locate him - he had enough money to do some good with it.
But now as the time was upon him, he wasn't sure what he his plan really was - realistically he should just call the local police in Kingston and let them know they had a wanted fugitive from the US. They would then be able to get the FBI involved, but for Killian this was personal and he had never been very good at letting other people deal with personal issues with his friends.
Killian walked down the street in the early afternoon and despite the circumstance found himself appreciating the city. It was not a place you heard of very often, but he thought he wouldn't mind a visit under a more pleasing context.
He looked at the paper where he had scrawled the address to where Neal was living, or hiding out as it were, and walked up to the door with the brass numbers on it. There was no peep hole or windows around, so Killian felt confident he would surprise him.
He rapped on the door and stuffed the paper back into his pants pocket. He heard rustling and, to Killian's surprise, the door opened without Neal even calling out to see who it was. He must have been expecting someone.
Neal barely had the time to recognize who was standing on his door step, because all he felt was a heavy punch to his jaw and the man shoving him back into his house, slamming the door shut.
Killian waited for Neal to recover and realize who was standing in front of him.
He held his jaw and felt blood from his split lip enter his mouth, "What the fuck, man?"
"Must I explain that to you?" Killian's tone was full of condescension and a boredom he did not feel, but was keeping his emotions tightly reined in. He had prepared himself, this time.
Neal straightened up and stared at him, "This is about Emma? Seriously? She wasn't charge, why do you care?"
He looked at Killian for a few long moments and finally something click, "I knew it - you always had a thing for her, even though you slept through half the campus. At least I loved her."
Killian's control snapped and he landed a blow to Neal's stomach, feeling him double over, the air leaving his chest. "You have a funny way of showing love, snorting drugs off of women and framing Emma then leaving town to hide out here. Yeah Neal, if that's love - then no I don't love her."
There was pained chuckling, Neal still doubled over, "She had already left me, I didn't owe her anything."
"You owed her the decency to not frame her. That was pure vengeance, something she had not earned. She deserved better."
Sighing, Killian grabbed the neck of his shirt and forced him to sit down on the couch. He took a seat on the table in front of it. "Neal, you were with her for years. She doesn't deserve what you're putting her through. You know how personally she takes abandonment - which is what you did, even if you felt she was already gone."
He waited a few minutes, Neal sat there trying not to wince at his injuries, "You owe her this. Come back and turn yourself in."
"Why would I ever do that? I'm looking at least at ten years in prison. I don't owe her that much."
Killian stood up, seeing that arguing was useless; he had never liked Neal, but never thought he would be this callous and vengeful.
"You have ten minutes to gather your things while I watch. If you don't come with me, I'll stay here until the police pick you up. If you come willingly, your legal fees will be paid for when you inevitably go to trial." It was far more than Neal deserved, but he preferred to do this quietly - but most important, secretly; Emma would feel indebted to him and given their history that was not something he wanted influencing her.
Neal looked surprised at that, he hadn't realized before just how wealthy Killian really was. He knew there was no way out and having a good lawyer might mean five years instead of ten, so he stood and grabbed a bag with his fake IDs to get back to Boston.
Killian just watched as he gathered the small belongings, anger still simmering at the surface, but knowing this was the most he would be allowed to give Emma. It wasn't the best situation, Neal deserved far longer in jail than he would get for the simple act of hurting Emma, but Killian was not as vengeful; he would not be the man Neal was. As for Emma, he had accepted her radio silence and had stopped calling her a while ago; he knew she wouldn't miss them anyways. She had made herself quite clear.
Still, Killian could at least do this for her.
They left the airport in a taxi, since Killian's car was still in Chicago. Neal was nervous, but seemed to be complacent for now. Killian dialed a number, knowing he wasn't fully prepared to answer all the questions he might be asked.
"Hello?" The voice on the other end spoke, confused by the daytime call.
"David. I can't explain over the phone, but can you meet me at the police station near the bar in fifteen minutes?"
"Uh, sure man. You'll explain when I get there, right?"
Killian looked at Neal, "I don't think I'll have to, but yes. And David? Don't tell Emma that I'm here. Please."
He heard the loud sigh on the other end, "Dude, this can't go on forever."
"I'm not-" Killian sighed, not wanting to get into an argument right now. "I'm only following what she asked and she's made it clear she doesn't want to talk to me even casually. Anyway, meet me in fifteen."
He ended the call, not wanting to talk about Emma and their charged and confusing relationship.
He walked Neal into the police station, lingering behind him in case he decided to run. Killian had already arranged for a lawyer to meet them there, but they waited the few minutes it took for David to arrive.
As he walked in, David's confused face locked onto Neal's and dove for him, but Killian held him off, "You don't want to do that here, mate. Besides, I already took care of that for the both of us."
David straightened his shirt, his eyes never leaving Neal's, "You deprived me of the pleasure."
Nodding, Killian gestured at Neal, "He agreed to come back willingly, and I need you here to ensure he cooperates."
David finally looked at him, "Aren't you staying?"
"No, I have to get back to Chicago. Besides, they're going to want to bring Emma in for questioning, and I don't want her knowing about my involvement."
Rolling his eyes, David spoke, "You two sure do have a love of the dramatic. I don't understand why you can't just talk and be happy together."
"You know as well as anyone why - she'll make up her mind and let me know it someday I'm sure," he flashed a grin to his friend that belied his sadness and finally looked at Neal.
"You never deserved her, but she chose you and you threw it in her face because you were weak. But in this moment, you're doing an honorable thing. Thank you."
Neal looked at him, confused by the odd praise and backhanded compliment, but just nodded. "I won't tell Emma, if I see her. I'll keep the secret."
Killian nodded, and with a final hug from David, left to go back to Chicago; he hoped no one would ever find out he had been here.
Killian barely made it back to his apartment with his eyes open when he saw something sitting in front of his door, squinting through the drowsiness to realize it was a package.
He opened the door and kicked it inside before picking it up and placing it on his kitchen island.
Dropping the rest of his bags where he stood and kicking off his shoes, he glanced at the address, but there was no return label. Only his name and address.
Frowning, he grabbed a knife and cut the tape; as he opened it, he saw two books and a bracelet laying there.
The Princess Bride and V for Vendetta stared back up at him and with shaking hands he took them out, opening one, an old letter falling out. He knew it was the one he had written her for Christmas. The bracelet was there, too, and he swallowed the sharp pain he hadn't expected.
But there was a small object wrapped in paper, and though Killian was terrified of opening it, he did. The old pendant he had given her on Halloween hung on the silver chain and landed in his hands.
He hadn't expected this, but he wasn't entirely surprised.
"Whatever you think of me, and of us, it's something you should still hold on to. Do you remember what he stands for?"
"Raphael, the patron saint of love," she whispered.
She had remembered, and in this package he had his answer. His hands clenched around the necklace and he put it in a drawer before leaving the rest on the island and crawling into bed.
Killian called her one last time, and again got her voicemail, but this time the message he left was short, "Goodbye, Emma. I understand."
He couldn't bring himself to say anymore, as exhausted - mentally, emotionally, and physically - as he was. Nearly eight months later, she had made her final choice and it was one that he had never been truly prepared for.
Author's Note: You didn't really think I'd let Neal get away with it, did you? ^^ Sorry this was a little late, but I still got it out today (my time)! Just got super busy today with work and personal things. I had to do a bit of tweaking and editing with it before I felt it was up to par. Next chapter is going to be loaded with Emma stuff, but this was heavy on Killian for obvious reasons. Someone asked before, but there will be a time jump at some point in the last few chapters. I won't say when because of spoilers, and there might even be more than one. Thank you to those who have reviewed, commented, and messaged me on tumblr about the story or just to express gratitude. I'm very humbled by those of you who have been here from the beginning and stuck it out, and those who have binged read it, just discovering it. I reply to all the reviews, but I can't message the guest reviewers - but know I appreciate you as well.