Karma, what a lovely topic, isn't it? I myself, don't believe in it, but then again, I am writing this monstrosity, aren't I?

That Loser

Chapter 25: Karma

Really, what could possibly happen in the next two years to deprive Harry of his Godfather in an evil-window-curtain-like manner? What karma could befall the Boy-Who-Often-Laughed-At-The-Dark-Lord-And-Had-Unknowingly-Obtained-Top-Numbers-On-Manys-Hit-Lists? It wasn't like, like, bad things happened to him all the time. And watching his dirty Godfather twitch in the moonlight, Harry smiled briefly, it looked as if everything was going to be alrigh—

"I LIVE!" Snape screamed, jumping to his feet after Sirius had dragged him out of the Shack, beating him against the tunnel walls and drawing 'I'm an ugly, greasy git." across his forehead.

"I WILL KILL YOU-OR SEVERELY INCONVENIENCE THE REST OF YOUR INNOCENT LIFE, SIRIUS BLAC—!"

"Stupefy." Lupin sighed.

"GAAHARRGGHH!"

Professor Snape slumped back down to the ground; Sirius kicked him in the kidneys.

After he bruised his toe, a sad-mystical sound-track type of music drifted over the picturesque view of Hogwarts at night, Sirius stumbled over towards Harry and stood solemnly beside him.

"Harry…" he whispered. "I don't know if you know this,…but I am the Godfather."

The music screeched to a stop and picked up a jaunty tune.

When the moon hits your eyes,

Like a big pizza pie,

That's,

Amoorrrre!

Harry gasped. "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"

Sirius frowned. "No, I meant, I'm your Godfather, did you know that?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Well yeah!" Fishing around in his pocket, he held up a book. "I even had this book printed…" The pizza-pie moonlight glinted off the bold red letters: Godfathery Dearest . "I mean, what kind of loser did you think I was…jeez, you've been trying to kill me for a while now."

"But just in the Shack we saw Peter, don't you remember…?"

Harry held up his hands at Sirius's bark. "Hey now, lets not point any fingers—"

"…!"

"—all I'm saying is that I was a little disappointed when I learned my voodoo dolls were all for nothing…oh and this too…"

Harry pulled a shotgun out of his pants. "Oh, and this…" He next unstrapped a dagger from his arm. "And this…" out next came a pointy foot-long needle. "And this…" a sword and a metal breast plate and a lance, and a goblin battle-axe.

Peter quietly shuffled away during the bonding period, leaving behind a misshapened scarecrow, with the word PETER messily scrawled across its chest.

"Hey, guys…" Ron spoke up.

"Quiet Ron! I want to see what happens!" Hermione hissed, pointing at Harry and Sirius.

"Fine!" Ron sulked.

"Oh, let's not forget…" Last Harry pulled out the shiny jewel-encrusted Gryffindor Mop. He sighed, patting it fondly. "I would take off my red-cape, but I know something life-changing occurs at the end of every Hogwarts Year, so I'll just leave it on and see what happens…"

Lupin viciously bit into a bloody lamb chop, and itched the back of his neck savagely.

"Everything okay, Professor?" Hermione asked.

Lupin tore off another chunk. "Yes, I'm sure it's nothing important…but it seems like I forgot to do something…Oh yes!" He searched franticly in the folds of his cloak, and brought forth a container of chocolate syrup; he poured it over the slab of meat. "Ahhhh…that's perfecto."

The sad music picked up again and Sirius suddenly gathered an Italian accent. "Harry." He whispered heavily. "I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse…"

"A horse head in my bed?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Harry, how would you like to st—"

"—you know I really wouldn't mind a horse head—"

"—Harry! How would you like to live with me?"

Harry's eyes grew wide in child-like native innocence. A native like quality that Harry would still possess years from now, that enabled him to solve a complex riddle a year, that adults never could, and stumble his way through any challenge. He was so native, he was good.

"S-st-stay-stay? With you?" Harry gapped at him for a while. "Yes! Yes! Of course! Do you have your own place? When can I move my mop collection in?"

Sirius's face broke out into the first smile Harry had ever seen from him, the clouds parted and the moon's heavenly glow shined down atop his head.

"Ahhh ah ahhh…" the angels hummed in the background of the clouds. Professor Lupin threw a lamb chop bone at them.

Ron scoffed. "Oh yeah, everyone offers Harry places to live! But nooo! Let's not hurry Ron to the hospital, because poor widdle Harry has finally found a father-figure. Blah! It makes me SICK!"

"Isn't this great Ron!" Harry screamed over at him, behind his hug with Sirius.

"THAT'S BLOODY BRILLIANT, MATE!" Ron grinned, giving him a thumbs up. His leg bone wiggled as it jutted out of the skin.

Hermione sniffed, whipping back tears with a book: Family Ties: What Bonds Orphan Boys and Convicts.

Peter was being unusually quiet.

And suddenly, Lupin did realize that the clouds really have cleared quite dramatically…and…oh shit.

A strange tingling sensation, Lupin would later recall. As he reared back, his head thrown into the light of the moon, his scream turning into a deep howl, his body twisting against the moon's rays.

And Sirius ran forward. "Moony! This heart is were you truly live! This heart! You are no monster!"

"THIRTEEN YEARS IN AZKABAN AND THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH?" Hermione screeched as the three friends huddled together away from the two best friends, one friend who wanted to tear the other's head off.

Sirius turned around and shrugged. "Yeah…that's the best I can do…"

And with one final triumph howl, the werewolf was done transforming.

Harry squinted at it through the darkness. "Is that…? That can't be…what?"

Ron laughed. "It's an alien!"

Hermione too frowned at 'Moony'. "Why is it standing on two legs?"

The scarecrow-Peter flopped over.

Sirius was slowly backing towards the trio away from the werewolf. "Now might be a good time to run the hell away." He whispered to him.

The trio shivered together, still huddled in the same spot.

"—actually, about the best time in the world, to make your get away, in fact…"

Ron started sobbing.

"Look. It's a basic instinct, right? Fire? Run. Deadly disease? Run. Snape? Run, or throw large rock and giggle as you scamper away. Man turning into big hairy, blood-thirsty, lots-o' claws and fangs, that wants to eat your hearts and rip off your heads-werewolf? Run. It happens to be your teacher? Well maybe if you throw that rock hard enough, you'll get lucky and get a few days off homework…"

'Moony' howled, diving for the foursome; Sirius leapt forward, turning into a dog and pushed him back; a fight ensued.

Harry eyed them critically. "You know…that big black dog looks really familiar…where have I seen him before…?"

Lupin drop-kicked Padfoot like a soccer ball, then turned his sights on the three students.

Ron giggled weakly. "Heee—y…you guys, maybe we should shake a leg…?"

Harry nodded quickly. "I agree!"

Lupin was coming closer, drool dripping between his fangs. Harry and Ron turned to sprint away—

"NO! WAIT!"

They froze, slowly, disbelievingly, turned to stare wide-eyed at Hermione. "WHAT? WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAVE TO TELL US NOW?"

Hermione ignored them, and inched forward towards Lupin. "Professor?"

Moony howled, rearing back; Harry and Ron clutched each other screaming—

"Ahahaha! Why yes! It is me!" the werewolf laughed.

Harry and Ron twitched in each other's arms.

"I'm so glad you are here to snap me out of that! My goodness, something horrible could happened…" Moony relayed conversationally, munching on a chocolate bar that had just appeared.

"I mean—" Moony took a large bite out of the bar, his huge fangs stained with chocolate. "I know I just punted Sirius across the Grounds, and even though it was you yourself, Hermione, in class, that told us a werewolf would kill his best friend even, in this form, I'm so glad that SOMEONE will talk to me! It's very lonely, you know, this time of month. Back in my Hogwarts days all I had to look at was Sirius sniffing his butt and James getting his antlers caught in the chandler..." He smiled brightly at them, deformed behind the massive fangs.

Snape suddenly leaped to his feet, a hand holding his head. "Wahaha…" he giggled weakly, spinning around, as if trying to find someone. "I got you…now…Black…" he paused, staring at Lupin. "OH NOT AGAIN."

"Me No Like!" Moony snarled, smelling Snape's greasy hair. And he lunged forward—Padfoot took this opportunity to reappear, bowling Moony over, leading him away from the humans.

Snape giggled weakly again, pointing his own wand at his forehead. "Stupefy!"

"Oh no! What are we going to do?" Hermione gasped, biting her nails.

There was a hard, determined look in Harry's eyes as he checked to make sure his cape's knot was tied fast. "I don't know what you two are going to do, but I'm going to go save a man I have only just heard about a couple moths ago, and learned an hour ago didn't want to kill me's life from an extremely dangerous werewolf!" Then saluting, Harry skipped away, his hand still in the air.

Ron and Hermione watched him trip over a root and continue his journey after Moony.

"So…" Ron spoke up nonchalantly. "Think I can have his identity and fan-mail when he dies?"

Harry found the two men/canines on the edge of a cliff, a cliff that hadn't been there a year ago, along with the bridge. The tall grasses shook in the wild breeze, as Sirius stumbled backwards.

"NOOOOO! GODFATHER-WHOM-I-HAVE-JUST-MET!" Harry quickly threw down his wand-his magical wand-which had gotten him out of dangerous situations many times before-and picked up a rock.

He threw it.

It landed half-heartily five paces in front of him.

Oh no! Now what was he going to use now to rescue Sirius!

A call suddenly rose up out of the forests. "COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!"

Harry glanced at the thick woods, the sounds of spirits haunting the midnight grounds…

"NO! You idiot! That's not the right one!"

"Then why don't you try it if you're so smart, Hermione!"

What could these wailings of the departed souls, mean? Harry wondered.

"Okay then…"

"No, no, no! Let me try one more time!"

"WOULD YOU HURRY UP?" Lupin barked. "I NEED TO PICK SOMEONE."

"MIIAAAWWW!"

"Oh, move over! WOOF WOOF BARK!"

Harry stared entranced at the realistic howls of another werewolf in the forest, would it bite him? Eat him? Do his homework?

Moony sighed, and even though Sirius and Harry were five feet from him, ran off down the hill, fifty feet away, into the forest.

Sirius looked up, transforming back into himself, smiling as Harry walked towards him. "Jolly good jo—uh!" Sirius slipped backwards off the cliff, rolling to the shores of the lake.

"No!" Harry cried. "Don't worry, Sirius! I'm coming!"

Harry slowly lowered himself down the five-foot drop cliff side. He carefully picked his way around the stones jutting out here and there.

"Slow and steady, wins the race…" he muttered to himself, not yet ready to let go of the top grasses.

Ten minutes pass…

The Dementors gather around the lake shore, hands on hips. Two familiar looking figures huddle in the bushes.

"COME ON, MAN."

Harry glanced over at them. "DADDY! I'LL DO IT DAD! I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!"

Another ten minutes pass…

Harry was in a predicament, where to put his foot now…

A random pop sounded next to him, Dumbledore quickly grabbed him and apparated him to the shore, then quickly popped away.

Harry dropped to his knees. "SIRIUS! I'M HERE FOR YOU!"

The Dementors had taken out straws by now and started sucking the happiness from the air, a mighty wind picking up; off to the side one put on lipstick.

"Harry!" Sirius gagged, eyeing the Dementor apply Ruby Red, as Harry defiantly flailed his fists at them. "They're gonna give me the kiss! Hurry! Help me to my feet!"

Harry blushed. "Sirius! I don't need to be hearing this kind of talk!...What, really? On the first date?"

"Quickly! Help me to my feet!" he tried to sit up.

"Oh no!" Harry tsked, pushing him back down. "You're hurt, you need to lay still and rest."

"WERE GOING TO BE KILLED!"

"What! Really?"

"Ok, well, no…BUT A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!"

Harry rolled his eyes, the wind ripping chunks out of his hair. "Yeah, sure Sirius…"

Something rotting and coarse grabbed his arm, twisting Harry to his feet, pulling him closer…

"Look, Sirius!" Harry pointed eagerly, "He wants to hug me for rescuing you!"

Sirius mutely looked on, pale and rapidly blinking.

The ghost voices of the spirits of the forest drifted over…

"What! Well I think it looks happy to see me!"

mumblemumbleMUTTERMUTTERmutter…

"Oh, alright…"

A bright light exploded, shining on the lake, bring the scene into sharp relief, turning the darkness into daylight, and a shape…a glowing shape…racing towards them…

Harry squinted, falling out of the grasp of the Dementor, at a figure standing on the edge of the blinding light, it looked boyish, so obviously…

"Papa?"

Harry, trying to shield himself from the radiant light, turned slowly to grin at his Godfather. "Look, Sirius! My Papa sent a glowing hippo to save us!"

"It's a stag you loser!" Sirius snapped, hitting upside the head.

And that was the last thing he heard before he slipped into unconsciousness.

"HARRY!" Hermione slapped him.

"HARRY!" She backhanded him with her clipboard.

"HAAR—!"

Harry bolted upright in his bed, gasping.

Hermione sadly lowered the hammer, then smartly checked something off on her clipboard.

"Congratulations, Harry! I think we've gonna make the quota!"

Harry blinked, looking around the room, they were in the hospital wing…he swung around to look out the window…it was still night, a full moon shinin—

"Where's Sirius!"

Hermione was settling back into her bed, she shrugged, and Ron was glaring over at him.

"They insisted to check you over before they would fix my leg."

Harry stared blankly at the cast.

"I'm happy to report they found nothing." Ron hissed.

"Hey, I'm not the one who was sleeping with a man—"

"—OH NO! NO! LALALALALALA!" Ron screwed up his face in disgust.

At that moment Dumbledore walked into the room, slamming the double doors open.

"Dumbledore!" Harry wheeled around. "Where's Sirius? What's happening?"

"THREE TURNS!" Dumbledore squawked, pacing the room.

"I—I…don't understand…"

"The voice of a child is pointless…" Dumbledore muttered to himself, eyeing the three students.

"Dumbledore, what does this have to do with anything…?"

"Ohho!" Dumbledore's eyes lit up, spying Ron. "Wow, this must really hurt!" He slapped Ron's broken leg.

"ARRGHHH!"

"You must have done something really stupid to deserve this!" Dumbledore pummeled his injury joyfully.

"GGGAHH! Actually, no…it was Sirius…"

"Yeah, but still…" Dumbledore smacked the leg again, sucking on a lemon drop. "You were keeping Peter Pettigrew as your pet for a number of years with out realizing it, that's pretty stupid…bad karma…bad karma…"

"AARRGGH! YOU DIDN'T REALIZE IT EITHER!"

He clapped his leg once more, thoughtfully. "Yes, well…why is there mold on this young man's face…?"

"What mold?"

"Ah…yes…" Dumbledore quickly stepped away, motioning the two other Gryffindors nearer to him. "Now, Ms. Granger, you know the laws, you must not be seen, if you're good, you may save more than one life tonight—Black is held on the topmost tower, strangely easily accessible from the outside from a broom…or hippogriff per say…THREE TURNS!"

Hermione nodded. "Right."

Harry stood there confused as Dumbledore skipped out of the room.

And Ron…"OH, DON'T TELL RON YOUR SECRET PLAN, NOOOO! NO ONE TELLS ME ANYTHING!—"

Hermione was ignoring him, reaching inside her robes she pulled out a strange gold necklace, with an hourglass on the end…

"It's a Time-Turner…" she hissed, looping the chain around Harry as well as herself. "This is what's been allowing me to get to all my classes…"

"WHAT? THERES BEEN NO EVIDENCE OF THAT, AT ALL!"

Hermione smiled, rotating the hourglass three times. "We're going to go back in time to save Sirius and Buckbeak."

"WHA—?"

"—Hold on."

"—BECAUSE EVERYONE THINKS I'M JUST HARRY POTTER AND HERMIONE GRANGER'S STUPID FRIE—"

It was a lurching sensation, like someone had grabbed tightly onto your hand and rushed you through an empty doorway into space…there was a flash of figures…on the other side…and with a sickening gut-dropping sensation they appeared, in a run, Hermione dragging him out into the grounds.

"Where…are…we…going…?" Harry panted, as they ran towards Hagrid's Hut. Hermione jerked him into the garden and they hid behind a couple giant pumpkins.

"Wow! I didn't know pumpkins grew in May…"

"We're following our footsteps!" Hermione hissed at him, drawing his attention away from the marvels of vegetable growth.

"What? Is—is that us? In there?"

"Yes—"

Harry jumped quickly to his feet, his red battered cape streaming in the wind. "KILL." He marched forward towards Hagrid's Hut, pushing the door open…

"NO!" Hermione dive-bombed after him, pushing him out of the doorway and closing it quickly with a snap. "You mustn't be seen! Not even to go after Pettigrew!"

Inside the Hut…

"What was that?"

"Nothing, Ron."

"OH? SO NOW MY OBSERVATIONS AREN'T IMPORTANT?"

"Uh…yeah."

"BUT I MUST KILL!" Harry screamed. "I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT WHEN I LEARNED THE HORRIABLE TRUTH, BUT ONCE MY RAGE SETTLED DOWN, SIX OR SEVEN HOURS LATER, I NOW FEEL LIKE IT!"

"Harry! We have to save Buckbeak! Anyways, what would you think if you saw yourself run through that Hut right now?" Hermione demanded.

Harry paused. "I'd think 'Cool! A Twin!'."

Hermione faltered. "Well…uh…What do you think Ron would think then? Eh? EH?"

"He'd think 'Cool! Harry's Twin!'."

"WELL WHAT ABOUT ME—?"

"You already know about the Time-Turner."

"YES, WEL—you have a point…"

Suddenly voices floated near them from the front of Hagrid's Hut…

"I SAY. WHAT A LOVELY DAY TO BE QUICKLY WALKING TO HAGRID'S HUT! I SAY. I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYONE HERE THAT SHOULDN'T BE! I SAY. THEY SHOULD PROBABLY NOT BE CAUGHT! I SAY! I SAY!" Dumbledore quietly exchanged with the others from the Ministry.

"Oh no!" Hermione gasped. "We haven't left Hagrid's yet! Or freed Buckbeak!"

"WHAT A MARVELOUS HIPPOGRIFF, EVERY ONE SEEN? GOOD, YOU JUST MIGHT NOT SEE IT AGAIN, I SAY."

Hermione chucked a rock through the window. Nothing happened. She threw a bigger rock.

"Why aren't you moving?" She hissed at Harry.

Harry shrugged. "I don't remember getting hit with anything…"

Hermione grunted, bending down to dead-lift a ten-foot pumpkin. "Y-yo-you get Buckbeak…" she whispered hoarsely as she tittered near the Hut.

Harry nodded, walking towards the Hippogriff as a sound of carnage was heard behind him.

"Buckbeak! Here Buckbeak!" Harry cooed.

Buckbeak's mad rolling red eyes glared at Harry, it flexed its large chest muscles, one had a tattoo of a heart with the word MUMMY written across it.

"Hurry up Harry!"

It was Harry's native charm that won once again; he spun around just in time to reply to Hermione as Buckbeak snapped it's beak down in for the kill, it got a mouthful of Harry's red cape.

"I'm coming! Hey, looky! Buckbeaky wantsa play! How cute!" Harry cooed, bodily dragging both of them into the leafy foliage of the forest along with Hermione.

Dumbledore screamed up from his big-boy bike, pointing wildly towards the lake, "Look, a distraction!"

"Where!" Harry cried, searching around.

Hermione sighed, watching themselves tumble out of Hagrid's Hut.

There's something to say about Karma, Harry and the gang had a lot of it. But no one had ever specifically informed them what type.

Siriusly