heres the next chapter
sorry to have made you guys wait so long. as always thanks for all of you guys that are loving my story annd are sending reviews my way.
edwards pov
How I had allowed her to be taken away from me yet again was beyond me. And now repenting for letting her go I paced anxiously before the fireplace, just waiting for her to come back through it.
"Edward go hunt, you'll be of no comfort to her if you are thirsty." Franks tired voice said from the couch where he sat.
I ignored him and his mind and carried on with my pacing.
"What's taking them so long" I muttered frustrated. I could hear my family racing towards the house. Wanting to know what had happened of course.
"Dumbledore must have something important to tell them Edward be patient" frank tried to soothe me but his mind was grieving for his loss.
Sirius had been like a father to Alex, now he was gone, and all I could do was be there to help her through with it. Knowing that I could do no more than that made me feel utterly useless. I had promised to protect her from harm's way but I wasn't doing a good job at keeping that promise.
Where is she? Alice's thoughts where the first I had heard the others thoughts mimicked hers. Of course she wouldn't have seen why Alex wasn't here.
There was knocking at the door and Frankie muttered a soft and tired come in.
All of them filed in with worrisome eyes.
"She's with her brother and Dumbledore" I said, stopping on my tracks and looking at my family.
"Is she all right?" esme asked, her arm was hooked through Carlisle's.
I wished Alex and I could be in that position.
"Physically I suppose so…" I mumbled quietly. "Sirius is dead"
Many thoughts ran through their heads and none of them were positive.
"Death eaters attacked them" Frank said rubbing his face. "They wanted a prophecy that they had. It got ugly and then Dumbledore came and voldemort showed up as well."
"Dear" whispered esme.
"The ministry took over after, but voldemort escaped" I added not wanting to recount more of those horrible memories that would forever haunt my existence.
"Can you see her coming Alice?" I asked.
"You know I can't Edward" she said softly.
"She'll be back as soon as she's ready Edward. Meanwhile go and hunt" Carlisle encouraged.
"No" I said stubbornly.
"Edward this is stupid, what good are you going to be if you are too thirsty to be close to her? Don't be careless Edward you're putting her life in peril" Rosalie said. She had never spoken truer words.
But I couldn't leave now. What if she came back while I was away?
The silver mist that came into the room answered my question. It quickly formed the shape of some type of bird I had never seen and it spoke in the voice of albus Dumbledore.
"I'm sorry but Alex has chosen to remain here in Hogwarts for a few days. She feels the need to be here with her brother. I'm sorry Edward"
With that the bird dissolved and took with him my hope of having Alex in my arms tonight.
"This cant be happening" I groaned covering my face. "I need her"
They had no inkling of how much I needed her.
"Give her some time" esme said coming to my side. "She needs to come to terms with what has happened."
"I want to be there for her." I mumbled. "I almost lost her and now I can't be with her"
Perhaps this happened because I wasn't meant to be with her. But what good would it be for me to leave her if that would only cause more damage to her fragile self. I talk of leaving her as if such thing were possible. I am too weak to leave her. Tonight's events only weakened me more.
I would be with her until the day she took her last breath.
A week had come and passed and my sanity was beginning to go with it as well.
I had not hunted at all; instead I isolated myself in Alex's room lying on her bed. I had stayed like that for the whole week. Her scent was everywhere but I knew it wouldn't help me when she came home.
My mind began to see reason by the end of the week. I couldn't delay my thirst anymore.
I stole myself away from her sickly sweet scent and set my mind to feeding so that I wouldn't worry Alex when she got here. She hated it when she saw me thirsty.
Once I was filled to the point where I felt like I would vomit from so much blood, I returned to her house. I was overjoyed to hear two heartbeats and only one mind, in the house.
Impatiently I knocked at the door and heard heavy footsteps that told me it was Frankie, approach the door.
I knew he wouldn't be away for too long he thought as he opened the door.
"How long has she been here?" I asked as he let me into the house.
"A little over twenty minutes" he took one look at my eyes. "Glad that you fed or else I wouldn't have allowed you anywhere close to her" he said with a sad smile.
I didn't respond my eyes were focused on the second floor.
"Go Edward, she's not herself right now and she needs you"
He didn't need tell me twice I was at her bedroom door in an instant. I quietly opened the door and closed it behind me. She wasn't there, instead the doors from the balcony were open and rain and wind poured in. I made my way to her silently and quickly. She was staring at the rain as it fell on her beautiful and unmoving face. I took her into my arms and cradled her to me as she buried her face in my chest. That awful ache I had been feeling this past week vanished the moment we made contact.
"Come here" I murmured against her hair. I carried her back inside and kicked the doors closed. She did not argue or say anything as I settled us on her bed I wrapped my arms around her fragile body. She curled into me and held onto my shirt.
Silence was the best form of comfort right now. Words would be insufficient; there was no need for them. I would wait until she wanted to talk.
I stroked her wet hair and kissed her head as her mind no doubt drowned in many thoughts. Although this wasn't the happiest setting, I was happy to have her back in my arms.
Taking in her scent -which was only more concentrated by the rain- I welcomed the fire spreading throughout me. I could manage it right now.
She shivered in my arms and scooted closer. For a second I feared that she was cold at my touch. I took her freezing hands into mines.
"Am I making you cold?" I whispered.
She shook her head and intertwined her fingers in mines. Slowly she brought our hands to her lips and kissed the back of my hand. Her lips were like velvet against my granite hands. They were warm and tender against my cold and hard skin. And she brought life to my cold and dead heart.
We stayed like that for an immeasurable amount of time. After a while I remembered she was still wet from the rain.
I made to move out of the bed but she held on to me.
"You should get changed" I whispered.
A shake of her red head was her response.
"I don't want you getting sick"
"I love you so much" she whispered pressing her face on my chest. I felt her warm tears seeping through my shirt.
I didn't need her tears to see that she was hurting and I was useless.
Alex's pov
Sirius was gone, the same way my parents had gone, and cedric.
Who else was going to leave me?
Frankie? Harry?....
Edward?
What happened last week was a reminder that I was not meant to be happy. It was a reminder of the terrible danger Edward was in. And my ignorance had cost Sirius his life. Bellatrix wasn't the murderer here, I was.
I had also endangered my friend's life, my brother, and my Edward. I should have never let him get into my life.
"I love you too" he said pressing me harder against his hard body. "You don't know how desperately in love I am with you"
More tears ran down my face in response to his words. He shouldn't love me; he shouldn't even look my way.
Last week at Dumbledore's office I realized just how much I was putting Edward in danger by being involved with him.
Flashback
"Why did he attack me?" I said when silence fell upon Dumbledore's study. "Why me, it could have been harry but he attacked me"
Not that I wanted it to be harry, but I wondered if there was a reason for him choosing me.
"When you are born a twin, Alex," Dumbledore said. "There is always a connection especially with wizards, but the bond between you and harry has become more than just an average twin bond. Now I'm sure you remember the events of October 31, fourteen years ago"
How could I not remember it? Ever since I was attacked by that vampire I have been haunted by the night that my parents were murdered.
"Do you remember who voldemort pointed his wand to?"
I searched through my mind trying to see who he had directed his wand to.
"Me" I said after a moment.
"Exactly" Dumbledore said. "I think that voldemort intended to kill you first. When he attempted to kill you that bond between voldemort and you was established but there was that natural bond between you and harry that helped in connecting all three of you to each other. Even so it was you he attacked directly and therefore it is easier for voldemort to invade your mind rather than harry's, nevertheless harry is still bonded to you and voldemort and he felt what you felt."
"But then that means that he marked me as his equal and not harry"
"Are you forgetting that you and harry are bonded? Therefore that means that by marking you he also marked harry as his equal"
"Is the prophecy true then? Will it end in the death of one of us by force?"
"I'm sure Alex, that you have come to learn that the future is not set in stone. But do you truly think that voldemort will stop hunting you down after a while? Or that you won't want to take revenge for everything he has done to you?"
He was right. I would not rest until he was dead at my feet, and neither would harry. We couldn't live while the other existed, it was impossible.
But who would stand in the end?
End of flashback
Dumbledore was right. The dark times where here and Edward was in the middle of all of this. He would never stand aside while he watched me be so close to my own death. He would try to fight for me and I couldn't allow that. What was I going to do?
"You shouldn't" I whispered. "I'm the worst person you could have ever loved"
"You're the best thing that has happened to me in so long. And you are the best part of my eternal life and it will always be that way." He took my face into his hands and looked at me with determination and honesty. "And I will never leave you. I'll always stand beside you Alex so don't even try to end things right now"
Edward didn't need to be able to read my mind. He always seemed to know what went on inside my head. Sometimes I wondered if I really was silent to him.
"It's not safe for you Edward. I don't want you to leave me next" I looked away from his eyes, I couldn't lose track of my thoughts right now.
"That's not a good enough reason for you to leave me Alex. I won't let you leave me for my safety." Through his calm tone I could hear that edge of panic in his voice.
I pulled away and got off the bed.
"This isn't a damn game Edward" I said pacing around. "People die Edward you saw that last week. People are dying and now everyone knows voldemort is back and he's at the peak of his power. Chaos is growing and anyone that is involved with me or harry is in deep trouble. Voldemort is not going to let you stand in his way. Anyone that stands in between him and harry and I is dead. This has to end now"
"It doesn't matter whether you leave me or not melody. Get this through your head, I won't stand aside and watch you be hunted down. I'll give my life to protect you. So let's not make this harder on us than it has to be" was that pleading I heard deep in the confines of his seemingly calm facade?
I looked at him and sure enough I could see the plead in his eyes. His heartbreaking expression reminded me that I needed him. That it would be impossible for me to leave him like this. Especially if he looked at me the way he was looking at me right now.
"Why can't I stand to be away from you?" I said kneeling right in front of him where he sat at the edge of the bed.
"Do you hate that?" he asked pulling me up from the floor and sitting me on his lap.
"It makes me mad to know that I can never do the right thing when it comes to you"
"I don't want you to do what you think is the right thing" he said stroking my hair. "Would my departure from your life really make you happy?"
No, it could never make me happy. I would be happy for him, but I wouldn't be happy.
"Do you want me forever?" I said ignoring his question.
"For as long as you shall live melody." No trace of hesitance in his honey voice.
"Just while I live?" this was the best time to bring up the subject I've been waiting for.
He was silent, like he new the direction my mind was going in.
"I'm going to die someday Edward; maybe tomorrow maybe in two hundred years…with the life I lead it's hard to be sure I'll live to see the next day"
"Don't say that" he said shaking his head in denial.
"It's true and you know it."
"You still have many years to go" he objected.
"And when my time is up? What's going to happen then Edward?"
"This is how it's meant to be Alex you have to die someday"
"Do you want me to die?"
He turned his head sharply towards me and for a moment his expression frightened me.
"Don't you ever say that to me again" his voice was unsteady.
"I don't have to die" I said softly. His posture stiffened and his face rid of all emotion.
"I could be like you" I continued "live with you forever"
He didn't even look at me. I knew this was going to be hard for him. After all hadn't he gone through the same thing with Bella?
"Edward" I put a hand on his cheek and guided his face to meet mines. His head turned at my touch but his eyes were distant and guarded.
"Before I just wanted death to come and take me already." I pressed on. "Nothing could be worse than what I was living. Now Edward, the worst thing that could happen to me is…loosing you. And I'll lose you if I die"
"That's what I fear the most" I whispered.
Sadness colored his features and he looked down at me.
"You'll never loose me. I'll always be yours" his words were low and hard to hear.
"I don't want to die" I whispered.
He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows his sad expression turning to a frown. "Don't be afraid" he murmured. With his thumb he wiped away my tears. It was no use for they kept coming. "Death is nothing to be afraid of. It's merely the cousin of sleep"
"I don't want to lose you" I repeated. I couldn't lose him; death should not be the reason for our separation.
""you'll never loose me"
"I will when I die, and I don't want that"
"I'm not planning on spending more time than you in this life"
I did not like that he thought this way. I wasn't worth dying for, but I could never ask him for the same thing Bella asked. I saw what it did to him. I could never ask him not to take his life, that would be heartless; and I couldn't be that selfish.
"That doesn't mean we'll be together in death" I sniffed and shook my head. "What if there's nothing after this life and we just disappear forever, what if we just cease to exist? I don't want that Edward. I want you…forever"
His expression turned soft and he bent his head and stroked my cheek with his own.
"No melody" he softly whispered in my ear.
I bit back a sob and my eyes pooled with tears again.
I expected his answer. I knew it would be hard to convince him. But I didn't think it would hurt this much, hearing him refuse. I felt like maybe he didn't want eternity with me. I couldn't blame him, I mean not even I would like to spend eternity with someone like me.
But maybe this wasn't only about me.
Could it also be about Bella?
Edwards's pov
I was too blunt with her; I realized it after I said it. Her body twitched as she suppressed a sob and her heart beat became uneven.
She stood up, I tried holding onto her hand but she pulled away from my touch. Instead she silently walked over to the French doors and looked yonder.
"Alex" I said softly and gently, my tone pleading for forgiveness. I didn't want her to misunderstand me. In reality I never once thought that she yearned for immortality. I never saw any sign of it. Or perhaps I was too ignorant to notice what she really wanted.
"Melody" I tried again. I got up from the bed and stood behind her but still kept a distance, not sure if she wanted to feel my touch. I was making her unhappy enough as it was.
How could I explain to her why I was against this?
Melody had changed me greatly. But she had not changed my beliefs on the matter.
This was Bella all over again. But I knew better now and if ever there was even the slightest possibility of her being like me I knew I would take a different approach than the last time. I knew what I couldn't do this time.
I couldn't say that by taking her life and soul I would be taking her chances at a normal life. With or without me Alex would never have a normal life.
If I was to change her she would be better protected against all the dangers she faced.
She would be safer…
As soon as I began to see reason to her requests, the images that I had tried to bury in the deepest confines of my long memory resurfaced before my eyes.
Alex's writhing form full of something much worse than agony.
Her body convulsing as her eyes rolled to the back of her head.
"Kill me Edward" she spoke, but it wasn't her voice. This voice was menacing, daring me. It was the voice of a demon that was on the verge of destroying my only reason for living.
I silently gulped and trembled slightly as I tried to keep my mind from remembering.
How could the thought of changing her even cross my mind?! That's what I was here for, to protect her and keep her safe.
By turning her I would be no better than that monster that had possessed her.
I couldn't possibly know if turning her would be much more painful than all that torture she suffered last week. But I knew when she felt that venom burning her inside out she would hate me more than ever. Everytime she felt that burn in the back of her throat, she would resent me.
What about when this fight with voldemort was over? What would happen later? She would be free and completely safe. She would be doomed to nothing more than a monotonous never ending life. She deserved so much more than an eternity of vampirism.
But how could she have something better with me tainting the picture? I knew she could leave me any time she wanted to. She would leave me if she could convince me. She would do it if it meant I was safe.
But I couldn't let her go. She was the only danger to me, the only one who could really inflict harm upon me. I had given her a dangerous weapon to use against me, and that was my heart. I would never regret it, even if she did use it against me and hurt me. It wouldn't matter because despite all I would always love her.
And because I loved her could not take what she offered me. I couldn't trade her life for an eternity with me. I couldn't be that selfish. It would be like her giving me a hand and instead taking her leg. She had given me what she could give me of her heart and I would take her life.
That wasn't right. It would be unforgivable in the eyes of god, if he was up there.
Alex's pov
"Melody" he pleaded.
"Why not Edward?" I said in a sharper tone than intended. "Give me one good reason for why you refuse"
"I could never take your life melody, you don't deserve this" I could feel his warm breath on my skin.
I didn't deserve to be with him? Was that only Bella's privilege?
"You were willing to take Bella's life" I said quietly. I couldn't hide that tone of resentment in my voice.
It happened so fast I didn't even realize what had happened. Suddenly I was turned around and he crashed his lips to mines. So many things went into that kiss I just wish I would have been able to decipher that hidden message
Too caught up in my thoughts I didn't respond to the kiss. Seconds later he pulled away and hugged me tightly to him.
"Please don't ever compare yourself to Bella" he whispered his voice broke at the end.
He was right. I could never compare myself to her. I didn't know her but I knew that she would easily outshine me. She would always be his first and only love. He would always love her more than he could ever love me, and I accepted that.
That wasn't the case for everyone though. I loved cedric dearly, and I loved Edward….
I daresay that I love Edward even more. Maybe it's because now I literally depended on him to stay alive. If I didn't have him I don't know what I would have already done. I love him with every inch of my heart soul and my whole being. I gave him everything I had and more.
Bella beat me to him though. She came a hundred years earlier than me and she was the one that got to keep all of his heart.
But if he and I were planning on living together for as much time as we had then I had to make sure he changed me. No matter what the cost was he had to change me.
"Why not Edward?" I said looking up at him and clutching his shirt. "If you really love me Edward then please do it… please for me. Am I not good enough to be like you?!"
That was low, even for me. He thought the same, because his eyes burned with anger and I flinched back from his angry gaze.
"Is that really how you think I feel for you?" he had never talked like that to me. I regretted talking to him about this at all. Maybe this relationship just wouldn't work. I was selfish enough to think that I couldn't be with him if bella was still very present in his mind. Just that thought sent my heart into overdrive and made my stomach churn. I felt like I wanted to throw up.
"Then I don't know how to show you that I love you" he said. I felt a gust of air and looked up.
He was gone and the French doors were wide open.
I did the only thing I could think of. I climbed down the balcony and ran, I ran as fast as I had run last week from the death eaters. I ran towards the only place I felt like I was alone. The only place that made me feel like I was the only person on earth.
The rain drenched my clothes and slightly weighed me down. My feet splashed muddy puddles and stained my clothes. My heart beat uncontrollably and my lungs contracted from so much running. And still I did not stop. I ran like I was running for my life. And trust me I had ran for my life many times before.
My mind was completely wiped of any thought as I ran. I reached the creek and tried to stop. At the speed I was going the movement was so abrupt I slipped and fell into the ice cold water. Kicking upwards I went back up and gasped for air. The current was strong, and I heaved myself out of the stream not without great struggle.
As soon as I was out I laid there on the muddy ground and curled into a small ball and let the tears out. Every now and then letting out anguished screams.
All week I had tried to be strong. Unlike harry who had just lost it at Dumbledore's office I kept it all bottled up. But with tonight's incident I just couldn't keep it in anymore. Silent tears wouldn't help me now.
Sirius was dead. The only family I had left, besides my brother, was gone. I would never see his smiling face; there would be no letters of his to wait for in the summer. In many ways I had lost a father.
Then there was Edward. So many things were wrong there. I couldn't do the right thing for him, which was leaving him. I was putting him in great danger. He refused to make me like him and Bella was still very much in the picture.
That just hurt me and made me feel like an even bigger monster. When I decided to form a relationship with Edward I was very well aware of his past and I knew that like me he wouldn't really get over Bella. She would always be present; I had never given it much thought though. He had made it very clear to me that he loved me far more than anyone was capable of loving, and well she was in the past much like cedric.
But he showed me today that I was only second best to Bella. She was the one that had come closest to being worthy of his love. I was not even close. Today I saw just how insignificant I was next to her.
I had always known it but I had never really thought about it. After what happened today I would always have that thought in my head. It would always be there hurting me. Because I was selfish enough to want Edward to give me the love he had given her even though I was well aware that, that was not possible.
It was useless to pine after something that wouldn't happen ever. Would leaving him be better then? Would it keep me from hurting?
How could I think that? How can I be here just thinking of myself? How would Edward react to this? What would he do if I left him?
He told me if I ever let him he wouldn't know what to do. But is that really true? Would it really truly hurt him? Would he forget me easily? Does he really love me? Or does he in some way feel like I'm tying him to me?
It made sense. It fit together if I thought about it. That's why he didn't want to change me. I really wasn't worthy of being like him, or being with him for that matter. With every thought the conviction in me became stronger.
I would rid him of any duty he felt he had towards me. I wouldn't be hurting him if I cut all ties with him. And he would be safe, which is all I want; his safety and happiness are what matters to me the most.
I wasn't strong enough to do that. But for him I would find the strength. For him I would give my soul to the devil.
But for the time being I had to rid myself of all this weakness. I had to mourn, there was still a lot of pain in this road and I had to get rid of the pain my heart to let more come in.
I still had a lot to go. How much, I wasn't sure but I knew just where it would end.
With voldemort in a place much worse than hell.
Edward's pov
I had never been mad at Alex. Not even last week when she had ran away to the ministry.
I didn't think it was possible to be mad at her.
Today I was proved wrong. How could she possibly think she wasn't worthy of my love? How could it ever even pass through her head that I loved Bella more than I loved her? It didn't matter that I couldn't read her mind; I knew that was exactly what she was thinking. How could she want the life I lived, if it could even be called a life.
But was I really mad at her? No I couldn't be mad at her; it wasn't her fault that she thought this way. It was my fault for not showing her how much I loved her.
Did I ever even give her a reason to compare herself to Bella?
Tonight I did.
Yes I had agreed to change Bella but the only thing that had really changed my mind was that there really was no safe way around the volturi. I was pressured by them into changing her. It was really the only thing that made me comply. It really was set in stone, Alice had seen it since before I even realized I was in love with Bella and it had stayed like that.
But now, there were no volturi to force me to change her. Just her mere wish to be like me, and I couldn't do that. It was against everything I believed in her and it wasn't what she deserved.
How can I tell her this and make her see that it's not because of Bella that I won't change her?
I ran through the forest barely making any noise, trying to get rid of the anger inside of me. Suddenly the vibrations of my phone broke my concentration. I came to a complete stop and pulled out my phone to see that it was Alice.
This better be good, I thought as I answered.
"What Alice?" I asked angrily.
"She's going to leave you" she said getting right to the point.
"What?" I said as the air was suddenly knocked out of me.
"I saw her, well you two and she was leaving you, saying something about it being for the best"
"When?" I whispered. This couldn't be happening, did I mean nothing to her?
"Tomorrow" she simply said.
"Why?"
"I don't know"
"Is she home?"
"She's out by the creek; get her home quick, she fell into the stream"
I snapped the phone shut with too much force, I heard the screen crack as I raced to the creek. Less than five minutes later I saw her. A dirty little ball curled up right at the edge of the creek; she shook as sobs filled the air.
I shouldn't have left like that. I must have given her the wrong idea, but dammit she was so absurd.
Quietly I made my way to her and scooped her into my arms.
"Please don't leave me" I whispered. "I'll get on my knees and beg if I have to but please don't leave me, I need you"
"Will you change me?" she said quietly.
She was so stubborn, if I said no would she leave me?
"Please alex" I whispered, trying to make her hear how hard this was for me. "Don't do this to me"
"I'm being a monster" she sobbed.
"You're not, you're just being unfair"
"Alice saw what was going to happen didn't she" she said quietly as she unsuccessfully tried to suppress a sob.
I nodded "do you love me alex?"
"How can you question that?"
"How can you question my love?" I reciprocated
"Because it would make sense if you felt nothing for me"
"That doesn't make sense to me" I said shaking my head.
"Do you love me?"
"I will never be able to show you how much I love you, it's too much to put into words and too much to show"
She was silent.
"Please don't leave me" I begged.
"Would it really hurt you if I left you?"
"You have no idea how much that can destroy me"
"I won't leave you"
"Are you doing this just because you feel the need to make me feel better or because you don't want to leave me either?"
"Both" she whispered.
She wound her arms around my neck and kissed me. Eager to feel her love I kissed her back.
Not breaking the kiss I stood up and began running. Minutes later I was climbing with her up to her room. I set her down on her feet and she kissed me again.
Needing to regain my control I broke the kiss and whispered.
"Get ready for bed, I'll be here"
She turned her big green eyes to me. Her beauty didn't fail to leave me breathless. She examined my face, searching for any sign of a lie, I'm sure. She must have been satisfied by what she saw for she hurriedly walked to her closet and got all her things than with one last glance at me she disappeared through the bathroom.
I think until all of these problems are solved I would always live in fear of Alex's next moves. Our relationship was on the edge, one little thing couldn't drive her to leaving me. She would use any excuse she got to try and leave. I knew she loved me and her intentions were good, but it hurt to know that the girl I loved more than my own life was using any excuse to get away from me. I had to do everything I could to keep her at my side.
I was so immersed in my thoughts that I was startled when the bathroom door opened. Alex noticed and smiled a little. I took a look at what she wore, her simple blue flannels and white t-shirt were innocent enough, yet she was still mouthwatering. Her damp hair only flattered her outfit further.
Itching for physical contact I swooped her into my arms and carried her to her bed. She made no noise as I tucked her in and then joined her. I turned to look at her she was on her side and her hands tucked under her cheek.
"I love you" I murmured and stroked her cheek.
"I love you" she repeated back with a small smile.
She pulled on my shirt signaling for me to scoot closer.
"You were gone for too long" I murmured.
"Harry-"she began explaining before I cut her off.
"I understand. You don't have to give me any explanations. I'm always here for you love"
"That's more than I could ever ask" she kissed my jaw, a shiver ran down my spine at her touch. Every little touch of hers brought an immeasurable amount of pleasure to my heart.
"You know I'm not going to give up" she whispered in my ear.
"I know" I sighed. She kissed behind my ear and settled back down.
"You can't just tease me and expect no punishment" I said playfully.
"You punish me? You're funny" she said but there was no humor in her voice.
I pulled back an inch to see her face. Of course things wouldn't be normal right now.
"Does that face have something to do with Sirius?" I said softly.
"I miss him" she whispered.
"I know sweetheart, I know. But these things happen for a reason"
"But this wasn't supposed to happen; in fact this wouldn't have happened if I had just listened to Hermione. I could have stopped Harry from going to the ministry.-"
"Don't blame this on yourself" I interjected.
"Then who do I blame Edward? No one else is at fault except Harry and me"
"It's no ones fault"
She shook her head" it's always someone fault"
"Sweet girl" I murmured and kissed her forehead. "Don't trouble yourself further with those memories. What's done is done"
"And we can't go back" she murmured.
"Exactly" I said. "Besides," I took a lock of her hair and began playing with it. "I don't think Sirius would have wanted you to shut off from the world. He wants you happy."
"Sirius hated that house" she said, making me unsure of whether she was listening to me or not.
I gave her a questioning look. "Grimmauld place" she clarified.
"Ah" I said realizing it was the house where the order had met.
"It was his mother's house. He disliked his family greatly. He said that house was a constant reminder of them"
And with that she began to tell me everything that had happened seven days ago. She told me absolutely everything including the prophecy.
"I'll always be by your side" I whispered after she finished. "I'll be there protecting you"
"You can't protect me from everything" her words slurred as sleep began to overtake her.
She was right. I couldn't protect her from absolutely everything. Something was bound to slip between my fingers one day. I would have to look out for that day.
I felt her small hand touch my cheek, immediately taking my attention.
"It's more than enough for me, to know that you love me"
"I love you" I whispered for what felt like the millionth time that day. But I would never get tired of reminding her. Every time I uttered those words to her I felt that surge of happiness I had felt when she accepted me. It was as if every time I said 'I love you' my love to her was rejuvenated and stronger than the last time.
She smiled and then fell into a deep sleep.
While she slept I had plenty of time to worry for her.
I was back to thinking about how I could not change her.
She groaned. I turned my head towards her, thinking that maybe she was waking. On the contrary however, she merely turned to lay flat on her stomach and positioned a loose fist at her lips. She took the position of a sleeping baby.
That's what she was. She was only just a child. For heavens sake she was fifteen! How could she possibly know what she wants?! Sure she may think she knows, but at fifteen she was still not mature enough to make sense of what she asked for.
I hope that maybe with the years she grows out of the idea.
The days passed by. The first weeks passed in a slow fashion. She tried to at least look happy for us. Truth be told it hurt more to see her trying so hard than having her completely shut off from the world.
On the third day I couldn't see her like that anymore.
"You don't have to act for anyone" I said softly to her that night.
"I feel like I owe them that much" she explained.
"You owe no one anything Alex; we all understand what you're going through. We know it's not easy for you. We completely understand"
"Thank you" she murmured.
"Were all here for you" I assured her.
"Does this mean I have to go to school?" she asked worriedly. I chuckled. School was the least of her worries, like us it was just pretence in the human world.
"Actually I think it would be best for you to take a few days off"
"I think the same too" she agreed.
She did go back to school that Monday though. Exams were happening in school and she didn't feel like repeating the year.
Slowly she began to go back to her former self. She was constantly going to Hogwarts to check in on Harry. He seemed to be having a harder time but was still coping well.
"what's going to happen now?" I asked her.
She stopped playing with the water at the edge of the creek to look over her shoulder at me.
"What do you mean?" she stood up and sat next to me. She took my hand and began to play with my fingers.
"I mean the school year will be over next week. What are you going to do?"
"You say it as if I'm all alone on this" she said quietly.
I panicked, thinking that I had said it all wrong.
"No of course that's not what I meant." I quickly amended.
A soft chuckle emitted from within her.
"Relax" she said briefly kissing my lips. "I was kidding"
I smiled in relief. I had been really careful with my words lately. Afraid that what I said might offend her. It never did she would just roll her eyes, kiss me, and said I overreacted too much. If I was honest with myself, sometimes I just did it so she could kiss me. I loved it when she tried to reassure me. She tended to stroke my hair or give me sweet kisses. Little gestures like that always made my insides squirm in pleasure and they never failed to make me smile.
This time it was no different. A smile overtook my expression and I pressed her into my side where she wound her arms around my waist and laid her head on my shoulder.
"Well believe it or not I have things at Hogwarts that must be packed. I'll have to leave two days before"
I didn't like that one bit. I had talked to Dumbledore without Alex knowing and he assured me that if there was anything amiss that he would surely inform me. That made me feel slightly better. But if it were in my power I would follow her everywhere to make sure that she was fine. Unfortunately I wasn't able to do that. Besides she needed space as well.
"And after I have to go back to the dursleys" she said obviously not happy about that.
That was unexpected I did think she would have to return to them for the summer. That news was devastating.
"Do you have to go?" I asked softly.
"I'm afraid so" she said, equally sad. "Dumbledore explained the reason to us. There is a kind of protection in that house. Voldemort can't touch us there, and we have to go at least once a year to get that protection. It will last until we are adults, which is at seventeen. Then the protection will break. It's vitally important that I go back to them."
I guess I could comprehend that. But that didn't mean I couldn't go with her.
"I'll follow you" I promised.
"Edward" she laughed. "What will you possibly do in London?"
"Maybe not much during the day but I'll be with you at night."
"Remember I share a room with my brother. I don't think he'll feel comfortable having you there while we both sleep"
Damn she was right.
"So I won't see you for the whole summer?"
"I'm afraid not" she mumbled. "At least not while I'm with the dursleys. When we go to the weasley's you'll be able to visit me every day if you want to"
My family and I had decided that we would get involved with the order of the phoenix. Much to Alex's dismay. With this decision Dumbledore also explained to us that we must tell everyone in the order what we are. Of course they all vowed to never spill our secret. I could see the honesty in everyone's mind. They definitely made us feel very welcomed. Specially the weasley's. I could see why Alex likes them so much. They were such decent people.
"of course i'll be visit you every day. So you will be leaving back to London with harry and the rest?"
"Yes"
"I'm starting to miss you"
She smiled. "If you're going to miss me I can't imagine how I'm going to feel. Dudley isn't my favorite person to be stuck with in the summer"
Quite frankly I wasn't too keen on the idea of her having to go with those dreadful people. But if that ensured her safety than I was not left with any choice but to agree that she must go.
"Let's just make the most of this last week"she asked.
Suddenly she hopped on my lap placing her legs on either side of my thighs.
"How do you suggest we make the most out of it?" I smirked. Her smile became mischievous and she pushed me backwards. Or at least tried to push me down.
"Come on" she whined as she kept pushing me.
I laughed and in one swift movement flipped us over so that she was lying on the grass and I was on top of her.
The sun came out suddenly and hit my skin. Rainbows were reflected onto Alex's skin.
She stroked my cheek interestedly and I couldn't take any more of those sweet touches. I attacked her mouth and she gave a surprised squeal but quickly joined in on my fun.
I couldn't help the small chuckle that left me as her kiss got hungrier. Surely she didn't think it would go too far.
I reached my limit and quickly pulled away only to place a small peck on her lips.
"Okay that's enough" I said breathless.
"It's never enough" she muttered as she got off my lap.
She sat down next to me and hugged her knees to her chest and looked sadly out the water. She hadn't mentioned anything about it since the night she came back. But she had warned me that she wouldn't let it drop. She kept true to her word.
I stared at her. But of course it wasn't enough; after all I was fully aware that the relationship I was giving her wasn't the best. It was hardly a satisfying one.
"I'm sorry" I said quietly
"Me too" she sighed.
The rest of the day was comfortable. She tried to make me forget about that. But it was always there in the back of my mind. It always reminded me that I was not good enough for her.
Alex's pov
A year ago I had been broken beyond repair. A year ago I was leaving Hogwarts without a life. A year ago I had been dead.
Now it was the end of the year once more and I was healed.
I had come to realize that I only had a few summer clothes. Of course Alice had quickly taken it upon herself to get me a whole wardrobe of summer clothes. I would never talk about lack of clothes in her presence ever again.
And even though she had not met my brother she had also taken it upon herself to buy him clothes.
"Alice he doesn't even know you" I said as she packed my bag.
"He will though. I better see him wearing those clothes or else."
"I'll make sure to tell him" I grumbled. "Alice I don't see why you need to pack so many clothes"
"Just let me be" she said. I laughed quietly and left her to do her the packing. She was driving me insane with all the clothes talk. So I figured I'd rather go to Edward.
I walked down stairs where everyone was talking comfortably. I ran into Rosalie on my way down.
"Alice get to you?" she said with a smirk.
"Yes" I said with a laugh.
"Come for a walk with me." She said. "Away from nosy people" she added and looked to Edwards's way. I turned my sight towards him and he gave me a sheepish grin.
"Alright" I said and followed her out of the house and towards the woods.
"Hop on" she said when we reached the edge of the woods.
Careful so as not to ruin her clothes I climbed on her back and she took off. The motion didn't last much for in three minutes she stopped.
"They won't hear us here" she said as I slid off her back.
"You're not going to try and kill me are you?" I joked.
"No, I actually like you" she said sitting on the ground. It was an eerie sight. Here was what could possibly be the most beautiful woman on earth, clad in expensive clothes and she sat on the dirty ground of the forest. It was not something you saw often.
"So what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" I asked and took a seat next to her.
"I hear you want Edward to change you" well wasn't she straightforward.
"Something tells me you're not thrilled with the idea." I said noticing her tone.
"Well your right. I'm not thrilled." She said, her gorgeous face turned to a frown.
"May I ask why that is?"
"Because you don't deserve this life. Take it from me Alex; this isn't exactly a very happy life"
"You have Emmett" I pointed out.
"And trust me he's the only thing that makes this worthwhile"
"Exactly" I agreed. "I know that if I'm with Edward it won't matter to me that I have to live as a vampire for the rest of forever….tell me one thing Rosalie"
"Yes?"
"What makes you so opposed to me being a vampire?"
She sighed and look in front of her.
"I wish I had the same opportunity as you. You have the opportunity to live. I would give anything to have that option. And seeing you throw it away, it hurts almost as much as when my own life was taken"
"What happened to you Rosalie?"
She sighed. "It's a long story"
"There's time" I said. "Unless you don't feel comfortable telling me"
"I don't mind. You know everyone's story you should know mines too"
Life, I realized, had been very unfair to Rosalie hale. I felt for her. Truly I did. But that still didn't change my mind on the subject. She trusted me enough to tell me her story; it only seemed fair that I tell her my secret.
"Trust me Rosalie I see where you come from, I truly do. But I have reasons of my own. Mainly because I myself don't think I'm giving up anything"
She gave an incredulous laugh. "What do you mean Alex? You're giving up everything!"
"Not exactly" she gave me a questioning look. Yes I think I could trust her.
"How well can you hide your thoughts from Edward?" I asked. That was uncalled for; I could see it in her features.
"Fairly well I guess."
"Good because what I'm about to tell you, Rosalie, he cannot know."
"Your secret is safe with me" she assured me.
"I was bitten by a vampire almost two years ago."
I read her face and saw that she did not believe me. To prove it I pulled down my shirt enough for her to see the bite marks on my shoulder. She gasped.
"That's not possible" she whispered.
"It doesn't seem possible but it is."
"But you have a heart beat"
"I know… truth be told I don't know why that is. Have you noticed that it's unusually slow though?"
She became quiet, focusing on the sound of my heart. She looked up at me slowly.
"I can tell you for sure though, that I haven't aged since then, I'm still physically fourteen"
"How did it happen?"
"I'll be honest I can't remember anything from the incident. But I know I was attacked. That's for sure, I woke up at the hospital wing the next day and Dumbledore explained to me what had happened."
I went on and told her everything that I could remember. She never once interrupted me.
"See Rosalie? I wouldn't really lose anything"
"Alex why don't you tell Edward about this?" she asked.
"Because he will use it as an excuse to not change me. Edward is looking for anyway to keep my humanity. If he finds out that I'm half vampire he will surely want me to keep whatever I have left of my human self."
"Yeah that sounds like something he would so. Try and save as much of your soul as possible."
"My soul?" I asked unsure if I had heard correctly.
"Edward believes that our kind is soulless, and damned. It's the reason why he was so against changing Bella" she explained.
I was taken back to a few months ago when he had told me what had happened to Bella.
"I didn't want her to become a soulless creature"
That's what he had said. But it had never occurred to me that this was the reason for why he refused to change me. He feared for my soul. Guilt flooded within me as I realized that I had unjustly accused him of loving Bella more than he loved me. I really did cross the line.
"Oh trust me he has a soul" I muttered. An image of a dementor flashed through my head. "And I'll prove it to him"
"How?" she chuckled.
"I have ways."
"So you can look into people's memories?" she asked slightly awed.
"Yeah, I don't get to use it much though." I smiled. "Not many people know about it."
"I promise to take this to the grave" she said. "Cross my heart and hope to die."
I laughed along with her. But it quickly died down.
"I can't believe I accused him of loving Bella more than I did"
"You did that?" she asked in disbelief. I gave her a look of shame.
"When I asked him to change me, we got into an argument….when he said that he wouldn't change me I more or less accused him of loving Bella more than he did me. Of course he can never love me the way he loved Bella. But it was still wrong of me to blame him for that. It's not his fault"
"Guess not. It's not because of Bella. That's for sure. But it seems pretty reasonable for you to think like that. Edward, I daresay loves you more than Bella. Well truth is I never understood what he saw in her."
"She sounded like a lovely person" I offered.
"She was nice; still she was never my most favorite person. I was a bit hard on her at first"
"A bit?" I knew Rosalie enough to know that when she disliked someone she had no problem showing it.
"Well a lot. Vanity does that to me"
"Vanity?"
"She made me jealous" she shrugged.
"I cannot ever imagine the gorgeous Rosalie hale to be jealous of anyone"
"Shut up I don't need any more boost on my self esteem." I laughed. We talked a bit more before we decided to make our way back.
"Hello" I said crawling into the bed next to Edward. The Cullen's had left a while ago. Edward decided to stay with me especially since this was my last night before I left for London. Edward decided to take me out to dinner.
And now here we were in my room. Edward embraced me and pulled me next to his warm body.
"Thank you" I murmured.
"For what?" he asked. He had one hand over my stomach and he rubbed circles onto it with his thumb, effectively sending Goosebumps throughout my body.
"For dinner" I said. "I had a great time"
"I'm glad you enjoyed it." He said and put a chaste kiss on my lips. Before I knew it he was back into his original position as if he hadn't even moved.
"So what did you and Rosalie talk about?"
I chuckled. "Rosalie was right. You are nosy"
"I'm not nosy I'm just curious."
"We discussed my humanity"
He was quiet. Oh so now he didn't want to know anything else?
"She tried to change my mind. Apparently she is just as opposed to it as you are. Just for different reasons."
"Was she successful?" there was no hope in his voice, indicating that he knew the answer.
"You know me better than that."
No answer. His face was stoic. Even in the darkness I could see it.
"Is it about my soul?" I mumbled.
Slowly-well for him- he turned around and gently laid a hand on my cheek. "You're soul is much too precious for me to so brutally tarnish it"
"I'm sorry" I whispered.
"For what love?"
Love…had he called Bella love?
Focus Alex.
"I accused you of caring more for Bella than me. I shouldn't have even thought about that. I understand how special she is and I should never even have mentioned her"
"I do love you Alex, I love you no less than I loved her. Trust me. She was never the reason to my refusal though."
"I understand now. I'm sorry"
"Sometimes we make mistakes. And I only fed that thought when I didn't explain the real reason to you."
"Edward…you do have a soul" I said quietly.
"I find that hard to believe."
"Hey…look at me." I sat up and looked down at him. I placed my hand on his cheek and replayed the memory of a night almost three years ago when harry Sirius and I had come so close to losing our souls. I saw everything as I remembered that night. Edward watched those black cloaked dementors in horror as on swooped in dangerously close to my thirteen year old self. My form blurred as the dementor sucked on what seemed like only air. My terrified eyes began to lose sense.
I felt a hand take mines. I looked up at Edwards nervous eyes.
"It's only a memory Edward" I assured him.
Edward looked down at me and embraced me.
The scene changed to one that I had seen in professor McGonagall's head.
Barty crouch jr. sat bound to a chair in mad eye moody's clothes.
"Watch" I whispered to Edward and pointed to the door of the office we were in.
As soon as I finished the sentence the door swung open to reveal another dementor. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and a chill ran down my spine as the dementor swooped in towards crouch and seemingly kissed him. All that was heard was a brief scream and the sucking of air. All that was seen was a brief flash of light and then the dementor retreated to reveal an empty shell of crouch. No emotion in his eyes posture or expression. He was more or less dead.
Everything blurred and we were back to my room.
"You don't know what it is like to not have a soul." I said quietly. "Or to be on the verge of losing your soul for that matter. Last summer I almost had that same fate."
"Horrible creatures" he mumbled. Only then did I notice his strong hold on me.
"You have no idea. When you get anywhere close to them…you really feel like there is no hope. No happy memory is left in you. It's a horrible feeling Edward."
I looked back at him. "You have as much a soul as I do. Don't ever question that"
"It's hard to accept that. I've been thinking that way my whole existence. But thank you"
I dipped my head to kiss his lips and straddle him.
I would not touch my mortality subject any further tonight. I had to take baby steps and make him see that it really was the best thing.
His hands roamed down to my hips and he gently squeezed me. Then turned me so that he hovered on top of me. I pulled his face down towards me and began kissing his throat. I felt him shudder at my touch and a small moan escaped him. Further encouraging me to keep going. My hands made contact with his chest and ran my hands over it.
He connected his lips to mines once more but removed my hands from his chest. Just a few more seconds before he pulled away.
Five seconds later he made us pull apart. Both of us were breathing hard.
"You better prepare for when I get back" I whispered.
"Why?" He whispered back.
"Because when I get back I'm going to have a hard time keeping my hands to myself"
"That's perfectly understandable…after all who could possibly resist me?" he joked.
"I know I can't" I murmured and tried to steal another short make out session from him. It worked. He put his hand behind my head and pressed my face to his. I let out a moan when I felt his tongue trace my lips.
I let out a small laugh into his mouth as I straddled him.
He pulled apart and I almost whined, until he glued his lips to my neck. It tickled and I gently pulled at his hair.
"I love you" I panted.
He pulled back and looked at me. I knew he wasn't perfect, but he's the closest anyone will ever get to perfection.
"Do you really?" he panted.
"No" I breathed, "Love cuts it short… I adore you I….I'm speechless. Because there are no words to explain how I feel for you. My feelings are too big for words."
He granted me a longer make out session before I fell asleep. I have to admit that I had been lucky.
"I can't believe the year is over" I whispered. Edward held me close to his body. I remembered the beginning of the year. Everything just came back to me, the good and the bad things.
It was useless to try and not cry. They were happy and sad tears. For all the good and bad things.
"I know." He whispered. "The wait for you was worthwhile"
"Alex," called Frankie. "Time to go"
"Okay" I smiled.
I said goodbye to all of the Cullen's and told them I'd be seeing them soon. Alice was slightly upset with me for taking out more than half of the clothes she had packed for me. It all vanished when I reached her. I gave my best puppy face and she just hugged me.
"Okay I forgive you" she said. I laughed. I had been given not one, but two sisters this year. I smiled in happiness.
"I love you Alice" I said and kissed her cheek.
I said bye everyone else and then went back to Edward.
"You sure you don't want me to go to London with you?"
My smile fell and I took a deep breath. He wasn't joking; he really did want me to tell him to follow me to London. I wanted to do the same. But I couldn't just let him there unable to go out in the day. That's exactly why he lived in forks, so he would be able to go out during the day. I couldn't do that to him.
So I shook my head. "No you should stay here with your family. I'll be back soon"
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"God Edward" I murmured. "You put me to doubt"
"So that means?"
"It means that you're a vampire. Waiting should not be that unnerving to you. I'll be back so soon you won't even have time to miss me."
"But I already miss you" he countered.
"Yeah I miss you too." I admitted with a small smile.
"Alex" called Frankie.
"Fine" I muttered.
"I can go?" he asked like a little kid.
I gave a playful stern look and shook my head.
"Edward I love you" I said he leaned down and kissed me.
"Don't say that right now" he shook his head. "It feels like your saying goodbye"
I had hurt him that night I had decided to just blow off everything we had. He was so afraid that I would leave him one of these days. It hurt me to see how insecure I had made him.
"Only for a few short weeks" I muttered.
"God you two hurry up she's not going away forever Edward" Emmett said.
I chuckled but Edward looked at me seriously.
"You're not going away forever right?" I shot a glare at Emmett for his comment.
Edward worried me, he was very tense. I was fully aware of how hard this was for him.
"I'll be back" I promised. With one last kiss he helped me into the fireplace.
My eyes locked with his.
"Please be safe" he said.
"Me?" my eyebrows bunched toggethere in a questioning look and I put my right hand on my collarbone. "I'm always safe" sarcasm dripped from my words.
He smiled slightly.
"Hogwarts!" the flames engulfed me and I was taken back to Hogwarts.
It wasn't easy, being back at Hogwarts, I had coped well because Edward had been there trying to cheer me up. Just seeing him try had been enough for me to evade the sadness in my being. But those two last days in Hogwarts they hadn't been very pleasant. However this was a process I had to go through.
Being back at Hogwarts. Hearing Dumbledore's end of the year speech and hopping back on the Hogwarts express so that it could take us back to London. It made it feel like forks and everything that happened there had been a dream.
But if it really had been a dream I know that I would not have been able to sit on that train and laugh and joke with my friends and brother.
As the Hogwarts express came to a stop at kings cross station I took a deep breath.
Harry put his hand in mines and squeezed it. I looked at him and he smiled at me.
We'll be back at the burrow sooner than you think
We had gotten better at having conversations inside our head.
I hope so.
Soon we were off the train and through the magical barrier back to the muggle world.
We expected to be met by the dursleys just like every year when we went back. However we were shocked to see not only the weasley's but also lupin tonks, and mad eye moody.
Harry, Ron, Hermione and I walked over to them.
Turns out they had come to have a little talk with the dursley's, as mad eye so nicely put it.
They more or less warned the dursley's not to bother us or else. The dursley's were definitely intimidated because they did not say a single word to us throughout the whole way. Not even an insult. That was an improvement.
I knew that the wait until I saw Edward would be long and not very happy.
I just didn't know that there would be more bumps in our relationship.
okay you guys i appreciate anything you have to say
even if u have to say this was a pile of shit like this person told me one time.
cracked the shit out of me, that one did.
anyways, yeah.
-airali