Leia's eyes widened and she suddenly became very flustered. Looking down at their entwined hands, she pulled hers out of his grasp and nervously pushed at the wisps of hair around her face. "Really, Captain, I think it would be best –"
He captured her hands once again and quickly kissed them before replacing them where they were a moment ago. "Doesn't matter. I gave it to you and that's where it's staying."
"That was supposed to be only for the mission." She argued, but it wasn't with her normal forceful gusto and her voice was not raised.
Solo shook his head gently, his voice just above a whisper, "I never said that."
"But we agreed-"
"No. We didn't." Solo could feel the flat-out fear that she was projecting at the merest notion of becoming his wife. His high hopes for the evening were beginning to falter, but he wasn't going to budge on this particular point at least. He could be just as stubborn. Once more, he took a breath and kept his demeanor and voice steady. "Listen, I didn't give it to you expecting any sort of obligation. It was a gift."
He waited for her to lift her eyes to him and squeezed her hands. "I gave it to you because I want you to have it, Leia. Okay?"
He must have said something that affected her because she froze for a second and then decidedly acquiesced. Only later when he replayed this night in his mind would he realize that he had used her given name and wonder if it had anything to do with her giving in.
"Okay." She once again reclaimed her hands from him and picked up her wine. The Princess seemed to take a large enough gulp to almost drain her wine glass, but tried to cover it up by eating the last bite of the food sitting in front of her quickly in between 'sips'.
Solo refilled her glass once again and settled back deciding to move the subject onto something easier to talk about. "So, did you like the lake?"
"Yes, it was quite lovely, but seeing the sunset through the waterfall in the cave was something I'll not forget soon."
"Yeah, me either." Solo was confused. Here he was trying to steer the conversation away from the stone, the cave, and maybe all of it. After her truly fearful reaction a minute ago, he knew he wasn't going to be able to ask her anything about her feelings for him. Now, here she was doing another turnabout and directly bringing up the cave.
If the Princess were seriously upset, she wouldn't go anywhere near the subject. While she might have a little extra 'liquid courage' rushing through her bloodstream at the moment, she was quite aware and in control of what she was saying. He couldn't figure out for the life of him what she was up to unless….
"So, you're just going to go along with whoever they choose to be your wife?" Leia blurted out.
"Looks that way," Han quickly mumbled as he drained his drink stalling for time. He barely controlled his mouth dropping open from sheer shock value of her question. So, she was worried and possibly even jealous. Maybe all of this effort hadn't been for nothing. Maybe she was really coming around after all. Could he be that lucky?
"I find it hard to believe you - of all people - are doing whatever the Council is asking of you without a fight." Leia accused.
"What's so hard about that, Your Highnessness? Or is honor and obligation reserved for royalty from Alderaan and Uluruan?"
He hadn't meant it to sound as harsh as it had come out. Again, he knew this was the complete opposite of the image he worked to so hard to portray to the galaxy. At the moment, he was less concerned about holding up that callous part of his image to the Princess. At this point, there was hardly any reason to do so.
Thing was, everyone has a weakness or two. This is why he understood Leia's ordeal with Alderaan. He knew what it was like to lose everything with any meaning in your life right before your eyes. He also understood her staunch allegiance to the Alliance. She would do anything to feel like she could do something good for those she lost. So would he if put in the same position. He was here and this is what he felt he had to do even if anyone from outside of the Clans didn't think it was it his nature. Hopefully, it didn't mean losing his other 'weakness' from his life entirely.
"Actually, you're one of the most honorable and loyal people I know," she whispered looking down at her wine glass as if she were afraid he actually heard her say it.
That admission hung in the air for a few long heavy moments. Han let it sink and the remembrance of them sitting in the cockpit on the way to Yavin IV came back to him. '…I'm in it for the money.' 'I wonder if he really cares about anything… or anybody.' They had come so far from that day. So far, and yet nowhere in many ways.
Leia's bravery returned and again she turned to him. "But why would you let them choose for you? Why don't you try to find a way to delay it until it's your choice?"
"I've already delayed it by not coming back, remember?"
Solo warred with himself about whether or not to confess his love for her and tell her that she was his only personal choice for a mate. He looked into her eyes and tried to speak, but it wouldn't come out.
He sat there trying to figure what was so important enough that he couldn't even say anything. He wanted her. He was sure of that. What did he have to lose?
Her.
He had her to lose.
If he did nothing and bonded to someone else, then he lost her because of the Code. But, if he asked her and she said 'no,' then he lost her because she didn't want him. Somehow that thought was worse than anything to him. He knew she admired him for his courage. He had loads of unending courage when it came to protecting her, but the idea she may not actually want him made him frozen with fear.
The moment slipped away and Leia broke the eye contact first with a saddened sigh. She maneuvered the tray away from her so she could stretch her legs out in front of her and became lost in her thoughts.
Maybe I should invoke my first rights.
The thought entered Leia's head without her permission. She immediately dismissed it as ridiculous.
Still…
She sat back and leaned heavily on the couch. After all that had happened between them over the years, how was she going to let them take him from her like this?
She blinked her eyes hard to clear that entire line of thought. He wasn't hers. Be that as it may, there had to be something she could do. She owed him that much. He had bonded to her on Uluruan, but that had been a farce to appease the royal traditions there. It had been dissolved immediately. Now here he was faced with his own arcane rules and he had not even brought up asking her to do the same for him.
She wondered if it had anything to do with the idea of how sacred the union was supposed to be here. More than a few times, she thought he might actually have some real feelings for her. Even tonight with his insistence that she keep the Falcon's Eye, it was hard to not believe there was something real there.
Their excursion to the secret cave today began forcing its way to the forefront of her mind. He certainly was flirting with her on the way there, but that was just Han being Han. Then again, just before they made a run for it, he seemed so serious. That wasn't flirting.
What if…..?
Furthermore, he had never answered her question from the night before on the porch and she certainly wasn't about to bring it up again. She wasn't even sure why she allowed the question to leave her lips in the first place last night.
No, if he loved her or even had real feelings for her beyond friendship, he would have said something by now. He's never been the silent type. She had seen him talk his way out of a lot of tight spots. Besides, he never seemed to hold back on the opportunity to argue with her rather than bite his tongue. Yes, if had something to say, he would've said it. She thought back to that night on the garden on Uluruan. He had seemed so interested in her feelings towards him. He really was rather easy to get along with during all of that. He was even nice which had surprised her to no end at the time.
In fact, ever since then he had been acting differently towards her. Nicer overall. Sure they still had their arguments, but it was different. They were really getting along for the most part.
The wine, food and fire combination must be getting to her if she was thinking like this – most especially the wine. Perhaps she should say goodnight and make her way upstairs before her self-control wandered any further. Perhaps just a few more minutes wouldn't hurt though. It felt so good to be here with him like this. She was reluctant to end the evening. It was so relaxing.
"Maybe I should invoke my first rights." She mentioned almost off-handedly still staring into the fire.
This time, Han's jaw literally did drop and it was his turn for his head to whip around to face her. His luck just couldn't be that good.
She turned her head nonchalantly towards him and appeared puzzled by his dramatic reaction. "What? It's okay for you to bond to royalty on Uluruan, but not okay for royalty to bond to you on Corellia?"
"Oh, it's okay," he nearly stuttered. "Except you're forgetting it can't be dissolved like on Uluruan."
She stared at him for a long second and turned away.
Solo frowned. That was not the way he wanted that end. Of course, she had taken him by surprise and the moment was lost. If it was going to happen anymore tonight, that would have been it.
"Shame, though. Our kids would've won the genetic lottery," he considered aloud staring at the fire. Now he was surprising himself.
"Kids?" It clicked in her head that those were probably the 'obligations' he was alluding to before. That would make sense.
"Yeah, little hard to re-populate a Clan without 'em." He pointed out nodding to her sarcastically. "They would've been the best-looking brood around."
She snorted at his well-worn vanity.
"I'm serious." He insisted.
"Oh, I know." She agreed readily, rolling her eyes. The Princess was fully aware of his high opinion of himself. She put her glass down and pulled her robe tighter. "I think this is where I say goodnight."
Leaning on the couch cushions for support, she stood up slowly making sure she had her balance and found her way upstairs without another word or a looking back.
"Night, Princess," he called to her.
xxxmtfbwyxxx
Later as he was drifting to sleep, he replayed the evening in his mind wishing with all his might that it had been different. His last thoughts for the night were of her…
He looked down at the dozing Princess next to him. Her face so relaxed in sleep and a bit flushed from the warmth of the fire. He envisioned himself picking her up and carrying her up the stairs and wafting her down into his old bed. He pretended she would then dreamily open her eyes and smile at him.
"Why did you give me your Falcon's Eye?" she would whisper.
He would muster every ounce of his courage to answer. "Because I love you, Leia. Always have."
Her fears and reservations about him would quickly play across her face and then culminate to one statement. "I don't want to lose you."
He would tighten his arms that were still wrapped around her. "Be my wife." It was a plea, but not a question.
Her slow smile would be her answer.
While he returned the smile, she would reach up and grasp his shoulders to pull him down to her for a kiss. The kiss would turn passionate and she would pull him towards her even more thus encouraging him to climb onto the bed to hover over her as they continued to kiss deeply. She would open her robe to him and show him that she was wearing the negligée for him and he would reward her with a trail of kisses all along the plunging neckline. All the while, she would sigh longingly in response to his attentions and beg him breathlessly not to stop…..