Quarrels and Shadows

The day on which Neville had his magic check with Lestrange started the way days in the Longbottom family usually tended to start plus the argument Alice and Hannah had been having ever since the barbecue party. Alice wanted to warn the younger woman of Voldemort's real self and tried to tell her that she was in denial while Hannah accused her of living in the past, unable to accept the current situation.

"Can't you stop being so negative about everything?" Hannah asked in exasperation.

"I don't let myself be blinded," Alice responded. "That's all. What is it? Are you too cowardly or too stupid to face reality?"

"I don't have to listen to this," Hannah shouted which was really unusual for her. "I'm off to work now Neville. When we're back, we have to talk!"

She stormed off, leaving a rather distraught Neville behind.

"I wonder what she wants to discuss with you," Alice said. "Does she want to get rid of me? Maybe tell You-Know-Who or the Death Eaters what I'm saying to her or what?"

"I'm sure Hannah doesn't want any such thing," Neville said.

Did she really believe that the woman she had been living with for eight years was capable of such treachery? It made Neville really sad. The fact that the children were listening with fearful eyes made it even worse.

"If someone starts to admire the Dark Lord, there's nothing and no one that matters to them anymore," Alice said. "We kept saying so in the Order and I've seen it with my own eyes."

"Hannah doesn't admire him that much, I'm certain of that," Neville assured her. "But don't you think you can give it a rest? She knows what you believe now. She'll only get more stubborn if you keep talking to her like that."

"It's hard to see my own daughter-in-law speak about him this way," Alice said. "Seeing her admire those people. Her own mother was killed by them and she doesn't even seem to care."

Neville sighed. He was glad that his mother hadn't brought this topic up in Hannah's presence but he knew it would be only a matter of time. Hannah's mother had been killed in a Death Eater attack on Diagon Alley. The exact circumstances of her death were unclear. The Aurors had merely found her body after the fight. Hannah herself believed that she had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, hit by stray curses while doing her shopping. Kingsley suspected that Mrs Abbott had attempted to step in when she saw the Death Eaters tormenting Muggle-borns.

"I'm sure she does care," Neville said. "She believes her mother's death was an accident though."

"That's ridiculous. The Death Eaters don't kill someone accidently. And even if this had been the case, she would never have died if it hadn't been for them."

The last part of this statement was certainly true but Neville wasn't sure about the first part. At the end of his sixth year, the Death Eaters had even killed one of their own by accident.

Neville really didn't know how he was supposed to help his mother and wife stop this argument. "I'll try to explain to her why you feel this way when we talk." That was all he could do.

If he was still able to after the conversation with Lestrange. The Death Eater had given no hint of knowing anything he hadn't known before but it was quite possible that he only was going to tell Neville when he had him nearby and not before when he'd have a chance to flee. This seemed to be the most pressing matter for Neville and the argument between his wife and mother was rather bothersome. He didn't wish to worry them with the truth though.

The arrival of the family owl Lissy put an end to the conversation. There was a letter tight to Lissy's leg which surprised Neville greatly. They had scheduled their meeting via the mirrors, why would Lestrange send him a letter? He was even more surprised when the owl landed in front of Alice and stretched her leg out so she could take the latter. Alice didn't seem to wish to do so.

Neville took the letter before Lissy would get too disappointed. The words "From Roderic to Neville's Mum" stood on the outside of the letter, written in the awkward, hardly legible manner of a child.

"The letter's from Roderic," Neville said perplexed. "The Lestranges' son."

"I know who Roderic is," Alice said to his surprise. "Would you give it to me? I thought-"

She didn't finish her sentence and she didn't have to. Alice had probably believed that one of the adult Lestranges had written a letter to her for whatever reason. Neville didn't understand why Roderic would write to her. He didn't intend to ask what had happened to her in a letter, did he?

Neville handed the letter to his mother and she got up, leaving her half-eaten cereals behind.

"It's okay," Francis said. "Gran and Roderic talked for a long time when we met on the playground a few weeks ago. Back when we were having this argument, I think she told you."

His mother hadn't told Neville about this incident but there was no need to tell Francis that.

Neville didn't think that his toast really tasted well anymore but he didn't get up from the breakfast table as long as they children were eating. Everyone running off like that was rather rude.

Alice returned after a little while but this time, she sent the children to their rooms so they'd fetch their books and parchment for her lesson before she spoke.

"Something's happened which made Roderic see what Hannah is so eager to deny."

"What's happened?" Neville wanted to know. And why would Roderic write to his mother of all people?

"Voldemort has tortured Bellatrix rather badly," Alice explained. "Roderic understood what had happened of course and now he writes that he hates Voldemort. I'd really wish to hear this from Hannah but Roderic? If he says this aloud, his own mother will hand him over as a traitor."

The Lestranges seemed to love their children Neville though, but he knew that no one could be sure if they didn't love Voldemort more, especially Bellatrix. He didn't understand why Voldemort had done something like that again. He had thought the Dark Lord had stopped behaving that way and begun to act like a normal leader. Was his mother really right and they had both been more delusional than he had thought possible? He didn't want to imagine what Voldemort would do to non-supporters who got on his wrong side if he treated his favourite Death Eater like that.

"I hope he didn't tell them but even sending something like this via owl-post is extremely risky," Alice said. "Would you take my response to Roderic and hand it to him directly? And do you think you could ask if Roderic can visit us when Deborah visits them? That's already decided after all." Without asking me, she didn't say that but Neville knew she thought it. He didn't like her suggestion too much. His situation was probably precarious enough as it was, he really didn't wish to make it even more so by asking something like this. He could see his mother's point though.

"I'm not sure if there will be an opportunity," he said. "And we should ask Francis. If he doesn't want to stay here with him, I can't really allow it."

Alice asked her grandson right away when he had returned with his things. To Neville's surprise, Francis didn't seem to object to the idea. "The last times we've met, we got along alright. And we learned a new game at the Bones'. I'd like to have another boy to play it with, sorry Deb."

"Alright, that's settled then," Alice said. "If the Lestranges don't object."

Neville thought this was quite likely but he'd try. If it made his mother feel better about Deborah's visit at the Lestranges' this was reason enough to try. Neville didn't think there was much they could do for Roderic and his position with Voldemort.

When Neville reached the Lestranges' home, Roderic was the one who opened the door. He looked pale and tired. Neither of his parents was anywhere near which allowed Neville to give him his mother's letter. "My mother told me that you should burn it after reading," he said. He didn't like this kind of thing. His mother wouldn't have approved if Rodolphus had given Deborah letters in secret either but he didn't want to argue and he knew she meant no harm.

"Is your father home?"

"Yes, he is. He's with Mum I think. She's been ill you know."

Neville wasn't sure how to respond. His mother had told him about Bellatrix' illness and the reasons for it but he didn't know if he should tell the boy he knew. He was surprised to hear that she still seemed to require medical attention though. This was more than a simple quick Cruciatus curse use in punishment like the Carrows had done it. He didn't know how Voldemort usually punished his supporters though he couldn't put it into perspective.

"Is she seriously ill?" Neville asked, the boy could tell him as much as he wanted this way. He slipped slightly on the wet gravel. It had been raining softly all day.

Roderic sighed. "She won't die or anything. It's just, the Dark Lord, well, he has tortured her. You know, I've read this word in the books on the Cruciatus curse but I never knew what it was supposed to mean. Now I know."

Neville had never seen the boy look so serious. He shouldn't be faced with such things at this age. No child should.

"Will you come in? We're getting really wet."

They walked into the Lestranges' hallway. The people on the portraits whispered to each other as always. Roderic slipped the letter into his pocket and called for his father.

Neville took a deep breath, bracing himself for the meeting.

Lestrange looked rather tired but otherwise unperturbed by the troubles his family was facing. Neville knew him well enough by now to be able to tell that this was his only way of showing that something was bothering him. On the pictures taken after Azkaban, he had looked tired as well. It was probably the effort of keeping his other emotions hidden.

"Good morning, Neville."

"Good morning," Neville said, trying to make his voice sound calm. If he wasn't careful, Lestrange would guess from Neville's behaviour that he had something to hide even if he hadn't realised it before.

He followed Lestrange to his study, the usual place where they discussed their work. Neville wasn't sure if he was supposed to say something about Bellatrix or not. Lestrange hadn't told him officially and Neville couldn't really say that he felt sorry for her. She had chosen to become a Death Eater and she had no qualms about torturing other people so why should he pity her when she got a taste of it herself? He would treat her like any other patient if her husband wasn't available of course, but Neville preferred not to be asked to fake concern or admit his lack of it.

"Do you still suffer any side effects of the Memory Potion?" Lestrange asked when they had settled down.

"No, I don't. My magic seems to work normally again as well. It took a while but some spells actually feel easier now."

"I'm glad to hear that it has worked the way we hoped it would now," Lestrange said. "Will you let me have a look at your magic once again?"

"Of course," Neville said. That was what he had come here for after all.

Lestrange performed the spell that Neville had undergone many times during the last few weeks. When he looked upon the diagram he had drawn, he seemed quite satisfied.

"Do you see? The barrier is gone. Your magic has re-formed and the old connections have returned. There's unused potential now but you will surely discover this when you need it. Everything's gone well."

"Good," Neville said. "That was my feeling as well." Lestrange's words didn't make it sound as if he wanted to have Neville arrested for disloyalty afterwards. If he did, there'd be no further chance to discover any new potential within his magic. He knew that Lestrange would probably become suspicious if he was too quick to leave though. He decided to ask about the "shadows" left behind by the Cruciatus curse. They had discussed this subject during his illness. He didn't really care about the answer at the moment but it seemed safe to ask.

"Oh yes, you're right. I almost forgot about that" Lestrange said after he had asked his question. "Most people believe that short exposure to the Cruciatus curse is harmless and has no lasting consequences of any kind. You know how the curse works and therefore you also know that it isn't quite true.

"The effects seem to wear off completely but small traces linger behind and have a certain influence on the magic. The magic adapts to it. In strong and resilient people, the resistance against the Cruciatus curse improves. It does so at the expense of other aspects of magical resistance though. The person becomes more susceptible to Legilimency and to some magical and other illnesses as well. Wounds will heal more slowly. In your case, the sensitivity to the Medea's Leaf ingredients in the Memory Potion became much stronger. You probably won't even notice it under normal conditions though."

Neville didn't think he was ill more often than other people. He wasn't very good at Occlumency but Harry had never been either and he hadn't been exposed to the Cruciatus curse very often. At least not as far as Neville knew.

"People who do not have that strength or who are very young become more vulnerable to the Cruciatus curse in addition to the rest and their magic suffers permanent damage," Lestrange continued. "That's why using the Cruciatus curse on younger students was a grave mistake by the Carrows. I'm certain that we see some of our patients so frequently because of this."

Neville had also noticed that a surprisingly large number of people who overexerted themselves with their magic or got infected with magical diseases had been students in their first to third year during Neville's seventh year. It had never occurred to him to link this with the Carrows' treatment of the students though.

"I'm certain that the Carrows were not aware of that," Lestrange said.

"I don't think that's an excuse," Neville said. "I do wonder why they chose someone to teach Dark Arts class who didn't know what the spell he tries to "teach" all year actually does."

"Yes, I'm not going to defend this staff decision. Still, it would have been hard for them to know about this particular phenomenon. I've come across it during my earlier years at Saint Mungo's and due to the particular circumstances; we didn't publish anything about it."

"May I ask what those particular circumstances were?" Neville's curiosity was awakened.

"You may. It's not really politically charged anymore. It was the first war between the Ministry and the Dark Lord. Saint Mungo's was extremely busy and understaffed. Much more so than now. There were many injured trainee Aurors among our patients. We actually suspected that their "resist and survive-training" or whatever it was called included surviving at least one night at Saint Mungo's."

Neville remembered his mother mentioning this kind of training when she had told him about her role in the war. She hadn't mentioned any injuries though.

"The trainee Aurors usually didn't want to tell the Healers what they had done in their top secret training and how they had received their injuries. You know what that means, tedious rows of diagnostic spells and sometimes hours spent on conditions that could normally be remedied with one counter spell. It wasn't a very popular job. Derwent decided to delegate it to me so I could improve my skills at diagnostic spells."

"You probably weren't happy about this, were you?" Neville asked wondering if his hatred for Aurors had already begun during this time.

"Actually, I was," Lestrange said. "I was an ambitious Slytherin and I couldn't wait to have my own patients and prove myself. I was proud when I was given this task." He smiled reminiscently. "It made me feel important. The trainee Aurors were all around my age and I was actually able to do my job already while they stumbled through their training. Rather foolish in hindsight maybe but being annoyed about it wouldn't have helped me."

Neville asked himself if his parents had been among those trainee Aurors who had ended up at Saint Mungo's regularly.

"Anyway, I did everything very thoroughly because I wanted to show everyone I was able to. During the diagnostic spells, I found out that almost all of them had abnormalities in their magic. I didn't really understand it at first but it made me curious of course and I wrote it down thoroughly and looked for clues. Well, and then a young witch came in who clearly showed signs of having been exposed to the Cruciatus curse."

Neville wondered who the woman had been. He asked.

"You don't know her and I'm not supposed to tell. She was really shocked when she found out that I noticed this without being told. This made me doubt that it had been an outside attack. After a while, she admitted that it had been used during her training and the people in charge had obviously lost control. Using the curse was completely new to them at the time. Derwent was shocked when he heard about it. He raised a big fuss over it because he thought it was his duty to protect those young people. Crouch didn't want to hear any of it though. He believed it was necessary. When Derwent wanted to inform the press, they threatened to accuse him of Death Eater affiliations. Nasty situation. In the end, Derwent gave in but he was never comfortable with it. They did take better care in future though. And we learned what effects it has if someone repeatedly has the Cruciatus curse used on them for a short time."

Neville thought that this Healer Derwent had been quite brave. Not everyone would have stood up against the Ministry even though it had been futile in the end. This corruption had probably been a major reason for the old government's downfall.

"So you've often treated Aurors?" Neville asked, wondering what could have made him join their enemies later. Where had all the hatred come from? Neville didn't understand why and how Lestrange had made the transition from Healer to torturer. During all their many conversations, he had never talked about that. Lestrange hadn't allowed Neville to see anything but a few chosen memories when he had taught him Legilimency either.

"I've specialised in dark magic injuries. Aurors were most likely to sustain those and seek treatment. People who handled cursed objects illegally tended to avoid this though I had some of them as well and accidents of course."

Neville decided to ask after all. Maybe it would explain some things better. "Did you treat my parents as well?"

"Your mother was at Saint Mungo's quite a few times. Unlike your father, she also came if the injury wasn't immediately life-threatening. Once during her training and rather often in her first months as a qualified Auror. She finished the training as the best of her year and seemingly was a bit careless and overconfident. She was assigned to indoor service for a while afterwards and had to accompany her injured colleagues to the hospital. Later, she was admitted twice when she had returned to her normal jobs."

"Careless" and "overconfident" were words Neville would never ever have associated with his mother. Was Lestrange telling him lies about her? Neville should have known better than to ask him of all people. Now he knew that she had indeed once been his patient, something he had always suspected. She had once trusted him and she had been betrayed in the worst possible way. Neville knew the same could happen to him, a danger he had never really denied. He was slightly surprised that Lestrange still knew exactly how many times in which period of her professional life Alice Longbottom had been his patient.

Lestrange never acknowledged what he had done to her in any way. He neither showed any signs of guilt or regret nor any mockery or attempts to justify himself. Sometimes, Neville wondered if he was pretending to himself that those Death Eater years during the first war and the crimes he had committed didn't even exist. Maybe he wanted to forget or simply thought it was convenient to act that way.

"Neville." Lestrange glanced at the clock on the wall.

He had once again spent way too much time here with Lestrange, Neville thought. It was time to leave.