Chapter 25: I've Been Thinking

Kurt had a plan. It was more of a dream really, but if he called it a plan, it seemed slightly more realistic. He was going to get into NYADA next year, and live in New York. Nigel was going to graduate and find a job, also in New York, and they were going to live happily ever after. Perfect, right? There were a lot of 'ifs' in the plan, which he did his best to ignore. He took the plan to bed with him at night. It was a warm, fuzzy lullaby that he wrapped around himself to keep from worrying about graduation and NYADA. He hadn't mentioned it to Nigel, not yet. It was still a long shot. Nigel was going to love the plan!

Nigel had a plan. He'd thought about it for a while now. He was convinced that it was the right thing to do. It was, definitely, the right thing for Kurt. There were a lot of 'ifs' in the plan, which he did his best to ignore. He hadn't mentioned it to Kurt, not yet. It was still a long shot. Kurt was going to hate the plan!

Hands shaking, Kurt turned his back to his father, and opened the letter from NYADA. "Dear Mr. Hummel" Burt waited, at least as nervous as his son, as Kurt continued reading in silence. Kurt turned. "I'm a finalist!"

"You did it. You did it, Kurt. In this moment, on this day, you won!" Burt had tears in his eyes.

Step One: in the NYADA, Nigel, New York plan; get selected as a finalist. Accomplished! Still a long way to go, but he could almost feel the plan becoming reality. Yes! This was going to be so fucking amazing!

Hands shaking, Nigel opened the letter from a Boston bank. "Dear Mr. Dennison" Nigel continued reading in silence. He dropped the letter on the kitchen table, and sank into the nearest chair. It was right there, in black and white. They were offering him a position as a data analyst, starting in May.

Step One: in his plan to do the right thing; find a job. Accomplished!

Step Two: tell Kurt.

He could almost see it; Kurt's expression when he told him about his plan. Oh, God! This was going to be so fucking painful!

Nigel was still sitting at the kitchen table, when his pocket vibrated.

From Kurt: I'm a NYADA finalist!

From Nigel: Congratulations! Look out, NY!

From Kurt: Making Celebration Sundaes for dessert. Come for dinner.

There was no way he could sit through dinner with Kurt and his family. Not with his mind creating horror stories revolving around Kurt's reaction to his plan.

From Nigel: Can't make dinner. Save a Sundae for me. 8?

From Kurt: K

Kurt bounced to the door, and threw it open. "Hey, You! Just in time. Butterscotch or Chocolate sauce?"

Even with his stomach roiling with nerves, Nigel just had to smile. A Kurt this happy could break a grin out on the stone faces of Mount Rushmore! "Uh, both?"

"Marshmallows or Smarties?"

Nigel followed Kurt into the kitchen. "Smarties. Need some help?"

Kurt pulled three Baskin Robbins containers out of the freezer. "Pick your poison."

Nigel laughed, picked up an ice cream scoop, and dug out some Peanut Butter Chocolate. Kurt opted for Chocolate Mousse Royale. He poured chocolate sauce over Nigel's ice cream and then his own. Nigel added butterscotch to his sundae and Kurt drizzled out the Smarties. Nigel put the containers back in the freezer and joined Kurt at the table.

"Have you figured out what you want to do for the NYADA audition?"

Nigel watched Kurt's eyes as he spoke. He watched his lips move as he talked. He nodded in all the right places, but he processed none of it.

"So, what do you think?" Kurt tapped his spoon against his lip, still considering his audition song.

Nigel reached for Kurt's hand. "I think your audition will blow them away, no matter what song you choose."

Kurt curled his fingers around Nigel's hand. "Exactly the right answer, Mr. Dennison." Kurt laughed and gathered up their empty dishes, putting them in the dishwasher. He leaned against the counter, and tugged Nigel close. "Perhaps I should stray from the expected path, try something more avant garde." Kurt nipped Nigel's ear lobe. "Would you care for a private audition?"

Nigel looked into Caribbean eyes shining with happiness, and affection, and lust. "Yes."

Finn popped into the kitchen, as Kurt started to drag Nigel out. "Kurt, do we have…"

"I'm not here, Finn. You haven't seen me, and you have no idea where I am."

"What are you talking about? You're right here."

Nigel grinned at Finn and followed Kurt out of the kitchen. Behind him, he heard Finn mutter, "Oh!" to himself as he opened the fridge.

Kurt turned at the bottom of the staircase, and kissed Nigel. He walked them backwards towards his bed.

Nigel stopped walking, slid his lips away from Kurt's, and sent them grazing across Kurt's cheek. He stroked into Kurt's hair. "We've got to talk."

"That doesn't sound good." Kurt joked, expecting Nigel to laugh.

Nigel walked over to the couch, and sat, patting the cushion beside him. Kurt sat stiffly, staring at Nigel's way too serious face.

"You're making me nervous." Kurt teased, hoping to make Nigel smile.

"That's because I'm nervous." Nigel turned to face Kurt, curling one leg under him on the couch. "Kurt, I got a job offer today."

"That's fantastic, Nigel!" Kurt threw his arms around the OSU student, hugging him tightly before sitting back to ask, "Is it what you wanted? Where?"

"Yes, data analyst at a bank..." Nigel held Kurt's eyes. "... in Boston."

Kurt went still, his face blank. "Boston?" Kurt scanned the room, seeing nothing. "You're going to Boston?"

Nigel nodded, watching Kurt. "Yes."

"Boston" Kurt whispered the word, trying to absorb its meaning. Nigel was going to Boston, not New York, Boston. Nigel was going to Boston!

Kurt jumped up and crossed to his computer. "Okay, it's not too late. I'll apply to a school in Boston." He turned to grin at his boyfriend still sitting on the couch. "I'll bet they have a great drama program there."

Nigel got up and stood behind Kurt's chair. He put his hands on Kurt's shoulders. "Kurt, no."

Kurt swiveled in his chair, and faced Nigel. "What do you mean, no?"

Nigel took Kurt's hand, and pulled him up, out of his desk chair. "Come sit down."

Kurt sat on the couch, his hand still in Nigel's. "Oh, my God, there's more, isn't there?" He didn't notice that his nails were digging into Nigel's wrists until Nigel winced. He loosened his grip. "You're breaking up with me?"

"No. Never!" Nigel took Kurt's face in his hands, and looked directly into his eyes. "I will never break up with you. They will have to pry my dry brittle bones away from you with a crow bar. Never, Kurt!"

"Then what?"

Nigel released Kurt, and sat back. "I don't want you coming to Boston." Nigel raised his hand as Kurt started to protest. "Kurt, you want NYADA. You've always wanted NYADA and I want that for you. We'll do the long distance thing. It won't be impossible. I'll be working. I can fly up on weekends. It's a large bank, Kurt. After a year or two, I can probably get a transfer to New York. We can do this."

Kurt's eyes were getting darker, and his skin was starting to flush. Nigel saw the signs and braced for impact. "A year or two? No way, Dennison. I'm coming to Boston. End of story." Kurt stood up.

"Kurt, sit down." Nigel didn't raise his voice. "Please." Even as angry as he was, Kurt couldn't deny the plea in Nigel's eyes. He sat.

"I've been thinking about this, a lot. College is about more than just school, Kurt. I lived in residence for two years before I moved back here to help Claire. I learned a lot in those two years. I learned who I was. I met new people, and learned something from each of them. I want that for you."

"Of course, I know that. But I can do that in Boston."

"No, you can't. You'll miss out on the best part of campus life because you'll be living with me; the spontaneous parties, the late night trying to understand the universe talks, the beer bashes, the sheer drama of two hundred kids from all over the country stuck in one building."

Kurt sniffed disdainfully. "I think I'll pass." He took his boyfriend's hand. "I'd rather be with you, Nigel, really."

"You think I want to be alone in a new city, and come home to an empty apartment every night? Of course, I want you there."

"Great!"

"No. It wouldn't be fair to you, Kurt. It wouldn't be fair to us." Nigel ran his fingers through his hair. "You've heard the stories, couples who got together in high school, and then somewhere down the road they start wondering what they missed, and they break up saying, 'Oh, we were just too young.' I don't want that to happen to us, Kurt. I don't want you sitting in front of the TV fifteen years from now, wishing I was someone else."

"Nigel! That would never happen."

"You don't know that, Kurt. I'm your first lover, your only lover."

Kurt narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, moving as far away from Nigel as the couch would allow. "Okay, how many?"

Nigel was lost. "How many what?"

"How many guys do I have to fuck before you think I have enough experience? Five? Ten? How many guys did you do before me?"

"Jesus Christ, Kurt! That's not what I meant."

"Really? Cause that's what it sounded like. I can go to Scandals this weekend. I'm sure I can find someone."

"Fuck!" Nigel started pacing, trying to calm down enough to explain this. "Kurt, I want you to be a freshman next year, with everything that the term implies; open to every new experience. I don't want you limiting yourself because of me." Nigel stopped in front of Kurt. "I'm not saying fuck your way through the whole campus, but if you meet someone you feel a connection to, or someone you are sexually curious about, I want you to be able to explore that."

Kurt was still pissed, his eyes grey storm clouds. Nigel knelt taking Kurt's hands in his. "Please, Kurt, I couldn't bear it if you woke up one day and blamed me for missing out on all the fun you're supposed to have at this time in your life."

"Uh-huh, and while I'm in New York exploring…" Kurt practically spat out the word with distaste. "…you'll be making up for lost time in Boston?"

Nigel sat back on his knees, stumped. He obviously hadn't thought this through enough. He hadn't seen this question coming. "Do you want me to have sex with other guys?"

Kurt growled. "No, I fucking do not!"

"Okay, I won't."

"That's it? Just like that?"

Nigel spread his hands out. "Just like that." Nigel looked up at Kurt. "I don't want to be with anyone else but you."

Kurt leaned down and caught Nigel's chin in the palm of his hand. "And just how is it, Nigel, that you get to say that but I don't?"