Author Notes: Apparently today is update all my stories and write the start of another new story (which is yet to be posted, I can't decide on whether to write it all before I post it - it's not the other one I plan to do that with) day. So between this, Rookie (which is really exciting me right now, it feels really different from anything I've written before in this fandom) and Caecus (which I've finally written the second chapter of), I'm a bit written out. Well, not really. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, because I enjoyed writing it, even if my mind allows these characters to have some strange conversations sometimes.

"Definitely no baby," Jane said, standing behind Maura. She stared over her shoulder at the body in front of them.

"We haven't done a test," Maura said.

"No need." The heady scent of Maura's body followed her, toying with her senses. She reached a hand around her side. "You smell fucking amazing."

Maura leaned backwards. "Why is there no need?"

Jane lowered her hand to her side and backed away slightly. "The painters arrived."

"What have decorators got to do with it?" Maura asked, kneeling down. "I didn't realise you were getting the apartment repainted."

Jane moved to her side, frowning. She folded her arms, then smirked. "No, Maura. Not the painters, the painters."

"Repeating 'the painters' doesn't change its meaning."

Rolling her eyes, Jane crouched beside her. "Okay. Then there's no circus tonight, the monkey's got a nose bleed."

Maura turned to face her, her eyes narrowed. "Circus routines involving animals are barbaric."

"Come on!" Jane said, throwing her hands out at her sides. She turned to the crime scene tech taking photos. "Hey, Allie, there's no circus tonight, the monkeys got a nose bleed."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Maura smiled. Jane rolled her eyes. "How about the painters have arrived?"

"Ah. Bad luck," she said. "But, hey, at least it's not your anniversary with your ungrateful husband."

"Happy anniversary."

"Thanks. I've not heard the circus one before, I like it."

Maura stared at Jane. "Still nothing?"

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

"I have a visitor." Maura leaned over and pushed a strand of hair away from the face. "The bitch is back. My uterus ninjas are here. What the hell, Maur?"

"What exactly are you referring to with those ridiculous phrases?"

Jane sighed. "We're surrounded by men, do I really have to spell it out? It's that time of the fucking month."

"Oh. Oh." Maura stood up and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You got your period?"

Jane narrowed her eyes. "Those are the words I was literally avoiding saying in front of everybody, so thank you very much for announcing it to the whole wide world."

"What's wrong with talking about it in front of other people?"

"Seriously?" Jane stared at her, her eyes wide open. "Does nothing bother you?"

"I work in medical science," she said. "Why would it bother me?"

"So," Jane said, leaning close, she lowered her voice. "My whole point, Doctor Isles, is that I'm a grumpy ass, my stomach is cramping all the damn time, and my nipples feel like they're chafing whenever I move. Add that to the lining of my uterus ruining my favourite underwear, I think it's safe to say I'm not having a baby anytime soon."

"It's unfortunate," Maura said, stoically. "But I suppose we didn't expect it to happen this time."

"So, you're okay?"

Maura sighed. "Jane, we're at a crime scene. We have to piece together what happened to this poor man. I don't have the time to consider how I feel about this."

"Gotcha." She walked around the body. "His hair is very long, either he's in a rock band, or he's homeless."

"I'm sure there are other reasons why he might opt to allow his hair to grow to such length," Maura said.

x

Maura carefully made the Y incision, then pulled back the skin to reveal the rib cage. She picked up the bone saw and cut through the ribs until she had clear access to the chest cavity. The door opening pulled her from her focused work. She paused, listening intently for the sounds that followed.

"If you're here to watch, that's fine. But if you're looking for somebody to discuss something with, I'm a little busy."

"How did you know it was me?" Jane asked.

"You know I recognise the sound of your walk."

"But I got new shoes."

"Different shoes, same walk." Maura pursed her lips. "Can I return to what I was doing now?"

"You're snippy today."

Maura sighed and stood up. She placed the scalpel back into the tray beside the body and peeled off her gloves. "I told you that if you wished to have a conversation now isn't the time."

"I came to update you on the case," Jane said.

"Then update me on the case, don't waste valuable minutes telling me how I'm behaving."

"Now you've taken your gloves off, can I comment on your snippiness?"

Maura pulled a protective sheet around the body and walked across the room toward her office. Jane followed. She ignored her presence and returned to her desk. She opened her laptop; if she couldn't do the autopsy, she would have to find something else to do whilst Jane made whatever point she was so adamant on making.

"Okay, now I know something's wrong," she said, holding open the office door and slipping inside. She walked around to the other side of Maura's desk and rested both hands against the wood. "What's going on?"

"I'm busy, I'm getting a headache, and your disruption does not mesh well with my productivity."

"This morning when I told you how amazing you smelled, I could feel you press your body against me." Jane stared into her eyes. "Ten minutes later and you're as distant as Hitler and Barney the dinosaur."

Maura narrowed her eyes. "Barney and Hitler never met, they're from completely different decades and Barney is fictional. And anatomically incorrect."

"Really?" Jane shook her head. "What's wrong?"

"I wish you hadn't told me you weren't pregnant at a crime scene. Whilst neither of us expected it to be a success, I'm still disappointed and I would have rather been in a position where I could work through my feelings in my own time. Instead I had work to do."

"I'm sorry." Jane stood up. She walked around the desk and perched on the corner, she picked Maura's hand up and cupped it between her own. "I should have realised it was a stupid place to talk about it."

"It's done now," Maura said. "We can't change the past."

"You're disappointed."

She lowered her gaze. "Despite how many reasons why you wouldn't have gotten pregnant, I still hoped you would be."

"Me too." Jane trailed her hand across her shoulder and down her arm. She smiled. "Wanna go make out in the closet?"

Maura pursed lips in an attempt to hide the smirk forcing its way across her mouth. "I really do have a lot of work to do. I can't leave Mr Handley on the table all day."

"How about," Jane said, standing up and walking across to the windows. One by one she closed the blinds and returned to Maura. "Stand up."

"Jane," Maura said, obeying her order.

Leaning in close, Jane pressed her lips to her neck, slowly trailing her mouth across her skin. "A few minutes won't hurt."

Maura leaned her head back, closing her eyes. She placed a hand on Jane's shoulder and succumbed to the playful teasing of her skin. Interlinking their fingers, Jane pulled their arms out at their sides, squeezing her hands and bending them inward.

"You should probably wash your hands," Maura said, as Jane captured her mouth.

"Do you mind? I'm doing my best work here," she said, staring into her eyes and reclaiming her lips again.

"My fingers have been inside Mr Handley's chest cavity."

"You had gloves on."

"Then you have the inside of mildly sweaty latex gloves."

"It's your sweat," she said, circling kisses across her collarbone.

"I would still recommend washing your hands." Before Jane could complain, Maura untangled herself from her. She lay one gentle kiss at the corner of her mouth and stepped away. "I really have work to do."

x

Jane entered the Dirty Robber with purpose, the knowledge that she wasn't pregnant, mixed with a niggling cramp gave her more reason to have her first beer in a couple of weeks. She approached the bar.

"Beer?" Angela asked. "Or are you still doing whatever health kick got you drinking so much of that non-alcohol crap."

"Tasted pretty good for fake beer," Jane said, sliding onto a stool. "Definitely a proper beer, thanks, Ma."

She cracked open a bottle and placed it in front of her. Jane gripped it in her hand, feeling the ice cold bottle against her skin. She turned it around, desperate to taste it, but keen to savour the moment.

"You gonna drink it?"

"Shh," Jane said. "This is a sacred moment."

She closed her eyes and lifted the bottle to her lips, gulping down the liquid until the usually enjoyable taste hit her tastebuds and she almost spat it out across the bar. She swallowed, gagging a little.

"What did you do to the beer?" she asked, grabbing a napkin and wiping at the edges of her mouth.

"Nothin'," Angela said. "What's up?"

Jane pushed the bottle toward her. "Tastes disgusting."

She frowned and swallowed a mouthful. "Tastes alright to me."

"Not possible," Jane said, she picked up the bottle and took another small sip, before spitting it back into the bottle. "That's fucking revolting."

"Do you have to swear?"

"But it tastes terrible, how can you say it tastes okay? Get me something else."

"Maybe your tastebuds adapted to the non-alcoholic beer," Angela said, reaching for a bottle.

Jane glared but accepted the drink. The moment the liquid travelled down her throat, she sighed. "Why does this still taste like fake beer but real beer tastes like crap?"

"You getting sick?" Angela rested the back of her hand across her forehead. "Maybe your tastebuds are off."

She batted her hand away. "I'm fine, Ma, leave me alone."

"That stuff's better for you, anyway. Maybe it's your body's way of telling you to drink less."

"Unlikely." Jane rolled her eyes. "You have met me, right? I survive off of beer, pizza and burgers."

"There's gotta be a reason why."

"Maybe your beer is broken."

"Beer doesn't break."

"A bad batch."

"Batch is fine."

"I don't believe you."

"Not believing it doesn't make is untrue."

She groaned and focused on her non-alcoholic beer. "Not the same."

x

"What are you doing here?" Maura asked, zipping up the body bag and sliding the trolley across to the refrigerator door.

Cailin followed her. "I had to come and do some paperwork."

"I thought we'd sorted that," Maura said, pushing the door open.

"Something to do with clearance, and identification." Cailin held the door open as Maura wheeled the body through. "They took my photo, and my fingerprints, and they now know I'm definitely not a criminal."

"Will you be home later?"

"We having dinner?" she asked raising her eyebrows. She smirked. "Or are you and Jane having dinner?"

"I wanted to spend the evening with Jane," Maura said.

"I see." Cailin grinned. "I can be out."

"Don't look at me like that?" Maura pursed her lips. "Spending time with Jane doesn't automatically mean sex."

"Doesn't it?"

"No." Maura slid the trolley across the room. "We're not there yet. We're taking our time."

"Whose decision is that?"

"Both of ours." She opened one of the doors and motioned for Cailin to help her, together they lifted the body bag onto the tray and slid it back into the compartment. "Besides, it's not the right time of the month."

"Right. Because that has to stop you."

Maura stared at her, her eyes wide. "Cailin!"

She shrugged. "Well it doesn't."

"I didn't know you were all that experienced."

"Just 'cause I've only been in a couple serious relationships doesn't mean I don't know my way around my monthly visitor."

Maura rolled her eyes, and ignored her. "So, you'll be out?"

"I will." She smirked, and wiggling her eyebrows. "I hope you have a great time."

"Cailin!"

She forged her biggest smile. "Do you wanna get lunch?"

"I've got three bodies backed up," Maura said.

"Maybe tomorrow then."

"Give me a call about eleven, I should know by then."

"I'll catch you later."

x

"The pizza's here," Maura said, carrying it over to the coffee table and sitting down beside it. She waited until Jane joined her, a glass of water in hand.

"This smells so…" Jane stood beside the table and covered her mouth. She lowered the glass to the table.

Maura frowned. "Are you okay?"

Jane shook her head and backed away. At a safe distance, she removed her hand. "Either it's me, or there's something wrong with the pizza."

"Beer and pizza?" Maura raised an eyebrow. She picked up a slice and bit off the end. "It tastes like it usually does."

"It can't." Jane walked towards it and picked a slice up, before dropping it back and retreating again. She covered her face. "I think there's something wrong with me."

Maura's eyes grew wide, goose pimples travelled across her arms and a chill across her neck. "Jane, sit down."

"Can't," she muttered through her fingers. "It's making me feel sick."

Picking up the box, Maura put it in the kitchen and closed the lid. She rested a hand on Jane's upper back and rubbed it up and down. "Sit down."

"Thanks," Jane said, taking sips of her water.

"How heavy is your period?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "That, again? I'm not talking about it with you."

"I need to know."

"Not very."

"Do I recall you saying it arrived early?"

"Yeah." Jane frowned. "What's with all the questions?"

Maura gripped her hand. "Your period, the tenderness in your breasts, being off certain foods. They're all symptoms."

"Yeah, of being a fucking woman." Jane rubbed her eyes and took another sip. "God, I feel worse."

"It's possible that you could be pregnant."

"But my period," Jane said.

"Spotting is common in early pregnancy, it's probably why some people don't realise until they have more obvious symptoms."

"I…what?" Jane's mouth dropped open. "I can't be. I was still drunk when we did the insemination."

Maura raised her eyebrows. "I guess we could have got lucky."

"It's too soon." Jane leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. She breathed heavily, gasping for air.

"Jane," Maura rubbed her back. "It's okay. You had to know this was possible."

"I need to do a test."

"I have some in the bathroom closet."

"We weren't ready for it to happen now."

"I know."

"How can I be? Is this why so many people get pregnant after one night stands? Does alcohol actually help?"

Maura sighed. "No, Jane. Alcohol doesn't help. People are more likely to get pregnant whilst intoxicated because intoxications means you're more likely to forget about protective intercourse."

"Do you have to make it sound like some science book?" Jane rubbed her eyes again. "I might be pregnant here."

x

"I can't believe it," Jane said, handing the test over to Maura.

"Me neither," Maura whispered, perching on the edge of the bathtub.

Jane rested her elbows onto her knees and leaned forward, her whole body shook, her lips tingled with the need to vomit. She breathed slowly, methodically, but the tingling sensation only increased. She stood up, span round and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl.

"Oh Jane." Maura kneeled down beside her, rubbing her back as she continued to throw up.

"I was fine, is this like that thing where your mind thinks you're supposed to be doing something so you do it?"

"I'm sure your body was always going to do this," Maura said, circling her palm across her back.

Jane leaned over the bowl, gathered up the excess saliva in the front of her mouth and spat it out. She sighed and sat back against her ankles. "I hope this doesn't mean no pizza for nine months."

"The increased senses will return to normal eventually, but there's no guarantee you will want the same foods. The body does amazing things during pregnancy."

"Let me guess," Jane said. "You've read all about it."

"I read a chapter on it a few months ago." Maura stood up and dampened a face cloth. She filled a glass of water and handed it to Jane, then ran the cloth across her forehead.

"Thank you." She rested her hands on the sides of the toilet and pulled herself up. "I should go home."

"Not like this."

"I need to sleep." She moved her foot to one side and gripped Maura's shoulder. She lowered herself back down. "I need to sit down."

"You're staying here." Maura reached an arm around Jane's waist and held her upright. "This is because of me, the least I can do is look after you."

"You're right," Jane said, resting her head against her shoulder. She smirked. "You got me pregnant. My girlfriend got me pregnant."

"Girlfriend?" Maura asked, as they moved across the bathroom towards Maura's bedroom.

"Yeah." Jane slouched onto the bed. "Right?"

"We haven't spoken about it." Maura pulled the bedsheets aside and helped her under the covers. "It's only been a week."

"So?" Jane hugged the bed sheets, pulling them tightly around her front.

Maura crawled onto the bed beside her, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, she kissed her cheek. "It's just weird, to hear it."

"You're okay with it though?"

"Of course." Maura kissed her cheek again, and stroked her face. Jane turned over and nestled her face against the crook of her neck. Maura stroked her hair back from her face and kissed her head. "Try to get some sleep."

"I want pizza."

"No pizza for you until you're feeling better," she said, running her hand across her hair. She rested her head against Jane's and stroked her cheek, like a person might absentmindedly stroke their puppy.

"This baby thing sucks," Jane said, sighing against her side. Maura pulled her in tighter, enveloping her.

"It'll get easier," she said.

"I know." She breathed in slowly, then exhaled. "The end, that won't suck."

"No," Maura said, kissing her head again. "The end won't suck at all."