Something Simple
'My decision-making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel trying to cross the street.'
The second time Tsuna went in for a major surgery was on his fifth birthday, four days after papa and nonno had left for Italy.
They were at school, no rest for the wicked and all that, and so, obviously, Toshiro-sensei was blamed for it.
Tsuna and Nade had barely cared that it was their birthday, owing to the fact that mama had forgotten completely and Tsuyoshi-san's wife was in the hospital.
But that was neither here nor there.
They were outside, playing throw-the-ball-and-catch-it-because-Toshiro-sensei-forgot-his-lesson-plans, and Takeshi didn't seem to know the difference between gently throwing the ball at little Kyoko-chan, and bowling for the World Series.
He would never learn either.
Tsuna wanted to protect Kyoko-chan, even though the two hadn't spoken to each other all that much for the last year or so—different social circles and all that, Tsuna would muse. She was universally loved, and Tsuna was universally considered an alien—and two out of four of his limbs were in casts (there were deliciously salacious rumours about that, ranging from cat-napping incidents to yakuza car chases—you never knew with Nade-hime's brother.)
The point was, when it was Takeshi's turn to throw the ball to Kyoko-chan, Tsuna knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that all there would be left of her was a smudge on the school wall three feet away. So he yelled, "Wait!"
Takeshi threw it anyway, and a split second after, he realised what he'd done, the same instant that Nade realised what the yell was about.
Kyoko-chan braced herself, Tsuna choked on some spit, Takeshi mentally prepared himself for a yelling, and Nade's shinai whacked the ball away so hard, it split in two.
Everyone sort of, just, paused for a moment, all of them blinking at the shinai-wielding five year old samurai alien boss, wondering why they weren't more surprised by this.
"Thou art safe, idiota's little sister," Nade said, sheathing her shinai and nodding to Toshiro-sensei's plaster-white face. "Proceed, mortal."
Toshiro-sensei quickly scrambled to comply.
But with the ball…lost, Toshiro-sensei had a, what one might call, Bright Idea.
Tsuna would learn to fear them.
"Um…l-let's play hopscotch!" Toshiro-sensei said, inspiration making him bolder than he usually was in Nade's presence. "See, I'll draw the squares and—ah, it looks like Hotaru-sensei's class already drew the squares…"
He looked like a wilted flower, so to cheer him up (and partially out of guilt), Takeshi exclaimed, "We can make'r own hoskuchu!"
And then all the kids started chanting, "Hoskuchu, hoskuchu, hoskuchu!" Toshiro-sensei's self-preservation senses were tingling.
Tsuna, being an expert linguist by this point, realised that everyone was saying it wrong. But, also being a frustrated pronunciation-corrector, he knew how to pick and choose his battles.
Chalk was brought out by overly-eager children, Nade was wondering why the clouds looked like baby bears (and whether papa would be able to get her one as a pet), Tsuna was trying not to let his danger-from-crazy senses go into overdrive, and Toshiro-sensei was busy making sure Shouji didn't ingest the pink chalk. ("It looks like marshmallows, sensei!" "But it isn't…" "But what if it is, sensei? Have you checked?" "Shouji-chan…not up your nose!")
"DRAW!" Takeshi exclaimed, brandishing his piece of chalk like an AK-47. The children eagerly wielded the chalk like master artists.
Unfortunately, given that none of them really knew what they were supposed to be doing (no one had really been paying attention until Takeshi had screamed 'draw', to be fair), the results were…
Artistic?
Nade, having no idea what 'hoskuchu' was, decided to draw a shark wearing cool sunglasses, while Tsuna stared in sad horror, because of course things in his life could never be normal.
Takeshi, having a vague idea that squares were involved, deftly squiggled one onto the floor, before deciding that it needed to look more like a baseball pitch. Next thing he knew, he was drawing an entire game, complete with complex diagrams about trajectory and forces, without even realising that that was what he was doing.
Kyoko and her four female friends, had simply decided to draw flowers and smiley faces, and sometimes both, because hey, chalk! No one but the teachers used chalk!
Shouji, the boy who sat next to Nade, when Toshiro-sensei joined the fray of scribbling five year olds, finally ate the chalk. He then promptly decided it, in fact, didn't taste like marshmallows, and spat it all over Shizuka's uniform, the girl who sat next to Tsuna.
Takeshi's posse, separate from their leader, were going mental with the unheard-of liberation, madly screaming and yelling with POWER and FREEDOM and OH LET'S DRAW TOSHIRO-SENSEI'S BUTT!
The results varied.
Tsuna, the valiant child, tried to help Toshiro-sensei stop Shizuka from ripping all of Shouji's hair out.
"My mommy will find you, and she'll tell your mommy!" she shrieked. Shouji stuck his tongue out, yelling, "SENSEI, YOU LIED TO ME!"
Toshiro-sensei was contemplating the plausibility of murder.
Tsuna made some abortive hand gestures, squeaking out a "St-stop!" every ten seconds, before something…inexplicably…inexplicable happened.
Tsuna's head caught on fire, everyone instantly felt like hugging him, a raccoon came out of the bushes, three birds pooped on Toshiro-sensei's head in smug smugness, and Nade sneezed.
Then, the moment was ruined, because the raccoon tripped Tsuna up, who broke his other arm, his other leg, and his nose.
Shouji, in addition, vomited on Nade's drawing.
The glare he received scarred him mentally. For life.
In the hubbub, everyone forgot about the fire that didn't burn.
He was an alien, after all.
It was a nice, windy day at the end of October when the twins received a parcel from papa and nonno.
"Ooh, I wonder what he sent!" Nana exclaimed, carefully placing it on the table as she quietly slipped the attached letter to her into her apron.
Nade sleepily pulled her blankets around herself tighter, sinking into further hibernation every day.
Tsuna was in full-body cast, so he couldn't really move.
Well, his fingers could move, so that's where Nana helpfully placed the attached letter so he could read it to them.
Tsuna squinted at the unfamiliar writing. "Nade, I think it's in Italiano."
Nade narrowed her eyes at the sheet of paper and huffily shuffled closer, taking it out of his feeble grip.
She read it out loud with much sniggering.
Dear little potato and puppy,
Papa wishes you a happy fifth birthday! Nonno sends you hugs, and he tells me to tell puppy that he's wearing socks all the time, just like he promised. I hope my potato's kendo classes are going well, and that puppy hasn't broken any more limbs!
I miss both of you lots and lots, and I hope you liked your birthday presents!
I followed a theme this time!
Love,
Papa and Nonno
"Hasn't broken any more limbs," Tsuna whimpered. "Sure…"
Nana giggled, having put two and two together. "You've exceeded anata's expectations, Tsu-kun!"
Nade ripped into her present and unearthed a little tuna-fish gold charm, with tiny sapphires embedded for scales.
Tsuna had received a box of tuna-fish shaped crackers.
Again.
"NADE!" Ryohei exclaimed as she entered the house after kendo practise. "I'VE JOINED THE SWIMMING TEAM NADE!"
"Ryo-chan," she said sweetly, "thou belongs at the bottommost bed of fishes."
Ryohei understood none of that, but gave her a thumbs up anyway.
Tsuna lost yet another front tooth as he bit into a carrot.
He was traumatised.
"NADE!" exclaimed Ryohei, "I'VE JOINED THE GYMNASTICS CLUB NADE!"
She shushed him. "I'm attempting the victory for staring contesting."
Hibari Kyouya's tonfa was locked in mortal combat with her shinai as they stared into each other's soul.
"BUT NADE!"
"Shut up, idiota!"
Mama was cooking dinner before they headed out for the New Year's Eve celebration (Tsuna was now in possession of two out of four of his limbs, so getting him to the shrine would be a trial and a half) and Nade staring at her burnt-yellow kimono's tiny bird designs, when Ryohei burst through their front door.
"NADE!" he exclaimed, his own bright yellow yukata already muddy from the full-pelt running he'd done to reach their house. "I'VE JOINED THE KARATE CLUB NADE!"
"Good afternoon to thee too, peasant," she said absent-mindedly.
"Ara," mama exclaimed, taking out another bowl for Ryohei. "Weren't you in the bird-watching club last week?"
"No, that was the week before," Tsuna corrected. "Last week it was the origami club."
Ryohei sat down for the meal mama was ladling out. "I JUST HAVEN'T FOUND THE RIGHT ONE! TILL THEN, I'LL TRY EVERYTHING!"
Tsuna quailed at the force of his enthusiasm. Nade yawned. "Just pick one."
"BUT NADE! NOTHING IS EXTREME ENOUGH!" Ryohei argued.
"Maa, maybe Tsu-kun should join a club as well?" mama said questioningly, placing the bowls of miso soup in front of her children and Ryohei.
Tsuna whimpered. "Mama, I'm fine!"
Mama scrunched her eyebrows up in worry. "But Tsu-kun doesn't have many friends, ne? Joining a club will help! Na-chan's already in a club too!"
She wasn't, but she didn't want to disabuse the notion either, so Nade took out her magic wand and whacked Ryohei on the head to distract him from outing her.
She didn't have to worry about Tsuna outing her. There was some serious trust over there.
"WE CAN LOOK FOR A CLUB TOGETHER TSUNA!" Ryohei pumped his fist in the air. "LET'S FIND OUR DESTINY!"
Tsuna sank into his seat, despairing already.
They were counting down for the New Year near the shrine, eating piping hot anpan.
Sasagawa Kyoko and her mother were with Kyoko's female friends' parents group, while her father and Ryohei were, with great relief on the father's part, celebrating it with the Sawada family.
Tsuna was a bit sad, but after Nade explained that females had what she referred to as "hive mentality", and then referenced several vectors and pathogens such as "cooties" and "gender stereotypes", Tsuna understood better.
When he asked Nade why she didn't have any female friends, she'd smiled sadly and said, "I have you, and that's all I need."
Tsuna thought that that was incredibly sad.
"HAPPY NEW YEAR TSUNA, NADE, NADE'S MAMA, TOU-SAN!" Ryohei screamed at the top of his lungs.
Nade, having not been allowed to take her shinai with her, whipped out her trusty magic wand and gleefully whacked him over the head.
Tsuna, much as he disapproved of violence, was grateful.
Sasagawa Ryouta couldn't stop laughing.
Ryohei burnt his eyebrows before the instructor even told them to start baking.
Nade sniggered as Tsuna tried to get the electrical mixer to work. Then, the cake batter exploded in his face. Then, the egg crate smashed onto his head when Ryohei accidentally elbowed into it. Then, his leg cast tripped a girl right into his cake batter.
Then, when Tsuna and Ryohei managed to put their cakes into the oven, the building caught on fire.
"COOKING CLUB, FAIL!"
Nade started full out laughing.
Coincidentally, a passer-by's dog had a heart attack and died.
The word "demon" and "puppy killer" were thrown around.
Tsuna finally got all his casts off. It was the middle of March, and it was celebrated by attempting to inculcate him into the Aikido Club.
"He's a wimp!" One of the junior members yelled.
Ryohei punched him in the face.
Nade shinai-ed the leader to within an inch of his life, for the lols.
And her reputation just kept building.
Now the words "unreasonable" and "deaf to the pleas for mercy" were thrown around.
"I LOVE THIS!" Ryohei exclaimed, punching someone in the nose. "THE BOXING CLUB IS EXTREME!"
"In hindsight," Nade mused, lazily fingering her shinai. "This outcome was obvious."
Tsuna was just grateful the bruising wasn't too bad. And he was also grateful to note that he wouldn't be joining the boxing club. The instructor wasn't eager, he didn't meet the functionally-coordinated criterion, and—
"JOIN THE BOXING CLUB TSUNA!"
—his days as a free man were numbered, if the unholy glee in Ryohei's eyes were to be believed.
"Has your herbivore joined a club yet?" Hibari dodged out of the way of the incoming shinai.
"No," Nade replied. "I am grateful for thy paying of his numerous hospital bills."
Hibari slashed one of his tonfa at her legs, which she jumped over. "The books said "friends" don't pay for each other's things."
"And a Hibari takes orders from no one?" she stated his reasoning correctly, shinai clashing with tonfa. "Not even books?"
Hibari smirked.
He'd picked his "friend" well.
Though the word was far too herbivorous for his tastes.
1000 follows guys! ONE THOUSAND FOLLOWS! WOOOHOOOO!
Also, this is my version of a timeskip. Hehe.
Hibari, Ryohei, Ryohei's father, the boxing club, Nana's meddling, Toshiro-sensei, children you won't need to remember (at least, Nade won't), Takeshi, Takeshi's posse…huzzah people!
AND it's over 2000 words long too!
Also, what would you guys like to see for Tsuna and Nade's first day of Elementary School next chapter? Also, what did you think of this chapter? Also, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
ALSO, THIS IS SO AWESOME YOU GUYS! XD
Review please?