His subconscious travelled back in time. He saw himself in UNIT headquarters, with his new body, offering Sarah Jane a jelly baby. Just a jelly baby, no need for more words. If she picked one, it meant that she recognized in that man to her dear friend. If she refused it, their travels together, their feelings, everything would end there.
The moment that the girl took the candy was the happiest he lived in a long time. Gradually his feelings were evolving from strong and close friendship to pure love, and Sarah became the most important person in his life, though she gave no sign of seeing him as more than just her dearest friend. He slowed up his desire to confess his love to the girl for fear that she'd reject him. He couldn't bear her rejection. He couldn't bear to take her back to her house. He couldn't bear to live without her.
But there was another reason why he didn't dare to talk about his feelings with her. What if she accepted him? That would be even worse. Her time was short. She'd get old and die while he'd regenerate over and over again, and he did not control the appearance of his incarnations. She might be sixty years old and he might have a body that does not appear more than thirty. That would be hard for her and terrible for him, because the last thing he wanted was to see her suffer.
And he was being optimistic. He was assuming that Sarah would get old travelling with him. Life with him was very dangerous and he had already lost companions in the most painful way.
The things should stay as they were: the great Doctor and Sarah Jane Smith, his faithful companion and friend. He saw himself putting his feelings for her in a black Sakkanitta coffin and burying them on a cemetery planet from where he hoped they not to come back to out. That was the best he could do.
He began to feel a sharp pain in his chest and closed his eyes. When he opened them he saw he was back in The Cave, naked, immobilized, and with Strach's claws squeezing his chest viciously. The creature laughed so loudly that the gallifreyan thought his eardrums would burst before his hearts did.
Nothing would save him from this. His bright head could not help at this time. Cold, darkness, oblivion. His eyes closed again and this time he wouldn't wake up, but he could still see a little light, he could hear a voice, he could feel warm tears falling on his skin.
"Doctor," said the voice of his beloved Sarah Jane.
Warmth, light, love. That was all he needed.
Slowly the Doctor opened his eyes, coming out of his trance. Sarah looked at him expectantly. Whatever it was his decision she would accept it, but she couldn't deny herself that she wished him to accept his true feelings for her. The few minutes he had remained in his state of total abandonment of reality had seemed an eternity to the young journalist. His big blue eyes searched the girl, his expression still cloudy prevented Sarah sensed any response.
"I've made my decision, Sarah," he said in a serious and weak voice.
"Popcorn?" she asked trying to sound cheerful and carefree, but inside she felt that her star was moving away from her again.
"Tomorrow, if you fancy," the Doctor answered caressing her long brown hair with his hand, brushing a lock of hair from her face.
"Are you going to listen to your hearts, Time Lord?" she asked, raising her eyebrows but without leaving the jovial tone adopted prior.
"Yes. Yes, why not? I'm seven hundred forty-nine years old, I've died three times, I'm living my fourth incarnation and all the time I've always done what I had to do, even if I didn't like it at all. I have seen good and innocent people die. I have had to let wars and other avoidable misfortunes happen only because history says they must occur. I've always followed the rules, I've always done what is expected of me, what I must do, although nobody seems to care what I want. I am a living being who thinks and feels. I also have dreams and aspirations in my life. Today I've been captured and tortured in the most ruthless way imaginable. I almost died definitely, and I could only think of you. Throughout our travels I've had hundreds of opportunities to tell you that I love you, and I have left to escape all of them. Today I have regretted not having done so. Never again, Sarah. This won't be easy for either of us, but I don't want to resign myself to die without a fight. I want to love you, Sarah Jane Smith; I want to do this if you also want. What do you say?" he said, taking her delicate hands in his and smiling broadly at the girl, still breathing rapidly, eagerly awaiting her reply.
Reply that never came. Sarah was staring at him, but she was in shock. She had always wanted him to open his hearts, and when he finally did, all his words, reflection of a great variety of feelings ranging from anger to love that he had been keeping for long, were for her. It was a very moving declaration and he had expressed it so passionately that she could not react. She wanted to hug him, kiss him, tell him that she loved him, shriek ... but she didn't know what to do first.
His smile was fading slowly as frightening thoughts came to his mind merciless. What if, after having declared his love she had realized that she actually didn't feel the same for him? What if she had confused love with friendship? That kind of confusion was very common among humans.
Hiding his concern and sorrow, the Time Lord closed his eyes and let out a nervous laugh.
"What a pathetic speech," he said, breaking the awkward silence, keeping his eyes closed to not see the stunned and confused face of Sarah Jane, with her eyes wide open, staring at him.
He opened his eyes when he felt the girl's mouth covering his.
"Forgive me, I had to have said something, but my damn tiny human mind didn't find the right words," she said, caressing his face. The Doctor saw surprised that she was crying. "But you don't need words," she concluded, putting her lips on his again, kissing his mouth so intensely that the concern completely abandoned her dear Doctor.
She separated her lips from his and drew a wonderful smile on her wet face.
"I think that today I'm crying too much," she said laughing while crying.
"Tears of joy are welcome," he said, wiping her face with his cool hand. "But I don't know how to react to them."
"You can embrace me, for example," despite her crying her voice was a sensual purr for him. He gently wrapped the girl in his arms and laid her head on his chest.
"I did it, Sarah. Of course I did it," he whispered in her ear as if he were confessing a secret.
"What did you do?" she asked, not knowing what he was referring.
"I dreamed of you in the golden temple."
"Can you remember it?" she asked with surprised expression, raising her eyes to meet his.
"Yes. Maureen showed it to me when she buried my nightmare."
"Then why did you tell me you didn't remember it?"
His lips formed a shy smile while he looked at her as if she had asked the most obvious thing in the world.
"Fear. I was afraid that you'd laugh at me for consider you the most important thing in my life," he confessed. Now he felt like a fool for having thought that.
"And I was wishing to hear you say it," she confessed too.
"I didn't know it. You never gave me the impression of feeling for me more than friendship."
"Because I never thought that you could feel for me more than friendship. I've spent all this time pretending, hiding my true feelings, and it has been very difficult, believe me."
"I believe you," he said smiling. "I've been doing the same, but we no longer have to hide them anymore." He gently lifted her chin with his hand and kissed her.