Title: "Careful With What You Wish" - Chap 25: Welcome To Wherever You Are
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Warning over notes: This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi and Yupita for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...

'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney

"Maybe we're all different but we're still the same
We all got the blood of Eden running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You're caught between just who you are and who you want to be
If you feel alone and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning is some beginning's end.

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life; you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
That right here, right now
You're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome to wherever you are."
(Jon Bon Jovi - "Welcome To Wherever You Are")

When Sorata entered in the kitchen and found the Sakurazukamori busy cooking breakfast while Hokuto-chan's brother leaned against him, arms wrapped around his waist and head buried against his shoulder, he believed he was suffering a hallucination. Skipping the fact that a professional assassin cooking breakfast in the kitchen looking perfectly ordinary wasn't something that happened everyday (especially if said assassin wasn't just any ordinary assassin but the Sakurazukamori and a powerful Chi no Ryu also), the most amazing sight was to see Subaru-san out of his bedroom, arms tightly wrapped around the Sakurazukamori as if the man was his only salvation.

Sorata knew love was a weird, powerful thing but that was... he just had no words for it. Those two should have been enemies by birth and instead...

He smiled and decided he would take the situation at hand as philosophically as possible.

"Good morning! I hope you two slept well! It's nice to see you up, Subaru-san!" he exclaimed cheerfully. Subaru-san didn't reply. Not that this was unexpected. In the previous days it had been impossible to get a word out of him except for the Sakurazukamori's name.

"Good morning to you too, Arisugawa-kun. I hope you won't mind if we use your kitchen. Subaru-kun and I are starving," the Sakurazukamori replied. The tone was friendly but Sorata was sure the man had heard him approaching from the exact moment he had made the first step to come downstairs, and was ready to attack wearing the same natural look with which he cooked breakfast should Sorata make the wrong move. Dangerous fellow...

"Not at all! Wow! It smells delicious! What is it?" he asked, grinning. For a couple of minutes the discussion diverted over what the man was cooking. Apparently it was 'Subaru-kun's favourite'. However, despite the harmless, ordinary conversation Sorata was sure the man hadn't lowered his guard, not even for a second. He wondered if acting so naturally despite the predicament in which he was, was one of the Sakurazukamori's skills or just the man's natural gift. Hadn't Sorata known who he was facing he would have never imagined he was more than an ordinary person. "Isn't it a little complicated to cook like that? Not that I would mind if Neechan would allow me to do the same with her..." he asked then as he noticed the man kept an arm around Subaru-san's shoulders and rarely moved it. Somehow it made Sorata think of a mother bird protecting its youngling. The Sakurazukamori shrugged carelessly as if he couldn't see nothing out of the ordinary in it.

"I'm used to it. Subaru-kun was a bit clingy when he was a kid and growing up he didn't change much," he explained as he turned to gaze fondly at Subaru-san. Subaru-san didn't move. He didn't act as if he'd even heard them. The Sakurazukamori frowned; evidently he was expecting some sort of reaction to his words, and nuzzled his head against Subaru-san's as if trying to get the young man's attention. At that Subaru-san merely tightening his hold against him. The Sakurazukamori's frown stayed. Sorata frowned as well. It was evident Subaru-san wanted to be with the Sakurazukamori, but also that the young man's problems were far from solved.

"Are you well, Subaru-san?" Sorata asked. Subaru-san said nothing, even if, if possible, he clung even more against the man.

"Subaru-kun is never very social in the morning..." the Sakurazukamori replied, but he seemed unsure, as if he was wondering if the boy would ever be social again after what had happened. Sorata couldn't blame him.

However, Sorata was a perceptive person.

Despite what rumours said about the Sakurazuka Ichimon and the Sumeragi Ichimon, despite Hokuto-chan's fears or what others would say, these two had a bond, something that ran deep inside them even if, right then, it seemed like the two were trying to... redefine it. It was likely normal, Sorata decided. After what had happened to Subaru-san even the most ordinary of couples would have some trouble coping.

The Sakurazukamori... Sorata decided that from now on it would be better to call him Sakurazuka-san... well, Sakurazuka-san managed to make Subaru-san eat what he had prepared once breakfast was ready. The intimacy in their relationship was almost embarrassing... they were eating from the same plate and Sakurazuka-san was feeding Subaru-san... and yet they had an air of absolute normality in it, as if there was nothing out of the ordinary in what they were doing. Apparently it was a habit and Subaru-san's tiny complaint about knowing how to feed himself hadn't been heartfelt at all, merely another habit between the two of them. Subaru-san looked comfortable around the man and, despite being still very withdrawn, diligently ate his breakfast and then sat with Sakurazuka-san on the couch, curling on his side and letting the man pet his hair as one would do with kitten's fur, while Sakurazuka-san kept up a harmless discussion with Sorata, a discussion in which Subaru-san didn't seem to be interested in taking part. However he was listening, a thing that had seemed impossible in the previous days. No, his condition had definitely improved with the man around, there was no doubt about it.

Things started going downhill when a panicked Hokuto-chan entered the room at a run demanding to know where her brother was. She calmed for a moment when she saw Subaru-san was still in the house, only to grow angry again when she noticed with whom he was. Sorata sighed.

The previous day it had been hell to persuade her there wasn't any need to blow up the door and free Subaru-san because Subaru-san was perfectly fine where he was, especially with whom he was. Sorata could understand how years of worrying about) how her brother was, the Sakurazukamori's reputation combined with the fact he was a Chi no Ryu and what had happened recently to Subaru-san made her over-worry, but that wouldn't help, especially considering that Sakurazuka-san had, apparently, a very jealous temperament. As soon as he had sensed her coming downstairs, he had dragged Subaru-san closer, almost into his lap, as if to challenge her to try to divide the two of them. Subaru-san at that moment looked like a man caught in the crossfire and Sorata wouldn't want to be where he was.

In fact, when Sakurazuka-san and Hokuto-chan's gazes locked they began bitching immediately. Okay, they were trying to be tactful about it, likely only due to Subaru-san's presence, but it was bitching all the same, both trying to establish in a not so veiled way which of them knew better how to take care of Subaru-san. Their growing argument was interrupted by Subaru-san himself.

"Please, stop this! I've a headache!" the young man almost yelled, before taking his head in his hands. From the pain in his voice and in his expression, and the fact he had never complained before, no matter how he felt, everyone thought it had to be one hell of a headache. Sakurazuka-san pulled him closer and rested his hand on Subaru-san's forehead. The boy leaned into the touch with a needy sigh, apparently appreciating the gesture.

"There's no fever," Sakurazuka-san observed, his hand moving to rub Subaru-san's temple gently.

"I'll go get you an aspirin, Subaru..." Hokuto volunteered but the Sakurazukamori told her to not bother. Her eyes narrowed and she was about to challenge the Sakurazukamori's denial of her the chance to help her brother, but the man anticipated her.

"Subaru-kun doesn't like medicines," he said simply, and all of sudden she was caught by an intense flow of memories of Subaru as a child, making a face because he had to take this or that medicine.(1) However, back then he had always swallowed them obediently without complaint and, for a moment, she saw no reason for things to be different this time. Then she realized that Subaru wasn't a kid anymore and that he was already distressed enough. Maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to try to force him into things... even if they were for his own well being.

"In this he hasn't changed..." she murmured softly, and noticed the quiet wonderment and curiosity in the Sakurazukamori's gaze as she said so. She could see clearly how the man was so set on owning Subaru, on owning everything of her brother but, all of sudden, she realized she knew sides of Subaru the Sakurazukamori hadn't even heard about and could never possess. He hadn't been there when Subaru had been a small kid and he had erased Subaru's memory of the past so he couldn't even have heard Subaru talk of it. All of sudden she discovered she owned a piece of Subaru the other didn't, couldn't own. A piece of Subaru that was hers only. She smiled down at her brother and sat next to him, taking his hand between hers gently, careful to not startle him because now Subaru normally reacted badly when he was touched suddenly... and felt relief when he didn't rip it away. Before he had never allowed her, or anyone else for that matter, to touch him. Right now he seemed... calmer than usual, more at ease, as if he finally understood no one here would hurt him. As if he was starting finally to realize he was safe.

"Would you like a cup of tea, Subaru? I'm still the best at preparing it!" she asked in a soft voice, doing her best to sound cheerful, despite the worry she felt for him. Subaru turned his eyes to her, a first since normally he just didn't react to her words, and his eyes looked tired and pained as they seemed to try to sort her words out, as if he needed to translate them in his mind before understanding them, then he turned toward the Sakurazukamori and his wasn't a begging glance as she had feared it would be, just a 'studying glance' mixed with a bit of questioning, not like that of a person who had to ask for permission before doing something, but that of someone who was simply too confused about what to do to chose and was asking for help. She couldn't translate the Sakurazukamori's gaze as the man looked back at Subaru; it was deep but that was all she could tell, then Subaru turned toward her again and she completely dismissed the Sakurazukamori.

"Tea would be nice. Thank you," Subaru answered softly and yes, Subaru had finally spoken to her, yes, yes, yes and she fought down the urge to cry, to laugh, to hug him, to scream her joy to the whole world and she simply squeezed her brother's hand tighter.

"Then I'll make you the best tea ever," she assured. "Just wait here for me!" Subaru simply stared at her then nodded slowly. As she left to prepare tea, he returned to fully lean against the Sakurazukamori as if he had finished all his energy. From the corner of her eye she caught the Sakurazukamori beginning to rub Subaru's back slowly, with a tenderness an assassin wasn't supposed to possess causing Subaru to lean into his embrace even more. 'Cute,' a corner of her mind whispered but she wasn't ready to deal with it yet so she squashed that voice inside herself as she moved to the kitchen. At the moment the only important thing was Subaru's tea. She would worry about everything else later.

Once in the kitchen Hokuto busied herself into that task as best she could, singing to herself and trying to be cheerful. After all finally, finally, Subaru was beginning to react. Then she frowned as that annoyed voice in the back of her mind spoke again, telling her he had reacted only because the Sakurazukamori was around him now. And it wasn't the only indicator that had suggested there was a bond between her brother and... 'that man'.

' Hokuto... may I give you some advice? Your brother... I know in the past years he has had his own problems and his balance isn't... perfect. Somehow he's very dependent upon the Sakurazukamori. In a twisted way he gave him stability. If you face the matter with him be careful. He doesn't remember you. Right now he depends more on the Sakurazukamori than what would be better for him. It won't help you if you portray the Sakurazukamori as an evil man when Subaru-san isn't ready to see him as one.'

'He couldn't have that much influence on my brother...'

'Hokuto... you'll be surprised...'

Kakyou, too, had warned her. He had told her that Subaru depended on the Sakurazukamori, needed him as if he... was family, maybe even more. Subaru, her Subaru, depended on... 'that man', a man capable of doing horrible things without even blinking if the tales over him were true. And they probably were, considering what she had seen in Nakano. And right then she couldn't help it.

'Hokuto... your brother is a strong Onmyouji. A really strong Onmyouji. If he's free from the spell now it's because he broke it. He could have done it before. He didn't want to do it. He wanted to stay with the Sakurazukamori, no matter what. However, before this afternoon, he had no idea he had a sister. His only family was the Sakurazukamori. He'd been with him all those years. Somehow that man has grown to mean the world to him, whether he deserved to have such a high place in Subaru-san's heart or not. I don't like the Sakurazukamori or the way he treated him and I told Subaru-san so, but when Subaru-san chooses something there is no way to change his mind.'

She closed her eyes and sighed as she forced herself to swallow that truth.

Okay.

So Subaru believed that... 'that man' was his family. Not exactly a pleasing thought. There was nothing in her brother that was related to... 'that man'. Nothing. She had no idea how Subaru could have got such a silly idea.

However... she had noticed something else too. The way the Sakurazukamori held Subaru, how he seemed to try to take care of him, the intimacy between them, the way Subaru was relaxed in his hold when nothing before had seemed to relax him... Subaru trusted him and all this seemed to point out that the Sakurazukamori had said the truth when he had said he didn't mistreat her brother... all this seemed to point out the man had taken care of her brother... but... but that man had also kidnapped Subaru when he was a mere kid of nine... and he was a murderer... A murderer for Japan's well being her mind reminded her, but a murderer all the same.

She didn't want this for Subaru, Subaru deserved so much better, someone who would care and love him, who would provide for him and keep him safe, someone who would never hurt him with his words or actions, only...

Only Subaru didn't seem to want better. He seemed to want that guy. To need that guy. To wish for that guy. Even if he was his kidnapper, a murderer and a Chi no Ryu.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. For Subaru, just for Subaru and no one else, she would try to see if there was something in that man that was worth being appreciated, that deserved her brother's affection despite who he was and what he did. If there wasn't, and she really didn't think there was, she would find a way to eradicate him from Subaru's life and then slice him to bits for stealing her brother from her. If there was... well, she would think of what she would do in that case should she find it. For now it was time to bring Subaru his tea. And biscuits maybe. It could be that his headache was merely due to the lack of food and sugar in his system. She smiled, trying to be optimistic. Yeah, everything would go well... she hoped.

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. I've no idea if Subaru disliked taking medicines or not however in 'Tokyo Babylon' Hokuto said his health wasn't good from when he was a child.

JJ's Extra Notes:
Yes, Hokuto isn't very supportive of Subaru and Seishiro's relationship. She'd been hating him for ages and she doesn't trust him. Besides Seishiro's reputation among the Sumeragi Ichimon's members is definitely not good. Even if she's starting to realize how he and Subaru are close she first have to let go of years of hate and diffidence bottled inside her. And she has to learn to trust him, she has to see he didn't hurt Subaru and isn't interested in doing so. It'll take time.

Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Ichimon: "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"
Maboroshi: Illusion
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan

Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To rain angst: Subaru can't really live without Seishiro... He's the only person he wants to be with!

To nachan: (blush) Thank you!

To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: The boys live in a tiny little world just from the two of them... and Seishiro more often than not tries to kill who tries to intrude in it. Poor Subaru's life want be very easy...

To Hatori Soma: (blush) You're too nice!

To Momo714: I don't think Subaru submitts to Seishiro's will because he's weaker... I think he does because to Subaru Seishiro is his most important person. Mn... sounds confuse to explain but technically Subaru could oppose to Seishiro's will... he just chooses not to most of the times... As you will see Subaru will also do things his own way in the future... (blush) I own a lot to my beta. Without her this fic would be filled with mistakes!

To Francesca Akira89: Mi fa piacere che ti piaccia! E no, non è finita... non siamo nemmeno a metà...

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