Thanks as always for the lovely comments!!
--
Alex woke Saturday morning with a slight hangover. Sitting up, she stared at the empty space in her bed where Gene should have been. "Bastard" she said aloud, her eyes tearing as she kicked her feet over the edge of the bed.
She made herself coffee and sat on the sofa, hoping to spend the day miserable and staring at the worst of what television had to offer. Maybe she'd get drunk by herself later and cry. After everything, all the time they'd spent together, everything they'd done, how could he think she didn't love him?
She lay awake on the sofa most of the day trying not to think about Gene. The gallery had been fun. Yes. You could go out, see things. Not be completely lost. Jeffrey had been a fun date, if a less than exciting shag. Maybe he was just too drunk. Or she was (but she doubted that). Go out Alex, if you're going to be stuck here, make the most of it.
Except that's what she'd imagined she'd been doing. Making the most of it. With Gene. She wasn't sure she could do it without him.
The phone rang and she picked it up. It was Jeffrey wanting to have dinner on Sunday evening. She said yes. Why not? She didn't have to sleep with him.
--
Gene looked out his office door at Alex, sitting at her desk on Monday morning, wondering what she'd been up to. He watched her take phone calls, sort papers. She seemed happy enough. Maybe she'd already moved on. He wanted to break something. He looked up as Chris stuck his head into the office.
"Drug deal goin' on now at the docks, Guv."
Good! Maybe he could hit someone. That always helped. "Let's go!" He ran after Chris. "Ray! Drake! Move it" They followed him out.
He watched Alex out of the corner of his eye while driving, carefully swerving out of the way of two delivery trucks and several pedestrians on the way there. Close up, she didn't look as happy as she had before. Her eyes were red and she was hunched over. She wasn't getting at his driving. He cursed under his breath. He couldn't make this better.
They pulled up to the drug deal in progress, Ray running straight in, slamming one of the dealers against the car. Alex caught one running away and Gene nabbed a third trying to get into a car. He dragged him out by his hair, slamming his face against the door. It made him feel a little better.
--
Three days later Gene watched Alex leave work at 6:00. He'd found out from Shaz that she had a date with that art gallery bloke. Guess she had moved on. Not that he could say anything. He hadn't heard from Sheila, and he didn't want to. It had been great, but it really had just put an end to it. Maybe in another time it would have worked, but he wasn't going back there again. You never do go backwards, do you? He needed Alex back before she got too far away. Before she was going backwards.
He followed the team to Luigi's and parked at the bar, thinking if he could get drunk enough the images of Alex doing things to that arsehole that she used to do to him wouldn't fill his head. He couldn't get drunk enough and half hour later he found himself knocking on a familiar door.
"Gene!" Susie opened the door wide.
"How's my credit?"
"You've got plenty, love. What'd you have in mind?"
He looked her up and down. "You."
She smiled big. "It'll be my pleasure." She kissed him on the mouth and led him down the corridor to her room.
Susie locked the door and Gene removed his jacket, boots, unfastened his trousers. Susie came over to help, and he let her. She unbuttoned his shirt as he kissed her, hands on her almost bare tits. Pulling down his trousers she licked down his cock, kissing it hard. She giggled as he pushed her onto the bed, and she reached into the basket of condoms next to it. "What do you want Gene," she whispered into his ear, her hands moving expertly over him. "Fuck me" he kissed her neck, covered her huge tit with his mouth, biting her nipple. "Gene, unh" "Don't talk" he growled.
He thought about Alex as his mouth ravaged Susie, biting her, kissing her, wanting her. He put his mouth between her legs. Searching for her heat he teased her, wanting her to come. Working at it, he drove her to climax, moaning, without words. "Condom" he growled again. Panting, Susie slipped the condom over him and he thrust inside her, hard, frantic, desperate. He pumped and pumped, pushing deep inside her. Groaning and panting he pulled her legs around him, closing his eyes, thinking of Alex as he came.
Gene lay on the bed, eyes closed. He felt Susie roll to her side next to him. "Who is she, Gene?"
"Wot?
"I've shagged you before, Gene. You're missing someone," she laughed. "Why are you here instead?"
"No one. Doesn't matter." He sat up and reached for his trousers, pulling a fag out of the pocket. Susie lit it for him. "Too late anyway." He stared at the ceiling, smoking.
He could sense she was looking at him, but the last thing he wanted to do was talk about Alex with a prozzie. Even one he liked.
"You sticking around?" She asked him. "Want some more?"
He nodded. "Fer a bit."
She placed a wet kiss on his chest. "OK. I'll be back later." He watched her arse wiggle as she left, shutting the door behind her.
--
Alex staggered out of Jeffrey's apartment, getting into the waiting taxi. "Good God," she said aloud, slamming the door behind her. She gave the address to the driver and sat back, closing her eyes. "That's it. He must be gay." Loneliness and self abuse had driven her back to his flat, even after Sunday night's dreadful attempt at a shag. That night, they had had a lovely dinner, he was excellent conversation, and she'd let the memory of the first dreadful experience fade. The second time was no better, and no matter how much Alex tried, he couldn't seem to put his hands in the right places. And he kissed like a vacuum cleaner. Tonight, she'd tried again just to give him an honest chance. Spending time with anyone, doing anything, meant she wasn't thinking about Gene, wasn't missing him. And she did actually enjoy Jeffrey's company, but tonight was the worst of the three attempts at erasing the memory. It wasn't even upsetting, she thought to herself. It was just shockingly bad.
Alex walked the stairs to her flat, letting herself in. She looked around. How would she get through this? She knew that if he said anything, even tried to talk to her she'd have him back. She wanted him back. But he had to apologize. What he'd said had hurt her.
--
Gene sat in Susie's room, smoking another cigarette, waiting for her to return. If Alex would just look at him he could do it. But she felt so far away already.
Susie let herself back into the room. "Ready?" she asked, crawling over Gene as he leaned his back against the bed. He nodded, closing his eyes as her tongue stroked up the shaft of his cock. He swelled, her skilled mouth working him over. "Oooh that's good," he moaned, thinking of Alex. "More." He thought about Alex, the hungry look in her eyes when her lips wrapped around his cock, and thrust deeper into Susie's mouth as she sucked and teased him. "Harder" he was close, wanted to come, wanted Alex, her name on his lips as he climaxed, holding Susie's head firmly over him.
--
Work became torture. Over the next few weeks they barely spoke. Gene attempted to renew their verbal sparring, thinking that would help them both, but Alex never bit. She talked to him when she had to, even seeking out his opinion on cases, but she was never friendly, never stayed an extra minute. She did argue with him, and wouldn't budge when she knew she was right, but he saw anger every time he looked at her. He didn't feel guilt about things, and he didn't like feeling guilty.
Eventually, it got the better of him and he started taking it out on the team. Always in a bad mood, snapping at Shaz and Chris. Alex noticed he started disappearing during the day for an hour, sometimes more. Not every day, but enough for her curiosity to get the better of her.
One day, she followed him. Sneaked out into a squad car and waited for him to leave. She needed to know what he was doing. When Gene pulled up in front a familiar building she cursed her curiosity. He'd been seeing a prostitute. Serves you right Alex. She drove back to the station, feeling hopeless.
--
"Guv!" Ray dropped his phone in its cradle. "Got a lead on the leader of that armed robbery gang from a few weeks back. Arms deal going down at a house in Southwark."
"Shit. That's residential." Gene stood up. "When's it supposed to 'appen?"
"Tomorrow night." He handed him the address.
"Ray, set up a stakeout. Make sure you get armed backup. Drake, check out the surrounding neighbourhood. Make sure neighbourhood residents won't be in danger. Chris, work with Ray on the armed backup. I want this bastard."
Everyone started moving, Alex grateful for something to do. When the stakeout assignments came later, her stomach tightened. She was with Gene.
--
They sat together in the Quattro for an hour, silent, neither one looking at the other.
"Why am I here Gene? You couldn't have Ray? Or Chris? We can barely speak to each other. Do you really think we should be on a stakeout together?" She slammed her head against the seat with a frustrated growl.
"If I had Chris in 'ere I'd bloody suffocate. And you 'n Chris together'd get yerselves shot. No. This is the best way." You won't let me get near you otherwise and I miss the way you smell. He searched his pockets for a fag.
"Oh God." Alex rolled down a window. "Now I can't breathe." But it was driving her crazy. His smell, even the fags. They hadn't been this close in weeks. She wanted to crawl in his lap. Feel his breath on her neck, on her face. She closed her eyes, soaking him in.
More silence. Gene smoked his cigarette. "How's your boyfriend."
"What? I don't have a boyfriend." She put her head back. Why wouldn't he just shut up?
"You're shagging that gallery ponce."
"You're shagging a prostitute! A hooker!" She scoffed at him. "And I am not 'shagging that gallery ponce'."
He didn't know she knew. "You threw me out! And I am not shagging a prozzie. Not really." He lost steam at the end, not remembering if blow-jobs counted. Probably. He shifted uncomfortably blowing smoke out the window.
"I threw you out?!" She slammed her hands against the dashboard. "You called me a slut, Gene! Over nothing. Over your fucking insecurities! How bloody dare you suggest this was my fault. How dare you." She couldn't stop the tears streaming down her face.
He hadn't expected that and he froze, looking directly at her for the first time.
"Alex, I…"
Ray's voice crackled out of the radio. "They're moving, Guv, everybody's moving!"
In an instant Alex and Gene were out of the car, running towards the house. Gunfire erupted from one window and they each flew in opposite directions, Gene landing behind a row of bins, Alex taking cover behind a lorry parked in the drive.
She looked across. The bins weren't enough protection. Bullets would rip right through them. Even a tree would be better. "Gene! Tree!" She yelled and pointed to one 5 metres away from him to his right. He nodded, but the gunfire was still coming from the house and he couldn't change cover.
This was bad. Alex looked to her left and saw Ray shooting through a side window, bullets coming back at him from the house. Armed backup was around the alleyway, and from where Alex was standing it looked like they had got, or were on their way, into the house. Some of the gunfire had stopped coming out the front windows, but when she looked around she couldn't see Gene. She tried to move around the truck, but had to hit the ground when another round of shots came from the house.
She looked for Gene, for his boots, from under the truck. Nowhere. Suddenly, Ray grabbed her arm, "Come, ON!" he yelled, pulling her away from a fresh volley of bullets. She followed, turning her head once. She saw Gene standing up from behind the bins, firing at the door. Then she saw him fall backward, arms spiraling. Ray pulled her away before she saw any more.
"Gene!" she yelled at Ray. "I think he's been shot!" Ray shook his head, disbelieving. "He's in the street, in front of the house." Ray shouted instructions into his radio and pulled Alex further away.
"Ambulances are on the way, Ma'am, we can't go back in front yet. Still too risky." She nodded, desperate to know where Gene was.
After twenty minutes it was all over. To Alex it had felt like forever, as these things always did. An hour and a second, instant and neverending at the same time. She pushed through the crowd of officers, cuffing and shoving suspects into squad cars. There was a van on the street with more cuffed inside. She ran to the tree where she had last seen Gene. Not there, but there was blood on the street.
Alex tried to swallow, but the lump in her throat was too big, too dry. She grabbed a passing uniform "DCI Hunt. Have you seen him?" He shook his head. She grabbed another and another, until one finally told her he thought he'd seen him put into an ambulance.
Grabbing an empty squad car, she drove to the nearest hospital. She begged, pleaded and shouted, but no one could tell her if he was there. She drove to the station next. Someone would know.
Pushing through the double doors, she scanned the room. It was bustling, but no Gene.
"Christ Granger! Put that away before you kill me!" She raced to the tiny canteen. He was dusty and bloodied, but alive. Shaz was putting something on his hands. They both looked up as she stood in the doorway. "Bolly!"
She choked, but couldn't stop the sobbing. Tears streamed down her face as she took the salve from Shaz and set to work on Gene's hand. "I'll do it, Shaz." She swallowed. "This might hurt."
He shook his head. "No. It's OK."
"I saw you fall, Gene, I thought you'd been shot." Her shoulders shook and her hands trembled as she tried to tend his wounds. Looking up at him, she noticed cuts on his forehead. Her hands moved to clean them, not looking in his eyes. She couldn't. "Bastard, you bastard" she sobbed and hit him in the chest. Shaz crept out.
"Hey! Look out!" He tried to stop her. "Jus' nearly got killed! You tryin' to finish me off?"
She kicked him, hitting him with balled up fists. "I thought you'd been hit! You bastard! I fucking hate you!" He put his arms around her, pulling her tighter so she couldn't hit him anymore. It didn't stop her from kicking him, and he let her.
"I'm sorry." It came out a whisper. He sunk his face into her neck. "I'm sorry. You're right. I'm a stupid bastard."
Gradually her sobs slowed, she began to breathe normally through sniffles. Her head lay on his shoulder, turned away from him, eyes closed. She wanted to stay there, his arms around her. Instead she pushed away, hugging herself, not looking at him. "Have to go" she mumbled and left. He followed watching her push through the double doors.
--
Alex sat on the floor of her kitchen. It was as far as she could get before her legs gave out and she had to sit. She leaned against the cabinet. Her whole body ached and she was too tired to cry anymore. She only wanted to sit. To sleep.
Hearing a key scratch in her door she looked up to see Gene let himself in.
She shook her head, not looking at him.
"Get up, Alex." His voice was soft. He held out his hand.
She took it, standing next to him, still not looking at his face. He was still covered in dirt and his own blood. She noticed for the first time she was covered in dirt too.
"You need to get cleaned up" he pulled off her jacket and led her to the bathroom. Starting the shower he left her with her clothes on, shutting the door.
Alex stripped and got in, letting the hot water pulse over her. Her muscles ached from the day's events and the weeks of loneliness. She soaped herself and washed her hair twice, trying to remove all the dirt. At one point she heard Gene come in, get some things from the medicine cabinet and leave again, the door clicking behind him. Finally, feeling like she was as clean as she could get, she stepped out. Gene had left pyjamas for her on the back of the door. The blue checked ones. She put them on and went into the kitchen.
Gene had cleaned up at her sink. He was standing barefoot in his boxers and a clean shirt, his hair wet. Bandage wrappers and ointment tubes made a small mess on the counter. When he turned, she felt his eyes move up and down, taking her in.
"Come 'ere" he took a step as she did the same. But he didn't reach for her. He looked at her head. "You OK? No cuts?" His hands traced a line around her face, looking for injuries. She felt her feet fuse to the floor at his touch.
"I'm OK. Just tired. Sore." She looked at his shirt, eyes questioning.
"Had it in the office. Brought it with me." He shrugged, moving back to the sink to wash his hands.
Alex opened the cabinet and pulled down two glasses, filling them both with whiskey from the bottle on the counter. She picked up one and walked to the living room. Gene joined her on the sofa, his own glass in hand.
They sat silently there for some time, sipping their drinks. Alex looked at the floor, Gene looked at the ceiling. They didn't look at each other.
Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and reached for her hand, covering it with his own large one.
"How do I make up fer it?" he asked, finally looking at her.
She shook her head, shoulders moving up and down. "I don't know. Not doing it again will help."
"OK Gene, don't be a stupid bastard. That's going to be hard."
She laughed, and he relaxed for the first time in weeks. "I'm going to bed" she said quietly.
"OK." He got up, looking for his trousers. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Gene, you don't have to leave. But I think you should sleep on the sofa tonight."
"Fair enough." He nodded. He leaned in, placing a tentative kiss on her forehead. "I'd love to sleep on yer sofa."