In the Cards…
As much as Sirius had not planned on discussing Lily all summer, he was finding James' agony at this particular moment quite entertaining.
"But what's her name, Jamie?" his mother asked for what must have been the fiftieth time since they had arrived home. They were in the kitchen being interrogated as they waited for their lunch.
James groaned, "Mum, I'm not telling you. Please let it be."
"Sirius?" she demanded, slicing bread for sandwiches.
"Sorry, Meggy. I've been sworn to secrecy." Sirius hated to do it, but James would kill him if he caved. He considered giving Megan a clue when James was not looking.
Megan Potter glared at them both. She pointed the knife at James, "So all I'm to know is that she has red hair and green eyes?"
"Like emeralds," Sirius supplied.
Megan lit up, "How lovely. Oh, Jamie, we have to have her over for dinner!"
"Thanks, Sirius," James muttered.
"No problem," Sirius replied, chomping on a carrot.
It was still the beginning of the holidays, and the only activities James and Sirius could manage involved lying around the house or lounging around the yard. Their first day back they had made it to the beach, but the combination of freezing water and strong winds had discouraged them from trying again. Though she spent most of her time nagging them to get out of the house, Megan did not help the situation at first by fixing them lunch and bringing them ice-cold lemonade.
Though after about a week, her joy of having the boys home had worn off and her motherly care had turned to annoyance.
"Can't you just go into town, or jump off a bridge?" she cried slapping Sirius' hand away from a fresh tart.
Sirius and James just laughed, eating the tart out on the lawn for lunch when his mother went to tea. Upon her arrival, finding the tart consumed, James and Sirius were locked out of the house. That afternoon they decided to go to Diagon Alley and purchased a brand new product on sale in one of their favorite shops: dungbombs.
"I can't wait for September," Megan had taken to muttering as stench filled the house constantly.
James' father, Richard, had been leaving for work before James and Sirius got up. Which wasn't necessarily an attempt to avoid James, as the lads rarely woke before noon. As he promised, James wrote to Lily as often as she wrote back, but they had yet to find an agreeable time to meet as James was keeping their correspondence secret from Sirius. The letters seemed too personal to be shared: each word Lily wrote provided insight into her life. He could see her in the between parchment and the ink. She would tell him of her day, and somehow she'd be exploring her childhood and her plans for the future all at once and James could barely stand to be away from her. He imagined her writing on her porch, as she described, tucking her hair behind her ear as she leaned into the letter-- letting go of all her worries, letting him read her. He hoped his letters meant as much to her. But Sirius, though he liked Lily, did not seem to like the idea of James and Lily-- which was becoming less of an idea and more of a reality as each owl passed.
Some days Remus or Peter would come over and they would race brooms or make up other things to do. Sirius even found a use for the Super Soap spell, and they spent a great day playing muggle football in a pitch of suds. When the sun had gone down, the boys would go into town. The warm summer nights caused all the neighboring teens to flock to the park-- or the pub, if they could get away with it.
Family dinners were the only stressful part of the day. James would begin to pace in the early evening, wondering if Richard would make it home on time. If he didn't the meal was quite pleasant, otherwise even passing the salad became a strained affair. Pretense was all they could manage for Megan's sake.
One day, James, Remus, and Sirius came into the house expecting their evening meal, when Megan informed them that Richard had requested the meal be held until his late return. Remus looked around awkwardly, "I think I'll just eat at home, then."
Megan's face fell, "Oh, Remus, I'm sorry."
He waved off her concern, "Really Mrs. Potter, it's not problem."
She was on the verge of telling him to call her Megan, again, when her gaze fell on Sirius.
"Sirius! Oh they're beautiful!"
Behind Remus, Sirius was sheepishly holding a bouquet of lilies. James glared at him, but said nothing to make his mother suspect.
She took the flowers from Sirius and kissed his cheek. "What a sweet boy," she murmured running off to find a vase.
James punched Sirius in the arm as soon as his mother was out of sight.
"Will you stop it?" he demanded.
Sirius rubbed his arm, "Stop what?"
James motioned after his mother, "Stop giving her clues."
Remus laughed, "Good luck with dinner, eh?" Sirius and James stopped bickering to see him to the fireplace, where he departed.
They sat down on the couch, listening to Megan sing along with the radio in the kitchen. James ran a hand through his hair, leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and clasped his fingers together. He looked sideways at Sirius, "This is strange, yeah?"
Sirius nodded, waiting for James to continue.
"Do… do you think he's made a decision about Durmstrang?"
Sirius leaned forward as well, "It feels that way, doesn't it?"
James bent his head down. "I'm not going. I'm not."
Sirius nodded. They sat silently until Megan called them in to set the table.
She put a hand on James cheek when she saw him. "Cheer up."
The command did little to help his mood. There was a commotion in the hall as Richard Potter came through the fireplace. He turned into the dining room, dusting soot from his suit shoulder. "Sirius. James." He nodded to each of them in turn.
"Sir." "Dad." They addressed him back.
Megan came into the room carrying a large platter of meat. "How was your day, Richard?"
He approached her and kissed her forehead. "Fine, Meg." He began to sit at the head of the table, placing his briefcase next to his chair.
Megan moved to the table putting the platter in the center. She cleared her throat, looking right at her husband. "Oh," he looked down at his briefcase; "I'd best put this in the study, eh?"
She nodded her approval and he left the room. Sirius and James took their seats opposite each other. Sirius tried to catch James' eye, but the other boy was too preoccupied. He was staring at the lilies his mother had put on the table, gaining strength from them. When she sat down to his left, he smiled at her and her eyes sparkled as they did whenever she was very pleased with her boys.
Richard returned promptly and they each served themselves while Megan chattered about what was what. She made unnecessary apologies about the freshness of the vegetables and worried about whether there would be enough, but as always everything was delicious and she had outdone herself in quantity.
"It's a new recipe," she said pointing to the green beans. "Try, Sirius, you'll like them." She piled the long stalks onto his plate. He smiled, despite the awkward mood at the table. This was a much more enjoyable way of being mothered he would never quite get used to.
They ate in silence, Megan trying to prompt conversation at first, and then giving up, she glared at Richard, helping him decide it was time to start talking.
He put down his fork. "The roast is lovely, Meg."
James agreed, "Really excellent, Mum."
She hid a pleased smile in her napkin.
Richard spoke again, "I had a visit from Dumbledore today."
James looked at his father evenly.
"He came to me regarding a change in your grades."
James wanted to drop his gaze, but he was too proud.
"You got top marks in every subject."
Megan beamed, but said nothing. It seemed she had already heard the news.
James nodded, and stuck a bite of food into his mouth.
"Even Potions, James."
James looked across the table at Sirius, who appeared to be holding his breath.
"Lily is quite brilliant at Potions," James said thoughtfully.
"Lily Evans?" his father asked.
Megan, who had begun clearing the table with her wand and getting ready for dessert, sent a plate flying into the doorframe.
She stared at James, then looked between Sirius and the flowers on the table. "Lily!"
She reached over to ruffle Sirius' hair, "Dear sweet boy." She winked at him and turned to glower at her husband. "Why didn't you tell me you knew who she was?"
Richard looked confused, "Knew who who was?"
"Jamie's lady friend."
James groaned and Sirius choked on his wine. "Merlin Mum, please never say 'lady friend' again."
Megan rolled her eyes and brought a chocolate cake soaring in from the kitchen. It was James' favorite, and he knew she had baked it especially because she was proud of him. Her look said as much. Megan walked around the table to serve him a piece. As she did, she kissed James' forehead. "Well done, cariad," she whispered to him, slipping into her parents' native Welsh. James remembered his grandfather for a moment, an old man who called him bach no matter how old he was.
Richard shook his head, "I thought she was his study partner."
"She is," James interrupted.
Megan smiled slyly, "Red hair?" Richard nodded. "Green eyes?" He nodded again. "Cute as a button," Sirius groaned. "I saw Jamie at King's Cross snogging someone who matches that description."
"Mum!" James threw Sirius a look daring him to laugh.
But Richard was the only one laughing, "She was quite taken with you when I spoke with her."
Megan gazed at her son who was finishing a slice of cake, "Well who wouldn't be? Such a handsome boy, I always said."
"That's it," James stood. "Mum thank you for a lovely dinner, Sirius and I are off to the pub."
Richard would normally have disapproved of Sirius and James' nightly drinking during the holidays, smiled at their youth, beginning to see his son in a new light. As Sirius went upstairs to change, he caught James alone in the hallway. "Son… you did very well."
James did not respond.
"If you want to stay at Hogwarts, and you keep this up next year, you can."
The boy nodded as his friend joined him at the door.
"Sirius," Richard said, catching both boys' attention. "Dumbledore also wanted me to mention to you a missing gargoyle."
Sirius swallowed. "I don't know anything about that," he said a little too quickly.
Richard nodded, "Perhaps if it shows up where it belongs, no one will bother finding out how it disappeared." Then, not knowing what else to do, gave them each a galleon. "Have fun."
James smiled at his father, genuinely for the first time in ages. "Thank you."
As the boys left, Richard returned to the dining room to be pumped for information by his wife, who wanted every detail from his encounter with Lily.
James and Sirius jogged down the path to the road leading into the village.
James was simultaneously bursting with joy and dread.
Sirius voiced his thoughts for him. "How are you going to tell your mum Lily can't come to dinner?"
James kicked a stone in the road. "Maybe she'll just have to come." James imagined Lily and his mother sitting on the sofa, chatting, and though the thought was extremely frightening it also seemed right. "Maybe it won't be so bad."
Sirius laughed, "You're just going to owl her out of the blue, eh? And ask her to come to dinner because your mum thinks she's your girlfriend?"
He shrugged, remembering Sirius' ignorance to his relationship with Lily.
They had reached the tavern and pulled the door open to find the place packed. James looked at Sirius and they silently agreed the park would be better tonight.
After buying some beer at a Martha's store they walked through the heart of town to the park on the other side.
"I've been writing to her," James said suddenly.
Sirius took a swig from his bottle.
"We've been writing each other," James elaborated. "So it wouldn't be 'out of the blue.'"
Sirius' face was set. "So she is your girlfriend, then?"
James did not know and he said so.
Sirius finished his bottle and tossed it into the grass. He turned to look at James. "So she's messing with your head again."
James looked back at him. "Just cut that out, yeah? She's not messing with my head."
Sirius grunted, "Sure does sound like it though. Love letters without the promise of love?"
"I never said they were love letters."
"But they are, aren't they? One sided love, anyways."
James swished the remaining beer around in its jug. "It isn't one sided."
"You love each other, then?"
James shrugged and Sirius looked frustrated.
"Why can't you just pick someone else, James?"
James did not know how to explain what he felt to Sirius. "Why are you so threatened by her?"
"I'm not threatened by her."
"You're just acting like a prat."
"One of us has to," Sirius replied. "She's… she's just ruining everything."
James rolled his eyes at his mate's melodrama. "She hasn't ruined anything"
Sirius shook his head, "You just don't see how she's changed you. Following school rules? Top marks in Potions? When was the last time you hexed Snivelus?"
"That's not Lily's fault," James snapped. "It's yours. Why did I have to study this year? Oh, I don't know, maybe because my father blamed me for your bullocksed stunt."
Sirius' anger subsided for a moment as it was replaced with hurt and guilt. He did not look James in the eye, as he continued.
"Yeah, I did change. I had to. I'm not a spoiled prat anymore. What a shame. So sorry. I had to grow up, because you didn't. And now you have to, too."
James leaned his head back, he did not understand Sirius at all. "I thought you liked her."
"I liked her when she was expendable."
Slowly, but with force, James asserted, "She's not expendable to me. She never was."
Sirius did not respond. Thoughts were racing through his head. It was the first time James had really blamed him for his father's attitude. Sure he had felt guilty about it anyway, but hearing it from James made it more real.
"Padfoot," James said, "You're not expendable either."
Sirius looked at James, his eyes heavy with unsaid apologies and frustration.
James put a hand on his friend's shoulder, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said all that."
Sirius shrugged off his hand, "It's fine; I had it coming. It's good to know how you really feel."
"Sirius…" James began, but the other boy had all ready begun walking away, towards the crowded pub. James stood where he was for a minute and then decided to just go home. He was already composing a letter in his head to Lily.
The next morning, James was up early. Well, not earlier than his parents, but earlier than Sirius. He ate some toast, while his mother was in the garden and snuck out the front door with his broom and invisibility cloak. Whistling for his owl, Quaffle, James held out a crust of bread in one hand and a letter in the other. When the bird approached, James gave his instructions and swept his cloak over his shoulders. He mounted his broom and flew steadily southwest across the Bristol Channel. James lived east of Cardiff, in a wizarding village so close to the border of Wales most visitors thought they had left England. He knew Lily lived in Cornwall, but he had no idea where. So tucking his cloak around him against the salty breeze, he followed his owl.
He arrived at a pleasant little house just before midday. Slipping off his cloak, and shrinking his broom, James deposited them both in to a knapsack he had brought with him. He watched Quaffle perch on a windowsill and tap the glass with his beak. James held his breath, but Lily did not come out.
"Oy! Quaffle!" he called. The bird looked startled, but came towards him. James reached into his pack for a treat, traded his owl the snack for the letter, and sent him on his way.
James fluffed his hair unconsciously and walked up to the door. Had he been a less confident person, he would have steadied himself before knocking, but James Potter knew he was charming and never worried about meeting people. He knocked loudly and waited. And waited. No one answered. He squinted through the windows, against the glare of the bright sunshine. There was no one inside the front two rooms. The wind rustled the trees and James thought he heard laughter from somewhere.
He backed off the porch looking towards the second floor. Moving to his left, James opened a little gate between Lily's house and the neighbor's and followed a path towards the back yard. The laughter became much louder and more obnoxious. As James rounded the corner of the house, he saw a group of somewhat larger people mixed in with people who looked slightly like Lily. One of the larger folk, a young girl who could not have been much younger than himself, saw him first.
"Hi," she said smiling, "How can I help you?"
James smiled back, and the girl immediately blushed, "I'm looking for Lily."
Her smile faded as she replied, "She's my cousin in law. That's my cousin and his wife," the girl motioned to a man with no neck who James recalled Lily mentioning as her sister's husband, Vernon. Petunia was between him and the largest woman in the yard.
James nodded as the others turned to look at him, wondering who he was. But where was Lily? He thought. There was a bang at the top of the porch stairs as a screen door slammed shut and Lily, looking hot and frazzled, but pleased with herself nonetheless, came out carrying a pie. Wisps of hair escaped her bun and she had a smudge of flour across her cheek, but she looked lovely in her dirty apron.
She placed the pie in the middle of the table, looking up to see everyone's faces. They were all looking over her shoulder, so she turned to follow their gaze.
"James!" she cried, running to him. Her arms were around his neck before he could even respond. "What are you doing here?"
She pulled away from him, smiling.
"I had a letter for you," he said, dusting more flour from her hair.
"Why didn't you send an owl? How did you find my house?" the questions poured out of her mouth, but behind her the other girl coughed loudly.
"Oh!" Lily said, "James, this is Gertrude, and everyone. This is James." She called to the others.
Gertrude put out her hand, "Pleasure."
James shook it but remained focused on Lily, who was joined by a woman with graying red hair.
"Hallo, James," the woman said, "I'm Mary, Lily's mum. She just made us her famous blackberry pie, would you like a slice?"
"'Course I would," James replied following them back to the table.
"So James," Mary began, "You and Lily go to school together?"
Petunia rather rudely and loudly began gathering people for a walk around the neighborhood. Lily rolled her eyes at her sister, as most of the others began to leave the table. Only Gertrude and a teenage boy remained as James replied, "Yes, that's right," accepting a piece of pie from Lily with a wink. The gesture was not lost on Lily's mother who chatted for a little while with James, and finding him quite a charming boy, discreetly excused herself, taking Gertrude and Humphrey with her.
Lily sat next to James, unsure of herself. Her worlds were colliding and all she wanted to do was kiss him.
He leaned over his chair and pulled a letter from the bag at his feet. "Read it later, love."
She nodded, tucking it into her pocket. She had removed the apron to reveal a v-neck that James was finding incredibly distracting.
James looked at his watch and stood, "I've got to go."
Lily sighed, standing also. She led him around the house to the narrow side alley he had come through before. "What are you really doing here?"
He stopped, and smiled at her. "I needed to see you."
She leaned against the side of her house, reaching her hand out to him. He accepted and she pulled him into the shade the roof provided. Their faces were close for only a second before their proximity was capitalized on. James groaned as Lily slipped her tongue into his mouth and tangled her fingers through his thick hair. He pressed against her drinking her in.
After a few minutes, their pace slowed and Lily spoke quietly, "I needed to see you, too."
James looked into her gleaming eyes. Emerald didn't even begin to describe them. "My mum saw us at King's Cross."
Lily blushed.
"She wants you," he kissed her, "to come," he kissed her again, "to dinner."
He pulled back, looking at her, his thumb tracing circles on the skin underneath her shirt. His other hand rubbed her lower back.
"James," she said quietly before his mouth covered hers again.
Lily could feel her bun coming undone, and her knees were buckling under her. If James had not been pushing her against the brick, she would not have been standing.
More time passed before James regained control of himself. He put his hands on the wall, on either side of her face; looking down at the ground, he took a few deep breaths.
"I'd love to." She said, panting slightly.
He grinned for a second, but looked away from her. "Sirius will be there."
Lily's brow furrowed, "Is that a problem?"
James nodded and stepped away from her back into the sunshine. "Read the letter, and then let me know."
Lily grabbed his arm, before he turned.
"I'm coming any way."
He smiled at her, cocking his head to the side. "'Course you are."
They walked to the gate and around to the front of the house, hand in hand.
"I… I don't think I can go this long again… Without seeing you, I mean," Lily said as he pulled his cloak and broom from his bag.
He put his hand on her neck, tilting her face up. "You won't."
He kissed her again. Checking around them, he swung the cloak around himself. Lily felt him behind her. "My mum loves blackberry." He said, "You should bring one of those delicious pies."
She felt him back up and imagined she heard him resize and mount his broom. She knew he was gone even though she could not see him. Reaching for her back pocket, Lily pulled out the parchment he had given her and grinned. She looked up just in time to see Petunia's scowling face disappear from the front window. That wiped the smile from her lips.
A/N Your feedback is very motivating, so thank you!