Looks like this chapter's divisible by five, so something big's gotta happen. This time, we destroy Blake and Weiss's monopoly on Characters with First Names.

-OOO-

Blake stood under the foyer and hissed at the weather. Right now, it was water and it was cold. The two things she hated the most.

However, Weiss was rolling around in the snow that had accumulated on the ground. She was still in her nightdress, having eschewed even breakfast to go and roll around in the cold wetness. Blake, however, had brought their blanket down, around her shoulders, and was still way too cold.

"So the news reports report that the weather control matrix will be on the fritz for the next half month or so," said Mum Schnee to her scroll.

Mum Schnee smiled. "It's a pleasant surprise, I must say."

The woman then swished her arm around, and a small torrent of snow flew up off the ground and swirled around her in some sort of frozen fractal pattern. Blake stepped back and huddled in her blanket more.

Weiss ran up to Blake, "Blake c'mon! It's snowing! that's what the stuff falling from the sky is! Snow! C'mon, Blake, let's go play in the snow! You'll love it!"

Weiss grabbed Blake's hand and pulled her towards the horrible snow. Blake leaned back, resisting the pull, but Weiss did not relent. Didn't Weiss know how uncomfortable the snow was? How cold and terrible the prospect of submerging herself in that environment? Or, at the very least, that Blake didn't feel the same way Weiss did about it? Blake wanted nothing to do with the snow.

Blake hissed and huddled in her blanket more.

"Oh no," Weiss said, "Are you cold, Blake?"

Blake glared at Weiss. "aren't you cold?"

Mum Schnee stepped besides them. "Cold never bothers a Schnee, Blake."

Weiss ran off to find some winter clothes and some maids to dress Blake in them.

Blake looked at Mum Schnees outfit. Specifically, at how light the material seemed to be, and at all the places where it didn't actually cover anything. And how the human appeared to be at ease.

Then Blake looked to pa Schnee, and his formal wear that didn't look warm at all. "what about Schnees by marriage?"

Pa Schnee chuckled, a bit. He also appeared to be at ease. Nobody answered Blake.

And later, Pa Schnee approached Blake and, looking around conspiratorially, handed her a small packet, from the inside of his jacket, full of some sort of beads. "I keep these in the west wing supply closet. Help yourself, at any time."

Blake examined the packet. 'Shake to heat' was written on the front. So Blake did, and some sort of chemical reaction or something caused the packet to heat up. Blake rubbed her cheek on it, savoring the warmth.

Blake turned to pa Schnee and nodded, once, very slightly.

Pa Schnee nodded back, once, very slightly.

Then Weiss returned, with the clothes.

"Blake Blake," Weiss started wrapping a scarf around Blake's head, "It turns out that we have a lot of super cute winter clothes for you!" Weiss pulled on Blake's hand, "So c'mon, kitty! Let's play dress up! We wouldn't want you to miss out on the snow, Blake!"

Blake looked at the snow one last time and sighed. She smushed her mouth together and let Weiss pull her into the changing room.

...

...

...

(jk. lolno)

- THE STORY, FOR REALS -

Blake woke up. Weiss was hugging her, like usual, her arms around her stomach in a desperate grip.

Weiss woke up. She made waking noises and nuzzled Blake's back.

"Oh Blakey," Weiss mumbled, "Guess who's a snuggly kitty?"

Blake tried not to smile, despite the flashbacks to terrible guessing experiences.

Blake heared Weiss yawn. "It's you!" Weiss squeezed Blake. "You're a snuggly kitty."

Blake nodded in agreement. She allowed Weiss to snuggle her.

Weiss rolled onto her back and pulled Blake on top of her, so that Blake faced the ceiling. Weiss inhaled in Blake's hair and rubbed her hands on Blake's tummy. Blake allowed it.

Weiss then poked Blake's tummy, gently. Blake swatted away the pokes, halfheartedly, at first. Eventually, they became more annoying then not and Blake looked upwards and frowned at Weiss. Weiss giggled and wrapped her arms around Blake.

Weiss then smooched the top of Blake's head. She smooched again, moving to the left, until she stopped at the base of Blake's ear.

Blake didn't say anything, which meant hat she was okay with Weiss nibbling her ear at this juncture. Blake braced herself for the warm dampness around her ear, only flinching a little when it came. Weiss nummed Blake's ear four times before she was satisfied.

"Oh Blakey," said Weiss, more softly and more blissfully, "Guess who's a good kitty?"

Blake cleared her throat. "morality is a lie constructed by the powerful to justify their cruelty and subjugate the masses-"

Weiss booped Blake's nose. "No, silly Blakey! It's you!" Weiss hugged Blake. "You're a good kitty."

Blake blinked.

Then Blake smiled. "cool."

At breakfast, Blake and Weiss divided their food, like usual. Unlike usual, Mum Schnee was here, as well. She and Weiss talked for a it before Weiss became nonresponsive, completely overcome with the knowledge that Blake was a kitty.

"So your sister managed to get herself," mum Schnee coughed, "a two week vacation from military training, which she will be spending here. With her family, in order to recenter herself."

Weiss dropped her eating utensils. Her pupil shrunk and the rest of her shivered.

Then Weiss clutched Blake. "Noooooo! Not Winter! She's pure evil!"

Blake nodded. "winter is worst season. too cold."

"Now now, Weiss sweetie, Winter isn't evil. She's just," mum Schnee pontificated for a moment, "misunderstood. With poor impulse control and empathy problems."

Mum Schnee waved the air.

"And the point is moot, Weiss sweetie, because nobody's evil. The formal construct of morality is a mutable, flawed, internally contradictory notion created by a small cabal of insulated thinkers based on incomplete observations, with only an incidental relation to reality, that exists to lend legitimacy to power disparities and to promote stability."

Blake blinked.

Weiss winked.

"Nevertheless, we do acknowledge some," mum Schnee pontificated. "Some possibilities, so I feel it would be prudent to decide how you will introduce her to Blake, ahead of time, and prepare yourself for certain sub-optimal eventualities, just in case they arise."

"Can't," Weiss bit her lip and clutched Blake, "can't we just go camping or something else that takes us far away for two weeks?"

"Weiss, sweetie, you hate camping. Last time, you spent the entire week huddled in our tent, crying about snakes."

"But I'm not like that anymore! I think snakes are cool now, and that it's fine that they don't have any arms! That phobia exercise you had me do worked!"

"Aaaaannd," mum Schnee said, "That is just what we're doing here. Yes. You should spend some time around your Sister, so you're no longer afraid of her."

Mum Schnee waved the air. "And you should learn to get along anyway. Your family will be there for you for the rest of your life, so it's efficient to be on good terms with them."

"But I already have Blake, and she'll be there for me forever!"

Blake scrunched her mouth.

Mum Schnee blinked. She cleared her throat. "And besides," she said, "if you're always too scared to do anything, how are you ever going to take Blake cool places?"

Mum Schnee shot Blake a look. Blake understood her role, and she turned to Weiss and nodded.

Weiss looked at Blake. Her lips wobbled. "Ok. I'll try to be brave, for you, Blakey."

Mum Schnee smiled.

Later, someone would explain to Blake that 'Winter' was Weiss's older sister. The conversation made a lot more sense, in retrospect.

On the day that Winter arrived, Weiss was dressed in a nice dress. The tutor and weapon instructor had taken the day off, as did a lot of the staff. Thus, the mansion was very sparse. Blake decided she liked it, and vowed to explore the mansion more to find new warm places to nap, but not right now.

Weiss was wearing a dress. Blake was dressed up, but not as much as Weiss was. The younger Schnee had really enjoyed fixing Blake's hair for today, and also dressing the Faunus up in various formal outfits.

"Ok, Blake, so you just stay in this room until I call for you," Weiss said as she fixed Blake's collar, "and then I get to show my sister the cutest, snuggliest kitty in the whole world! She'll be so jealous."

Blake tried not to blush at the compliment.

Weiss then left, blowing a kiss to Blake at the door. Blake flopped on her side from where she was sitting on the couch Weiss had deposited her onto.

Blake heard the grand entrance open. Blake's curiosity got the better of her and she got and peaked in through a crack in the door.

In the foyer, a teenage female human was escorted in. She smelled like niter and napalm and she had an unamused expression and her hair in a high ponytail. She wore Atlas military clothes- white and cyan in winter camouflage except for tall black boots. She carried a large military duffle bag over her shoulder, which she dropped at the feet of a servant shortly after she stepped in.

Weiss smiled. "H-hey, sis-"

"Hey, Weissicle," said the teenager. She leaned on on one leg and looked around the room. "I guess I should say it's nice to see you."

"M-me too-"

Winter then turned to her sister and smiled. She held her hands out and walked forward.

"And mumsie mentioned that you cut your face open."

"Umm," Weiss touched her medical eyepatch.

Sister Schnee then grabbed Weiss's left hand with her own left hand, and with her other tried to pull off Weiss's eyepatch. Blake frowned.

"Guess we'll have go call you 'Scarface' from now on."

Weiss tried to keep her face away from Winter's grasp. "No!" Weiss said, "and I'm not going to have the scar forever."

Winter managed to peel Weiss's eyepatch off her face. Weiss let out a yelp and reached for her discarded medical patch.

"Scars are forever, Weiss. But it's cool; yours looks super badass. A lot pf people are going to love it."

"But- but the ointment says-"

"It's probably lying. Marketing does that. You'll have this mark on your face forever."

"Nooooooooooooo~"

The weird emotion Blake had been feeling bubbled over, and Blake stepped into the room and she jumped at Winter-

And Blake found herself pinned on the ground.

"Blake noooo!"

Then, Sister Schnee turned to the Faunus she had flipped over without even looking. Winter stepped back.

"Weiss," Winter said, slowly, "who's this?"

Weiss picked her eyepatch up and put it on her face. Then she ran over to Blake and picked her up from behind, by her armpits. She hugged Blake to her chest, resting her chin between Blake's ears. "This is Blake, my pet kitty!" Weiss nuzzled Blake's head and couldn't keep down a sense of pride and happiness. "She's the cutest and the snuggliest!"

Winter blinked.

"Weiss," Winter said, slowly, "You can't keep a Faunus as a pet. They're not animals."

"But," Weiss clutched Blake, "She's so cute and fluffy-"

"They're monsters; humans infected with the Grimm corruption. They're not beholden to the kind of morality that makes them safe to coexist with. You don't know what one of them is capable of."

Winter then moved, faster than Blake would have thought.

Blake was pinned against the wall, by Winter. Blake blinked.

"Winter, no!" Weiss whined. She reached out to Blake but Winter held Blake out of reach.

"Weiss, this thing is dangerous." Winter held Blake higher against the wall. "I'm going to have to keep her quarantined."

"Noooooooo!"

Weiss scuffled ineffectually with her sister, for a bit.

Weiss then ran out of the room, her sleeve on her eye and eyepatch. "Mo~om!" she whined, "Winter took Blake and she won't give her baa~aaaack~"

"Yeah yeah, run to mom, why don't you," Winter mumbled, under her breath. Then she smiled and looked at Blake.

"Look at you, you fluffy little murderer," Winter said. She ran the back of her fingernails down Blake's cheek. Her breath smelled like holly and mint and steel. "Now, how'd you sneak your impertinent little self into my household..." It wasn't spoken as a question.

Blake blinked.

Winter sniffed along Blake's neckline and around her forehead.

Blake blinked.

"I can smell the taint of the Grimm infection on you." The teenager sniffed again, long and deep.

Blake frowned.

"So can you even talk?" Winter said. She smirked. "Go on and spew your vile, dark blasphemies for me, dear grimmkitty."

Blake stuck her tongue out and licked Winter's nose.

Winter recoiled. "Aaaaaarrrrgh!"

However, with Winter clutching her nose, Blake could free herself. She ran down the hall.

"Blaaaake," Weiss called out. Blake followed the voice.

"Blake!" Weiss said, once she was in view. She jumped at Blake and intercepted the Faunus in mid air, in a hug. "Blake you escaped!"

And Weiss nuzzled Blake's head and hugged her all over.

Sister Schnee showed up. She pointed an accusing finger at Blake. "Do you think she's trained? She licked me! She put her tongue on my nose!"

Then Mum Schnee showed up. "And that's terrible," she said. She pontificated. "Truly the worst. I mean, Blake's cleaned daily, but I suppose you never know. So Winter, why don't you go down to one of the bathrooms to sanitize your nose?"

"Good to see you too, mom," Winter mumbled to the ground, as she left.

Mum Schnee turned to her younger daughter. Her face looked concerned, but she didn't say anything. Weiss didn't notice. Instead, she clutched Blake protectively.

"Blake~" Weiss whined, "you can't lick Winter's nose! You're only allowed to lick me, Blakey."

Somewhere in a public school, a teenager of above average height started snickering uncontrollably.

In the Schnee mansion, Blake blinked.

Weiss put her hands on Blake's cheeks. "So c'mon, Blakey! Lick my nose. C'mon!" Blake turned her head away, fighting with Weiss's hands.

"Blaaa~ake!"

Blake kept her mouth shut. She blushed, slightly.

- A POSSIBLE FUTURE -

There is a school. There is a dormitory. It is evening. It is dark.

There is a rhythmic cycle; a short metallic clinking, followed by a scraping noise. tnk - -shing! ... tnk - - shing!

A figure sits, otherwise in silence.

tnk.

Weiss throws open the door. Her eyes are red and her breath is heavy.

"How could you?" she screams into the room.

-shing!

"[XII:88] -and upstart Passions catch the Government from Reason, and to servitude reduce one until free-"

Ruby hefts the whetstone in her left hand. Crescent is in her lap. She brings the stone sown on the base of Crescent's blade. It goes tnk.

Weiss turns on the light. She walks up to the rose-flurried gothic cookie monster, grabs the reaper by the collar and lifts her up to her own face. Ruby's arms are limp; Crescent falls off her lap, though Ruby keeps her grip on her weapon. She blinks at Weiss, her eyes drooping and unfocused as usual.

"You were supposed to be my friend! How could you take her away from me?"

"[X:43] -no Decree of mine concurring to necessitate her fall, or touch with lightest moment of impulse her free Will, to her own inclining left in even scale-"

"Don't give me that!" Weiss shakes Ruby. "You've had your beady little eyes on her since you've got here!"

Blake arrives, in the doorway, out of breath. "Weiss, stop! It's not her fault."

Weiss looks to Blake. Ruby mumbles something about purgatory.

Blake breaths. "I approached her. Not the other way around."

Weiss releases Ruby. She turns her anger onto Blake. Her face tries to be composed as she points accusingly at her combat partner. "S-so what can she do that I can't?" Weiss says to Blake.

"Wait, wait," says Yang. She appears behind Blake. "So you two do know each other?"

Blake doesn't answer either of them. Yang's smile fades, slowly.

"Well?" Weiss asks.

Blake looks at the wall. "'If you love someone, let them go,'" Blake quotes. "You're the one who said that, remember?"

"But you're supposed to come back. Blake," Weiss begins, "Blake, can't you see that we're meant to be together?"

Blake looks at the wall some more. Her face is more pained.

"[IV:98]-for never can true reconcilement grow where wounds of deadly hate have pierced so deep-"

"Ahahaha," Yang says. She collects her sister and returns to the door. "We're just- I can see you have some stuff to talk about, so we'll just," Yang points down the hall with a flick of the wrist on her free hand, "We'll just be somewhere else, yes?"

Yang and Ruby leave. The door closes. Weiss and Blake are alone.

"Just tell me what you want," Weiss says, "And I'll make it happen. I'll do anything, for you, Blake-"

"You always do this-"

"Yes! Because I want you to be happy!" Weiss cries.

"Then let me go-"

"I want you to be as happy as you always made me feel, whenever we were together. You know that, right, Blakey-"

"-don't call me that!"

Weiss steps back. She breaths. "What do you want, Blake?"

Blake takes a while to answer. "I don't know-"

"Yes you do! if you didn't know what you wanted, you wouldn't want to leave!"

Blake bites her lip. She turns to the wall, again.

"Can't you communicate, for once, Blake?"

"I-"

Blake breaths.

"I don't now who I am, Weiss," Blake says. It is a confession.

Weiss smiles, "Blake, I know that. Your my-"

"DON'T SAY I'M YOUR PET! DON'T YOU DARE!"

Blake seethes. Weiss steps back again.

"What about," Weiss whispers, "'my best friend?'" she takes a step forwards. "Or my anchor? Or my savior? All those things are true."

Blake looks like she wants to protest. She doesn't react when Weiss moves besides her.

"I know who you are, Blake-"

"No you don't! Nobody does!"

"Yes I do!" Weiss's tears gather in her eyes. "You're a kind, gentle person. Your favorite fish is tuna and you like being cool and mysterious but you have a fun side to you as well, and you love being a ninja-"

Blake breaths, angrily and sadly. She does not refute anything.

"And you don't like snow and shoes and inequality and formality and you're not shy about the things you don't like, and that just means you're honest!"

Weiss waits.

Blake fights back tears. "Is that all I am?"

Weiss blinks. "I-isn't it?

Blake turns away. She breaths. "I don't know."

Blake walks to the window, waving away Weiss's attempts at comfort.

"I spent so many years just," Blake places her hand on the window, "Just following along with what you wanted. I don't know what I wanted, out of anything. And I don't know what I want now."

Weiss frowns. "So what are you saying, that you were unhappy?" Weiss's voice cracks. "That's not fair! I asked you all the time if you were happy! I tried so hard for you!"

Weiss sobs again. "And that's what I'm doing now, Blake," Weiss grabs Blake's hand. Blake doesn't look away from the window. "I'm willing to forgive you. I promise, I'll do anything it takes to make this right, Blake! Please."

Blake's expression grows pained. "I-" She says, "I don't want that. I don't want you to do anything."

"Then what do you want?!"

"I need some space, Weiss," Blake says. "So- just leave me alone-"

"No!" Weiss yells. "I won't accept that!" Weiss moves, so that Blake has to look at her. "I need you, Blake! Everything that's good about my life is because of you. Don't you understand that?"

Blake turns away, but Weiss grabs her hand.

"I don't know what I'd have become if you weren't there for me, Blake." Weiss's eyes well up.

Blake bites her hand. "I'm sorry, Weiss."

There is a moment.

And Weiss breaks down. She releases Blake's hand and she balls her fists and tilts her head and her tears come strong. She sobs and she shakes.

And Blake's eyes water as well, but she stands by as Weiss cries, for a while.

And then Blake sighs. She turns and hugs Weiss, around the neck and shoulders. Weiss's eyes shoot open and she gasps, elation tempering her grief. After a moment, she hugs Blake back, resting her head in the crook of Blake's neck.

"I'm sorry," Blake says, "I'm sorry, Weiss, but I can't. I just can't."

"That's," Weiss says. She leans into the hug. "That's a cruel thing to say, when I'm in your arms."

"Well, I couldn't just leave you like that." Blake says, "But this is the last time. I can't- I can't be this for you, anymore."

"Yes you can."

"Weiss-" Blake is more stern, "Weiss, don't be this way. 'If you love someone, let them go', remember?"

Weiss doesn't respond.

"I just need some space, Weiss."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it's what I feel."

Weiss sniffles. "Were you really that unhappy, living with me?"

"Honestly- not all the time, but-"

Weiss waits.

"Yeah, sometimes. It was fun! Sometimes. But I don't think I can do it anymore. At least right now."

Weiss sniffles again. "So it's - just a little space, that you need?"

Weiss doesn't see Blake's expression. "Yeah," Blake says.

"But you'll be back, right? You promise?"

There is another moment.

"Yeah," Blake says. Weiss doesn't see Blake's expression.

"Okay," Weiss says. She steps out of the hug. Her eyes are still wet but she's not shaking anymore.

Blake smiles- softly, and genuinely. It is a small but real comfort to see.

"It's just," Weiss wipes her eyes and forces a smile, "I don't know what I'll do without you in my life."

Hey, hey," Blake tilted Weiss's chin up with her finger. "It's not like I'm just going away forever. We're on the same team. We live in the same room."

Weiss chuckles, "Heh, I guess we've been roommates since forever."

Blake chuckles. "Yeah." She breaths. "But, yeah, I- I just need to figure myself out.

Weiss breaths. "Okay."

Blake smiles again. "So we're good?"

Weiss refreshes her smile. "Yeah," she lies.

Blake looks relieved. She follows Weiss to the door and steps into the hallway.

And Yang and Ruby are there, in the hall. Everyone freezes, save one.

"[II:84]-if there be in Hell fear to be worse destroyed, what can be worse than to dwell here, driven out from bliss-"

"So~" Yang lilted, "I take it that's a 'yes' on you two knowing each other? 'Cause I've been getting some serious vibes like this whole time..."

- PRESENT DAY -

After mum Schnee and sister Schnee left for parts unknown, Weiss pulled Blake aside, for something that was definitely important to one of them.

"Are you okay, Blakey?"

Blake nodded, once.

"Yay!" Weiss smiled. She pulled Blake's head down and nuzzled her hair. "Don't pay attention to mean old Winter; I won't let her get you again."

Blake blinked.

Weiss released Blake. Blake stood back up. "And besides, she's just jealous because she doesn't have someone as fluffy as you in her life!"

Blake blinked again.

"Oh kitty, you're so cute!" Weiss said. She hugged Blake. "Kitty, I love you!"

Blake opened and closed her eyes.

Weiss stepped back from the hug. She smooched Blake's nose. "Mwah! Heeheehee!"

Blake's ears ruffled, just a bit. She blinked.

"Blake," Weiss said, her voice more serious. She put her hands on Blake's cheeks and turned Blake's face to her.

"Blake, promise me, that you'll only be mine, forever." Weiss looked Blake the eyes. Sequentially, switching eyes after about two seconds each, so it was kind of weird.

Blake blinked.

Weiss kept looking Blake in the eyes.

Blake blinked again.

Then Blake shrugged.

Weiss hugged Blake. "Yay! I love you Blakey. Mwah!" Weiss smooched Blake's head.

When Weiss spoke next, it was much softer. "And I always will, Blakey."

Blake looked at the wall.

"Now, lick my nose, Blakey."

Blake's smushed her mouth closed.

A POSSIBLE OMAKE:

Weiss sits down at the cafeteria table, across from Blake. Its been a few days.

Blake makes eye contact, awkwardly. They both smile.

"S-so," Weiss manages to say, "You and Ruby, huh?"

"What~" Blake says. She laughs. "Oh, no. nonono. Its just- she's a sub, you know? So I thought we could, ah," She pontificates, "You know, play together."

"Oh! Oh." Weiss blushes. "You mean- just- ok."

"Yeah. She's into some wieeerd shizz though."

"Heh heh," Weiss says, unconvincingly.

"But it- it was a learning experience, I guess. I don't regret it," Blake says, "Speaking of which, I think it'd be good for you to socialize a bit more too."

Weiss is unconvinced. Didn't Blake feel uncomfortable talking to strangers ? How cold and terrible the prospect of submerging herself in that environment? Or, at the very least, that Weiss didn't feel the same way Blake did about it? Weiss really

Blake gestures to a crowd of people, at another table.

"C'mon, you'll love it," Blake grabs Weiss hand and pulled her towards the crowd. Weiss leans back, slightly, politely, resisting the pull, but Blake does not relent. "Let's go find you someone to love."

Weiss smushes her mouth together, and lets Blake pull her towards the people.

-OOO-

So everyone in this crack universe, especially in possible future Beacon, has one or two minor character traits (which may have only been mentioned as a joke or as inferred from their image songs) blown way, way out of proportion, up to eclipse their entire characterization, and probably mixed with the pop culture miasma into some thing I hope is interesting. I anticipate a lot of them will be divisive, once we get there. But there's a reason for them all, I assure you.