Disclaimer: All rights to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling.
He ran down the dormitory stairs in a complete panic. His stupid alarm clock hadn't gone off, and now he was going to be late for potions. The Fat Lady shouted indignantly as he came tearing through the portrait hole, but he didn't care. He had to get to class. He couldn't be late; he couldn't afford to have any points docked from his grade. Nan was already on his case, and he didn't feel like listening to her harp on him again.
As he sped through the corridors, he furiously thought about the fact that Tom, Matt, Alex, or Lucas hadn't bothered to wake him up. Sure, he wasn't as close with Matt, Alex, or Lucas as he was with Tom, but he still considered them friends and thought that they felt the same. They would have woken him up. And if they hadn't, Tom would have. But none of them had bothered. Why hadn't they?
"Fucking gits," he muttered, almost completely out of breath. Then he suddenly came to a halt. Something strange was going on.
Students were crowded in the hallway. That was odd. Lessons were due to start in about two minutes. Why would they still be crowding the hallway? More importantly, why were they all walking in slow motion?
He looked around the hallway in confusion. All around him, students walked in slow motion, laughing and talking with each other all the while. He stood in the middle of the hallway, all alone. Everyone else seemed to be with their friends. Where were his? He tried to start moving down the hallway again, but he suddenly found himself incapable of running. Suddenly, everyone else seemed to speed up while he dragged on. All the while, his friends remained out of sight.
It was quite lonely. Had he done something? Maybe this was payback for that fight he got into with Felicity last night. That had to have been it. Guilt burned deep in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't meant to shout, but she and the others just wouldn't stop asking him if he was okay, if he wanted to talk, if he wanted to do this or that…
It took everything he had to swallow his anger. He didn't even know why he was so angry lately. Everything seemed to set him off, and he meant everything. He chalked it up to puberty, but deep down, he knew that wasn't it. His friends were snappy, but they weren't nearly as snappy as he was. He wanted to push them away, because he desperately wanted to be left alone, but at the same time, he feared loneliness. And he was lonely, even with his friends sticking by them.
With a start, he realized he was standing right in front of the door to the potions classroom. He swallowed, hoping Professor O'Brien wouldn't be too angry with him. He pushed open the door, and the confusion he had experienced just minutes ago doubled. Professor O'Brien was nowhere to be found. Even stranger were his classmates. They all sat starting straight ahead, not breathing, not seeing. Feeling as though he were in one of those Muggle horror films that Uncle George and Aunt Angelina liked, Teddy slowly made his way to his seat. Tom didn't even turn to look at him when he sat down.
"Tom?" Teddy waved a hand in front of Tom's face. Tom didn't even blink. "Tom?"
Still no answer. Frustrated, Teddy turned to look for Lorraine, Alexia, and Felicity. They were nowhere to be found. Now, Teddy felt scared, and the draft coming in through the crack under the door only made the whole situation even spookier.. What was going on? Where were Felicity, Lori, and Alexia? Why wasn't Tom speaking to him? Why was everyone but him frozen in place? He turned back to Tom, hoping to somehow animate his best friend.
"Tom?" Teddy snapped his fingers in front of Tom's face. Tom's brown eyes stared on unblinkingly. "Tom, seriously, what the fuck is going on? Tom! Answer me, you berk! If you're pissed at me, at least have the balls to say it!"
"Damn right I'm pissed at you." The voice startled Teddy; he jumped in his seat and accidentally knocked over the cauldron that was sitting on the desk. Tom's mouth had moved, and it had been Tom's voice. But Teddy had never heard such pure rage in his best friend's voice.
"W-what exactly did I do?"
Tom laughed humorlessly. "Are you seriously asking me that? Are you really as stupid as you look? You know damn well what you did; don't try to hide it."
Sadness pulsed through Teddy's veins. He hated it when anyone was mad at him, but usually he at least knew why they were angry. If he didn't know what he did, then someone would tell him. It wasn't like Tom to be so cryptic. He could feel his anxiety beginning to creep up on him. What the hell had he done?
"I guess I am pretty stupid, because I have no clue what I did. Just tell me."
Tom stared straight ahead as he spoke. "You tried to kill yourself, Teddy. That's what you did. You couldn't stop being selfish for two fucking seconds, could you? It always has to be about you. And then you had to try to kill yourself, just because you wanted attention."
Teddy felt anger so hot that he could have sworn he could have felt his skin burning. Everyone always fucking thought he was looking for attention, but he never suspected Tom would think the same. His best mate had feigned concern, only to chew him out and call him selfish as soon as he got the opportunity. Why did everyone hate him? Why did everyone think he was looking for attention? If he wanted attention, he could have found another way to get it. But no one seemed to get it!
"Yeah, I slit my wrists open for attention, all right. I figured it'd be a nice change, you know? I wanted to change the routine a bit. Making myself throw up was getting a bit old."
As soon as the words left his mouth, Teddy regretted them. But he couldn't help it. He was just so angry…
"You're fucking pathetic, Ted. What are you, a girl? You shouldn't have told me about it, because I really don't care. No one cares. Not even Harry and Ginny care. If you really want to kill yourself, try taking your wand to your head. Maybe a good old Avada Kedavra will do the trick next time. Because nobody fucking wants you around."
Teddy's eyes flew open. He gasped for air and put a hand on his chest, feeling his damaged heart beat rapidly underneath his palm. He tried to get his breathing under control before he had a panic attack, but he found that difficult to do. The dream had been so vivid, so real. Part of him was convinced that it had actually happened, though logically he knew that it hadn't. It was the end of June; school was out for the summer, and Tom had only just found out about what had happened. It wasn't real. It wasn't real.
"Get a grip, Teddy. It wasn't real. Get a fucking hold of yourself." Teddy muttered to himself as he tried to breathe. It felt real enough.
Teddy knew that he shouldn't have told Tom anything. As soon as he sent the letter home with Ginny, he had been filled with regret. He was about to destroy a ten-year-old friendship over this. Tom wouldn't want to deal with him; he was too fucked up and Tom wouldn't want to deal with it. The real Tom would probably repeat dream Tom's words, and Teddy didn't think he could deal with that. He couldn't deal with hearing his best friend telling him to go kill himself in a dream, let alone in real life.
"If you really want to kill yourself, try taking your wand to your head."
Teddy shuddered as the words replayed in his mind over and over. Hearing Tom (dream Tom, Teddy, he didn't actually say it) telling him to go die hurt more than anything Nan had ever said to him. Tom always had his back. Teddy knew, without a doubt, that Tom would no longer want to be his friend. Tom would call him pathetic, a freak, a weirdo, psychotic, crazy…and he would completely desert Teddy, and he would convince their other friends to leave him too.
I'll seriously make sure that it works this time if that happens.
Teddy refused to voice this to anyone, but he still wanted to die. The Healers were making him eat, and he was getting so fat; he could feel himself gaining weight with every chew and swallow. It would only get worse at home; Harry and Ginny were going to watch his every move and he knew that they would recruit the kids to help distract him after meals and he'd get fatter and he'd have to keep going to therapy with a stupid Mind Healer who didn't even seem to want to try to understand. Now on top of everything else, he wasn't going to have any friends. Everyone would leave him; he'd be alone to get fat and wallow in his own misery.
He knew that he shouldn't have said anything to Tom. The dream was just a premonition, and Teddy didn't want to hear what Tom had to say. He was an awful person, and he didn't deserve friends who cared about him. He knew that Tom didn't care, and Teddy couldn't blame him. He didn't care about himself much, either.