Disclaimer: I own Jess, Allen, and Steve. Dick owns Olivia, Alex, Casey, and the entire SVU squad. It's very sad, and extremely unfortunate, I know, but that's the way life goes sometimes.

You guys…your reviews are making me feel all warm and mushy inside! I love you all :)

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"Hey, Jess?" Allen asked hesitantly as he poked his head into the bathroom. He frowned when he saw her sitting on the floor, her face in the toilet. Ever since she hit the three-month mark two weeks ago, she'd been getting sick several times a day. It killed him to see her like this, and he vowed to do everything in his power to make her feel better. He knelt down beside her and gently placed his hand on her back. "You okay, sweetie?"

She pulled her head out of the toilet and sighed as she sat up. This getting sick all the time was really starting to scare her. The fact that she couldn't keep anything down was undoubtedly hurting the babies. She had called the doctor and had been told to give it one more week. If things didn't get better by then, she was to come in for a visit. "I'm okay," she said sadly. "I'm just tired, and really sick of being sick."

"Yeah, I bet," he said gently as he slowly helped her to her feet. He wrapped his arm around her and smiled, leading her out towards the kitchen. "The groceries are all put away. I got the pickles and catsup you wanted and –"

"Uhhhhhhh," she groaned miserably.

"What is it?"

"That's what I was craving this morning, but now the thought of eating that makes me want to puke again. I'm so sorry, Allen. I sent you to the store for nothing."

"Nonsense," he assured her. "You can also have bananas and mayonnaise, apples with sour cream, or pizza with mustard," he told her, rattling off her most frequent odd cravings. "Of course, you can also mix and match. How does pizza and bananas sound?"

She smiled gratefully and looked up at him. "Put some mustard in there, too, and we'll be in business."

He tried not to grimace as she told him what she was craving. "Bananas and mustard on pepperoni pizza? Is that really what you're craving?"

"Allen, I can't explain it either but yes, that's what I'm craving. I'm pregnant, I'm hormonal, and that's the only combination of food that doesn't make me want to run to the toilet and throw up again."

"Well whatever keeps you from getting sick," he said happily as he prepared her food. He brought it out into the living room and sat down next to her on the couch. "Your lunch, m'dear."

She smiled and shook her head, taking the plate from him. After she took the first bite, she looked up at him and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "You're actually going to sit here and watch me eat this? How are you not completely disgusted?"

He smiled and kissed her lightly on the forehead. "You could never disgust me. You're the most beautiful woman in the world…even with your odd cravings." He gently placed his hand on her stomach. "Besides, you're carrying precious cargo there. If there's something you can keep down, I'm going to make sure you get it."

"What if it's really, incredibly disgusting?"

"Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't think you can get much more disgusting than pepperoni pizza with bananas and mustard."

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It was the sound of muffled crying that woke her up this time. Normally a sound that quiet wouldn't have even registered with her, but she'd been sleeping much lighter ever since Olivia had gotten sick. She opened her eyes and frowned. Olivia's side of the bed was empty. She rolled over and saw that the bathroom door was shut, a small light shining through the bottom. Praying that the door wasn't locked, she made her way towards the bathroom.

Olivia was sitting in the corner of the bathroom, her knees pulled up to her chest, crying into a pillow. "Go away," she said miserably as Alex came in.

She pulled a washcloth out of the closet, wet it with cold water, and sat down next to Olivia. "Nope," she said, taking Olivia's hand and placing the washcloth on her forehead. She frowned when Olivia pulled away. "Liv, honey, what's wrong?"

"Just leave me alone!" she screamed angrily, standing up and walking out of the bathroom.

Alex closed her eyes and dug in her heels, preparing for a fight. This had been happening more often lately, and she was determined to put a stop to it once and for all. Olivia had been fighting her each and every time she tried to offer her any comfort. Alex was getting tired of it. She walked into the bedroom and sighed as she saw Olivia sitting on the bed, hunched over and trying to hide her tears. She slowly sat down next to her and gently rubbed her back, glad that Olivia didn't immediately pull away. "Honey, talk to me. I don't want you to pull away like this anymore…it's scaring me."

"I feel like I'm putting you through hell and you don't deserve it."

"Baby, this pulling away from me is hell. Yes, it's hell watching how sick you are, but Liv, sweetie, you've got to let me in. I know it's hard, but let me help you. You can't do this alone, baby."

Olivia looked up and bit her lower lip. "I was brushing my hair after I threw up and…and a huge clump fell out. I just, I lost it. I mean, I knew this was going to happen, but when I actually saw the hair in the brush…"

Alex pulled Olivia closer and kissed her lightly. "That must have been so hard. I'm so sorry I wasn't there with you." She brushed the hair out of Olivia's face and smiled warmly. "I'm still here, see? You're not going to get rid of me that easily. I know you're scared that I'll leave you once you lose your hair or your breasts, but that's not ever going to happen. I'm right here, baby. I'm right here."

"I really don't want to go in tomorrow," Olivia said several minutes later. As hard as it was to talk about this with Alex, she was glad she was able to do so. Concentrating on Alex's hand gently rubbing her back, she continued. "They're going to tell me how the chemo's doing…whether or not they're going to have to – to take my breasts."

"And I'm going to be right there with you. Fight it, Liv. Fight this damn cancer so you can get back to living your life. I'm in for the long haul. Get used to it."

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"Ms. Novak! Ms. Novak!" Julia yelled across the bowling alley as she saw Casey walking towards her. She ran towards the woman and threw her arms around her. "You actually came!"

Casey laughed and hugged Julia tight. "First of all, please call me Casey, and of course I came," she said. "There's cake, there's bowling, and most importantly, there's you." She pulled out of the hug and smiled. "There's no place I'd rather be right now than right here."

"Well thanks for coming," Julia said excitedly. She turned to the man standing next to Casey and furrowed her eyebrows. She looked back to Casey and bit her lower lip nervously. "Is that your husband?" she whispered softly.

"Yep," Casey said proudly. "Steve, this is Julia. Julia, this is my husband, Steve."

Steve held out his hand and smiled. "Pleased to meet you, Julia."

Julia hesitated. She was still fairly skittish around men, especially those she didn't know. Casey smiled and met Julia's eyes. "It's okay," she mouthed, trying to give the girl some encouragement. Julia took a deep breath and shook Steve's hand. "Pleased to meet you, too, Mr. Novak."

"Please, call me Steve."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay…" she answered nervously before turning back to Casey. "I was about to set up a game with my friends. Want to play one with us?"

"I would love to. Lead the way." She happily followed Julia over to their section. She frowned when she saw Julia's foster parents along with only two other girls. Were they really the only two friends Julia had? She hoped not. Putting on as big a smile as she could, she introduced herself, first to the foster parents, then to the friends. "Mr. and Mrs. Stevens, thank you so much for allowing me to come to Julia's birthday party."

Mrs. Stevens stood up and smiled, shaking Casey's hand firmly. "We're just glad you could make it. Julia's told us so much about you. From what she says, you must be one special lady."

"Oh, she is," Steve said, introducing himself. "She really is."

"These are my friends, Robyn and Kristen," Julia said, dragging her two friends over to meet Casey and Steve. She turned to them and smiled. "Robyn, Kristen, this is Casey and her husband, Steve. Casey's a really, really good friend of mine. She helped me a lot last year."

As they were all shaking hands and introducing themselves, Casey wondered if Julia had talked to Robyn and Kristen about what had happened. She helped me a lot last year, Julia had said. Casey wondered how much the young girl had been able to share.

"Casey, would you like to go first?" Julia asked as she sat down at the screen to start plugging in everyone's names.

"I think you should go first. You are the birthday girl."

Julia smiled and began putting everyone's names on the list. She put hers first, then Robyn, Kristen, Casey, and Steve. Her foster parents were older – both in their late sixties – and had decided not to bowl. They were happy to just sit and watch. Casey could see how much Julia wanted them to play with her, but the young girl was good at hiding her disappointment.

The day seemed to fly by faster than seemed physically possible. They played four games, and Julia won all four by a landslide. Casey high – fived her at the end of the last game and shook her head in defeat. "You are by far the best twelve – year – old bowler I've ever met, missy."

Julia smiled proudly. "Thanks. My old foster parents used to take me all the time, before…you know…Mr. Jennings. Then they kind of stopped and then I went to live with Mr. Warren. I really enjoyed it though. Bowling's a lot of fun."

Casey smiled. "Well, I haven't gotten you a birthday present yet, mainly because I didn't really know what you wanted, but now I have an idea in mind. I'd have to check with your foster parents first, of course." She waited for Julia to nod slightly before going over and talking to the Stevens. When she came back, she was glad to see Julia eagerly waiting to find out what was going on. "Well, I believe I may have some good news."

"What is it?" Julia asked excitedly.

"You really seem to enjoy bowling, right?"

"Um, yeah, it's only like, the best thing ever! Why?"

"How would you like to maybe join a bowling league?"

"What?"

Casey smiled at Julia's disbelief. "They play every Friday night from seven to nine, and it's teams of two. I know I'm not very good…okay, I'm actually pretty pathetic, but I thought it'd be fun if you and I did it for a while."

Julia's eyes lit up. "You want to join a bowling league with me?"

"I think it'd be a lot of fun."

"And the Stevens are okay with it?"

"They think it's a great idea."

"And you'd take me every Friday night? It'd be just the two of us, bowling against other people?"

Casey nodded. "Just us. Every single Friday night."

"For how long?"

"For as long as you want."

"Really?"

"Really. Happy birthday, sweetie."

Julia ran over and threw her arms around Casey. "Oh, thank you thank you thank you!" she exclaimed. "This is the best birthday present ever!"

Casey laughed and hugged Julia once again. "You're welcome, sweetie. I'm glad you enjoy it. I'm sure we're going to have a lot of fun doing this. Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"When I totally suck, don't completely hate me."

Julia laughed. "Deal."

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"Just sit back and relax, honey, the doctor's going to be in soon, I promise," Allen said gently as he urged Jess back towards the examination table. She hadn't stopped vomiting several a day and they had decided it best to come in and see the doctor.

"Just sit back and relax?" she answered angrily as she sat down on the table. "I can't relax, Allen! I'm scared to death that something's wrong. What if I've done something wrong? What if I've done something to endanger the babies?"

He took a seat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "You've done no such thing," he assured her. "You've been doing everything the doctors told us and you're avoiding stress as much as possible. You're doing everything you can, honey."

She sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm just really, really scared right now," she told him sadly. "I can barely keep any food down and I'm scared I'm hurting the babies."

"And that's why we're here today. You're doing everything you're supposed to be doing, Jess, I promise."

"We've been waiting in this damn room for twenty minutes! They told us three o'clock. Why the hell did they tell us three o'clock if they weren't planning on seeing us until at least three – thirty?"

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not sure. Doctors are funny that way sometimes. Maybe she's stuck with another patient who has a lot of questions. That could be a good thing…means she's willing to stick around and answer them."

Before Jess could answer, the door opened and the doctor walked in, an apologetic look on her face. "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. My last patient had a lot of questions and I hated to just leave her hanging."

Jess smiled and nodded, accepting the apology right away. Allen was right. She was glad the doctor was willing to wait and answer a patient's questions, mainly because she was sure she was going to have plenty once the exam was over. "It's okay," she said, finally relaxing back onto the exam table. "I'm just anxious to get this over with."

"I bet you are," the doctor said as she pulled out her stethoscope and putting it to Jess' chest. "I understand you're having trouble keeping your food down?"

"Yeah. I'm throwing up three or four times a day. I'm getting a little worried."

"Well let's just take a look and see if we can't figure this out, huh?"

"That would be great."

After having her blood pressure taken, her temperature taken, her blood drawn, and explaining a very detailed description of her pregnancy so far, Jess was free to go home. The results of her blood test would arrive in three days, so for the time being, the doctor had prescribed some anti – nausea medication that she assured wouldn't harm the babies. "Just take it as easy as possible and get lots of rest. Give us a call if things don't start improving. I want to see you gaining some weight, Mrs. Handley."

Jess smiled and rolled her eyes. "As much as it pains me to say this, so would I."

"You're carrying twins, Mrs. Handley. Might as well get used to it. You're going be gaining a lot of weight."

"So long as my babies are healthy, I don't care what I look like."

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"I think we should do it," Steve said, sitting down with Casey at the dinner table. "I really think we should adopt her."

"You do?"

He smiled. "Yeah, I do. I saw the way the two of you interacted today, and it was magic. The look in that little girl's eyes when you walked in…that was incredible. And the look you had in your eyes while you were bowling with her. You were practically glowing."

She blushed as she looked down to her food. "You liked her?"

"How could I not have liked her? To hear you tell me about all that she's been through, and then to see her today, happy and full of life…she's got a hell of a lot of fight in her, that's for sure."

"She's a strong kid."

"I think she'd be happy here. I know I'd be happy to have her living with us, calling us mom and dad."

Casey looked up, tears pouring down her cheeks. She smiled when he reached across the table and gave her hands a gentle squeeze. "You're really willing to adopt her? I know this is so sudden and we never really discussed adopting and –"

"Casey?"

"Yeah?"

"I fell in love with her today at that bowling alley. Saying that I'm 'willing' to adopt her makes it sound like it's something that I don't really want to do. So no, I'm not 'willing' to adopt her. I want to adopt her."

Casey swallowed and nodded in agreement. "I'll make some calls tomorrow. I have a few friends over in family law who could point me in the right direction. Odds are we're going to have to get references from people, but I don't think that'll be a problem."

"We've got plenty of friends who will write wonderful things about us. I don't think we'll have any problem with that end of the spectrum."

"No, we definitely won't," she agreed. "Plus, with Julia's age and history, she's going to be really hard to place. It's sad, but at least it'll practically guarantee her a place with us."

"We're really doing this, aren't we?"

"We're going to be parents, Steve!"

"I can't wait."

"Thank you so much for wanting to do this. It's going to take a fairly long time, from what I hear. That plus they're probably going to want her to live with us for six to eight months, just to get an idea of what it'll be like to have her with us. I don't care though. She's going to be living with us. She's finally going to know what it feels like to be loved. Thank you thank you thank you for doing this."

He laughed. "Thank you for introducing me to her. You're a good woman, Case, and you've got one hell of a big heart." He stood up and leaned across the table, planting a gentle kiss on her lips. "I love you"

She smiled. "I love you, too."

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The doctor had told her it would be best if she sat down for the news, which was exactly what she was hoping he didn't say. He didn't look like he was excited to bring her the news he was carrying in that manila envelope of his. If anything, it looked as though he was dreading it. She sat down slowly, trying to concentrate on breathing slowly and deeply. Her jaw was clenched tight, and she was pretty sure if she squeezed any harder, she'd break Alex's hand right then and there. "Tell me," she forced out.

"Miss Benson, looking at your scans, it looks as though your cancer has spread to your other breast. I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but it doesn't appear as though the chemo did the job."

"W – what – what does that mean?"

He frowned and took a deep breath. "It means that your best chance for survival would be to do a double mastectomy, and the sooner we do it, the better your odds. Once your breasts are removed, we're pretty sure you'll only need one more round of chemo just to make sure the tumor's actually gone, then you'll be home free."

She felt Alex wrap both arms around her, felt Alex pulling her close, felt Alex's shirt getting stained with her tears. She sobbed into Alex's chest, her shoulders heaving with each breath she took. It was the news she had been dreading, the news she knew would possibly come at any time. She had tried to prepare herself for it, tried to tell herself everyday that this might happen, but hearing the doctor actually say that it was really going to happen was so much harder than anything she'd ever imagined. This was going to make her feel like so much less of a woman, and she was absolutely terrified that all of Alex's words had been lies.

As Olivia collapsed into her arms, Alex did her best to fight the tears she knew she couldn't fight. Her cheeks were slowly getting soaked and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. All she could do now was hold Olivia and pray that she was strong enough to pull her through this. She slowly began to rock Olivia back and forth, gently combing her fingers through her lover's hair. "I love you so much," she whispered into Olivia's ear. "We're going to get through this, Liv. Together, we're going to get through this." As her shirt began to get more soaked from Olivia's tears, Alex closed her eyes and began to sing the song Olivia always sung to her when she was feeling unloved.

You're my piece of mind, in this crazy world
You're everything I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You're my Mona Lisa
You're my rainbow skies
And my only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

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