Author's Note: So... that was a little rough. I want to thank everyone for sticking through and taking the time to first check out this story, as well as read the past couple of chapters. I have a slight aversion to wanting to go back and make sure they're 100% proofread myself. I wanted to thank the people who have left reviews, messaged me, and taken the time to wonder and ask, because it really means a lot. So thank you.

Right now, for the most part, it's a rollercoaster ride upward now :). These next few chapters will be delicate, however; mostly because I've just poured salt on open wounds. So for the most part these should be pretty easy reads.

I want to answer a few common questions right here though:

Yes, I've been leaving subtle hints and subtext in the previous chapters that kind of led up to chapter 22-24. I leave hints for everything in my writing, so stuff from the first couple of chapters is brought up even in the current chapters I'm writing. There is always something that connects everything, if something doesn't make sense it will be explained later. Little phrases and offhand comments can play huge roles. That's a big part of how I write and I don't really know why. It's just me. They're not things you would necessarily look out for, but if you took the time you could find them. (This makes me question every author's word choice, by the way.)

Yes, Kenny was taking uppers since before he died for ten months (since he was 8... actually), and he resumed after he came back. The uppers included Ritalin, and speed, which kind of led to his choice to shooting up (drastic, I know). Yes, I've been hinting that Butters is dealing with eating disorders. And yes, Stephen Stotch is an unbearable assface and I won't write him any other way.

No, I will not be killing Kenny so he doesn't have to deal with the physical effects. Honestly I think that would be the worst thing I could do, especially for Butters, and he also promised Butters he would try not to die. However, he could die sometime within the timeline so that he doesn't have to deal with it. I personally didn't write it that way, but you can see it how you want. It doesn't stop the emotional and mental trauma from staying, though.

And no, this did not happen to me. As explained in the previous chapters this was my SO's story. He's doing great, and it's been two years. I did get his permission to use this topic and the details with it, and yes he did read it... I honestly think he's read all of my work. He also extends a thank you.

If you have any other questions or you want to talk, just shoot me a PM. I love talking to people. These are just based off of similar questions I was asked so I figured quite a few people could be wondering. So, I now step back and extend to you this next chapter!

I still say Kevin is one of my favorites.

Chapter title from "Justice and Mercy" by Flyleaf

Chapter Twenty-Five: Breathe in Safety

Four days had gone by. Kevin watched his little brother sleep and was afraid to touch him.

Kenny wasn't porcelain.

Kenny was Kenny; resilient, sarcastic, a genius, quick-witted. Kenny was what he had always wanted to be. Except now he was covered in scratches from subconscious itching. He was gaunt from lack of hunger and pale from three days of migraines. His breathing was shaky.

He considered suffocating him. He'd wake up in his bed in a couple hours completely new. Completely better. Completely Kenny.

But he hated seeing his little brother dead. He hated that curse he had. Because as his older brother he could do nothing to stop it. So he stayed away and treated Kenny like a pariah. He didn't want to deal with realizing he failed with the person he should have been closest to.

"Ya little shit," Kevin mumbled, finally touching Kenny's shoulder. His blonde brother stirred and looked up slowly with eyes that matched his. Kevin smiled weakly and Kenny jerked away from him instinctively with fear shining bright, before settling slightly. "How you feelin'?"

It was early morning. He had arrived just before visiting hours began. He wanted to be here before his friends, but then realized it was Tuesday and they had school, so his efforts were kind of stupid. But Kenny had been happy to see him when he briefly woke up. It had been the first semi-smile Kevin had seen on his brother in, well, years, really.

"'m shaky." Kenny mumbled, "My body hurts."

The psychologist declared therapy unnecessary. Kevin knew Kenny was just able to fake it like a pro. He learned from his big brother, after all.

"Y'know why, right?" Kenny nodded and whimpered a little, before resting his head on Kevin's hand. "They're not gonna get away with that. If the cops can't find 'em, I will."

"Kev, don't..." Kenny mumbled.

"You're my brother, ya shit. I'd fucking kill for you." Kenny stared up at him and smiled softly. His lips were chapped and bloody. "Don'tcha gotta do some bath shit or somethin'?"

"I don't wanna get up. I feel like I'll explode if I do." Kenny yelped and punched as he felt his brother's arms under his legs and back. He initially fought but heard Kevin hush him.

"Trust me..."

Kevin was the only person who was taller than Kenny. He was also bulkier. He was the kind of person who, even if he was well dressed and the sweetest guy, kids would cry at first sight of his towering figure. And he wasn't one for looking sharp or being sweet.

Kevin opened the bathroom door and Kenny closed his eyes as he sat on the toilet. His eyes watered at the shooting pain running through his body and he stood on wobbly legs. Kevin ran some warm water and put in the medicinal soap.

"Y-you're not gonna stay in here, are you?" Kenny asked warily. He didn't like being around anyone when he was bathing. He never had, even when he was a kid, but now it was worse. He had gotten violent the first time Kyle tried to stay with him. The only slight exception was Karen, and even then he had to be semi-dressed.

"No, I'll be right outside the door," Kevin assured, smiling weakly. And he literally was. He sat down on the floor and twirled his lighter in his hands as he leaned against the wall.

"Kev?" He heard Kenny's small voice, muffled call from inside the bathroom.

"Yeah?" Kevin replied, resting his head on the wall. He hated how young Kenny sounded. Suddenly he was five years old again, crying to Kevin, who shoved him down and laughed at him for crying. Only he'd be there for him now.

"I'm... scared."

Neither of them said anything for a while. It was a confession Kevin felt his brother had been holding back for over a decade. The silence was his answer, though. Kevin was too.

"Don't be," he replied, voice choking up, "I'm here, bud."

Kenny didn't respond but his soft sniffles echoed in the bathroom. Kevin stood up and began to pace. He was livid at the bastards who did this to him... but mostly he was angry with himself. He was the one who gave Kenny the drugs in the first place. He had been the one to take him to Denver. And even before that, as they were kids, he could have been there for his siblings. Yet he had left them to fend for themselves; he scoffed as he realized just how good that turned out.

A knock on the door was heard and a nurse walked in. She smiled sweetly at Kevin who gave a weak smile back.

"We have the papers for Kenny's release, if you want to sign them up front. All of his vitals were good this morning and I just want to take his temperature once more. But other than that he's all set to go on home." Kevin nodded.

"Uh... okay. Well he's washin' up right now." The nurse nodded and looked a little embarrassed, or perhaps nervous. Kevin didn't think much of it; he was used to that reaction. He grabbed the clothes he had brought for Kenny and headed to the door. "Kenny?" He rapped his knuckles on the door twice, "can I come in?"

"No." Kevin sighed heavily.

"I just wanna give ya your clothes, we're gonna head on home after-"

"I don't wanna go home!" He rubbed his temples as Kenny whined like a child, and he glanced to the nurse, who had stepped closer.

"To Kyle's, you're goin' to Kyle's. Kay?" He heard the water start to drain and Kenny grunt in pain as he probably struggled to get out of the tub. "Can I come in now?"

"Hold on..." Kevin shook his head; he vaguely remembered a scene like this that happened between Kenny and their mom when Kenny was potty training. He always locked the door in their bathroom so no one would or could go in when he had to go. Their mom hated it. But he didn't play with the toilet paper like Kevin had done the first time he was left alone in his own potty training days. He was always modest at home; he knew he was quite open in public which was probably somewhat a go at getting attention due to the neglect. But he was always the quiet one at home. Always by himself. Except if Karen went in his room.

Kevin sighed as he tried to think of what their mom would do in this situation. Things would be a lot different if she were here; she'd probably be in there with Kenny right now. She probably wouldn't have let him go for the past four days. They probably would have moved out of that God forsaken house and actually had a decent life; she had told him she was saving up enough to get an apartment. That's why Kevin had started to buckle down... he was going to help her pay for their own place.

He was still saving up.

Kenny unlocked the door and Kevin outstretched his hand. Kenny had wrapped the robe he had been given around himself so only his feet and hands showed. He quickly shut the door and locked it again. Kevin grimaced.

"I don't know what to do." He mumbled to himself. The nurse thought he spoke to her, she brightened a little.

"Just don't treat him like a victim. That's the last thing he needs... treat him like you always do." She said, he looked down at her and gave a soft chuckle. If he did that, he'd probably end up scaring him. "He has a lot to adjust to, a lot to cope with, so you have to be patient. But don't walk on egg shells."

"Thanks," he replied, giving her a genuine smile. He wasn't a rag doll. He was Kenny. He was his stupid little brother.

Kenny opened the door and slowly walked out. He looked tired and hungry and his eyes were almost grey; Kevin didn't like it. He grabbed Kenny's bag that he had brought for him and looked to his brother.

"Ready?" Kenny sighed heavily and nodded.

As he walked, he felt Kenny move closer and closer to him. Kevin glanced down at him; he saw the terrified look in his eyes, and looped his arm over his brother's shoulder. Kenny hugged close to him. He'd protect him; no one was going to hurt him.

Kevin read through the paper work and signed the release form. The doctor and receptionist told Kenny to take it easy and he nodded as he stared at the floor. Kevin led him through the door and to his old pickup truck he had bought. It was a two-tone, rusting, crappy Chevy that had a leaking radiator but it got him where he needed to go. He tossed Kenny's bag in the bed and went to the passenger side. He pulled down the back of the seat so it would lay down all the way. Kenny gave him a look and Kevin shrugged.

"They said you can't sit yet."

"Like I'm gonna follow every rule they gave me," Kenny grumbled, Kevin gave him a stern look, which had been unexpected. Kenny sighed and carefully laid on his side as he wriggled in the seat. Normally he would have fought, or punched Kevin. The brunette shook his head as he looked at his brother with dismal eyes. But he had to be normal.

"Now, want some lunch? I'm fuckin' starved."

"I can only eat soft food." Kenny mumbled, "and I'm not hungry." Kevin scoffed; he hadn't been hungry for four days.

"Well, I'm getting a burger. You can get ice cream or somethin'." Kenny sighed and rested his head on Kevin's arm as he started the engine and drove. Kenny remained silent for a little bit, then looked up at him. The brunette furrowed his eyebrows as Kenny quietly laughed. "What?"

"You still listen to Rob Zombie?" Kevin rolled his eyes and lightly tapped him on his forehead.

"Fuck you, I don't listen to fuckin' hipster music like you."

"It's not hipster, it's just not industrial or whatever the fuck Zombie is."

"You like Nine Inch Nails though, right?" Kenny shrugged, then nodded. "Good. What's your favorite band?" Kevin didn't really know that much about Kenny. It kind of made him sad now that he thought about it.

"You can't ask me that. That's like asking what my favorite movie is. Give me a genre or a time period."

"Shit, son!" Kevin exclaimed, laughing a little. Kenny wore a semblance of a smile. "You're so fuckin' weird." he couldn't help but laugh as Kenny's nose wrinkled in his own quiet chuckles. "Uh... what's your favorite genre," he emphasized the word, "of current bands and artists?"

"Rock," his little brother deadpanned. Kevin groaned and Kenny actually shook as he laughed.

"You fucker."

"I dunno, Flogging Molly is up there, and Dropkick Murphys."

"Good bands... you like industrial?"

"You live for that shit. And don't get me started on death metal. Behemoth drives me up a wall."

"What about Cradle of Filth?"

"Ehh..."

"Slipknot?"

"I prefer Stone Sour." Kevin shrugged; he could give him that one. "I'm not into the screaming as much as the ability to rock out. And then some music I just like to chill to. Like The Offspring. Or Cage The Elephant is a good band to listen to when smoking. But sometimes I listen to The Pixies and The Ramones. The Sex Pistols are good. And I really like that one band you listened to all the time that I can never remember the name of, and Breaking Benjamin. But my favorite will always be Flogging Molly."

"That's your Irish roots," Kenny gave him a look.

"Aren't we Scottish?"

"Fuck if I know. All I know is we definitely have drinking blood, my tolerance is scary high." Kenny scoffed and smiled a little. "What's your favorite movie?"

"Didn't I just-"

"What fucking ever. Name a movie."

"I dunno... "Fight Club."" He couldn't help but grin.

"For real?" Kevin asked as he turned at the light. Kenny nodded. "Mine too."

They sat in silence as Kevin pulled up to a Burger King. He ordered enough food for two, yet figured Kenny wouldn't eat it. If he didn't then he had dinner for work. He also ordered Kenny an ice cream cone.

"You gotta eat somethin'," he told his sneering brother as he pulled up to pay for the fast food. Kenny rolled his eyes and flipped through the songs on the "Hellbilly Deluxe" CD. After awhile he grew bored and started rifling through the stack of pirated CDs. Kevin handed him the ice cream cone and he looked at it for a few moments. Kenny took a tentative lick and grimaced.

"I don't want it."

"Kenny, come on, I don't want you goin' all anorexic on me," he teased, trying to muster the biggest grin possible. But seeing the expression on his brother's face made it hard to even smile.

"I can't eat it..." Kevin gave him a look as he parked in the empty lot to quickly eat his Whopper.

"Why not?" he asked with his mouth stuffed, Kenny stared at the cone and felt his eyes burn.

"It's vanilla."

The brown haired boy looked at his brother and realized he was about to cry. He took the cone from him and stuck it on his dashboard; fuck it if it melted a little, he'd still eat it. Maybe.

"What's wrong with fucking vanilla? It's your favorite... or was that Karen's...? I don't remember."

"It reminds me of Lee." Kevin furrowed his eyebrows yet his face softened as tears rolled down Kenny's cheeks. He had dealt with mood swings from his parents during their withdrawals; Kenny was nothing compared to them. Except it was worse because none of it was his fault. Kevin curled his fist. He couldn't think about it.

"Lee?" he asked, confused. Kenny sniffled and wiped his eyes as he coughed.

"Butters." Oh.

Oh.

Kevin looked at the ice cream cone and although he didn't want to ask why the vanilla ice cream reminded him of Butters, he knew it was bothering Kenny. So as he drove away he tossed it out the window.

"What happened, anyway?" He asked, "I mean, you guys were uh..." he paused, looking for a better choice of words, "together, right?" Kenny nodded.

"I don't really wanna talk about it," his little brother whispered weakly. Kevin grimaced and kept silent as he eventually drove out of Denver.

He tensed as he felt his brother's head rest on his shoulders. The brunette said nothing and kept his eyes on the road; he couldn't worry. He had spent too much time doing that.

This would be a long two hours. But Kevin was proud he had found out they actually had some stuff in common. And he took out the mix CD he made of black metal and industrial music and switched it for some good old Aerosmith; he knew Kenny liked them.

"Hey," Kevin said after nearly a half hour passed by without speaking. He looked down at his brother and sighed at the sight of his sleeping form. He patted his shoulder and pulled his old leather jacket out from behind his back and covered Kenny with it.

It was the little things that mattered, Kevin thought.

He kept his eyes on the road and tapped his fingers along to the song on the faded leather steering wheel.

"Love you, shithead," he mumbled as he rolled down the window and lit a cigarette.

People had targeted her as soon as she walked in to school wearing Kenny's hoodie. She was shaken and Ike kept by her at all times. He told people to shut up. He told them to stay away. Ruby got suspended for punching someone in the face for bugging her best friend.

Karen spent half the day in the third floor girl's bathroom; no one ever went up there, anyway.

Kyle and Stan were also bombarded by people in their class. They asked why Kenny wasn't there. They asked why the cops had been at their house. They asked if he was arrested. It was so bad that by fourth hour Kyle had ditched class and sat under the bleachers in the gym with Stan. They sat in silence. They had no clue what to say.

What more could be said?

Butters kept his eyes low and his bag close as he avoided peoples' questions. Just like Stan and Kyle, they asked him what he knew. But he didn't know anything. His worry for Kenny nagged at his mind all weekend. He hadn't slept except for two hours the night before. His parents kept him busy with chores and re-doing chores. There was no time for him to text Kenny or anyone else.

Not that anyone tried to get a hold of him.

By fifth hour he was gagging in the third floor boy's bathroom; the bathroom no one ever went into because apparently there was a suicide. Puking made him feel better. Puking made him feel more in control. He sat against the wall after his stomach was completely empty and bit into his arm as he screamed in rage.

Kyle had set next to Stan in chemistry and began his homework. He felt Stan's breath hot on his neck and he smiled a little.

"Kenny's coming back today, right?" Stan whispered so only Kyle could hear. He nodded.

"Kevin picked him up."

"Karen's a nervous wreck."

"So is Butters." They looked to the boy who was shaking almost as bad as Tweek.

As they returned to their homework, an announcement was made over the intercom.

"Will all the students please report to the gym for an assembly?" Principal Withers addressed. Stan and Kyle were eager to get out of class; they threw their stuff in their bags and started for the door yet stopped. Butters approached them with heavy bags under his eyes and no usual smile or "hey fellas!"

"Is it true?" He whispered to them for the first time in two days. "What you said?" Kyle sighed heavily and nodded. Butters' face contorted as tears fell from his eyes and Kyle wrapped his arms around him tightly and ran his hands through his hair as he sobbed. People stared and began to whisper and Stan flipped them off.

"How... how is he?" Butters finally managed to whimper in a muffled voice.

"Not good, but he'll be better."

"What happened?"

"We'll talk after school... can you?" Butters sighed heavily and nodded as they walked to the gym.

"I'll tell my parents practice ran late..."

Butters sat with them in the second row. Everyone was talking and some underclassmen were goofing around. There was no public speaker. This wasn't a pep rally.

"Attention students," Principal Withers began, "as high school students you are faced with many challenges. Relationships, balancing school work and a social life, normal teenage woes. Yet others carry with them issues and challenges most can't comprehend. Loss, disorders, abuse, rape..."

Kyle turned to Stan and Butters stiffened in his seat.

"It has been brought to my attention that over the weekend one of our fellow students was viciously harmed. The student was taken to the hospital and is stable, but during a time like this one must ask questions and be confused. I understand this. But now is the time for any of you to speak up. If something has ever happened to you, you must stand up for yourself and speak up. I know you've heard this since childhood but I cannot stress the issue enough. This person could have died. This person could have been you.

"For the next two weeks we will have in-class discussions about how to cope with traumas. We have also hired counselors for anyone to speak to if anyone needs to discuss any issues they have. Does anyone have any questions?"

Kyle watched as Karen stormed out of the gym, fists clenched and hazel eyes ablaze. He remained seated. The doors seemed to scream shut in her wake and everyone was left in the following silence.

Someone raised their hand. "Yes?"

"What happened to this person?" Stan shook his head and bit at the skin around his fingernails until they bled.

"That information is confidential. However, I can say it is information you wouldn't want to hear."

The bleachers behind them creaked. The three glanced behind to catch a blur of blue and black practically fly down the steps. A conspicuous middle finger was shot as the tall, pale teen followed behind Karen. He left behind a strong, tense air. Butters' eyes followed him, wondering why he was leaving, and if he didn't care at all. He had to remind himself that no one knew what happened to Kenny except them. Craig was just an asshole.

"Yeah we would!" Someone shouted, quiet murmurs ensued.

"This assembly is dismissed. Remember if you need to talk there are many people who want to help you. School is also dismissed." The students cheered and poured out of the gym. Stan and Kyle turned to Butters, who was abnormally paler.

"That was about K-Kenny wasn't it?" Stan nodded.

"People are gonna know when he comes back."

"W-w-when is he?" Butters couldn't help but ask.

"Not til next week. I'm taking his homework for him. He and Karen are living at my house until either Kevin gets an apartment or Kenny is emancipated and can get his own." Butters looked up.

"He-he's at your house?"

"Not yet, but he will be." Kyle smiled a little at his hopeful expression, "hey, we're partners in pre-calc and we've got that big assignment coming up. Why don't you come over tonight?" Butters blushed a little and sighed heavily.

"I-I'm not s'posed to go anywhere b-b-but school and home."

"Not even for homework?" Stan said, smiling a little. Butters sighed and shrugged.

"Tell me... tell me what happened. Everything." Stan and Kyle looked at each other and Kyle took Butters' hand.

"We got a call from Karen on Friday, she was really upset and Ike told us something happened. He was upset and Karen doesn't know everything that happened but he and Kevin went to Kevin's room, then went up to Denver to party. According to the report sometime at the party Kenny either shot up, or someone shot him up, but Kevin wasn't sure where he went off to." The redhead suddenly found it difficult to talk and turned to Stan. The shorter of the two wrapped his arm around Butters' shoulder and sighed.

"We found him in a dumpster around 14th and Quebec. We took him to the hospital and he had to get surgery and he's been having withdrawal symptoms and they wanted the edge to wear off before he went home." Butters tried his hardest to understand the information yet he knew they were leaving some out. Stan and Kyle wouldn't be so shell-shocked if that had been the case. He had to know.

"What else?" Kyle closed his eyes and shook his head. Stan squeezed him tighter and gazed at Butters sadly.

"It's..." Kyle pulled out his phone and pressed a button.

"I just got high... I needed to focuses, needed to forget, I just... and I wanted to get fucked." Butters heard Kenny's distant, detached voice and could tell that he was both higher than a kite and in pain. "And... I remember just... so fast... there was... I don't... three guys? Three guys. Yeah. A-and..."

"Kenny, we're your best friends... you can tell us anything."

"I didn't care at first 'cause I was high... and Lee broke up with me and I figured this was what I was m-meant to be all along, just lowlife... whore..." Butters' shoulders shook violently as he sobbed. This was his fault. This was all his fault. "B-but then they started choking me... and one of them made me...drink his piss and then after they... they all fucked my ass...two at a time I think, I remember choking and my nose burned... everything was hot and I was on fire... there was so much... I heard a b-bottle break... they laughed..." Butters felt his stomach squirm with nausea as he heard the gruesome words. His head swam as he listened toe very word on the recording. This didn't sound like Kenny at all. "And there was screaming, it was so loud; I just wanted it to stop. But it was me. I was screaming and I didn't even know it and I couldn't stop, I couldn't do anything, I..."

"N-no..."

"A-and... they were so evil. They sounded like... like Cthulhu. Not Satan... he's nice. But... they were evil. T-two of them... they... I think they held my legs back? I don't remember, Kyle, I don't... I'm sorry... and then I just felt like... my insides were going through a grinder. Over and over again... just let me die."

Butters looked up and forced down the bile that was begging to surface. He took a shaky breath and shook his head as he looked at his two best friends.

"T-th-they r-raped him w-w-with a broken bottle?" Stan nodded once. "But... no..." Butters felt frozen as he tried to take in what he had heard and had been told. Kenny was shattered. And he hadn't been there for him. He had been selfish. He had stayed away because he actually felt his father was right. Of course Kenny wasn't a bad influence he just thought maybe Kenny would find someone better to be with. But they were best friends, he should have been there. He should have helped save him.

Instead he was making himself throw up. Because he had to be perfect.

He felt both Kyle and Stan hold him tight and for the first time since Friday night he allowed himself to cry. His face felt hot and his eyes burned as the tears poured down his cheeks and neck.

"H-how bad was it?"

"We found him in the dumpster. He was high still, and he said if I took it easy on him and made him feel good then he'd be good and stay quiet. And then he just went berzerk. The nurses had to sedate him when they tried to get him from the car... he's been really moody and he hasn't eaten. They had to give him nutrients through an IV to sustain him. He just hasn't had an appetite." Butters sniffled, "I shouldn't be telling you this."

"Y-yes you should, I-I deserve to know." Butters stammered. "Is he h-here? Can we go see him? W-will he even w-w-want to see me?" Stan nodded and pulled his keys from his pocket.

"Yeah, he should be back. Depending on when Kevin got there. We can go head over, we'll sneak you."

They walked to their lockers and quickly packed their book bags. Kyle went to Kenny's and grabbed his books for him. The smell of cigarettes overwhelmed his nose right away, but he found a small picture of him and Butters in the corner of his door. He said nothing and shut the top locker.

They walked to Stan's car and Butters sat on the middle seat in the back He glanced at the fabric around him and felt his stomach churn.

"S-Stan?" he said quietly as he pulled out of the parking lot. The black haired boy looked at him momentarily as he turned on his iPod and handed it to Kyle. Alternative rock played softly to make the silence comfortable in case there was any on the short drive to Kyle's. "T-there's blood on your seat."

"Shit, I forgot..." Stan said, "uh... I was gonna clean it but... just cover it with my bag." Butters did as he was told and scooted as far away as he possibly could. He didn't want to think about it but he couldn't help it. That was Kenny's blood. It had been real all along. Suddenly he felt feverish. Like he had his blood on his hands and it was warm and it was the last reminder of his life. The last of his faded innocence.

Karen was waiting on the front porch when they pulled into the driveway. She watched patiently, eyes distant, and she smiled a little as she saw the three boys. Her eyes lingered on Butters, who lowered his eyes.

"They're not home. I called them both but neither of them answered." Kyle shrugged his shoulders and unlocked his house. Stan and Butters slowly walked in, but waited in the doorway.

"We're just gonna set our stuff inside, okay?" Kyle said, "then we'll wait with you. If you want." Karen nodded a little and rested her head on her hands once more as she stared like a little girl down the road. She hugged herself and shivered a little; Kyle smiled weakly.

They sat on the stoop with her and she leaned her head on Butters' shoulder. He felt tears prickle his eyes once more as he turned to the brunette.

"Y-you don't hate me?" He asked finally, she shook her head.

"I get why you did what you did. I could never hate you, neither could Kenny. But... Kenny's just... not Kenny." That was the way they were all describing it. No one knew the right words to say. Butters held her and she allowed a few tears to escape but she kept a strong stare down the road, waiting. Like always.

"That assembly was fucking dumb," Stan grumbled. Karen scoffed.

"Like they really care," She mumbled, braiding a few strands of her hair together. Kyle heaved a heavy sigh and shuddered a little.

Cars drove by and silence overtook them all. It wasn't awkward, there was just nothing to say. Stan held Kyle's hand and Karen found comfort resting against Butters. He held her reassuringly and felt his heart hammering faster and faster with anxiety and nerves.

Karen perked up suddenly. She stood up and ran to the edge of the driveway, causing the three boys to look at each other curiously; there was no car. Except, down the block, Kevin's truck turned onto Kyle and Stan's street.

Stan shook his head in disbelief. "They must have fucking radar or something," he half-joked to Kyle, who laughed. Butters smiled weakly; he was sure they did.

Kevin looked tired as he turned off the ignition and stepped out of the seemingly empty truck. He hugged Karen and ruffled her hair as he told her something, low enough so only she could hear. The nineteen year old glanced to Kyle's house, saw the three boys, and waved a little as he opened his door once more and handed her a small bag.

Butters watched as he walked to the passenger door and he held his breath. It had been four days since he had seen Kenny or heard his voice. He didn't know what to expect.

"Just... stay calm," Kyle whispered to him, "act like everything is normal. And don't cry in front of him." Kevin seemed to disappear in the passenger seat for a moment, except his feet, and he kicked the door closed as he walked forward. Kenny was curled up, fast asleep in his arms.

Butters felt a lurch in his heart as his eyes set on the boy who looked as if he were in ruins. He looked so small in his brother's arms. So young and helpless and broken. Faded.

Kyle and stood up and Kevin lifted his hand from under Kenny's legs to press his finger to his lips. They nodded and Kyle opened the door for him. Kenny's head rested on his shoulder and he looked sickly as Kevin carried him to the living room.

"Is the couch okay?" He asked, Kyle shrugged. "He's been out since Denver. I figured I should wake him to take some meds soon but..."

"Is this the first he's slept on his own?" Kyle asked in a whisper. Kevin nodded. Butters felt a kick in the gut as Stan helped Kevin adjust him on the couch. They laid him on his side and he moaned a little in his sleep as he tried to turn on his stomach. This was worse than he had thought. This was a bad idea to come here. He needed air.

He ran out of the house and on the front porch. Butters gasped for the November air that seemed to chill his lungs. He loved the biting cold in his throat. The air was suffocating in Kyle's house.

All he wanted to do was hold Kenny and make him feel better. But he was probably the last person he wanted to see.

Butters jumped as he heard loud boots thump behind him. He turned and came face to chest with Kevin, who towered nearly a foot over him.

"Butters," he said in a gruff but soft voice. The blonde stammered and was ready to be hit, but relaxed as Kevin lit a cigarette. "I know somethin' happened between you an' Kenny. I dunno what exactly but... whatever it is, I need what's best for him right now. And I think that's you. I don't care 'bout the fact that you may have broken up or whatever, I don't wanna know the details. Just... he needs all the support he can right now and I hate seein' him like this. That's my kid brother and that's not him in there."

"K-Kevin, I'm s-sorry but..." he trailed off, "I think it is."

Kevin remained silent as he took a long drag of his cigarette and held in the smoke as long as he could. As he exhaled, he met Butters' eyes.

"I know," he whispered, bowing his head, "and that's the fucking sucky part 'bout it."

Butters went back inside to leave Kevin on his own for awhile. There was a complete three-sixty personality change in Kenny's older brother. He had never cared about Kenny or Karen and now suddenly Kenny was "his baby brother." It didn't make sense. Or perhaps he had been like that all along, he didn't know.

He just didn't know.

Butters walked into the living room once more and found Karen combing Kenny's hair. Just like he had done for her when she was in a coma. His long, skinny arm dangled off the couch and his face was pressed against the arm rest. Kyle was sitting on the floor next to him, leaning against Stan who was playing his guitar softly.

It was completely surreal. He felt like he just walked in to a stoner's party and everyone was passed out high. Only everyone was completely sober and that's what didn't make sense.

"H-he looks so..." he trailed off. Little? Innocent? Those weren't the right words. Fragile. And Kenny wasn't fragile.

Except Butters knew the truth. He was fragile. He was scared and hurt and shattered. They had simply brought out his secret, hidden emotions. And seeing all that Kenny was, and was afraid to be, made him feel sick. Made him want to be there for him even more.

He wanted to touch him. Wanted to hold him. Wanted to tell him everything would be okay. But he didn't know if that was true. He didn't want him to break any more.

Kenny moaned and opened his bleary eyes. His face contorted and Kyle had grown to recognize this look. He grabbed the trash can under the end table just before Kenny vomited all over the carpet. He watched as the redhead covered his ears against Kenny's retching. It was all just dry heaves and bile; there was nothing in his stomach. Karen rubbed his back and felt his forehead as he gagged, and Butters buried his face in his hands.

"Where...?" He moaned, blinking as he looked around. He settled down when realizing he was in Kyle's living room and rested his head once more. "S-sorry," he whispered hoarsely. Kyle shrugged his shoulders and Karen took the small trash can to the kitchen. "How long was I..." he trailed off, eyes widening as he locked his gaze on Butters. He whimpered.

"Hey, Ken," Butters said, forcing a smile. Kenny shook his head and buried his face in the couch. No one could understand what he was saying, but Butters felt as if he wasn't welcome. Karen ran into the room and looked between Kenny and Butters, who had gotten up and was preparing to leave.

"Don't," she whispered to him, "it's not you... well, it is, but... don't go. Please?" She begged. He sighed heavily, heart breaking as he turned to Kenny who was shaking. "Kenny, Kenny, it's okay... he knows, he knows everything." he murmured something to her and she sighed. "That doesn't matter." She paused and ran a hand through his hair, "don't say that, you don't mean that."

"I really should-"

"Stay," Kyle told him, grabbing his hand. Kevin walked in and looked between the younger boys and his sister.

"Hey, Kenny," he said, grinning as he approached his brother. He had his hand behind his back. "I got somethin' for ya," Kenny lifted his head and Butters saw his eyes were tinged red and heavy dark bags from lack of sleep. Kevin held out a DVD and Stan guffawed. "I got ya "Fight Club" in case you wanted to watch it with your buds, or I could come over sometime and we can watch it, since it's our favorite movie." Karen looked at her brother curiously. Kenny leaned on the arm rest as he took the movie from Kevin.

"Thanks," he said, smiling the saddest smile any of them had ever seen. "I'd like that." he scratched at his arms and Karen took his hands. Butters noticed there were red scrapes all over his forearms and hands.

"Are you hungry? Mrs. Broflovski made some soup for you." Kenny shook his head.

"'m fine," he whispered, wincing as he adjusted and sat up. Instead of staying down, he stood up and took a couple of breaths before looking at Butters. He just stared and Butters stepped forward, then recoiled as Kenny flinched and hid behind Kevin.

He wouldn't let him go near him. Butters remembered Kyle told him not to cry. He bit his lip and smiled at Kenny.

"I'm glad you're okay," he said, "and I know things left off badly. But... I didn't mean it, Ken. I hope you believe me. I could never break up with you. And I'm sorry about my dad. But once he calms down I'm gonna... I'm gonna tell him. That is, if you still want to be with me."

"Butters..." Stan said, but Kenny slowly moved away from his brother.

"J-just don't...don't t-touch me." Kenny whimpered, arms wrapped around himself as he looked at Butters; he looked so small, and his eyes were so far away even though they were looking right at him. Butters shook his head.

"Never, not if you don't want me to."

"Kenny, you gotta take your medicine." Kevin told him, Kenny sighed. "I'll fuckin' hit you, dweeb." Kenny sneered and Kevin handed him his bottle. At first Kyle and Stan looked worried, but Kenny smirked, his genuine Kenny smirk, as he popped the pill dry and stuck his tongue out to spite his brother. "What? You want a fuckin' lollipop or somethin'?"

"Dude..." Stan said in disbelief, causing the two brothers to look at him. Karen looked mildly shocked and for a moment Butters saw that normal Kenny spit-fire as he looked at Butters.

"You gonna eat?" Kevin asked his brother, who still shook his head.

"I'm not hungry," The brunette glanced at Kyle momentarily before turning to his brother.

"Not hungry? Huh, I remember sixteen year of dealin' with your ass always complainin' 'cause you were hungry. Now you're here in a house that actually has some semi-fuckin' decent food and stayin' with people who give a shit about you and you're gonna be ungrateful to them?"

"Kevin!" Karen gasped, he shook his head at his sister and looked back at Kenny who lowered his eyes.

"No, look at me!" Kevin barked, causing all of them to jump. Stan watched in mild awe as Kevin gripped his brother's shoulder. "You've never been ungrateful in your fuckin' life and you're treating us all like shit. Now get in that fuckin' kitchen, sit your ass down, and thank Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski for letting you stay here when they get home. And quit your fuckin' moping. Yeah, what happened fucking sucks and I'm sorry and I am fuckin' pissed as hell. But dwelling ain't gonna do shit 'cept make you feel worse. This isn't you. You'd be makin' us all feel better. Get over yourself."

"Holy shit." Kyle murmured at Kevin's scolding.

Except he had apparently gone a little too far. Kenny stared at him for a moment with those eyes he had seen too much over the past four days and Kevin faltered. "Wait, Kenny, I-" he pinched his nose as tears welled in Kenny's eyes. His lip trembled and his nails dug at his skin as he walked silently in to the kitchen.

"What the hell was that?" Karen growled darkly to her brother, who was speechless.

"The nurse said to treat him normal!" He whisper-shouted to her, "it's better than treating him like he's a special fuckin' snowflake." Karen groaned in annoyance.

"Yeah, treat him normal after he's not suffering from withdrawals, jackass," she hissed as she ran into the kitchen. Kyle looked to Kevin, who looked upset with himself and smiled a little.

"Hey, at least you got him to do it," Kevin scoffed and sighed heavily.

Kenny leaned against the counter and Karen looked to Kyle as he entered the room.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Kyle asked him, "I mean it doesn't have to be soup, we just had that last night. I can make burgers or-"

"I can only eat soft food, Ky," Kenny said in a small voice that shook Kyle's heart, "um... but yeah, I can get it. I'm sorry, uh... I mean is it okay if I get it? You don't have to go out of your way."

"Yeah, dude, go ahead. You kinda live here now so, have at it." Kyle laughed a little and opened the fridge. Kenny smiled slightly at him and Stan gave his boyfriend an uneasy look. Butters wasn't sure if he really should stay. Kenny hadn't said much to him and he didn't want him to focus on their messed up relationship, if they still had one. He needed to heal; he was probably the last person he wanted to see right now.

"You don't want any more?" Kyle asked, noting Kenny's half bowl. He knew he shouldn't have made a comment but it seemed natural. But maybe Kevin was right; they shouldn't hold back because Kenny went through something traumatic. He didn't need the egg-shell method.

"I-I just... I'm fine with this," his cheeks blushed a little as he put the bowl in the microwave and covered it with a napkin. "I don't wanna be the only person eating though, that's fuckin' weird." Kyle gave him a look and Kenny lowered his eyes as he waited for the microwave to stop. Butters felt his stomach rumble quietly and Stan turned to him. Butters blushed darkly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Small lunch," he said nonchalantly. Kyle smirked and started searching through his cupboards. Kenny coughed a little in his arm and winced.

"Lee?" He asked gingerly, "c-can I talk to you? Alone?" Butters nodded with wide eyes. Karen smiled at him reassuringly as he walked out of the kitchen with Kenny. He thought he would stop in the living room but Kenny walked all the way to the first floor office; which was the farthest room from the kitchen.

"Kenny... I..." he didn't know what to say. There was so much running through his mind but his heart stammered violently and he couldn't find the strength to move his mouth or make his vocal chords work. He knew what he wanted to say, what he thought Kenny should hear, but suddenly it all seemed pointless. There was nothing to say. They both knew.

Sorry wouldn't cut it. Sorry wouldn't fix the fact that Kenny got fucked up and raped. Sorry wouldn't fix the fact that Butters wasn't man enough to stand up to his dad. Sorry wouldn't change the fact that Butters knew exactly how Kenny felt. Sorry wouldn't fix anything.

But he wasn't sorry, and neither was Kenny, so that didn't really matter. Everything would be settled in its own time; the air wouldn't be so suffocating and his body would eventually relax. Kenny shook his head.

"How are you...?" was all he managed. He knew it was stupid but he couldn't bear to say those two words. They were unnecessary.

"J-just... I'm not feeling anything, right now. I seem to have developed your stutter," he smiled a little and Butters blushed. "But... I... I don't really know who else to tell and I don't want anyone else to know this." Butters nodded and instinctively reached out for Kenny's hand. He watched him jerk, then felt his cold fingers loosely loop with his. "This is really... really weird for me to talk about. But... I don't know who else to really tell. I mean, you've been my best friend for like seven years and you're kinda my boyfriend..." Butters couldn't help but feel his lips twitch upward at that. "I'm not gonna be okay with... some things for awhile. It's not just about the situation... but it's the drugs. I don't like being touched. It'll get better. But... but... I'm afraid to eat." Butters tilted his head. "It's not the drugs, at first it was but I'm really hungry now. It's mostly just my pain meds messing with me now, anyway." Butters saw the tiny needle-hole in his arm and felt his heart thud painfully.

"Why are you afraid to eat? You have to, otherwise you're gonna starve to death." Oh, he was such a hypocrite. Kenny sighed heavily and flushed ever so slightly.

"It's not eating, it's what happens after eating that I'm afraid of." Butters blushed a little and nodded slowly. He laughed quietly and Kenny's eyes were on the floor.

"Oh..." Butters trailed off lowly. "What all... what all did they do down there?"

"I have stitches because... they... there was a broken bottle... and I had some glass left and there was tearing... I don't remember everything, I'm happy about that," Kenny whispered in an uncomfortable voice.

"Well, that's gotta hurt." Kenny couldn't help but let out a quiet chuckle at his bluntness and Butters smiled a little more. "Didn't they like give you medicine or somethin' for that?" Kenny blushed and shrugged his shoulders, "Ken, you do realize just last week you went to the bathroom while I was showering, right? And I will never forget that one time when you pretty much got the whole town sick."

"That's different," Kenny murmured, cheeks darker than Butters had ever seen them before. Yeah, it was different. Last week held so much happiness. Last week Kenny had been completely open with him and joking around and not this fragmented person before him now. "But yeah... I figured I could just not eat except when I have to so then by the time I've healed more it'll be better." Butters gave him a blank look and he blushed even more.

"Well, you know about my problem I had when I was younger," Kenny nodded, "you can't be afraid to eat. But... I won't tell anyone." Kenny smiled and murmured a quiet thanks. His shaking hand held Butters' a little tighter.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, causing the bright blonde to look at him curiously. "That I couldn't stop them. That was s'posed to be yours. That was our moment and now I don't even..."

"Ken, this doesn't change anything. Remember... remember what I said that night? How I'll always have that last part of you? I do. I do have it. It's not ruined. It's right here." He said, touching his heart. "It means more to me than you'll ever know and I don't look at you any differently than I did that night. Sure, I'm mad as hell for what they did to you but... it doesn't change you. It doesn't change us, does it? Unless you want it to." Kenny shook his head. "Things are gonna be tougher now, for both of us. But I'm gonna fight until I die to be with you. Okay? As long as you're willing to do the same."

"I am." They both tried their best to smile; Butters wished he could see his grin. He wasn't used to these quiet smiles and vulnerable looks.

"Can I... can I hug you?" Kenny nodded and slowly outstretched his arms, though he looked highly uncomfortable. Butters wrapped his arms cautiously around Kenny's waist, causing him to tense at first yet he relaxed as he rested his head on Butters' shoulder. Butters could feel him tremble in his arms and he willed himself to not kiss him. It was enough to feel him tight in his arms, that's all he really needed. The rest would catch up eventually.

Kenny and Butters walked back to the kitchen and found their friends and siblings talking as they waited for food to cook in either the oven or the microwave. Kevin was the first to notice their presence and immediately went up to Kenny.

"Listen, I'm sorry, I was just... bein' myself. Y'know, plus I just want you happy. I hate seeing you sad." Kenny nodded and shrugged his shoulders. "You don't look very sad."

"Mood swings," Kenny mumbled, "one second I'll be laughing my ass off the next I'll be all snot and tears and fists." He half teased. "It's the pain meds I think." He added as he caught the concerned faces of his siblings.

"I take it your little talk went well?" Stan asked the two blondes who nodded and smiled.

"Yep," Butters said and Kenny just smiled weakly as he grabbed his bowl of soup from the microwave and a spoon. All eyes turned to Kenny and he raised the bowl a bit in agreement as he sipped the broth off of the spoon.

"Never better."