Author's Note: It's true! Your eyes don't deceive you ... I've updated in a decent timeframe for once! RTS in the anime and chapter 117 build up have me super hyped, so I'm trying to get some writing done in my spare pockets of time. I think where my plot is headed currently also has me pretty excited and motivated, so hopefully you'll see a bit of momentum again from me.

As usual, thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed and supported this fic. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!

ARC 3: THE FORGE

'To create something strong, enduring, or successful.'

CHAPTER 25: Pain

Historia felt his hand pull away from beneath hers as he stared at her, his eyes wide.

Levi looked as though the wind had been completely knocked out of him. It was a rare sight indeed to see the Captain so perturbed. He opened and closed his mouth several times, before finally forcing some words out.

"But … you took the test and it was negative. That's what you told me?"

She took a shaky breath.

"I lied."

She shut her eyes quickly, waiting for the eruption of anger and profanities that she was sure he was about to hurl her way. But she was met with only silence.

She opened her eyes again hesitantly.

Levi was frowning at her. The little creases between his brows and under his eyes suddenly made him appear his age. There was no anger present – only confusion.

"You lied? I don't understand."

"The test was positive. It didn't change straight away, so I almost didn't know. But there was no mistaking it – when it turned, it was as blue as this dress." Her hand swept over the folds of sapphire fabric at her thigh. Levi stared at the spot where his hand had been just moments before.

He clenched his jaw.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

There it was. She could feel the anger beginning to bubble beneath his surface.

"I …" The words had come easy in her head, when she had thought about how she'd explain her actions to him – to make him understand. Yet now, faced with those steely eyes, the words faltered on her tongue.

"Spit it out."

She flinched at the sudden ice to his voice. The air around them seemed to have dropped several degrees in a matter of moments. Her heart ached for the moment they had just shared, with all its warmth.

"I wanted the chance to talk to you first, without everything seeming so complicated. To ask you about Petra."

He blinked at her. "Are you kidding me? You were that desperate to dig up shit from my past that you had to lie about …" he hesitated, seeming to struggle for the phrase as he stared at her stomach.

Historia felt herself prickle slightly at his words. He made it sound as though she had just wanted something to gossip to her friends about. Not that she really had any opportunity for idle gossip with friends anymore. Didn't he understand that she cared about him?

"I just wanted to understand what had happened. What I saw – it surprised me –"

He cut her off. "- and you couldn't possibly have asked me if you'd told me the truth first? That makes fuck all sense, Historia."

She glared at him. "Are you saying you'd honestly have told me all that, knowing that you didn't need to spend any more time with me, not like this? Knowing you'd done your duty and you could just take the easy way out; put that blank mask back on around me?"

He grit his teeth, shaking his head. But he didn't answer her.

"You know I'm right. I had to know, Levi. When I saw that memory – of you, with one of your team … you've always seemed so distant. I never thought …"

"What? That I'd be capable of actually feeling something? Well you got your fucking answer, didn't you."

He rose from the rim of the tub, and turned from her. A hand covered his face; the other balled into a fist at his side.

Historia stood as well. "I did. You're so much more beneath that cold façade you wear, Levi. And you deserve so much more –"

"Stop it." He growled beneath his fingers.

"I won't." Her voice grew stronger. "I used to see you as this untouchable, unfeeling hero. Brave, dutiful, but also cold and distant. But now … you can be so gentle, and so considerate. You've made me feel things I never thought –"

He cut across her again. "I said. Stop it."

She clenched her own fists now, willing herself onwards. This was the bravest she'd been around him, and it felt so liberating to finally lay herself truly bare.

"I know you feel it too. I've seen it in your eyes. This is about more than just duty for you now. Neither of us expected it to play out like this, but Levi I can't stop thinking about you. And I don't want to need an excuse to feel this way. Because I don't have one anymore. Not now …" her palm rested on her abdomen.

He turned to look at her finally. "Are you stupid?" He spat the words at her like poison. They hurt. But she reminded herself that she'd always known this would be his reaction at first, and she just needed to bear with it. She'd break him down, eventually.

"What?" she challenged.

He glared, squaring up to her. His stance made him seem so much bigger than he actually was.

Historia refused to be intimidated.

"Did you actually listen to anything I said before?" There was a fierceness to his eyes. "What I did … with Petra …" He took a breath. "It was one of the biggest mistakes I've made. And I will never, ever do that again."

Historia snatched the lapels of his jacket suddenly. Her fingers trembled, but it was more from exhilaration than fear. She couldn't really be afraid of this man. Not anymore.

The look of surprise in Levi's eyes was extremely satisfying.

"You deserve to be happy!" She almost shouted it at him, their faces merely inches apart. "Why can't you accept that?"

He leaned into her, and for a brief moment her heart soared as she thought he was going to kiss her again.

But he gripped her wrists firmly, and yanked them away from him.

"You don't fucking get it, do you? Letting this be any more than what it has needed to be … feeling anything more for you than what I'm supposed to feel … will not make me fucking happy."

He released her hands, pushing her away from him. She stumbled, but caught herself on the back wall of the room, her palms pushing her forwards off the surface. He turned away from her again, this time heading towards the door.

"You're a liar!" She cried at him, her voice suddenly losing the collectedness she had worked so hard on. "You know it's what you want; why can't you just admit it to yourself?"

He paused at the door, his hand resting on the handle.

"If you'd just allow yourself the chance … you could be happy. I know I could make you happy, Levi!"

He spun around, marching towards her. He was suddenly in her face again. "You're such a foolish girl, Historia. You've no idea what you're talking about – I'm the only man you've ever been with!"

She glared at him, refusing to back away. "So what, I couldn't possibly recognise when I truly care for someone? Because I'm so young and 'foolish?'" She threw her hands up to air quote the word. "Well I may not be as old or experienced as you, but I know spending time with you – getting to know you, as a man, not just a stupid title - well that has made me the happiest I've been in so long ..." her chest heaved with the charged emotion in her words.

He stared her down, his jaw clenched and his eyes livid.

"You think you're happy now, but-"

"Are you telling me you haven't felt the same? Are you saying you haven't been happy with me, these past few weeks?" she rebuffed, refusing to be cowed by him.

For a split second, she thought he might strike her. But his hand sailed past her shoulder and smashed against the wall behind her back. He held it there, breath hot and fast in her face as his voice ground out. "Yes, Historia. Yes. You'd make me happy. You fucking do make me happy, every time I see you. But how long do you think that could last? Because let me tell you, it never fucking does. Yes, you'd make me happy. Except when you wouldn't. Except when I woke up one day and suddenly you weren't fucking there anymore. That's how it goes, with me. Every. Single. Time."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and yanked her closer to him, their noses almost touching. His face curled into a snarl. "So do not tell me how I fucking feel."

He released her roughly, and turned back to the door.

"Wait!" Historia reached for the back of his jacket, her mind whirring. "Please … Levi, you're being ridiculous. We need to talk about this."

He stopped at her touch, but didn't turn. "I haven't had chance to update you on the final security arrangements for the Banquet. I have the papers; I'll leave them on the coffee table for you to read." His voice was cold and calm again.

"Levi …" Historia pleaded. She needed to make him stay; she knew if they could just talk a bit longer, she could crack him.

He ignored her plea. "I'll update Hange of the development."

She clenched her teeth, tugging the back of his jacket. The Captain didn't sway an inch.

"That development is your child, Levi. Don't you feel anything? Are you really going to push us both away, now?"

There was a long silence as she stared at the back of his dark head, her heart thundering. She felt him draw in a large breath through the grip she still held on his jacket.

"That was always going to be the arrangement, Historia. Now let go."

She held her grasp on the tan fabric defiantly.

Levi sighed, before twisting around and gripping her arm. She could feel his fingers bruise her skin. His eyes bore into her with warning.

"I said, let go."

He squeezed, and the sudden pain that shot through her fingers made her release her hold. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, but she refused to cry in front of him.

She yanked her arm from his grasp.

"What now, then?"

He stared at her, the stoic mask pulled firmly over his features.

"There's no need for us to have any private meetings anymore. I'll be there to escort you at the Banquet."

She felt his words almost physically; striking her like icy blades. She stumbled backwards a step.

He really was going to shut her out completely.

"Goodbye, Historia."

"Levi … wait!"

She rushed forwards, but he was already swinging the bathroom door shut. She slammed her palm against the wooden barrier, a small yelp escaping her lips in frustration.

Damn him; the stubborn asshole.

Despite her instinct to chase after him, to beg and plead with him not to cut her off, she knew the best course of action was to give him space right now. She had to keep reminding herself that she'd always expected this reaction from him.

But that didn't make it hurt any less.

Levi marched from her bedroom. He threw the details of the security plans on her coffee table, not daring to look back.

He needed to get out of there quickly. He needed to get away from her.

Before he could change his mind.

Fuck.

She was pregnant.

With his child.

Shouldn't he feel something right now? Some powerful, primal emotion? He didn't. There was just numbness. A strange sort of daze.

But then, when he thought about her … No. He couldn't afford to do that. Not any longer.

He hesitated outside her door for a split second.

Should he rush to tell Hange? Kicking the shit out of something in the training gym somehow seemed like a good idea first. It wouldn't look the best if he ended up giving his commander a black eye - even if it was shitty Four Eyes.

And they'd given each other plenty over the years.

It didn't take him long to grab his training stuff – it was waiting ready in his office, as he'd planned to finish some quick paperwork before spending the afternoon training by himself anyway. Fuck the paperwork now, though.

The training hall was teeming with activity; unsurprising for a weekday afternoon. Levi had expected as much, but he found it still irked him to see so many of his subordinates laughing and chattering as they worked out together.

He grimaced, scanning the hall for any area that was markedly quieter. His eyes fell on Mikasa and Armin, who were gathered around the barbell and weights in the far corner.

Of course. He'd instructed his squad to spend some time on personal training this afternoon, as he was originally planning to do. He watched as Mikasa pondered over the amount of Kg to add to the barbell. Armin appeared to be advising her. Fuck knew where the other brats were though; there was definitely no sign of them in the hall. He decided to convince himself that they must be training outdoors somewhere. Disciplining unruly squad members was most certainly the last thing he could be assed with right now.

Hoping to avoid any awkward small talk with his team members, he decided the punch bags to the opposite side of the hall were his best bet. He recognised the kid using the bags as a relatively new recruit – she'd be easy to remove. He stalked past the sparring ring, his towel tossed lazily over his shoulder and his head low.

The girl noticed him heading towards her before he even needed to address her. She paused what she was doing to salute him nervously.

"Captain Levi." Her greeting was formal and stiff.

He nodded his head once, before gesturing to the bag with his hand. "I'm going to need this."

She glanced at the bag, clearly slightly intimidated by the surly Captain.

"Oh … right. Yes, of course, Sir." Dejectedly, she grabbed her things and hurried off.

Levi cracked his knuckles in satisfaction. Good. Now he could have some time to think while he punched and kicked the shit out of something.

He tossed his towel aside, ignoring the bandages and chalk normally used to protect hands and feet. He wanted this to hurt. He needed this to hurt.

He squared up to the bag, lifting his fists, poised and ready. The first punch barely even registered; there was no pain as his knuckles met the taught leather.

So she was pregnant. That meant their plan had worked.

He brought a second fist into the side of the bag. Still nothing.

Now he'd fulfilled his duty to her, cutting all emotional ties was the right thing to do.

The first fist connected again; the muscles in his arm snapping forwards like a coiled spring.

It was absolutely the right thing to do. Totally and completely.

He brought his foot up swiftly, not missing a beat. There was a sharp smack as it met the leather. The impact barely registered with the Captain.

Engaging in any sort of relationship with Historia that went beyond the purely professional could only end one way.

Levi launched another piston-quick punch at the bag. The chains holding it aloft groaned.

The same applied to the child. It would be better for them both if he wasn't involved at all. That had been the agreement.

He grit his teeth as he threw a volley of punches. He could feel a light burn to his knuckles now, but it was distant, as though he was remembering the pain of a bruise rather than actually feeling it.

They deserved better than a miserable git borne from the belly of the Underground. And fuck; he'd be damned if he was going to let fate taunt him by taking away those most precious to him again.

There was a satisfying ache spreading up his arms now as he continued to lay into the bag, the sharp smack of his fists only interrupted by the moaning of the metal chains as they swayed with the impact of his furious assault.

Hero, she'd called him. What sort of fucking hero couldn't protect those most important to him? They were always the ones who suffered, in the end.

A resounding crack echoed across the hall as Levi finished up with a roundhouse kick. Fire licked up his ankle as he landed; the throb made him feel satisfyingly mortal.

They really were better off away from him.

He glanced down at his knuckles as he flexed his fingers. They were quite clearly bruised; the middle knuckle of his right fist split and bloody. He breathed deeply, revelling in the ache.

The silence around him suddenly registered. He glanced around quickly, and was met with the sight of those closest to him paused in their activities to stare over. There were varied expressions; surprise, awe, even some apprehension … surely he hadn't been that loud?

He glared. "What the fuck? You lot never seen a punchbag get a good hiding before?"

There were several embarrassed glances exchanged before people began shuffling back to their tasks awkwardly.

"Tsk."

"Er, Captain?"

He turned back to find Mikasa standing next to the punchbag. When had she appeared?

"What is it, Ackerman?"

She threw a sideways glance at the still gently swaying punchbag, and then at Levi's bruised knuckles.

"I was just wondering if you'd mind sparring with me?"

He stared at her. If it had been any other member of his squad, he'd have sent them on their way with a few choice words. The way he felt currently, it probably wouldn't be wise for him to be sparring with anyone.

Except Mikasa.

She was the same as him; the girl could more than handle herself. He could hand her ass to her without feeling like he was taking advantage.

He grabbed his towel. "Fine. Get gloved up."

The pair moved over to the sparring ring. Levi was aware of several people watching them from the corners of their eyes; their attempts at subtlety were piss poor.

Once they were prepped and ready, (Levi opted for gloves to cover his now bruised knuckles this time – more for Mikasa's benefit, than anything), Captain and Soldier faced each other in the middle of the ring.

"Don't fuck up, Ackerman. I'm not in the mood for going easy on anyone today."

"I don't intend to, Sir." The dark haired girl gave him the ghost of a grin. She really was just like him; she came alive when it came to violence.

Good.

They touched gloves, before the foray began.

Historia draped the blue dress over its hanger, before placing it carefully up on the outside of the wardrobe, the little hook balancing precariously on the wooden lip above the double doors.

She paused to look at it again. It really was beautiful. She was looking forward to wearing it still, despite the earlier embarrassing turn of events in front of Madame Schultz. Hopefully the eccentric women would still be able to make the required adjustments in time – she made a mental note to arrange for her to return to finish things off.

She re-dressed in her trousers and blouse. Her mind jumped back to Levi again as her fingers fought with the last few buttons. Had he headed straight to tell the Commander? She felt a pang of sorrow at the thought that Hange might be annoyed with her for withholding the truth. Yet she still couldn't bring herself to regret the decision …

She knew Levi would never have opened up to her about his past if she'd been truthful with him first. He'd reacted exactly as she'd expected; he'd shut down. But that was fine. Because now she knew once and for all that he really was capable of loving, even if he hated the fact.

Now she had that little glimmer of hope she'd been looking for.

She knew it wasn't going to be easy winning him round again, but she had to try. Because surely something good could be allowed to come out of this whole damn messy situation they all found themselves in.

And her child deserved to know it's father.

She swept her hair up into a neat bun again, before grabbing her jacket. She'd head to the Commander's office. Hopefully she could catch Hange straight after the Captain. Just to apologise. And perhaps explain herself.

Of everyone still alive, she had the impression that Zoe Hange probably knew Levi the best of all. Would it be too much of a stretch to think she might be able to offer Historia some advice on the situation?

It was worth a try.

Mikasa stumbled backwards from the force of the punch Levi connected with her abdomen. She was winded slightly; she'd need to avoid the next few advances from him to catch her breath again. Then she could pay him back two-fold.

Her feet skipped across the canvas as she danced around him. He was extremely quick, but she'd fought alongside him for so long by now that she had a very good idea of the way he liked to move. The downside to this, of course, was that he also knew her style very well. His fist narrowly missed her cheek as she dodged to one side. Her breathing was good enough now for her to catch him on the fly; she smashed her own fist into his jaw, and he staggered backwards a step.

"Fuck me." He shook his head, cracking his jaw into place. "Decent right hand, Ackerman."

Mikasa's height made it easier to counter Levi's attacks, but his small stature meant he could dodge her advances with relative ease. Her best bet was probably to let him keep coming to her. Experience taught her this wasn't his usual style, but today something seemed off with him.

She fell back, watching carefully as he circled towards her again. She raised her arms defensively, hoping he'd make a move first.

She didn't have to wait long – after less than thirty seconds of sizing each other up again, he launched at her, his fists likely a blur to everyone but her. Mikasa saw them slower. Slow enough to have some idea of which direction was best to twist her frame to avoid contact. It didn't always work, of course, especially with Levi, but she'd had this uncanny ability to almost pre-judge people's actions, particularly during combat, for as long as she could remember. She'd stopped questioning it since finding out the Captain was the same as her. An Ackerman. She supposed it was just in their genes.

Levi lurched forwards, all his weight thrown behind his punch. She just about managed to twist around his strike. Perfect. She brought her fist forcefully into his side. She felt a sharp pain as her knuckles met the rigid muscle beneath his shirt, but it was enough to knock him off balance. She spun around, catching his lower back with her foot squarely. The Captain tipped forward but just managed to right himself before he lost his footing.

There really was something off about him today.

She'd noticed his lack of composure when he'd laid into the punchbag. Her and Armin, along with several others around them, had paused their activities at the sight of him. His movements were always so measured and deliberate. But today, it was as though he just wanted to smash his limbs into whatever stood in his way. Despite their rocky start, Mikasa had grown to respect her Captain immeasurably over the years, and she couldn't shake a pang of concern at his current demeanour.

But then, Levi could handle himself well enough, and she couldn't help but feel this might just be the perfect opportunity for her to get out from under his shadow. She didn't always have to be the secondary Ackerman.

If the Captain was spoiling for a decent fight, she'd happily give it to him.

It was impressive, really, how solid Mikasa's fists actually were. The pain flared as her punch connected with his ribs, and he felt himself falter with surprise. That was all it took for the girl to spin and roundhouse kick him forcefully in the lower back. Levi felt the breath swept from him as he tipped forwards. He managed to catch himself at the last minute; his feet carried him back out of her reach with a skip.

He spun back around, and found he was in a great position to return the favour to her. He could do with a minute, though. That kick didn't fucking tickle. But the pain was good. It was a welcome distraction. This was what he'd been craving.

He decided to take stock. They were both panting, and he expected she'd need a second to compose herself.

He was wrong. She flew at him again, barging him backwards. He staggered, bringing his fist up to strike her. But she was ready for him. She blocked it with her left forearm, before bringing her right fist into his temple.

The room span, and he stumbled back against the ropes. The ache in his skull was delicious. It had been a while since he'd allowed himself to feel pain like this.

And it was a case of allowing it. Levi had never been especially arrogant. But he knew as well as everyone else that so called 'Humanity's Strongest' hardly ever felt a blow unless he wanted to.

Today, he really fucking wanted to.

Throwing caution to the wind, he launched himself forwards off the ropes. The room still tipped back and forth in his daze, but he was suddenly aware of the small crowd of soldiers gathered around the ring. He sprang at Mikasa. A fist caught his jaw. He tasted blood.

"That's more like it." He spat blood onto the canvas. It was disgusting, but the feeling of it pooling in his mouth was even more so.

"Do you want a break, Captain?"

"Fuck no. Go again." He raised his fists.

Mikasa circled him. He knew what she was doing – she was mirroring his own technique. Waiting for him to make the first move. With her height advantage, it made perfect sense. Had he been in any normal state of mind, he knew he'd never play to her strategy. But that way, they were never going to get near one another. And he could already feel the fresh burn from his bruises beginning to fade.

Fuck it.

He dived at her again, his fist grazing her cheekbone nicely. That was going to smart. He was briefly aware of anger flaring across her features before she brought her own clenched hand into his gut. The rush of wind from his lungs at the impact was ecstasy. He heard himself laugh. That sound he hated. Short, sharp, humourless.

"Fight," he panted, "like you mean it."

She frowned at him. "I-"

Her words were cut short as he kicked her hard in the ribs. She yelped. Good. He wanted her angry. He needed the pain, and she needed the opportunity to show the rest of these fuckheads she was his match. He knew it must be shitty constantly living in his shadow.

Well, she could have the limelight. With fucking pleasure. He was tired of the bullshit it brought.

He skipped around her, willing her to hunt him down. To make him regret hurting her.

"Too easy," he threw at her. The metallic taste of blood still lingered on his tongue.

She grimaced. Her hands were back up; her biceps solid and sleek as they flexed in the gleam from the hall windows. Solid like marble. He thought in that moment she might actually be quite beautiful; if she didn't remind him so much of himself.

He edged towards her, throwing a punch. She dodged it, stepping backwards. He advanced. Another punch. Another miss.

She led him around the ring, constantly twisting out of his reach. Levi knew he wasn't putting his all into the chase, and he was growing increasingly frustrated that she wouldn't make a move on him.

"Running away, Ackerman?" He goaded, launching another kick her way. It connected, but not as he'd intended, and the impact was marginal as it glanced her thigh.

He recognised that look in her eyes. His stomach roiled a little. It was a look they shared; he knew what it meant.

"You wish," she hissed.

The crunch was spectacular as her hand collapsed his nose. Stars burst in Levi's vision, and he twisted away from her to gag more blood onto the canvas. Before he could turn back to her, however, she span and slammed her foot into his ribs in the same spot as her previous punch.

Levi grunted as white hot fire blazed through his side. He felt high with it.

Mikasa followed her kick elegantly with another piston quick punch, her fist connecting with Levi's left cheekbone. She didn't even miss a fucking beat, Levi marvelled as he felt the pain flare from his jaw to his temple.

He staggered backwards. For the first time in forever, he found his mind gloriously unfocused. The only sensation was the throb from his bruised body. It was inexplicably satisfying and agonising all at once. And so very human.

He felt a final blow to his chest, tipping him backwards. The weightlessness of the fall was beautiful, and he felt it must have been an age as his body arced backwards towards the blood-smeared canvass.

Air escaped his lungs in a hiss as his back collided with the floor. He let his body settle, motionless, and closed his eyes against the sunlight streaming in through the high windows. In the blackness it was easy to lose himself in the fiery pain burning through his flesh. He sighed contentedly, sputtering a little blood down his cheek.

Mikasa's voice pulled him from the darkness.

"You didn't defend yourself! Your arms were down!" There was a mixture of accusation and apprehension in her voice.

"Doesn't matter," Levi heard himself mutter. "That was perfect. You were perfect."

"...Captain?"

He was rambling. He opened his eyes, and the light made the pain in his temple ignite again. He squinted.

There was quite a crowd gathered around the sparring ring. He sat forwards, his arms resting on his knees. He could feel a steady trickle of blood escaping his battered nose still.

"Do I need to find something for you brats to crack on with? Or is there a productive reason you're all stood around gawping like idiots?"

For the second time that afternoon, his words sent the soldiers in the training hall scattering.

He felt the presence of Mikasa at his side as he rose to his feet. The pain was already diminishing slightly, but he knew the bruises would last longer. It always looked worse than it was. Especially when you were an Ackerman.

"Sir-" Mikasa began again.

"Don't worry about it. You were impressive. Well done – seems you've actually learnt some shit from me, then."

He gifted her with the smallest of smiles – a rarity from him – and headed over to snatch up his towel. He dabbed at his nose gently, before grimacing in disgust at the bloody smudge across the material.

"I'm going to get cleaned up."

He didn't wait for a reply. A moment later, he was already at the door, leaving his aghast squad member and protege standing alone in the middle of the blood smeared sparring ring.

Historia sat before the Commander at her desk, which was littered with papers, stationary, and several decent sized ink stains.

She cleared her throat. "Thank you for making time for me."

Hange waved her ink stained hand dismissively. "Not at all – I had to pause the supply order I was writing up, anyway, as I appear to have a leaky pen." She frowned down at the mess on her desk and hands.

"Oh dear." Historia bit her lip. How was she going to approach this? Should she just come straight out with it?

"Yes. Well, anyway. What was it you needed?"

Historia uncrossed and then re-crossed her legs. "I … was just wondering if Captain Levi had been to see you this afternoon?"

Hange frowned at her. "Not today – I believe he was training with his squad all day, and then he had a meeting scheduled with you?"

Great. So she was going to have to be the one to break the news to the Commander. Well, at least she could get her side of the story in before Levi.

"Oh … right. Um, I just need to tell you something. And I could also do with some guidance, if I'm honest."

Hange sat back in her chair, and rubbed the damaged socket beneath her eye patch. "Ah … is this about your chat with Levi?"

Historia nodded. "Sort of."

"Well. I will try and help, if I can."

The Commander was smiling warmly at Historia from across the desk, her ink stained hands now clasped together beneath her chin. Historia swallowed hard. She felt a sickly ball of guilt forming in the pit of her stomach.

"Well, first … I have to tell you I wasn't completely honest when we spoke yesterday."

"You weren't?" Hange raised her brows.

Historia took a deep breath in. "No."

The pair regarded each other in silence. Historia pinched her palm under the desk, willing herself to keep going.

"I'm pregnant, Commander Hange."

The Commander's eyebrows shot up even further, above the rim of her glasses. "Well, that's brilliant news, Historia. Congratulations, of course."

Histori smiled feebly. "Thanks," she mumbled.

Hange's face suddenly fell. "I'm a little disappointed my test didn't work, though – I'll have to revisit the formula, perhaps a few adjustments would-"

"No – Commander, it wasn't the test. The test worked. I lied when I said it hadn't. I'm sorry." Historia averted her eyes, but she didn't need to be looking directly at her to feel the disappointment in the Commander's gaze.

"Oh … I see." Hange fiddled with the rim of her glasses. The wet ink on her hand left a smear just above her cheekbone. "Why did you do that, then?"

Historia brought a hand to her temple. "It's a long story, to be honest." She glanced at the Commander from beneath her hand. "Can I talk frankly to you?"

Hange nodded. "Of course."

"In confidence?"

"Always."

The Queen sighed. "I think I've … well, I mean to say that I've developed … Uh, Walls. How to put this. The Captain and I ..."

"Go on." The Commander's glasses glinted in the afternoon light as she watched Historia intently.

She gulped. "I … I think I ..."

Hange held her hand up to silence Historia. "You think you're in love with Captain Levi?"

Historia felt herself blush hotly. Was she that obvious? "Oh – I wouldn't necessarily use the word love, I mean; it's only been a few weeks and-"

The Commander raised her hand again to cut Historia off. "You're talking to me, now. Not Levi."

Historia blinked at her a couple of times, before putting her face in her hands. "I never expected to feel like this, Hange," she mumbled between her fingers.

Hange raised her eyebrows, a pitiful half smile, half grimace forming. "Have you told Levi ?"

Historia just looked up at the Commander. She hoped her face answered the question.

"Ah."

She returned her face to her hands.

"He didn't take it too well, then?"

She just shook her head.

Hange sighed. "Historia; you realise this complicates things in an already complicated situation? And the thing is … well, Levi's not very fond of complicated. I take it he knows about the pregnancy?"

She nodded.

"Was he pleased?"

Historia shrugged. "He didn't really comment either way. Just said he needed to update you. And that was that. He sort of shut me out."

Hange rose from her chair and paced to the window of her office. She fingered her chin thoughtfully. The ink from her fingers left a black smudge to match the smear on her cheek.

"Well … that was always going to be the arrangement, wasn't it? I mean, not to shut you out, but … you know, for things to go back to the way they were. Am I right?" She turned back to Historia expectantly.

"Erm, yes, but that was before … uh, I don't think either of us expected to feel the way we do now ..."

Hange tilted her head to the side. "You think Levi feels the same?"

Historia could tell by her tone that Hange seriously doubted this could be the case. But then, she couldn't really blame her – if someone had told her that Captain Levi was capable of falling in love several weeks ago – before she'd seen glimpses of his past, and felt how gently his hands caressed her skin – she'd probably laugh in their face.

"I … I think he feels something. I'm not sure what that is, but it's surpassed a mere feeling of duty now, I'm sure of that." She sighed. "He admitted that I make him happy, but he seems to think that's almost … oh, I don't know. Like, a bad thing, in the long run?"

Was that pity she saw suddenly flash across the Commander's face, beneath the splotches of ink?

"Historia … I know you've been through a lot in your twenty or so years-"

"Nineteen." Historia corrected. She clenched her fists tightly; she could feel she was about to be patronised by Hange for her age, just like Levi had patronised her … but she wanted to remain respectful to the Commander. She bit her tongue and waited for her to go on.

"-Yes, sorry. Nineteen. But when you get to mine and Levi's age …" Hange trailed off. The sincere look of sorrow on her features made Historia choke unexpectedly.

"You get to the point where you've lost so many good people. Over the years … we've had to say goodbye to so many friends, comrades, mentors ..." Hange fiddled with her bolo tie absently. Erwin's bolo tie. "And it never gets easier. You start to think twice about letting anyone new actually mean something to you. Just in case. Because at the back of your mind, there's always the memory of that pain. That pain of goodbye. And sometimes, all the love in the world isn't worth the pain of goodbye."

Hange's remaining eye misted over for a moment, and Historia suddenly wondered who Hange had lost. Who had it destroyed her the most to say goodbye to? Had she quietly loved and lost, just like Levi?

It was all so sad. And so devoid of hope.

Historia couldn't accept that. She might be naïve; just a foolish girl. But she couldn't accept that they were all so hopeless that they'd even given up on love.

Ymir's freckled features flashed across her mind.

"Commander Hange ..." she said quietly. "I've loved and lost, too. It might seem foolish to you; just another teenage crush. But to me, it was very real. And saying goodbye hurt like hell, honestly."

Hange appeared surprised as she regarded the Queen. "Really? Was he in the 104th too?"

"She. And yes, she was."

The Commander did a double take. "She? Oh, sorry!"

Historia shook her head. "It's fine. But what I was getting at was I wouldn't have changed that for anything. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing in the world, but that's only because, spending time with her was the very best. And honestly, I wouldn't have swapped that for anything. Surely its better to have loved and lost, than to never feel love at all?"

There was silence as both women stared at each other. Hange seemed to deliberate, before answering Historia.

"You make an excellent Queen, you know."

Historia blinked several times, unsure how to respond to the unexpected compliment. She was saved by a brusque knock at the door.

Before the Commander could respond, the door was thrown open forcefully.

The pair turned to towards the sudden intruder.

Standing in the doorway was Captain Levi. His face was bruised; his left eye seemed to be starting to blacken, and his nose was swollen with tiny specks of dried blood decorating his nostrils.

He looked awful.

Historia sucked in a quick breath. "Levi ..."

What had happened to him?

He ignored her, looking right past her to the Commander. Historia noticed his eyes trail across the ink smudges decorating Hange's visage.

"You're face is a fucking mess, Shit Goggles."

Hange frowned at him. "I could say the same to you, Levi."

Really sorry to leave it there, but next chapter editing is underway already, so hopefully the wait won't be too long.

If you enjoyed, or have an suggestions or feedback, please, please do leave me a review! I love to hear from you all :) Much love, SR x