Chapter 25 Promises

James tosses and turns in his bed. He moans when he finally starts to wake up. His vision swims for a moment and he blinks heavily, trying to clear it. When he can finally see straight again, he is instantly confused to find himself surrounded by white walls. Definitely not his bedroom.

He tries to sit up, but his stomach churns right away. He moans heavily and puts a hand on it.

"James, you're up." A voice beside him calls out. He weakly lifts his head and finds Katie happily smiling at him. He frowns.

"Where am I?" He asks her and she looks over him.

"You're at the hospital, James." He turns his head to find Logan staring at him with a hard expression on his features. He still looks confused. Logan sighs. "They had to pump your stomach. That's why it feels so bad and you feel weak. Why did you do it, James? Couldn't you have just talked to us first? Don't you trust us anymore?" Logan shakes his head.

James gulps as he tries to figure out what Logan's talking about.

"Why would you try to kill yourself and where did you even get those sleeping pills? I thought we went through this with the ecstasy. You promised you wouldn't hide things like this from us anymore. Did you honestly think you were the only one going through a hard time?" Logan turns his head away for a second. "And to think Carlos was the one to find you. I always wanted him to start talking, but this wasn't the way to get him to do it."

Logan leans forward and stares into James' eyes as if trying to read his mind.

"I just want to know what you thought you were doing, James. Just tell us why." He tells him and waits for an answer.

James digs through his mind and finally finds it all flashing back to him. The awkwardness at dinner, Carlos not eating, the fight with Kendall and then Carlos fleeing the room. He remembers running into his own room and throwing everything around in frustration. He felt so tired afterwards. That fight shouldn't have happened. He wanted to help Carlos, not drive him away again. He sat there and eyed the bottle of sleeping pills he had gotten from his doctor about a week before.

He looks at his sheets for a moment and eyes Katie to his right. She's also staring at him, eyes full of worry and anxious to find out what was going through his head.

He sighs. "I wasn't trying to kill myself…" He trails off quietly. "I just wanted to sleep. I felt so tired, but I couldn't calm down, I felt so angry and I thought I could relax this way…"

"By swallowing a whole bottle of sleeping pills? You could have killed yourself, James!" Logan yells out. "You should be glad Carlos came and found you or you wouldn't be here talking to us right now."

James fidgets his sheets guiltily. "I never meant for that to happen. I just wanted to sleep and one didn't work, so I took another and another and pretty soon the bottle was empty and I couldn't feel my body anymore. I couldn't feel anything anymore." He finishes in a near whisper. He looks at Logan. "I wasn't trying to kill myself, Logan and I'm sorry Carlos had to see me like that. But do you have any idea how good that felt? Not being able to feel anything, even if it lasted just a moment?" He asks in all honesty.

Logan's face turns to shock. "You can't be serious…" He quietly mutters.

"I don't feel like dying anytime soon, Logan. But things have been so hard lately and I haven't been able to sleep. That's why I asked my doctor for a prescription. But the feelings stayed, you know, and with the way we were handling Carlos and seeing that sad look on his face. I just didn't know how to deal with it anymore. I mean, I thought we drove him away again." James argues. Logan narrows his eyes.

"And talking to us never crossed your mind?" He asks, anger and disappointment shining through. He stands up and runs a hand through his hair. "I just can't…" He begins to say and then turns towards James again. "Did you ever think that maybe you're not the only one who's going through a hard time, huh? Why else do you think Kendall started to act like such a jerk? He became desperate. Desperate to get his friend back and frustrated that it wasn't helping and maybe making things worse. Carlos still refuses to touch Mrs. Knight, how do you think she feels?" He rants as he paces back and forth. "And Katie, too." He says, pointing towards the teen, who looks up with big eyes, afraid to say anything in return.

"You didn't see the look on her face when he didn't even open the door for her anymore today. He has pushed her away so many times. And Carlos…" He shakes his head. "Just think about what he's going through. He is trying so hard to please us; it is so frustrating for him not to be able to just jump back to being himself. It's so hard to witness that, but he doesn't give up, he just keeps on trying, no matter how hard it is for him. He actually talked to save your life, James. He came downstairs after he found you and when he couldn't get the message through visually, he said your name, followed by the word pills."

James' stomach flips for a different reason then and he tries hard not to spill any tears.

"He forced himself to talk to save your life, James. I guess I should congratulate you on that level, right? You got him to talk after all this time. It only took you nearly killing yourself to do it. Bravo." He says, finally stopping and staring at his friend for a moment. "I just don't… I'm sorry…" he says, before rushing out of the room. Katie looks after him in shock for a moment, before getting up and running after him.

"Logan, wait!" She calls out and nearly bumps into her mother, who is just about to head inside the room with a cup of coffee in her hand. She throws them a confused look. Her face turns into one of relief when she sees James awake. But a faint smile fades when she sees his hunched shoulders.

"James? Sweetie?" She calls out. The moment he lifts his head, she gasps and rushes to his side. "Oh honey…" She soothes as he all but throws himself into her arms, immediately releasing a pool of tears.

Back inside the hospital, Katie runs as fast as she can to keep up with Logan. She keeps calling his name, but he is making no effort to show he heard her. She follows him outside, where she soon sees him sinking onto a bench and letting out a deep breath. She runs over and tries to catch her breath.

"Wow, who knew you ran so fast…" She tells him with a slight smile. He closes his eyes for a moment.

"I don't mean to be rude, Katie, but I kind of wanted to be alone." He tells her in a monotone voice. She raises her eyebrows.

"Uhm, after the speech you just gave James on not discussing his feelings? I don't think so." She tells him and stares at him, while sitting down. He doesn't respond, he just stares ahead. "You know, you seem to know an awful lot about how everyone else is doing. But what about you? How are you feeling about all of this?"

He is quiet for a moment and then leans his head back.

"You know, I can't help but think back to how things were before all of this happened. Sometimes, I close my eyes and imagine we're back at the Palm Woods and Gustavo is yelling at us to try harder and we deliberately don't." he says with a smile and a chuckle. But it fades much too fast. "But then I open my eyes and realize it's just a dream. Carlos was gone for two years and I was so glad we got him back, but I realize we never fully got him back in the first place. And we never might." He says, his voice full of emotion. Katie listens in silence as he says the words she has felt from the start.

"I swear I sometimes see a glimpse of the old Carlos in there. It comes out like a twinkle in his eye, a look of mischief displayed in a smirk and even the worried look he gives and hugs the person who is sad. When he hugged me today and started to hum that song, I just closed my eyes and hoped that when I opened them, he was right there with a smile and a joke to cheer me up." He smiles sadly. "I just wish that just once, one of those wishes could come true." He softly says.

Katie scoots closer and lays her head on his shoulder. He sighs and lays his head on top of hers.

"The old Carlos really is in there, Logan. We just have to look really hard. I see him, too, sometimes. I want to reach in and pull him out. But it doesn't go that fast. He needs time. I wish it could go faster sometimes, like Kendall. But just hearing him talk today, that was just amazing." Katie finishes with a smile. Logan smiles as well. "Do you think he'll keep doing that now? And maybe his recovery will speed up a little?"

"I don't know." He answers in all honesty.

"Maybe it could go faster if his family were here." She mutters sadly. "I just don't get why no one can find them. It's like they don't want to be found or disappeared or something." They're both quiet for a moment. "You don't think they did, right? Disappear?"

Logan frowns. "No, no, I don't think they did. They probably just wanted to get over what happened, you know. They didn't want to be reminded of Carlos, so they moved away as far as possible. Maybe they're in Europe or something or some island no one can find them at." He tells her.

"Yeah." She agrees softly. "Do you think James will be okay?" She carefully asks him.

"Yeah, I think he'll be okay. He just needed to realize what he did." He explains, his expression hardening again.

"You were pretty mad at him. Do you think you'll be able to forgive him?" She asks quietly.

"I…" He pauses and sighs. "I'm not mad at him." He continues. "I just wish he would have told us what he was going through. Just like Kendall. Instead they both make these weird decisions and almost drive Carlos back to where he started."

"I think all of you need to talk more. Bottling things up like this can't be healthy. And I don't like seeing Carlos so sad and worried about you guys. He should be happy. And I think us being happy will help him be happy, too." Katie simply explains. Logan frowns a little, but lets it sink in.

"You know something? That makes perfect sense." He says, but Katie doesn't respond. He looks down for a moment and smiles when he sees her eyes closed. He holds the peacefully sleeping girl close to him and kisses the top of her head, before laying his head back down of her's.

He sits there for another moment, before gathering her up in his arms and heading back inside. He is about to step into James' room, when he sees Mrs. Knight holding him and rubbing soothing circles on his back. Logan casts his eyes down and then slowly knocks on the door.

James quickly looks away and wipes his red shot eyes.

"Uh, Katie fell asleep outside. I uh, I guess I should probably take her home." He announces, glancing towards James once more, but then turning his attention back to Mrs. Knight. The woman stands up.

"I'm just going to stay here for a little while. James needs to stay overnight and can probably go home tomorrow. I called Brooke and she'll be here in a few hours. She was staying in San Francisco apparently." The woman tells him and he nods.

"I'll just get going then and see how Carlos and Kendall are doing." He says with a smile and turns his back to the bed.

"Uh, Logan?" James suddenly pipes up. Logan stops and turns back around. James eyes him nervously.

"Uh, why don't I take Katie for a minute?" Mrs. Knight offers. Logan wants to protest, but she already takes the girl out of his arms and walks out. He turns back to his friend, who fidgets with his sheets.

"Look, I know you probably hate me right now for what I did. But Logan, I swear I wasn't trying to kill myself. I'm not sure what happened and it scared the hell out of me. I just want you to know that I'm really sorry and I understand if you never want to talk to me again." He says, looking away. Logan walks closer and slowly sinks into the chair next to his bed.

"I don't hate you, James. I could never hate you, you're one of my best friends. I'm not even mad. I was for a minute, but only because I was so worried about you. I thought we almost lost you, buddy. And I was so scared, because you looked so pale and lifeless and after everything that happened I really did think you tried to… well, you know." James still looks at his sheets. "But seriously, buddy, you need to communicate with us about how you're feeling. I realize none of us have been doing that lately and it's not good."

James slowly looks up and nods. "So promise me you're never going to do something like this again." Logan insists and grabs James' hand.

"I promise…" James quietly answers, making Logan smile a little. He even pulls James into a hug. The taller brunet is surprised, but holds on tightly. This is something they have both needed for a while. When they let go, neither of them have dry eyes, but they smile slightly.

"So uhm, Katie made me realize something when we were talking outside." Logan mentions. James eyes him curiously. "She mentioned that she thinks that Carlos can't be happy when we're not happy. And you know, what? I think she's right." He tells his friend, who frowns.

"So, what? You think we should pretend to be happy for Carlos' sake?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

"No, we'll never be able to fool him. He's always been able to read people's feelings. No, I think it's time we really start to live again. We've all been so stressed out and of course it's normal with all we've been through. But we've been so intent on helping Carlos, we've started to ignore ourselves." Logan explains.

"So, what do we do?" James asks him.

"I think it's about time we start calling in some help. I mean, the doctors suggested a therapist for Carlos from the start. I know we all agreed we didn't want that. But maybe therapy is something we could all use, you know? Someone else we can talk to about what we're going through. And of course we should talk to each other as well and try to relax. Now that Carlos is slowly talking again, at least some weight has been lifted from our shoulders." He suggests. James looks a bit hesitant. "Look, I know it's weird, talking to someone you don't know about your feelings. But look at what has already happened. I think we need the help. If we do, maybe Carlos can progress faster."

James sighs and nods. "I'll do anything to help Carlos. And if us and him having therapy will help, then that's what I'll do." Logan smiles.

He smiles even wider when James suddenly yawns. He pats his friend's hand.

"Get some rest, James. We'll talk more tomorrow." He says, getting up with a smile, as if nothing ever happened.

"Hey, Logan?" The brunet turns around. "I really am sorry for what I did. I know it was stupid and I promise it won't happen again."

Logan nods. "I know you are and it better not or I'll send Carlos in for one of his bear hugs." He threatens. James raises his eyebrows.

"How is that a threat?" He questions in confusion.

"It's not. I just know you don't want to miss out on those." Logan tells him with a wink. James smiles and nods in agreement. "Go to sleep, Jamie. I'll see you in the morning. Oh and by the way, once you get home, you and Kendall are going to have a long talk as well. He didn't even come today, because he thinks you wouldn't want to see him. You're not the only one who thinks one of his friends hates him." Logan informs him. James nods again, which is followed by another yawn. Logan chuckles.

"Yeah, goodnight, buddy." Logan tells him and officially walks out the door. James hardly waves at him, before falling asleep.

As Logan walks into the hallway, he is not even surprised to find Mrs. Knight sitting on a hospital chair right outside the room, with a still slumbering Katie in her arms. He smirks and moves to take the teen from her. The woman smiles tiredly.

"You know, I could stay here. You could go home to rest." He offers.

"No, honey, you go. I'm sure Carlos misses you." She says with a sad smile. "Besides, I promised Brooke I'd look after him until she gets here."

He forces a smile back and nods. "Okay, well, I guess we'll see you tomorrow then."

She nods. He gives her one more encouraging smile and then walks off.

Meanwhile, outside the hospital…

Two figures sit in a dark car, blending in perfectly with the surrounding environment. No one would ever expect these individuals to be any different than the random person walking outside.

"Aw, look at the cute puppy on the right. He's so cute… Can we get a puppy?" The woman asks, pulling on her husband's sleeve. He shrugs her off as he stares through his binoculars. "Ooh, maybe we could get two. They could play together and be all cute and never have to be lonely. Wouldn't that be great?" She gushes, but he ignores her.

He stares intently at the hospital, trying to find a familiar face. Then, she gasps and pulls harder on his sleeve. He finally gets annoyed and puts the binoculars down and looks at her.

"What?"

"That boy over there. He is holding the cutest little girl. She's adorable. Maybe we could adopt her." She tells him as she points towards the right of the car, right at the parking lot. He is about to yell at her, when he sees who she is pointing at.

He stares for a moment and then an eerie smile forms on his features.

"Honey? What is it? Was I right? She's adorable, right?" The woman asks.

"Yeah and she is going to lead us directly towards your favorite teddy bear." He tells her. It takes a moment to sink in. But then she claps her hands excitedly.

"Really? We're really going to see him?" he nods with a huge smile and starts the car. "Oh my god… I can't believe it. I've missed him so much. I just want to hug him all day."

"Well, you're about to get your wish." He says, before driving off and following the car in front of them unseen.

A/N I really shouldn't be up right now :P I have to get up early tomorrow. But I suddenly got this wave of inspiration and I had to write it down.

So sorry for the cliffhanger :P I had to do this. And you didn't really think only good things were left now, right? ;)

Thank you for your support on this story. I love writing it and exploring everyone's different way of dealing with things. We're about to delve into another angst part of the story. Not sure what's going to happen yet, so this is going to be just as much a surprise as it is for all of you ;)

Hope you're all enjoying it. I'm going to bed now, laughing about Carlos and his speedo :P Lol. He might have a better tan (not, because the tan lines were still visible underneath that way too tight speedo), but those things don't look right on any man, no matter how hot their body is :P Besides, it made his thingie look really small, lol :P Hoping he just tucks it in well, because other pictures have made it seem he's bigger than the others. Sorry, very random comment there. I'll just go to sleep now :P

Love, Baxxie