Chapter 25 - Hard to admit

Ciel hesitated just a small bit as Sebastian pulled him into the hug, he really half expected to be chided by the demon not hugged, but he did slowly hug him back, after all he did love the guy.

Ciel liked the comfortable silence that seemed to be encasing the room, it was nice, no questions, just being hugged by someone who cared for him, something that he missed, something that he lacked due to losing his parent when he did. It wasn't fair on him, but then again, lots of things weren't fair.

As Ciel stayed like that things churned within his mind, he wanted to explain things to Sebastian, but on the other hand he didn't, he didn't want Sebastian thinking any less of him if he told him what he was thinking about. Part of him knew that Sebastian wouldn't judge him, but part of him was scared of the reaction of the demon, and Ciel had been through so much already, he didn't want another catastrophe in his life. Ciel thought that if he told Sebastian then the demon would just leave him, leave him to suffer in this world.

After mulling it over in the comfortable silence for almost half-n-hour Ciel finally felt ready to try and explain things, and to most importantly answer the question that Sebastian had asked him many a time before, to answer why he 'suffers in silence'.

Ciel broke away from the hug, leaning back against the pillows, after all he was still rather ill, much to Sebastian's dismay. He looked at Sebastian quietly, fiddling with the cuff of his nightclothes a little.

Sebastian shifted a little so he was sat on the bed a little more, he looked at his lover, his usually cold eyes caring and patient. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" the demon said softly, figuring it was going to be hard for Ciel, he had an idea as to what it was but he wanted Ciel to explain it, because Sebastian knew, at this point in time, it wasn't fair for him to be trying to guess how Ciel felt.

"Pride" Ciel said after a few moments, "and because I felt that if I constantly asked people for help then I would be weak, that I wouldn't be useful, I wouldn't be living up to the Phantomhive family name." he explained.

Sebastian sat silently, not knowing whether to respond to what Ciel said, or to let him continue with what he was saying. In the end he decided to respond. "Pride is many people's downfalls, Ciel" he said softly, "not only with humans, demons are the same. But you are not weak, no way are you weak."

Ciel let out a small sigh, "How am I not weak?" he asked quietly, he needed to know what made him 'strong' or 'not weak', "because every way I look at it, I am weak."

Sebastian moved so he was sat next to Ciel, letting the boy lean on him. "because you've come so far, you've made a name for yourself, you're surviving." He said gently. "and no way does that make you weak."

"The only way I survived was by summoning you." Ciel said, looking up at the demon, "I got you to help me survive… that makes me we-" Sebastian placed a finger over Ciel's lips to gently shush him, he needed to convince Ciel that he was not weak.

"you are not weak, you survived a month of that place, and yes you could say that I did rescue you, but to summon a demon in the first place is not an easy task, it takes strength to do that. It took strength to form the contract, to sacrifice something in order to avenge your parent's deaths. It took strength to cast away the belief in god that you may have held, to realise that god could not help you." Sebastian kissed Ciel's forehead softly, "it takes strength to forsake what you know. But most importantly, what you have to remember is that you are alive now, that you are surviving, that you are strong. And you need to remember that although your pride may lead you to feel otherwise, it is not weak to ask for help, what would be weak is to struggle along without asking for help and as a result failing." Sebastian hoped that what he said Ciel had managed to understand it.

Ciel sat quietly for a moment thinking about what Sebastian had said, so he wasn't weak? Just the opposite, he was stronger than he gave himself credit for. Ciel knew that he was physically weaker than others, considering his asthma, and his build, but that didn't matter, Ciel was a fighter, and he soldiered on through the hardship he experienced. And it wasn't weak to ask for help, just the opposite, I am just a child… I'm not expected to be experts at everything. Children make mistakes, and they fall, but they get back up. A small smile managed to grace Ciel's lips as he thought about that, I just have to swallow my pride…

Sebastian stayed quiet through-out Ciel's little thinking moment, letting his lover come to terms with everything. Though he did eventually speak up, "you don't have to ask everyone for help, even if it's just me you ask, it's good to ask someone, if you really need to, of course. And I understand that you do in general have to keep up the Earl aesthetics, just like me and acting like a butler" He would have continued, but Ciel spoke up.

"Basically, you're saying to continue to be who I am, but to ask for help when I need it, to let others assist where it is necessary, for example when I am ill, or when I get into trouble with Guard dog work." Sebastian nodded with a small smile, glad that Ciel had understood him.

"Exactly, but now, I think, you should go back to resting, I don't want you to get any more ill than you are." The demon said.

Ciel laughed just a little before bedding down next to Sebastian, "Just don't expect for me to let you move from that spot then."

Sebastian laughed and humoured Ciel in what he said, but he was glad that Ciel had admitted to him, even if it was just a small part as to why he suffers in silence.