Sylvie sat with Sophia between her legs on the floor trying to braid her and get the bow in for the Christmas party at the firehouse that she really didn't want to attend but Gabby and Antonio were forcing her. She finished and the braid was lopsided, but she really didn't care. "Time to get your dress on, can you go get it for mommy?" Two-year-old Sophia looked at her and nodded her head. "it's on your bed, hurry up." Sylvie sighed as she watched Sophia take off running for the stairs.
She pulled out her phone 'What time will you be here, I just wanna get there and leave as soon as possible, maybe ten minutes.' She texted Antonio.
Antonio felt his phone buzz and pulled it out, he sighed and leaned back in his chair and stared at the pics on his desk. His favorite was one of Sylvie holding Elias with the kids shoved into the hospital bed with her, but it was also the one that hurt his heart the most. 'I'll be there at six we can stay however long you want.' He hit send and sat his phone down on his desk and rubbed his hands down his face.
"Is she any better?" Adam asked as he wheeled his chair over by Antonio. "Would you be?" Antonio retorted, "Dude, I don't know how you even function, mines not even here yet and I worry about everything." Antonio looked at Adam and patted him on the knee, "We have four kids, someone has to keep it together and I think she has a right to fall apart, so I'll let her. And the worrying, it never goes away, Eva's almost twenty-one and I still worry constantly, it's like all of them are on a never-ending loop in my brain."
Adam nodded at the dry erase board that had become a permanent fixture next to Kim and Antonio's desks. "We'll find him, three months is a long time but we're not giving up." Antonio glanced at him and turned to look at the board, "We haven't had a new lead in over two weeks." After Intelligence had dedicated a whole month to searching for Elias, Antonio, Kim, and Kevin were assigned to the case permanently so the rest of the unit could focus on other investigations but still help out when needed.
"Listen, I'm here for all of you and so is Kim but last time Kim went to check on Sylvie, she was very standoffish with Kim and I think it has something to do with her being pregnant." Antonio nodded his head, he knew that was the reason, Sylvie didn't like the mention of babies and he didn't think she had been in Elias's room for over a month, she had pretty much given up hope. "Just keep coming around, she needs all the family she can get and actually I'm going to see if Kelly can talk to her also, he's always been able to get through to her."
Sylvie pulled Sophia's dress over her head, "Mommy sad." Sophia frowned at her and patted Sylvie's cheek. "Mommy's sad and will be until brother comes home." She frowned back at Sophia and pulled her in for a hug and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you baby, even if I'm sad." She whispered to the toddler.
Sylvie stood in the corner, she didn't feel like socializing and this firehouse didn't really feel like a home anymore, just a bunch of distant memories that really didn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. Everyone was avoiding eye contact with her; they weren't really sure what to say and were scared of saying the wrong thing. What do you say to the mother of a newborn who had been missing for three months?
She watched Antonio carrying Sophia around and felt a bit of jealously and anger, their son was missing but he was able to still carry on as if everything was fine, he laughed at jokes and talked to without people them looking at him as if he was a china doll that would break if handled wrong. He was so natural at acting like nothing was wrong and not drawing attention to himself. She wanted him to be a fall down mess like her, she knew her thinking wasn't rational but in this moment she didn't care.
"How're you doing?" Sylvie was pulled from her thoughts by Foster, she was the first person who dared approach her outside Gabby and Kelly. Sylvie shrugged her shoulders, "I'm alive, I guess." She sighed. "Sylvie, I wanted to say how bad I feel for you and your family and that I will hold your job for as long as you need and will step aside when you're ready to come back." Foster wrapped her arm around Sylvie's shoulders and gave her a squeeze.
"I'm not sure if I'm coming back but I appreciate it. When I make up my mind, I will let you know and if I decide to leave, I'll recommend you for my replacement." Sylvie broke from the hug, not in the mood for physical contact. "Thank you, I appreciate that." Foster smiled at her. Sylvie feigned a smile and excused herself from the conversation. She stepped away and focused her attention back to her husband and daughter who were making their way around the crowd, she pulled out her phone and texted Antonio that she was ready to leave.
"We should have stayed longer, it's good for you to be around other people Sylvie." Sylvie was sitting facing away from Antonio staring out the passenger window watching the city lights fly by as he drove them home. "The only thing that would be good for me is if you would stop this bullshit happy show and find our son." She spat at him, knowing it was a low blow.
Antonio reached over to grab her hand, but she pulled away. "You know I'm trying but we haven't had a lead in over two weeks." He glanced over at her, but she refused to look at him. "Laura told me you were willing to do anything when Diego was missing and you pretty much did, but it feels like Elias isn't as important, maybe because you never really wanted him in the first place." She needed a punching bag and Antonio was her target at the moment.
"We're not doing this in front of Sophia." He knew she was upset; she had barely said anything to him in months and all her anger and frustration was bound to boil over, he just didn't want it to happen in front of Sophia. "Oh, I forgot Saint Antonio can ignore his children for months when he's having a meltdown, but our baby is fucking missing and he's happy go lucky and I'm not allowed to grieve, talk about a hypocrite." Sylvie was yelling, she didn't care that Sophia was asleep in the backseat or that the roads were slick from the snow storm they had the day before, she only cared that she got her point across.
"Sylvie, this isn't the place." He warned. "Don't tell me when I'm allowed to have feelings, I know you can shut it all away and pretend everything is fine but I'm not you." She was hysterical, she had finally broke and there was no shoving her feelings back in.
Antonio pulled the truck over and turned to look at her, "You wanna do this, then let's do it, come on scream at me in front of your daughter." He pointed back at Sophia who had woken up and was looking at them with wide eyes, scared of what was happening. "But you don't get to tell me how I'm feeling because I'm trying to keep it together so you can fall apart because you're his mother and deserve to feel this however you want." He yelled back at her, his temper taking over.
"Oh, so I'm the crazy one and you get to come in and be the perfect one, the one who has to fix everything, and I won't let you feel how you want, is that it?" Antonio shook his head, he was done he couldn't do this with her when she was being completely irrational, "I don't want to do this with you, I'll say something I'll regret, and I don't want to hurt you." Antonio turned his attention back to the road and started driving again.
"Just say whatever you want for once instead of being a coward." She couldn't help herself, she needed to attack him. He ignored the words; he knew she didn't mean them and if she did, she never meant to say them. They were only a couple blocks from the house, if he could get there then he could get her inside and maybe to bed.
"Fight back, god dammit, I need you to be as fucking pissed off as me." She screamed at him, Sophia started crying and Antonio slammed on the breaks and put the truck in park as he pulled into the driveway. He pulled out his phone and texted Diego to come get Sophia, as soon as she was out of the truck, Antonio lost his shit, he couldn't hold it together anymore.
"I am fucking pissed, I'm pissed at you for losing him, I'm pissed at me for not finding him, I'm pissed at Voight for pulling the unit off his case, I'm pissed at the unit for not trying harder but none of that is going to bring him back. We have other kids that need us not just the one who is missing and one of us has to be the adult and go to work and keep things running." He screamed at her finally able to let all his feelings out.
"So, it is my fault, right? I knew you blamed me." She was sobbing barely able to form the words. "We wouldn't be here if you would have just accepted the help from anyone of our family or friends but no you had to do it all on your own and then you decided to go shopping with them and turned your back. We're fucking lucky both of them aren't missing." He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, he saw the look of complete devastation and betrayal on her face and knew he had gone too far. He needed to back pedal, "I didn't mean it like that." He tried to reel it in, but it was too late.
"I think you should stay somewhere else tonight." She said between sobs as she bailed from the truck and disappeared into the house. Antonio sat there in the dark, he knew he shouldn't have let his anger get the best of him, he always had a way of fucking shit up. He climbed out of the truck and headed inside to find her and apologize.
He tried the handle to their bedroom door, and it was locked, "Syl, let me in so we can talk." He asked knowing he needed to apologize and fix it. "Antonio, I mean it, you better find somewhere else to stay." She sounded serious, "Come on, remember we're okay, even when we're not." He whispered through the door hoping she could hear him.
"We're way past not okay, you need to go, I'll let you know when you can come home." Antonio sighed, "I'll be at Kim and Adam's, I love you." He listened for a reply and when none came, he walked away to find Sophia and Diego.
"Hey buddy, I'm going to spend the night at Kim and Adam's. Can you watch her for a while and then take her to Sylvie?" Diego nodded his head in agreeance, "What's going on Dad?" Antonio sat on the arm of the couch, "She misses Elias and is having a hard time and needs space, so I'm going to give it to her, but I'll be back, don't worry."