Author Notes: Hey all, sorry it took me like ... Jesus, 6 months to post? Sorry. Life got cray cray. This chapter was actually supposed to be longer including more scenes, but I decided thematically, it wouldn't be bad to split some scenes into the next chapter. So now, I can post sooner!

Thanks to Dreaming When Awake, efarraiz, RaphaelLovve, Skye7Diamond, and CharmGirlLove for your reviews and support! It keeps me going. Thanks for everyone who was patiently waiting for this update as well. Thanks for the new follows and favorites too. Always happy to know you want to follow the story.

So, this chapter covers a bit more of the fall out of the events so far. Juicy drama.

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Oh, try, try

~ Try, by Nelly Furtado

Chapter Twenty-Five:
Good Enough

The van was filled with a quiet tension that Leo soon cut through with, "So … why did no one tell me that something happened at school today?"

"I thought Donnie already did, okay?" came the gruff and curt reply from Raphael.

"Why do I always have to be the one to tell Leo everything?" Don demanded, lifting his head up, finally emerging from his unusual silence ever since the existence of the cameras had been revealed to him at the dojo. "You're the second eldest, not me."

"I dunno, maybe it's because you always just hop to it without giving anyone else a chance. I just figured you liked the responsibility, Don."

"I only take the initiative because no one else wants to do the unpleasant tasks—"

Raphael growled impatiently and interjected with, "If you didn't tell him what happened, what were you talking with him about in the hallway before he got home?"

"He was trying to convince Leo to convince me to not come to the training tonight—Oh, and I would have told you, Leo, but no one told me what happened either," said April with obvious irritation in her voice. "Also, guess who got practically all the compliments from Nevisu-sensei—me, and he invited me back."

"I—I wasn't trying to convince Leo of anything—" protested Donatello with a slight crack in his voice. Well, that was just an outright lie there. Leo knew that. "-I was letting him know what the situation was."

"And you didn't think to tell him about the thing at lunch?" said Raph.

"No—it … slipped my mind, and again, I shouldn't always be expected to tell Leo everything, Raph. You should have asked if he had heard about it too," replied Donnie with a scowl. "We're both responsible for Mikey while we're at school—hell, we're responsible for him at anytime—"

"I know that, Donnie," Raphael snarled from the backseat, his hackles raising.

"Alright, enough!" Leonardo finally interrupted. "I think I get the picture just fine. No one wanted to tell me because none of you wanted to make me upset, which really, guys, you can't do that. You need to tell me everything, avoiding the problem doesn't help."

Raphael snorted. "I don't see how telling you helps either. It's not like you could do anything about it, except nag us about how we should have done better."

The crease in Leo's brow only deepened at this. He really needed to get to the bottom of Raph's sudden relapse into resisting him at every turn, but he needed to tackle one thing at a time. It would have to wait.

"Well, if you would actually tell me what happened now," retorted Leonardo, "we'll see if that's true."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "Well, you're not gonna now."

There was a silent pause. Donnie finally turned in his seat to give Raphael a pointed stare. Raph glowered back at him. The two remained locked in this staredown, as if mentally trying to force the other one to talk.

"These two guys picked a fight with Ren at lunch. Mikey went to try to stop it, and he got smacked by one of them. The principal came around before it could get ugly. Donnie took Mikey to the nurse's office, and he came back to History class later and he was totally fine," explained Terrin with his usual fast pace.

"Terrin," objected Kira, directing her own look of disapproval at him.

"What? They were just taking too long to spit it out—It was driving me nuts."

"That's not the point," said Kira with an exhausted sigh.

"Yeah, the point is, Psycho sucks at this bodyguard shit," said Raphael. "It was the first day, and he's not holding up his end of the deal to protect Mikey."

"Yeah, it was the first day," said Donnie. "So it's not exactly fair to expect a perfect performance right away."

Raphael gave the back of the front seat a look of incredulous disgust. It actually rather reminded Terrin of Ren for a moment.

"What? You're defending him now too?"

It was Don's turn to roll his eyes. "I'm not a fan of him anymore than you are, but I'm still at least trying to give Mikey's decision a chance to succeed. You weren't exactly being helpful with that today."

"Welllll," began Terrin, "Ren is pretty hurt right now too. So to be fair, I don't think he's really in any condition to be protecting anyone physically at the present time."

Donatello perked suddenly in the front seat. He turned around so he could look at Terrin directly in the back. "Wait—I get that both he and Tasuki are more hurt than they were last Thursday after our fight, but … how do you know it's that bad? It didn't look that bad. Their faces were just a little more messed up."

Kira also fixed Terrin with her own curious stare. She didn't really want to get in the middle of the Hamatos' family affairs more than she had to, but this actually seemed important—instead of just being part of Terrin's impulse control problems. It seemed she had missed part of Rontu and Terrin's discussion about the Orokus at lunch.

"Well, because Rontu said so, and because when we went to P.E. our teacher said that his grandfather specifically gave her instructions to keep him from participating because of his injuries. If it was just his face, that wouldn't have been necessary."

Raphael snorted. "'Because Rontu said so'? I didn't realize the drunk had his doctorate in medicine."

Kira quickly switched her stare onto Raph as it grew harder with disapproval. "Actually, you should give him more credit. Also, I said to stop calling him that."

"Yeah, but why should I give him more credit?" retorted Raph, turning his head to return his own hard glare.

"Because that's how he knew I was lying and that Mikey was hurt last Monday after the locker thing," supplied Terrin. "Rontu just knows."

"It's probably from personal experience," said Leo from the front.

Kira caught his steel-blue eyes in the rear-view mirror.

"Right?"

"Maybe," she answered with a shrug, still holding Leo's gaze in the mirror.

It wasn't like it was that hard to guess. They were foster kids after all. It was sort of expected that they were abused somehow. Terrin had said it was only because they were abandoned, but Kira had managed to keep him from sharing too much of Rontu's reasons for being in the system. It wasn't their story to tell. Yet, it was a story anyone could read if they paid attention.

It seemed Leo was better at paying attention. She didn't really need to confirm it for him.

She saw Raphael shift uncomfortably, readjusting the arms he had folded across his chest. His green eyes glared out the front window. The silence was awkward itself, as she was sure Donnie and Raph understood exactly what Leo had implied with his comment.

"Anyway, the P.E. teacher seems to confirm it in any case," said Leonardo, shifting the focus to something less unsettling. He stared at the road in silence for a few moments.

"So that's it?" asked Raphael, quirking a brow. "You're just fine with Mikey getting smacked when he was already hurt to begin with?"

Leo's brow wrinkled again in irritation. "I'm thinking, that's all. I never said I was fine with it."

"What's there to even think about?"

He sighed deeply. "Just let me think, Raph. That's all I need for just a moment."

"Tch, fine."

His mind was just too full of facts and things. It was full of his conversation with Tasuki, Karai, Kuza, and everything Donnie told him about during their phone and text messages at lunch. Now it was flooded with everything he had just been told. No, he wasn't happy that Mikey had somehow managed to get hurt again the very first day back. He wasn't happy that it had involved Ren, again. He still really didn't like this amends deal for so many reasons. The complications with the Oroku family didn't really help either.

But he had to agree with Donatello. It was the first day. If they rejected it now before they really gave it a chance, it wasn't really fair. He also needed to give it a chance for Mikey.

This was for Mikey. He just had to keep reminding himself of that.

"Okay, so … where were the both of you?" asked Leonardo finally. "I do need you both now more than ever to help Mikey with this. We can't all put the blame on Ren, when we need to keep an eye on them to begin with. I know Tasuki said he would also try to keep him in line, but he can't always be there too. We have to do our part, all of us."

Raphael snorted. "I knew it—Here's the part where you blame us for not doing what we're supposed to, right?"

Leo brought his hand up and rubbed his brow. He was just too tired to deal with Raphael when he was like this. When they were younger, it was fine. He could argue back all day long, because he wasn't being pulled in so many directions like work, school, and the Mikey thing. He actually had the energy to be childish and petty right back at him, but now he was running short of the energy he needed to respond in the best and most mature way he knew how.

"No … that's not what I said." Leo's voice was even starting to flatten, becoming listless.

"God, really, Raph," April finally snapped, "what's with you lately?"

"This is exactly why I didn't want to do this," Donnie groaned. "Because I knew that it would come down to something like this, wearing you down when you're already worn down by work and everything else …"

Though, Donnie knew there was another reason why. He had been afraid of exactly the question Leonardo had just asked. Where were they? That biting sting of failure resurfaced. But he should own it this time, rather than try to avoid it like he always did before.

Donnie swallowed and kept his eyes fixed forward. "Leo, I had gone to get lunch. When I got out of line, Mikey was already on the floor. I'm sorry—I swear, I was only gone for a moment—And I messed everything up tonight too. I can't believe I forgot to think of cameras. Cameras, Leo. This is New York City, there's cameras everywhere. They weren't even hidden either! I can't believe I was so stupid!"

Leo glanced at Donnie in slight alarm. It seemed like a bit of an overreaction, but the sickened look of self-loathing on his brother's face said that it was really bothering him. No, maybe not really the cameras. Something else was under Don's skin about this. Leo just wasn't sure what.

"Donnie, it wasn't like you were the only one who had to consider cameras. I should have too. We're just out of practice. It's been awhile since we've had to think like this," said Leo. "And really, it's okay that you went to get lunch. I really wasn't trying to blame anyone. I just wanted to know exactly what was going on."

"Yeah, and Tasuki was watching Ren when you left him," added April. "So he should have had it covered."

That explained what Tasuki had been apologizing for earlier.

"Right." Terrin nodded. "And Raph was all distracted after his fight with Casey."

Raphael glared at Terrin, who was oblivious to this. Leo's eyes flickered to his face in the rearview mirror. He had a fight with Casey? Still, didn't they snap at each other often? They were usually just as quick to get over an argument as they were to start one. That didn't seem like a big enough reason for Raph to suddenly be acting resistive toward him. Still, it helped him paint a better picture of how this all happened.

Though it seemed none of their words of reassurance made either Donnie or Raph feel better about everything. Don's shoulders just hunched up closer to his ears as he turned his head to brood out the passenger window.

"Please, you don't have to patronize me, April," he huffed back.

April stiffened in her seat, her brows furrowing. "I wasn't patronizing. I was telling you what I saw—a fact. If you want to blame yourself and sulk, then fine. Be my guest."

There it was again.

It seemed like there was something wrong with Donnie and something wrong with Raphael. Don had been acting weird about April ever since Leo got home. Was there something wrong in their relationship already? There was too much going on. No wonder tonight was a disaster. No one was really focused on the task at hand.

Awkward and tense silence filled the car again after April's final words. Raph's knee started steadily bouncing until he had enough and his heel thudded on the van floor.

"So is that it, then?" he asked, looking at Leo in the front seat.

Leonardo shrugged. "Well, I'm going to talk to Mikey about it too. But you're right … It's not like there's anything for me to do about it now. Still, I need to be kept in the loop. That's really all I'm upset about. You guys need to communicate with me, no matter how bad it is. If I don't know what's going on, then I can't help in … whatever way that I can."

Raphael stared at him for a long moment, but then he looked away. Though his expression seemed just as unsatisfied and sullen as before. It wasn't long before Leo was pulling up to their apartment building and parking. Everyone piled out.

"Hey, Raph," Leo called as he started getting out of the van. "Could you talk with me for a moment?"

Raphael looked up, catching his gaze. His brother's green eyes still had that weighted and guarded flavor as before. That forceful and piercing gaze surveyed him, but eventually he nodded.

"Yeah … sure." That tone wasn't very promising.

Leo got out of the driver's seat and met him at the side of the van. He waited until everyone else had gone inside before he started. He sighed heavily, watching his breath turn into mist in front of him. Then he looked up at Raph.

"So … did I do something?" he asked.

Raphael's pierced brow quirked up at him. "Eh?"

"You've been snappy with me all night," explained Leo. "I mean, really, you haven't done that for three years now. I thought we … were good. So I thought maybe I did something …"

Leo watched Raph exhale heavily out his nose. Those green eyes did not soften. They did not budge whatever wall they had erected.

"Of course … Whatever makes you feel better, Leo."

His face wrinkled again with his confusion. He wished Dad were here. Somehow, he always knew how to talk to Raphael. Leo was somewhat ashamed of the fact that he didn't. They had grown up together. He and Raph were the closest in age. Yet, what went on inside his younger brother's mind was often a mystery to him. He couldn't understand what he was even saying now.

"What … does that mean?" he asked plainly.

"It means, I'm sick of you always taking the high ground by taking the humble, low ground. Because in the end, I still get to feel like the asshat while you get to pat yourself on the back. So you win, okay? There's nothing wrong with you—It's just all me. As usual."

Raphael stuffed his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. He glanced away, his face still heavy and tense with the scowl that seemed permanently placed on his brow. When his gaze returned, he asked, "So we done here?"

Leo stared. What …? He still didn't understand half of what he said and where this was all coming from. He started feeling his head throb as the tension seemed to be building in his temples. But he willed himself to remain calm, relax, try to work this out.

"No …" he began again, his voice soft and level. "I'm not trying to say there's something wrong with you. It's just when you and I get like this, it means there's something wrong somewhere. I really just want to get to the bottom of it, so we can fix this—together. It has nothing to do with winning or blaming anyone."

"Right—Of course, it doesn't."

Leo's brow furrowed again in confusion. "Why does it sound like you don't believe anything I say?"

Raphael rolled his eyes and turned away from him. "Because, I don't, and I think we're done here."

He started back toward their apartment building's entrance, leaving Leo standing in the cold night air, speechless. He could keep trying, keep asking why, except that he didn't think it really mattered what questions he asked or how he asked them. Raphael obviously didn't want to talk about it.

And that drove Leonardo crazy.

He never understood that inclination of his. How Raph somehow didn't want to solve things. Almost like he was happier in conflict than he was in peace. Why was he doing this now? Of all times, the time when he really needed Raphael to be supporting him and not fighting him. He needed his help. Leo needed all their help to make it through this, because …

He was scared it was too much for him to handle on his own.

It was times like this he was reminded of his actual age. He was only nineteen. He had been playing pretend at being an adult since he was sixteen and Dad died, more suddenly than he or any of them had been ready for. Yeah, they knew he had cancer for a while. It had been hard to ignore with all the treatments, the medications, hospital visits, his weakening body—but they always had thought they would have had more time with him. It happened sooner than expected. Dad had been preparing Leo for it, but still …

Leonardo slumped against the party wagon and tilted his head back to stare up into the inky night sky. No stars to see here in the city. Too much light pollution.

He exhaled heavily. Then inhaled through his stomach, trying to center himself like Dad taught him.

I can do this.

He heard the apartment doors opening, and he saw April emerge from them. He smiled at her, deciding maybe even if he couldn't figure out what was bothering Raphael, he could at least solve what was going on with Donnie and April.

"Hey, Leo, I'm heading back home," said April as she paused upon approaching him. "Keep me in the loop … You know, if anyone keeps you in it too."

"Right … So, is there something wrong with you and Donnie?" he asked, tucking his hands in his pockets.

April seemed to hesitate, her arms folding over her chest. It was one of her tells that he knew.

"Come on," he pressed. "It's just me."

April always put her brave, confident, even sometimes angry and obstinate face forward before anything more … delicate. Though as they grew up together, she would sometimes confide in him. Probably because they both felt a sort of shared responsibility when it came to the others. April was good at keeping everyone out of too much trouble when he wasn't around. Usually. He knew he could rely on her, and he liked to think she felt the same way about him. He had always thought of her like the sister he never had.

April's shoulders relaxed a little. She stepped forward and leaned against the van with him and stared ahead, looking rather tired herself. She was quiet for a long moment.

"Donnie and I have barely even been dating for a week, and already it feels like …" Her blue eyes went downcast, and her voice got softer. "Like I'm already messing it up. Then I'm mad at him for not … believing in me." Then her voice hardened and quickened with that frustration. "Why doesn't he just believe me? When have I ever given him a reason not to?"

Leonardo smiled softly. "Well, you know, Donnie. You've kind of been up on this pedestal for so long … And you know how low his self-esteem can get sometimes. He's insecure. While part of him jumps at his dream of being with you, finally, another part of him can't believe it because … He doesn't really think he's good enough."

"I know that, but …" April's face tensed with her own insecurity—uncertainty. "I don't know how to fix that. He's seeing something that's not even there. I know that my feelings are not fake. It's the only thing I know, so why isn't that good enough …?"

Her voice cracked slightly, thickening with emotion, her heading turning away from him so that he couldn't see her face. He didn't really need to, to know that there were tears in her eyes.

"Leo, I'm so scared I'm going to mess this up. I can't do that with—I can't do that to Donnie."

Leonardo looked up at the sky again.

"Okay, so … just tell him that."

April jerked her head around to almost glare at him with glistening eyes. "What?"

Leo smiled. "To Donnie, you're perfect. You can do no wrong. I don't think … a real relationship can work like that. That's also why he's so insecure. So show him that you're just as human as him, that you're scared too. Share your worries. Share your vulnerability, and you can validate and sooth his too."

She looked down and swallowed the lump that had been growing in her throat. She stayed quiet for a while, tasting the advice Leo had given her. It made her uneasy, but that was also part of why it felt right. She and Donnie would have to change, if they really wanted their relationship to change from what it had been to … what it was becoming. Still, she always felt like she needed to be strong and stable for Donatello, because he was so uncertain of himself. Sharing her own insecurities felt like she was only going to make it worse.

April looked back up at Leo. "I saw Raphael on my way out … I'm guessing your little talk with him didn't work out."

Leo sighed, seeming to deflate upon mention of it. "Yeah, you'd be right about that … He wouldn't listen to anything I had to say, and I have no idea why."

April snorted a little laugh, covering her mouth.

He looked over at her, blinking in utter bemusement. "What?"

She smirked at him. "Really? You have no idea why?"

He just raised his brows at her in response. Why did he always feel like he was missing something lately?

"Wow, so you can give me all that advice about sharing my vulnerabilities … and not consider the same thing for yourself?"

Leonardo's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean?"

April turned to lean her side against the cold metal van, so she was facing him more directly.

"You always conduct yourself as the leader," she began. "It works for the most part; it was the way Master Yoshi trained you guys. But … you're not just the leader. You're Raph's brother."

"Yeah, I know." That was obvious. He really didn't get what she was trying to get at.

"You've got two roles to balance," April continued, holding up and wiggling two fingers. "So far, you've just been the leader. Don't neglect the brother part too. Rely on him. Share your concerns and vulnerabilities?"

It was like that stupid cartoon light bulb went on in his head.

"Oh."

Suddenly, the thing Karai first said to him came to mind. You're so calm, it makes people want to mess with you … get a rise out of that placid façade. April had her brave face. Leo supposed he had his own too.

"But, I thought I was," said Leonardo. "That's why I asked to talk to him."

April shrugged. "Yeah, sometimes, you do and you don't. You're doing it in a way that doesn't require you to be vulnerable too. Raph isn't going to show you his soft underbelly until you show him yours."

That did make some of what Raphael said make more sense.

But.

But Leo needed to be everyone's rock. They didn't have Dad anymore. If he didn't keep up his "Zen" face, then wouldn't they just feel more unsure? Everyone already felt uneasy about this whole situation with the Orokus. He was included in that, but if he showed that … he would be letting them down.

"Yeah, it's not so easy, is it?"

Kira was waiting against the door to Raph's apartment when he finally got there. He paused and raised a brow at her. She supplied a wane smile in return.

"So … you okay?" she asked, raising her own brow at him.

Raphael felt his face only scrunch distastefully at the question. Her concern only irritating him more. "What? You think my feelings are all hurt over Nevisu giving me the boot or something?"

She shook her head. "Not that … I mean, you and Leo … You've been jumping down his throat all night."

"Yeah, well, we're brothers," said Raph quickly with a shrug. "It's just what we do."

Kira stared at him without saying anything. Her blue eyes calm and also not convinced. The silence coupled with that weird look of hers made Raph feel all twitchy.

"What's with that look?" he finally grumbled.

"Nothing …" But she kept giving him that unrelenting stare. "Leo just looks really tired."

Raph blinked. What the fuck she was going on about.

"Yeah, I guess … So what?" And yet, that twitchy uncomfortable feeling waved through him again.

Kira sighed softly, her eyes finally turning down for a thoughtful moment before returning to his face.

"I was just thinking about how you guys would do anything for each other."

Raph felt his molars start to grind against each other. She was getting at something, and he really didn't have the patience to play this game with her right now. It had been a long and rather disappointing day. If she had something to say, she should just say it.

His feelings must have been apparent, because her eyes narrowed in that shrewd way he was getting accustomed to.

"But maybe I was wrong." She walked past him, toward her door.

Those words froze him for just a moment, but soon he was whipping around, planting a hand with an audible thud against her door, just over her shoulder as her hand grasped the doorknob.

"Passive-aggressive much?" he growled lowly next to her ear. "Just say whatever the fuck you're dancing around."

She turned slightly to look at him, her brow lifting again in a somewhat disbelieving manner. "... Yeah, like you really want to hear it."

"Then why are you bothering to say anything at all?" He glared back, piercing into her blue-eyed gaze.

"Because I thought maybe it would help you think of it on your own." Her expression remained rather flat. "I had hoped it would be more tactful that way."

Raphael snorted, taking his hand away and a step back.

"You should just mind your own damn business for once."

Kira turned toward him, leaning against her doorframe as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You know me, it's that 'when I see people struggling thing'—and you guys look like you're on the struggle bus today so … Besides, aren't we both kind of past the 'mind your own business, neighbor' thing?"

She sighed then. "Look, I'm not going to ask what's up between you and Leo. I'm just worried because it doesn't feel … like it's just what siblings do. I just thought … I thought I'd remind you that doing anything for each other requires more work sometimes than it seems."

That stung. It stung more than he really thought it had a right to. He felt the heat rush toward his head, the burning place where he didn't think.

"It's not that simple," he snapped, his fists tightening at his sides. The words tumbling out heatedly, before he could really think about what he was saying. "I could do anything—would do anything—and it wouldn't be good enough, okay? Not for him."

Kira's eyes widened somewhat, stunned he was actually saying more. "It's … not?"

"It won't mean shit," he hissed, "because he doesn't trust me."

Raphael breathed heavily in the resulting silence. Kira's eyes softened as she took a step closer, her arms falling away from her chest as she searched his eyes. That look and the silence suddenly made him feel self-conscious. What did he just say? He quickly examined the dirty floorboards.

He hadn't even known he was going to say any of that. Raphael thought he had been annoyed with Leo for the typical reasons he always believed he was annoyed about. Perfect Leo, never coming down from his pristine pedestal. Never admitting to when he thought it was Raphael's fault. Not confessing to any ugly feelings of blame, shame, or resentment. Leo would always just make him say it himself somehow.

But it was like a tiny splinter under his skin, irritating and yet so difficult to grasp the source.

He felt it though, even when Leo looked at him with that tranquil gaze and all too rational and reasonable words. He felt the judgment in his eyes. Like still water just reflecting his own thoughts back at him.

Why wasn't he there? Why hadn't he protected Mikey? After all, he had failed at it before, why would Leo ever trust him to do anything right?

"Why wouldn't he trust you?" Kira asked, her voice soft like a whisper.

No.

He took a step back quickly, then turned around.

He couldn't talk about it with her. He wouldn't. Not this.

That's when he heard a board creak, but not from behind him where Kira was. Raphael's head snapped up and turned. He felt his stomach drop down and smack against the floor, making him feel sick.

Leo stood there, at the end of the hall, near the corner you turned after climbing the stairs. From the wide-eyed and shocked stare he was giving him, Raph could tell.

He had heard it.

Raphael couldn't look at him for long. He reached for their apartment door and ran away inside, where Leo couldn't question him about anything.