A/N: For you, my dear readers, since there was much gnashing of teeth over the cliffhanger of the last chapter and so many reviews so quickly, I figured I'd post sooner than planned. Thank you for being such dedicated, awesome readers. Enjoy.
QUINN
I find Santana waiting for me when I get home. My stomach flips the moment I see her, knowing instinctively that whatever she is about to say, I don't want to hear.
After my little chat with Rosa earlier it wasn't hard to figure out what part of their disagreement my girlfriend was trying to keep from me. I know San almost too well, and all of the pieces from today have slowly come together to paint the worst possible picture.
"First of all, I love you so much, Quinn. So much it hurts," she begins, and I feel my heart break already.
"No, Santana. I'm going to stop you right there. Whatever you think you need to do right now, you don't. You don't have to do this. Please don't do this," my voice trails off into whimpers with my begging.
Santana looks like her heart is being torn to pieces. She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. I know I have to take this chance to be the strong one for once. She doesn't really want to do this. I take a deep breath and fight the panic I feel.
"Look at me, San."
Her good eye focuses on me, her other one is practically closed from the swelling.
"I know you think you need to protect me, and I love that about you. No one in this world has ever made me feel so safe, and I don't think anyone ever will. You are the strongest, bravest, toughest person I know, Santana Lopez. I will always lean on you, I will always trust you to keep me safe."
My girlfriend drops her head and starts crying softly.
"But I need you to trust me, too. I am strong enough to handle this. What I'm not strong enough to handle is losing you. I know you think that you'd be protecting us both by ending this. But it won't really change anything. Because I'm still going to be in love with you, and I'm still going to be here, and some people are still going to make assumptions. And honestly, I don't even care. Fuck everyone else. You and me, Santana. That's all we really need to be okay."
Santana's eyes are closed as she listens to me. I can see the war she's waging in her pained expression.
"How about this: don't decide anything tonight. Just give me a couple of days, at least give me the courtesy of thinking about this for more than a few hours. Let's just go to bed so I can hold you close, because that's what I need right now, even if you don't think you do. Can we do that?"
Santana starts shaking her head, and I finally feel angry.
"Okay, it was a mistake to pose that as a question. We are not breaking up. Not tonight, anyway. You don't get to decide this for us without giving it more thought. This is a partnership, Santana, we are a team. I am as much in this as you are, and you don't get to take my entire world from me without at least talking to me about it. So we're going upstairs to bed now, and you are going to let me hold you."
My voice is simultaneously pleading and assertive. I search her face, hoping against hope that I've somehow bought myself a few days reprieve from this heartbreak.
Santana looks stunned, but nods almost imperceptibly, and I feel air fill my lungs again. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath.
"Okay. I love you, Santana. Let's go to bed."
I take her good hand and lead her towards the stairs.
Santana insists on going to school the next day. We've been arguing with her all morning, both of her parents and I teaming up to try to convince her. I've been waiting for her parents to put their foot down and demand that she stay home, but they seem to feel that ordering Santana around won't help this situation.
"I'll stay with you, San."
"No, Quinn. I'm going to school. Rosa isn't going to be there, but those other dumb bitches will be. They need to see that they didn't win."
Santana looks at all three of our defeated faces for a second and sighs.
"I promise I'll come home if my head starts to hurt or something. Please just try to understand that I need to do this."
Mom and Dad Lopez look at each other and then nod.
"Okay, mija. Go to school. But I want an hourly text message telling me what your pain level is. And you are absolutely not taking part in physical activities, so no Cheerios. That is non-negotiable."
"Deal." Santana's face looks the most relaxed I've seen it in almost 24 hours. "Are you ready, Q?"
"Yup," I say, grabbing up my bag.
I step forward and kiss her cheek.
"I love you," I tell her.
She nods and swallows, and gives me a little half smile with the good side of her mouth.
"I know."
I raise my eyebrows for the barest hint of second at her response and turn to my surrogate parents. I hear Santana open the door and walk outside.
"I'll take care of her, don't worry. We'll see you later," I say, almost too lightly for the moment.
They both smile at me, their eyes sympathetic.
"Try to have a good day. Be patient, Quinn."
I nod and follow my girlfriend out the door.
Puck meets us in the parking lot when we arrive at school. Santana looks at him in confusion-sectionals helped ease the awkwardness somewhat but things have been pretty weird since the day Finn found out the truth and I ended up at the hospital. I've been told Santana laid the smack down on Puck, Finn, and Rachel after I was wheeled away on the stretcher, so they generally have kept their distance from both of us.
"What do you want, Puckerman?"
Santana sounds more tired than bitchy.
"Quinn came to me when she saw your face yesterday," he tells her with a shrug, "It sounded bad, so I wanted to make sure you were okay."
The surprise is evident on my girlfriends face. I silently thank Puck for leaving out the fact that I texted him before we left this morning and asked him to walk with us into the school.
"Oh. Well, as you can see, I'm fine."
I give her a hard look when she looks at me and she turns back to Puck.
"Um, thank you. I appreciate it."
Puck shrugs.
"I was also hoping you might enlighten me as to how you managed to come out on top in such a lopsided fight. I'm a huge badass, but even I'm impressed. I guess it only makes sense that you and I were such a power duo."
Santana rolls her eyes. I know she doesn't want to talk about the fight, and I don't really want to talk about San and Puck as a couple, so I interject.
"We better start heading in to get to class on time."
I begin walking and the former "power duo" steps in alongside me. I'm surprised to see Santana loop her arm around Puck's waist from the corner of my eye. Puck looks shocked too, but smiles and drapes his arm over her shoulders. After a moment I realize what she's doing, and I fight the slow burn I feel in my heart.
People are going to notice her face today and the rumor mill will fire up quickly. The other girls involved may or may not run their mouths, but Santana wants to present herself on Puck's arm to supply doubt to the truth of their claims right off the bat. I'm sure she'll provide JBI with a sound bite too. She's brilliant at controlling her image and portraying the scenario how she'd like for it to be perceived. I should have known that coming to school was more than just to prove she won the fight—Santana is still protecting us.
Once we've delivered Santana to her first class I gesture for Puck to follow me and I head to the choir room, where Britt is already waiting for me.
"I'm a little confused here, Quinn. What's up with the Santana cuddle I just got? And why did you want me to walk with you guys?"
I take a deep breath. I've debated what exactly I should say during this conversation, but haven't come up with an answer, so I'm improvising now. I glance at Brittany before I speak.
"Rosa accused Santana of being gay...and sleeping with me. She is trying to circumvent the inevitable rumors by presenting herself with you. And I asked you to walk with us because I'm concerned for her safety if some of the less accepting people in her family believe what Rosa claims."
Puck's eyebrows are halfway up his forehead and he lets out a low whistle. Brittany shakes her head in mock disbelief at this supposed revelation she's known about since our drive home last night.
"Isn't it kind of crazy to accuse a pregnant girl of having a girlfriend? And everyone knows Santana and I were together. No way she goes gay after getting some Puckasaurus. No one will believe that."
I roll my eyes at him.
"Yeah, well, it doesn't matter, the accusation is out there. We live together and spend all of our time together, I guess that's enough now." And sleep together, can't forget that.
"So what do you want to do?"
"I want to enlist the Glee club and the Cheerios to keep Santana within sight of friends at all times. She can't know that it's happening though. Santana thinks she needs to stand alone and unafraid right now, but we need to make sure she only thinks she's alone, at least for the time being. Brittany will take charge of getting the Cheerios organized, and I was hoping you would kind of lead the Glee side of it. Santana will know if I do it, we're together too much."
"Done," he says without pause. "What else can I do?"
"I don't know, but if I think of anything else, I'll let you know. Thanks for doing this, Puck."
"Anything for my favorite MILF."
"Don't call me that."
Puck looks wounded.
"We need to talk about this, Quinn. About us."
I see Brittany's eyebrows shoot up, and she turns around and walks away to give us privacy.
"Not today, we don't. And there is no us."
"Then when?"
"I don't know, Puck. There is kind of a lot on my plate right now. How about when Santana's face heals up, we can have that conversation. Okay?"
Puck looks annoyed and confused. I know that'll buy me quite a bit of time, plus I'll hopefully have my girlfriend back to herself by then.
"Fine."
I overhear Santana providing her interview to Jacob before 3rd period.
"So can you tell us your version of events?"
"I can tell you what really happened, if that's what you're asking for."
I peek over at them when I hear her voice sounding much too chipper for the mood I know she's in. She has carefully angled the good side of her face towards the camera and she's smiling mildly. I know for a fact that anything more than a half smile hurts her like hell, so she must really be going all out.
"Uhh, sure."
"I had some words with one person and she tried to fight me with four friends. After I beat her down, I took a cheap shot from one her cowardly sidekicks, who I then knocked out with one punch. Basically, I once again proved that I'm the baddest bitch in this whole school."
"What do you have to say to reports that the fight was a result of Rosa Lopez accusing you of lady loving with McKinley's favorite fallen star, Quinn Fabray?"
"That accusation was made, that's true," Santana dismisses with a shrug, "But that's not why the fight happened, the fight happened because threats were made against myself, a pregnant girl, and an unborn child. Any decent person in my position would have stood their ground as well, because people who are willing to harm a baby deserve whatever massive ass whooping gets laid upon them."
Jacob turns back to his cameraman while Santana winks her undamaged eye at the camera.
"There you have it, folks. Santana Lopez. Head Cheerio, Certified Hottie, Vigilante Protector of the Unborn."
SANTANA
I think I have successfully manipulated popular opinion about the reasons for the fight. It's been a long couple of days of false cheerfulness and Oscar worthy acting, but it's been worth it. No one seems to be buying the gay cheerleader story. I'm not altogether surprised that it was an easy claim to quell. For some reason people have a hard time believing a girl could possibly be gay if she's pretty and feminine. If I was ready to accept my sexuality I might actually find it kind of offensive.
As impressive as my performance for the school has been, it pales in comparison to the one for Quinn. I feel like a thousand needles get jammed into my heart every time I treat her with cool indifference. She knows exactly what I'm doing, and has patiently accepted it. No matter how hard I try though, it seems impossible to build any kind of emotional wall towards her. I wonder if she has any idea how many times I've almost given in. Each time, my cousin's vicious words haunt me once more and I know that I'll do anything to protect Quinn and DJ. I just have to build up the courage to actually do it.
It's been three days since the fight, and although each day has gotten easier to deal with, they've also gotten progressively weirder. At least it's Friday so I don't have to deal with this place for the next two days. The weirdness (hopefully) peaked today when I inevitably ran into three of the girls who had flanked my cousin on the field. I knew Rosa wouldn't give up their names and I'm obviously not going to either. Coach took care of getting my main problem out of the school, so I can handle these sad wannabes.
The weird thing is that when one of them decided to act tough and actually talk shit in my direction, I hadn't been alone when I turned on her. Standing right next to me was Rachel Berry. She came out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure she'd be a liability if a fight had actually broken out, because I'd feel obligated to protect her, but it doesn't change the fact that she was bowing up next to me like some kind of tough guy. I'd never admit this to her, but it was actually sorta cute. Like the "watching a puppy bark at grizzly bear" kind of cute.
The trio of airhead bimbos had taken one look at the animal sweater-wearing miniature sidekick at my side and sneered out a vicious insult. I don't have a whole lot of love lost with the tiny ball of crazy known as Rachel Berry, but I'll be damned if I was going to let those worthless followers talk shit on her.
I'd raised my fist up and thrown my head forward like I was going to punch them, then laughed at their immediate collective flinch. I know I was inviting a fight by mocking them, but I was so pissed I didn't even care.
It wouldn't have mattered if they did try something though, because the craziest part happened next. The stupid bitches recovered from their embarrassment at flinching and stepped forward, but I was immediately flanked by every girl in the Glee club, save for Quinn, and several Cheerios. It was the oddest back up gang in the history of the world, and the dumb hoes in front of me had backed down, looking confused and overwhelmed. I don't think I'd actually need back up against these bitches, but I had to laugh at the fear on their faces.
In any case, I'm pretty sure they'll keep their distance from now on, and I'm just a few more classes from the freedom of the weekend, thank God.
When I get to Glee I am surprised to find everyone already there. I slip into a seat next to Puck, feeling Quinn's eyes on me. I see her shake her head out of the peripheral vision of my left eye. My chest aches again.
"Okay guys, I understand you've already prepped a song. Let's hear it," Mr. Schue says before taking a seat.
I'm confused when half the Glee kids stand up and move to the front of choir room, and even more so when Quinn gets up to sit next to me, taking Puck's now empty seat. Brittany looks at me from one of the stools behind Finn.
Finn looks behind him at the group assembled and then turns around to speak.
"Santana, we know you're not really the type to get caught up in a sappy dramatic moments, but it's been important to us that we tell you that we love you and you'll never face anything alone again. You are a part of this family, a really important part, probably the most badass part too—sorry, Puck—so we want to sing you a song and then we don't ever have to talk about this again."
He looks at the band and nods.
She left for Austin, suitcase in her hand
So torn and tired of no one understanding her
She worked the nights just to make the rent
She spends those hours there just thinking of
The way it should have been
Maybe what it all comes down to,
Maybe what it all comes down to
Sometimes your world gets caught beneath the undertow
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it's both
Sometimes your world gets caught beneath the undertow
You're not alone, you're not alone
She's never seen the ocean but it's right there in her mind
Barefeet running in the water, she goes there every time
She wears her heartache, she wears that cotton dress
We all got scars we try to hide, we're all the same I guess
Maybe what it all comes down to
Maybe what it all comes down to
Sometimes your world gets caught beneath the undertow
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it's both
Sometimes your world gets caught beneath the undertow
You're not alone
Give it all to find yourself
Give it all to find yourself
Give it all to find yourself
You're ready to find new hope
Sometimes your world gets caught beneath the undertow
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it's both
Sometimes your world gets caught beneath the undertow
You're not alone, you're not alone
No you're not alone
I'm overwhelmed. I look down and see Quinn's hand in mine.
I can't help the tears that fall.
QUINN
When we get home from school Santana takes my hand and leads me to the living room.
"I know you were behind that song today. I've heard that album on your iPod before," she tells me matter-of-factly.
I shrug and nod. I assumed she would figure it out.
"And I'm not sure, but I think you are behind the fact that I had a large posse behind me today when I ran into those girls. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've had a posse on standby all week, haven't I?"
Shit.
I knew the idea to have a group text set up for emergencies was dangerous one. I'd heard about the overwhelming response to Rachel's panic text to the group recruited to have Santana's back, and I knew it would raise her suspicions.
I shrug again.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Quinn."
"No idea."
"Okay, well I know you're lying, but that's okay. We still need to have the conversation we've been putting off for three days," Santana studies me as she says this, finally able to look at me with both eyes.
I feel panic rise up in me. I was hoping she'd just drop this if I convinced her it wasn't necessary. I can feel my breathing change and see Santana recognize this first warning sign of impending panic attack doom.
"Shhh, baby, listen to me," Santana grabs my hands in hers, "It's okay, I promise."
She looks at me with her eyebrows raised, waiting for me to accept her words and listen to her. I nod slowly, still feeling anxious but concentrating on breathing slowly.
When she sees I'm calm enough, she begins speaking quietly.
"Before we happened, I felt like I had to protect you even though I was trying so hard to hate you. And a lot of the things I did were really stupid and harmful to myself. Even though I thought at the time I was doing all of this great stuff, being a huge martyr at the altar of Quinn, I know now that you never would have wanted me to do those things.
With all of this…I honestly felt that breaking up with you was the only answer, Q. I thought that doing that would protect you from the kind of shit I went through with Rosa. It seemed like the right thing to do, sacrificing my love to protect you. But watching you the past few days…you've been amazing. You've been so strong and brave, and you damn sure made it impossible for me to do what I felt like I should. You showed me that, once again, I wouldn't really be protecting you, I'd just be hurting myself—both of us—under the guise of protecting you. You showed me that I'm not really stronger when I'm alone. So I'm not going to do that. I'm going to face my fears with you, just like I promised you I would. I am so sorry for keeping you away from me the past few days. In truth baby, I've never wanted you closer. Thank you for being so patient. I love you, Quinn. I'm sorry for being so weak."
Santana has broken down into tears and so have I. Mine are tears of sadness at her pain and sheer relief that she's going to stick this out with me.
"Don't be an idiot, Lopez. You're the strongest person I know. I love you, Santana."
I lean forward and place a gentle kiss on every unbruised part of her face. She opens her eyes and studies me before giving me a little half smile and turning her bruised half towards me in unspoken invitation.
I carefully touch my lips ever so lightly to her battered skin, being as tender as I possibly can. When I lean back, Santana purses her lips at me and I oblige her with the softest kiss possible.
"Oh and I should also tell you that I found your verbal smack down of Rosa in the ER to be incredibly sexy. If I hadn't been in a lot of pain and totally wrapped up in my own crazy thoughts, I might have had to pull you into the bathroom and had my way with you," my girlfriend tells me in her sexy whisper.
"You can have your way with me any time, any place," I whisper back.
"Oh my God. We need to go upstairs. I really can't wait to be able to kiss you without it hurting, but as long as you don't mind feeling my sutures against your lips, I'll gladly suffer a bit." San says with a little half smile.
"If you're willing to suffer, I'll deal with your sutures," I tell her with a smirk before very gently kissing her lips again. "Will you tell me something though?"
"Yes baby, anything."
"These things you did before we got together…will you tell me what they were?"
Santana sighs heavily and nods.
A/N 2: Okay friends- I decided to save this longer note for the end so as not to accidently give anything away, but I felt like I needed to clarify a bit why things went the way they did with Santana. First- she's 15! I realized at some point that the Santana of my story was almost universally altruistic and abnormally mature. She's a character based in reality, and people make dumb choices that they often think are good choices. As I started to write the fight chapter I thought about what I would have done at 15 had I been in a similar position, and I can almost guarantee I would have tried to be tougher than I really was. So that's kind of where that came from. Characters that always make good choices are boring as hell. Second, I wanted to dive into Quinn a little bit more. She's been cast as the "protected" to Santana's "protector," but I wanted to reverse those roles because the Quinn of season 1 Glee, while oftentimes fragile, was also actually a significantly stronger character than she gets credit for.
I'll get off the soapbox now, because I don't want to get too much into my thoughts on these characters and ruin the story.
The song, for anyone interested, is Undertow by Green River Ordinance-who have also kindly provided the inspiration for a few chapter names.
Everybody have a great weekend. I'll be away from my computer visiting family, but I promise to update as soon as I get a chance. -stb