Author's note: This was by far the darkest and most difficult chapter for me to write.

Chapter 25

Calmness claimed the next few years for our dysfunctional family; which on the whole translates into…things were going Alexander's way with very little excess effort. School became my one true constant; always fearful to let my mind wander I buried myself in school work. The more they threw at me the better and I excelled in every subject. There was a downside to my stellar scholastic performance and that was the pride it brought to Alexander. Each time reports cards came out he would visit the school usually with some extravagant gift in my honor. The rec-room was full of these, everything from air hockey to a juke box, making me everyone's best pal. Michael would stand off to the side envious of the attention I was being smothered with. School did not come easy for him and he struggled to come away with C's. These were met with disinterest which, for Michael, was worse than rage; all he wanted was to be noticed, this in stark contrast to my desire to be unnoticed.

Lights out – now that was the worst time of day. Our building was supposed to go dark at nine o'clock with the day starting early; group exercise and a morning run before breakfast which was served promptly at 6:30. Sleep did not come easy for me and I have never required more than six hours with most nights making do with far less. In fact, closing my eyes before being completely exhausted was torture; visions of Claire tumbling over the banister and Mark's brains splattered over our driveway would play over and over in my head. Try as I might to push these from my mind they would return again and again. I would lay there waiting for Michael to fall asleep, doing my best to occupy my thoughts by silently reciting Yeats or the lines to Macbeth or Hamlet. Once I was certain he had nodded off I would dress and sneak down the back stairs and out the basement door. Alexander had arranged for several of Chase's men to be on campus, fortunately for me they felt their superior talents were being pitifully wasted babysitting a spoiled rich kid; their annoyance was evident in the cavalier way they watched. I slipped past them night after night while they remained oblivious. My first stop was always the senior dorms, they were allowed two extra hours of light and most were eager to beat me at poker. After pocketing a few extra dollars I would head to the local diner. Marion, the owner, made the best apple pie I have ever eaten and I'd wash it down with a tall glass of ice cold milk. By now I would be sufficiently exhausted and sneak back ready for bed. It was rare, but every once in a while I would fall asleep early, these nights were the worst; the nightmares would start almost immediately. On one particular night I nodded off quickly and my dream to an unexpected turn.

Alexander is looking extraordinarily pleased as he stands over what appears to be a body. It, the body, is unrecognizable. Male, female, young, old; it's impossible to tell. The corpse is far too mutilated; there is blood everywhere. My attempts to get away from this gruesome sight are hampered by Alexander repeatedly stepping in front of me, all the time he is wearing his devilish grin. Agitation takes hold as I pace from corner to corner trying to calculate an exit strategy; I fear there is none. My voice cracks as I demand "Who have you hurt now?"

"Alex, relax." Alexander releases the words slowly "Does it really matter?" An exasperated sigh passes his lips "We destroy those who get in our way, you know that."

"You do; not me. I am nothing like you!"

"Ah, but you are just like me. You think you can escape your chosen path but you never will; it is your destiny." His laughter grows louder and louder, echoing around me. "Wrestle with it all you want but it's inside you, it lives and grows inside you with each breath; it's who you are. Look, look at yourself boy!"

Alexander turns me toward a mirror in the corner; moving closer and closer my mind cannot comprehend what I see; it's me, I know that but, – I am covered, covered in blood.

"You see Alex; see the things you are capable of." His laughter fills my ears. "You are my son, my flesh and blood; you see the world just as I do, conquer or be conquered. The things you do make me proud."

"No, I did not do this. I couldn't do this! Let me out. I didn't do this, I didn't do this!"

"Alex, wake up! Alex!" A terrified Michael was kneeling at my bed; shaking me. "Alex, it's just a dream. You were yelling. Wake up!"

My eyes burst open as I instinctively pulled away from him, trying to wipe away the non existent blood from my hands. Heart pounding, cold sweat dripping down my back; I immediately turned on the light, my hands were clean – no blood. It takes a few moments but I finally realize where I am, the dorm room at Brunswick. It was just a dream, but its intensity seemed so real.

"It's OK Michael, go back to bed. I'm sorry I scared you."

"Do you want to talk about it? Tell me and you'll feel better, honest you will. That's what Ingrid had me do whenever I had a bad dream. Sometimes when you say it out loud it seems silly. Try,"

"No, Michael, I don't need your help. I'm fine. Please just go back to bed."

My head was pounding and there was a nasty taste in my mouth; I had to get out, get something to drink, anything; I hopped out of bed and dressed trying to hide from Michael how badly my hands were shaking. He followed me, jabbering all the while; each time I would scowl at him in the hopes he would scurry back to his bed but he persisted, finally I reconciled myself to the fact he was coming with me.

"Get dressed, I need to get out of here; but be quick about it if you're coming."

His constant questions began to irritate me, I found myself in his face, irritated and angry.

"Shut up! If you want to come just shut up and follow me. Firmly placing my hands on his shoulders I added "Do you understand?"

Wide eyed, Michael nodded as he pulled on his pants.

The cool night air filled my lungs lifting the dark cloud hanging over my thoughts; it is disquieting how a bad dream can cling to every corner of your subconscious, trying to convince you of its reality. Michael was ecstatic as we raced down the deserted campus road to the soccer field, stifling his laughter as best he could until we were out of earshot. Slipping through the small gap in a portion of the field's fence we were off campus in no time heading straight for the diner. The bright lights caused us to squint as we made our way to a corner booth. The place was emptier than usual; there was only one other guy at the counter staring dolefully into his mug of coffee.

"Do you have any money, Alex? I'm starving!"

Pulling a wad of cash from my pocket I chuckled "Of course I do."

Michael's eyes widened "Wow! Where did that come from? Certainly not dad…"

"Night time poker games, there isn't a senior on campus that doesn't want their chance to beat me, but few succeed. Unfortunately I need to let a few of them win or the pool will dry up; but never the cocky ones, they deserve to be brought down a peg or two."

"You mean you sneak out all the time?"

"Yup."

Marion approached, grinning from ear to ear "Hi sweetie, thought you weren't coming tonight and to think I'd made a fresh pie, late, so it would still be warm, Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend?" she finished with a playful wink.

"Marion this is my brother, Michael. Michael, Marion."

She watched as Michael let out a huge yawn "Guess he's not a night owl like you sweetie."

"Don't know many who are; but I do know I must have a piece of that pie. Michael what are you in the mood for? Order anything you want" I knew he was looking at the menu in amazement, we were never allowed to eat most of the stuff listed.

"Anything Alex? I'm pretty hungry."

"Whatever you want is OK with me."

"In that case I'll have a cheeseburger and a hot dog and a large order of French fries and a strawberry milkshake, please. Oh and some onion rings."

Marion and I exchanged amused glances as Michael sat there looking rather pleased with himself. "What?" he sputtered "I can't make up my mind."

Michael plunked a coin in the juke box at our table and sang loudly to Queen's 'We Are the Champions' which attracted the attention of the man at the counter. He turned and studied us, never changing his glum appearance.

Rain began to ping noisily off the diner's metal roof just as the food began to arrive, making conversation nearly impossible. That was OK since Michael plowed in with gusto. It was a complete pleasure to see him scoffing down his selections. My pie came last, per my request, and I savored each and every bite of the extra large slice. Finally, Michael slowed down and eventually stopped eating all together raising his hands in defeat.

"That was great, we need to do this more often. OK?"

"I don't know, can't have you getting all fat; dear Dad might think something's up. Well, we better get a move on they'll be waking us up soon."

"I'm gonna take a leak" Michael suppress yet another yawn "I guess I should get a little more sleep."

He made his way to the bathroom just as a very loud group came thundering through the door, clambering about how wet they were while shaking the water from their coats and umbrellas. In the commotion I didn't notice the man from the counter get up and follow Michael. Leaving the money on the table I waited a few minutes but grew impatient. Pressing open the door it opened slightly revealing that the hook and eye lock had been latched. With my pocket knife I quickly flipped it open.

The man, whose back was to the door, had not heard me enter; the rain must have drowned out my sounds. What I saw caused my blood to thin as a chill rolled up my spine; the pervert, his pants around his ankles, held Michael down over the sink by pressing a knife just below his ear with one hand and with the other was trying to maneuver his swollen cock. "You're such a pretty boy" he muttered "just relax. You might find you fucking enjoy it."

Without thinking I pulled the bastard off my brother and landed a solid punch squarely on his nose. Blood spurted as he fell to the floor; exactly how long I thrashed him is unclear, but what is clear is I would have killed him if Marion had not entered when she did.

"Alex! Alex! She screamed several times as she tried to push herself between me and that fiend; finally she managed to grab my arms, stopping the next punch. "You have to stop Alex, you'll kill him!"

Michael spoke up "Kill him, Alex! He deserves it."

Marion placed her hand on my shoulders; my heart continued to race, my breathing was heavy "Now Alex, pull yourself together and get out of here, go back to school; just walk away, I'll take care of this. Don't worry"

There was a groan from the floor, he was unrecognizable, his face already swollen and bruised. As I stepped back I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, moving closer and closer my mind could not comprehend what I saw; it was me, I know that but, – I was covered, covered head in blood; a gnawing ache filled the pit of my stomach, convinced the old man was right.