Chapter Twenty Five: The (Next) Talk

"Hello," Will says brightly, closing the office door. Alec nods, mumbling out a greeting as he sits, hands in his lap and eyes lowered. Will goes behind the desk, sitting in it gracefully as he lifts up his feet to place them on the desk. Confident, nonchalant. Alec swallows and stares at him, being reminded whole-heartedly of Jace, and the thought creates a numb pain in his chest as he crosses his arms and leans back in the sofa, trying to relax his nerves. Will fidgets a bit, not making a move to grab any pen or paper, no files either. "I talked to Magnus."

Alec just nods and waits to hear out what else Will has to say.

"I promised not to tell anyone."

"You did?" Alec blinks, too relieved to really feel surprise, and Will nods, lowering his feet down to the floor as he leans on his desk with his hands clasped together.

"Under one condition," Will says slowly, and Alec sits up to hear it, watching the doctor take a deep breath. "He will continue to see you, to appear like everything is normal, for all intents and purposes. But, I made him promise not to treat you like a patient when you are both alone. It will create a strange dynamic, problems may arise. In addition, I will fully carry on your treatment behind closed doors, with Magnus only pretending to."

"Okay," Alec says softly as he looks down, thinking over this new development.

"Clary, by the way, knows of this."

"What? How?" Alec's head snaps up at he frowns with confusion.

"Apparently, she thought it was a terrific idea to listen in on our conversation. She has promised not to say anything either," Will assures him, leaning back in his chair with a shrug. Alec nods, watching him grab a paper and pen, setting it into his lap. "Well, now that you are aware of our arrangement, we shall begin."

"Begin... where?" Alec tilts his head, already exhausted. Hs had been through so many doctors, talked and spilled some secrets over and over again, that the thought of redoing everything all over was painfully boring. Will sighs, tapping his pen lightly on the side of the notepad.

"Luckily, Magnus updated all his notes last night and gave them to me. Therefore, I will start off where he left off. I will go onto the topic of your quite lovely sister."

"Isabelle?"

"Yes, that's the one. By the way, the day you kicked me in the jaw, you said her name. I thought you were calling me Isabelle, and I have never been mistaken as a girl since my college days and a few drunk one-night stands," Will says with a grin, and Alec blushes and looks down, mumbling out a sorry. "Don't apologize."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for apologizing either. Now, this sister... she talks to you?"

"Yes."

"All the time?"

"No."

"Right now?" Will raises his eyebrows, and Alec listens to the room, but there was only the ticking of the clock and the tapping of the pen. Alec shakes his head, and Will nods, scribbling something down. "What was the last thing you two did together?"

"Like... I mean..." Alec pauses, unsure of how to answer. He wanted to say she was there at the amusement park, but was that what Will meant? "Do you mean... before the crash?"

"Did you see her before the crash?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about then," Will says, and Alec nods as he stares at the floor, thinking about that day. It had been raining, drizzling at seven AM. The Lightwood parents had raised their children to be up at least by seven, and so he and Izzy woke up together, and she was trying to get him to eat a huge breakfast, that day he had a hockey game that he never ended up going to. Choosing, instead, to go to a party with Clary's brother, Jonathan, but that was another story all together. The last time he saw Isabelle was mid-afternoon, he was in the middle of texting Jonathan when she creeped up behind him, stealing his phone and demanding to know what he was doing.

"Alec? You're going out tonight?"

"Iz, give me my phone!" Alec reaches out, trying to snatch his phone back, but she dances out of his reach, sprinting across the library as she stares at the screen.

"You have a game tonight!

"Then I guess I'm not going," Alec snaps, catching up to her and grabbing her wrist, taking the device away. She frowns, crossing her arms and staring up at him.

"Why not?"

"Don't you remember last time? Dad yelled at me because I missed that one goal, despite how many other goals I scored. He'll be disappointed in me no matter what," Alec says, shoving the phone in his pocket and heading for the library door, preparing to go back to his room. His sister follows him, a look of disapproval on her face.

"Dad will be even more disappointed!"

"Like he could be even more disappointed in me. Besides, Jace is on the team, he'll help them win. Then dad can be proud of HIM," Alec snarls angrily, walking down the hallway, his body trembling. Isabelle grabs his wrist, trying to stop him.

"Alec, he is not disappointed in you."

"Yes, he is! He calls me 'it'. I am a freak, with my nightmares, my nonsense words that he never understood, even though they explain everything about me precisely. He can't stand the fact that his oldest son is gay! You're not gay, dad does not ignore you, or yell at you about it, you can't possibly understand," Alec says as his voice cracks, and he turns a corner while shaking his arm, hoping Isabelle with go. She does not let go though, and instead holds onto his wrist tightly, following as close as she can. Finally he stops, turning to look at her with an infuriated look, covering up the sadness in his heart. Surprisingly, she smiles up at him warmly, her hand like an anchor that was holding him down with a comforting grip. He could never be mad at her, especially when her large brown eyes were looking up through thick lashes, the gaze full of love and a need to make things right. Isabelle and Alec were family, and like most family, they would do anything for each other.

"Maybe I can't understand, but I can still worry about you," Isabelle says softly. She shakes her head, turning away, and Alec watches her walk away with a frown forming on his lips.

"Where are you going?"

"To my room, I'm actually going to my soccer game. I don't like it, but a girl needs to keep fit and kick ass. Try and get a cute guy's number tonight." Isabelle walks away quickly, hips swinging as she lightly skips down the hall.

"You aren't going to tell mom and dad?" Alec calls down the hall carefully, still frowning with confusion.

"I could, but that would only make them mad. Particularly at me. Do what you have to, Alec. God knows you will anyway."

"I-I'm sorry," Alec says with a loud sniffle, swiping at his eyes that were growing wetter. Will grabs the Kleenex nearby, sliding it over the desk. As Alec quickly wipes up his face, Will settles back into his seat and begins scribbling again, intense blue eyes occasionally flickering up to look at his patient. Will did not look worried though, he was not getting flustered and scurrying to help Alec like Magnus would. He was rather calm instead, giving the other man space, letting him finish wiping his nose. Alec throws his tissues in the garbage before sitting back down, staring at Will with a sheepish smile. "Sorry 'bout that."

"Don't say sorry for crying, it's okay to cry. I wouldn't have taken this job if I didn't expect crying anyway," Will says with soft smile. Alec nods slowly, crossing his arms and trying to ignore the aching in his throat. Will sighs deeply, running a hand through his dark hair. "Okay, so that was the very last time she talked to you?"

"I got a call from her phone that night, but it was my mom. My dad was yelling in the background. I got more calls, but ignored the rest."

"Understood. So, I've been thinking through everything, going through the notes," Will says, picking up the file and flipping it open, pulling out a paper. Once he has it set up on the pad, he looks back up at Alec with a cool but unreadable expression. "You're hearing Isabelle less, which would suggest you're getting better. But you're physically seeing her, which is contradictory to that statement."

"I feel like I'm..." I'm getting better. That was what Alec wanted to say, but he could not help but doubt himself. Will sighs deeply again, chewing his lip and staring at his notes.

"Feeling better does not necessarily mean you are better. Schizophrenia is not something that automatically goes away. Strangely though, you have no other medical history before the crash. Meaning this form of schizophrenia could very well be pointing towards PTSD. According to what Magnus has to say anyway, and I agree with him. Another idea is that... well, you've always had it, and it's not uncommon for certain conditions to worsen throughout growing up, and traumatic experiences can amplify that. Or, if you have always had it, you may have supressed or hid it rather well in your early years. Do you have any memories of seeing or hearing the things you do now?" Will raises his eyebrows, sitting still as he stares over the desk.

"You want to know if I've always... seen or heard people... things," Alec says cautiously as he tightens his crossed arms. Will nods enthusiastically.

"I want you to know, though, that you are not obligated to tell me anything if you're not ready," Will adds in. Alec swallows, staring down at the floor, glancing at the clock, the desk, then the floor. Eyes not resting anywhere. Neither were his fingers, they were tapping, dancing over his skins as his arms remain crossed.

"I'm... I'm not sure what to talk about."

"Have you always heard voices?" Will sits, waiting for an answer.

"... Y-yeah, I guess."

"Well, that's a descriptive answer," Will chuckles, and Alec laughs, relaxing a bit. "What kind of voices? Your siblings'?"

"No. I never heard them... until, uh-"

"Until they died?"

"Yeah," Alec says more quietly, his voice a bit hoarse. He clears his throat, looking up at Will, who was staring at the paper pad with narrowed eyes and writing something down.

"But you heard voices? I'm going out on a limb here, but... were they not good voices? Like, were they frightening? Or negative?" Will pauses after his questions, and Alec slowly nods after a few moments consideration. The only person he might come close to admitting this stuff to was Magnus, but he could not deny that he held back certain information. Some things took time to talk about.

"Bad... voices. And... I would see things. Like how I do now."

"See things. According to notes, you've got 'categories' for certain people, defined mainly by appearance. Now, call me vain, but I don't look bad, right?" Will smirks, leaning back in his chair as Alec stares, looking away after a few seconds. No, Will didn't look bad at all. He was hot, in fact, and Alec was actually kind of jealous. Black hair, blue eyes with a strong jaw, Will actually resembled Alec a lot, enough for them to pass as brothers. Of course, Will looked like the older brother that had graduated College, and he held a healthy rosiness to his cheek bones and a firmness to his muscles that Alec lacked. Growing up in a hospital did nothing for a patient's complexion, much less build muscle or gain a healthy amount of fat off of the available foods.

"No you don't look bad," Alec says quietly, a smile playing on his lips. Will smiles back brightly and confidently, like he had expected no other answer.

"Good to know. What about Magnus?"

"Magnus?" Alec blinks, confused as to why Will wanted to talk about him. "Why Magnus?"

"Information and such," Will waves his hand in the air, sitting back and resting his feet blatantly on the desk. The tapping of the pen resumes.

"... I don't know, he looks normal," Alec lies, looking down at the floor. Technically, it was only half a lie, Magnus had been appearing normally lately, but so had everyone else. Will sighs, dropping his arms to his side as he stares across the desk, jaw twitching a bit, like there was something he wanted to say.

"... I already discussed that there is a possibility of you and Magnus' relationship having negative side effects," Will says as he sits up more, fingers twisting and turning a pen in his hands as he looks up at the ceiling, his Adam's apple bobbing. He swallows, then looks back at his patient after a few minutes of silence. Alec squirms in his seat, folding his hands together to keep them still as he waits for Will to continue. "... side effects, as in a type of dependency, on your part of course. It is only natural for patients to become dependent on their doctors, but this is different, seeing as that is no longer your relationship."

"You already said something like this," Alec states carefully, furrowing his brows as he stares back at Will.

"Yes. But I feel like this topic is important for your recovery," Will says as he pulls off the top papers before tossing the pad aside, then he places his feet back on the ground as he grabs the folder, setting the papers inside it. He keeps the folder open though on his lap as he crosses on leg over the other, sitting back into a more relaxed position. "Now... where was I... okay. So, you see and hear things, normal for schizophrenia, obviously. When you were younger, taking what I've already discussed with you, you had these issues your whole life, but you were great at hiding this. That is, until, the car crash, then things seemed to... escalate quickly.

"So I have a theory," Will pauses, and Alec stiffens, sitting up more. "You're not getting better. In fact, I think this whole thing is an entire mass of guilt, anxiety, and depression, therefore the only thing to actually cure is those things, if it can be called that. I don't like the word 'cure' though, it makes it sound like it's a disease."

"Oh," Alec says softly, completely unsure of what to say. What was he supposed to say to that? It sounded similar to what past doctors had said before, about overcoming anxiety and depression. And then there was the guilt, which Magnus had attempted to talk about in depth. But for a doctor to come in and basically say that schizophrenia was not the problem was absurd, unrealistic. Alec hangs his head, staring at his hands as he twists them nervously. "My... what I see, hear, isn't a problem?"

"Oh, it is a problem in it's own way. But most doctors focused on trying to help your schizophrenia in the past, with pills and long talking sessions. Schizophrenia can't really be cured, unless there was a miracle," Will speaks clearly and calmly, and Alec tries to process the words. "No, I think, according to Magnus' notes, we will focus on other problems. What you see and hear may never go away, and you'll will hopefully learn to accept that. Depression and anxiety can be fixed with medication, but it doesn't really make the pain go away. So, we will focus on overcoming anxiety, which seems to be triggered by overwhelming situations, such as the time you kicked me in the mouth. Anxiety triggered an episode, episodes are not good of course.

"Next would be the depression. From reading up on your file, you were admitted to the hospital after an episode from the car crash. In the hospital, you attempted suicide. Yada-yada-yada, years later, we are here," Will motions around the room with his hand, the action drawing Alec's gaze up. "And here, it is obvious the depression is lessening up. And I'm pretty sure that is Magnus' doing.

"Lastly, it seems that guilt is a large source of all this, and maybe anger. Sadness. All from the past. So, to finish up my lovely speech, guilt is the thing we will focus on. And all I need you to do is talk. About the past, yes. Your feelings. And, of course, I would like you to concentrate on getting better. It's easier than it sounds," Will says as Alec opens his mouth to protest and question the doctor, worries playing around the back of his mind. How could he possibly get better? Will sighs heavily, giving his next words some thought as he stares calmly back at his patient. "Easier than it sounds. I simply want you to continue living as you have. I know I said dependency was not always good, but we're using it in this case. Magnus seems to help you. And... well, I think I've covered everything I need to."

Will sits quietly, not saying a word as Alec stops twisting his hands, his own blue eyes never leaving the other pair of blue. He looks back at his hand, staring at the one still bandaged. The other, extremely pale white, with a light tracing of blue lines beneath the soft and delicate skin. Alec closes his eyes, clearing his throat before speaking. "You can't help me."

"I think I can."

Alec shakes his head, snorting a bit as he slowly looks up.

"You can't help me. Guilt isn't something that just goes away. And the things I see, and hear, they've always been with me. They get loud sometimes. Believe me, you can't help me, no matter how much you want to. And you won't want to when things get bad."

"I'm going to help you, Alexander."

"You're going to try. And fail honestly," Alec mumbles, lowering his head again.

"If you were talking to Magnus, would you say the same thing?"

"That's different."

"We both want to help you. Except I'm not trying to get into your pants, I'm not that perverted. Well, maybe, but that's another story," Will says with his familiar smile, and Alec can't help but let a laugh escape as he looks up. "Our time is almost up, by the way."

"Is that all we're talking about?"

"You want to talk about more stuff?"

"Not really."

"Then yes, that is all we're talking about," Will says as he stands up, dropping the file and papers on the desk as he walks over to the door. Shaking a bit, Alec lets out a long breath and walks to the door as well, watching Will open it for him. Alec still felt confused, but hopeful. Because Will was stubborn. And stubborn people were determined to doing what they set out to accomplish. As he walks to the hallway, he pauses and looks at Will, who still appeared rather calm. "Something wrong?"

"No. Just surprised."

"Because I'm so determined to help you?" Will raises an eyebrow, and Alec nods. "Determination is one of my many strengths. And I'm sure it will help your case. You should go though, you still have another appointment with Jem. And a visitor."

Dear Lawyers: ... sky...

Dear Readers: I hurt myself pretty bad, needed to get surgery done. So I'm not sure if I'll be able to update fast. You'd think I'd have a lot of time to update now, but all I want to do is sleep. Anyway, I hope you guys will stick around during these possibly-late-but-hopefully-not-too-late updates. I'm hoping to have more scenes (more Raphael and Helen, some Malec, more appearances from Jem, maybe a mysterious visitor for Alec...). The possibilities are endless. Sorry if chapters are short, I'm aiming for around seven pages each time, and it's difficult to concentrate. If there are any other developments, I'll leave it on my profile page.

On another note, one of the doctors who did my surgery was, 1) extremely attractive (dark brown hair and blue eyes), and 2) named Will. What are the odds of that happening? Sure, I only saw him for like ten seconds before I was knocked out from the IV, but it was funny.

Lilypotter72: Thanks for reviewing again, and I'm glad you liked last chapter. There is definitely going to be more Will as well...

Night Changer: Raphael and Helen have yet to prove that they can be trusted with the secret. As well as Clary. Don't worry, the plot is working to Alec's eventual release. Thanks for the review!

Kirawalker: I'm going to try and have Jem in either the next chapter, or one after that. Thanks for reviewing!

Guest (The chanting one): Thanks for the review!

Guest: Thanks for reviewing! Glad you love the story.

Manibarilo: I, too, wish Helen was back in the hospital, as strange as that sounds. I still need to get to Helen's story though. I hope this chapter satisfied your need for another Will-scene again. Thanks for the review!

The High Warlock of Glitter: If all doors were closed, then there would be a smaller chance of the secret relationship getting around, and I think it would be interesting to see it actually getting around. Not that that is going to happen... ahem, anyway, while Helen can be trusted, Raphael cannot, but I shouldn't say anymore about that subject. I hoped you like this chapter though, and thanks for the review!

Darkparadise994: Alec is definitely going to regret telling his roommates. Straight-forward Will is the best Will. Love the review!