Shizuo shook his head.
"Now, now, you can't not marry after doing this and that with the person you love…I'm really old fashioned about this kind of thing, sex means marriage and living together forever."
"Your brain is stuck in the Heian era! Only with gay undertones!"
"Don't worry Iza-chan, I'll be a good husband to you."
Izaya was close to foaming at the mouth. He forced himself to take a deep breath.
"How about you do a hunger strike in front of the Diet to persuade legislators to change the constitution?"
It was beyond unlikely to actually work but it might kill Shizuo if Izaya was lucky.
"The Diet! What is…the Diet?"
"The Diet, the bloody parliament, the bi-chamber legislative organ of your own country! How can you not know that? You're just doing this to annoy me! Argh! Why do I let it get to me!"
Izaya hyperventilated, having by now almost forgotten the cameras.
"Wow, the parliament is bi too? What do you know!"
"Not that kind of bi!"
"Oh, is this like 'koi'? Like, you say 'koi' but you mean it like 'ai' but people may think you mean the pretty fishies, they are 'koi' too-"
"No, no it is not at all like that! And if you have so many problems with 'koi' just use 'ai'! AI! 'Ai' as in 'Aishiteru'!"
Shizuo wiped a tear and held his hands suddenly.
"Iza-chan, I love you too. I'm so, so happy you finally admitted how you feel to me, our relationship is like, getting to the next stage-"
"No it isn't! I didn't mean- oh fuck it, I can't win, can I?"
"We can win together! And get married."
Izaya broke out crying.
"Aw, I see how emotional you are about this."
"Why can't you just die, why, why!"
"Yeah, we'll be together in our next lives too! So even when we die we will still be together!"
The host called for a close-up and rejoiced, this was pure gold.
"Congratulations! You guys just won a cruise trip for two! To…Hawaii!"
The audience cheered.
"For real?"
"Yes, Shizuo-kun! All expenses paid!"
"…it is Murphy's law!"
Izaya nearly screamed. Shizuo gently wiped his tears.
"There, there, no more talk of laws now."
The host tiptoed to Shizuo to whisper into his ear,
"How about you just kiss him?"
Shizuo took the cue immediately and went for a deep kiss, complete with leaning against Izaya, hand on Izaya's back, perfect for another close-up of epic proportions. Izaya was mid protest but there was no talking when Shizuo had his mouth over his and was sucking the air out of him. Clearly the curse lived on.
Kasuka was watching the show and at this point frowned darkly. He would of course save Izaya but not just now. The trick was to make Izaya suffer enough so that he would be forever grateful when Kasuka finally saved him. As for Shizuo's plan of changing the law Kasuka thought it ridiculous.
"Stupid nii-chan. No changing law. Become rich, grow up, take Iza-chan to Europe. Marry. Iza-chan can be housewife. First, must stowaway on cruise ship."
Kasuka proceeded to pack. It was quite possible that Izaya had taken the wrong Heiwajima for a genius. But that too suited Kasuka quite fine.
Izaya hoped that the school would not approve the cruise from hell. Unfortunately the school was more than happy to have two of its most problematic students away for a while. Worse, the dean strongly recommended him to remain 'friendly' with Shizuo if he wanted to avoid further repercussions from the debate incident. Apparently 'love' made Shizuo a new man and one less prone to violence. Given the damage done to school property by Shizuo's rampages the school was very pleased with the present outcome.
"And when you say 'koi' you mean 'love', not the fish, I gather?"
The dean was confused at the question but Izaya was known for being a smartass. To make things even worse a flock of girls rushed to him right away.
"Izaya, so it's true that you're gay? Kya! I saw the show yesterday, it was so adorable! Can we watch next time you do…'this and that' with Shizuo? He's your boyfriend, right? Or is it fiancé?"
Izaya could have killed them. Instead he pointed and went,
"Oh look, hot Visual Kei guys making out!"
"Where?"
They turned around and that was all it took for Izaya to disappear.