Richard Castle (RCPOV)

Waking up by Kate's side had been a dream of mine for a long time and finally it happened. I always wanted to see how she looked asleep, when her face wasn't haunted by her past and by her present, how she looked when the weight of the world wasn't on her shoulders. All my thoughts towards it and all the pictures that I painted on my mind couldn't be as beautiful as the reality was.

I woke before her, something which I thought that probably wouldn't happen many times; her bedroom was very dark and the sun light couldn't enter it, so I couldn't see her face very well, but it didn't matter, just the act of waking up by her side was enough for me at the time. And, although I couldn't see very well, it was better than what I pictured. I have never seen her so relaxed and probably, she would lose that relaxed face the moment she woke up and all the things that haunt her would be back on her mind.

The feeling of waking up by her side helped me be sure of my feelings; I was indeed in love with Katherine Beckett. One of the reasons I wasn't really sure of spending the night was the confirmation that would came in the morning, I didn't think I was ready to really know what I felt. Every little thing that I did with her, every word, every kiss, and every action was a confirmation of something that I didn't want to see, I was in love with Katherine Beckett.

If I stopped to think about it, if I was smart enough I would have run a long time ago, being in love with Kate was something that would hurt, a lot. For starters, I knew her but I really didn't know her. She was a closed person, and although I was sure she was trying to open up to me, I wasn't sure if she could go through it. Another thing that I would make me run but I chose to ignore was that she spent 5 years in a relationship with someone that in the end she didn't love, but Peter had loved her, I was sure. I didn't want to be another Peter in her life, where she would say "I love you", she would pretend that she loved me, she would even marry me but at the end of the day she didn't really loved.

But instead of running, there was I, sleeping by her side on my boxers, looking at her perfect face. Trying not to wake her up, I got up of the bed and opened a little bit the curtain, just enough that I could see her perfectly. Walking slowly towards the bed again, making sure that she was still asleep I climbed the bed again.

She stirred a little on her sleep, and I hold my breathed worried that she woke up, but after a deep breath, she went back to her peaceful sleep. I checked the clock, 7am, her biologic clock would wake her up soon, and I had just a few minutes to enjoy seeing her without the walls she built when she was awake.

When she stirred, the blanket moved a little bit, showing now her back since she was sleeping with her back to the ceiling. Her PJs showed some of the words which she had engraved on her shoulders, when I realized that some of them were showing I again held my breath, moving closer I started examining it. Kate probably forgot that her PJs showed her scars because I didn't think she would just leave them there, showing for anybody that wanted to take a look.

The word near the neck read sorry, and appeared to be healed for a long time. The writer in me came out and a thousand of question started popping on my mind but the question that was screaming on my brain was: sorry about what? She told me that she did a lot of bad stuff and everything but in any moment she said she hurt somebody. Why would she be sorry? My mind went to the darkest places where you usually forget exist on your mind, and for a moment I felt that my creativity was a curse, with her I could imagine so many things that it could mean, and I knew that would be a long time before I could ask Kate what it meant, to who it was made for and why she was sorry.

The next word was law right below the word sorry, that one I could imagine something obviously, she made the day she graduated. Or maybe law saved her? Or maybe she chose law over someone? Or maybe… Oh God, my mind could go on and on and on and on…

I decided to just read the words that I could see without trying to find a meaning, a reason and a date.

The other word on her left shoulder was love, before my mind went crazy, trying to come up with the story of the word I moved for the next one right below it: liar, oh God, that one made my mind have a field day, I had to squeeze my hands together so I wouldn't touch it; I didn't know why but seeing it, made me want to pass my fingers through it, feel the contact between my skin and her skin.

Although I found it interesting, every time I read one of the words my heart would break in million of pieces, and I would ask myself again and again: how could someone so beautiful be so broken? She probably was so hurt, so alone to do it, or maybe she was just too high to feel anything. Like I said before, I knew her, but I didn't really know her.

When I stopped seeing the words as a story to be written, and saw then as what they were: deep cuts made by someone in themselves, I couldn't bring myself to… I didn't know what to feel. I spent so many nights thinking about it, I spent so many times seeing again and again the scene on the hospital and… seeing so many words, I lost mine.

Lost on my thoughts, looking at some fixed point on the wall in front of me, I didn't see Kate waking up:

"Hi, good morning Castle." She said making me come back from my thoughts.

"Hi beautiful." I said kissing her. "I think I love you." I said without thinking, we both stared each other trying to wrap our minds around what I just had confessed.

Sorry for the short chapter, but this week I have a lot of stuff going on.

Please, review if you can and I see you on Saturday :)