Chapter 25: Clown Masks & The Car Crash

A few nights later and I hadn't heard from the Joker in a while. I didn't worry much, I knew he was fine.

Probably.

In my room, I sighed. Laying on my bed and staring at the ceiling became boring after a while. I considered leaving and going with the Joker for days. I'd resisted calling him simply so he wouldn't bring it up again, or think I was too clingy. I was nervous. He'd actually called me earlier today, and told me to throw on some jeans and boots, apparently coming to pick me up. But it was getting late and I was getting paranoid. He hadn't said anything else over the phone call, only gave me a second to react, say 'yes', and then hung up. It hadn't really occurred to me to worry what we were doing, only get curious about it. The only thing I bothered fretting about was the time he'd come to get me- mom was home and I was scared that we'd end up fighting. Poor woman, she didn't need my selfish attitude at this time.

Just as that thought crossed my mind, I heard a driving noise come from outside. I instantly shot up and peeked around the curtains, seeing Joker's black van park across the other end of the street. On instinct, I ran downstairs, ready to leave.

My mom looked up at me from her spot on the sofa as I crossed the living room, her bright glassy eyes glinting in concern. She was sat quite comfortably, watching some series she liked with a Chinese takeaway in her lap. Her skin was peach again, her rosy cheeks beaming when she smiled. The bags under her eyes were almost gone, and she seemed... happy. My mom was back... sort of. It turned out she enjoyed support group a lot more than she thought, although she wasn't really all that fond of the people there. She said that some of them always tried to one-up another, as if tragedy was a competition.

The main thing was, she was getting better.

She'd heard my house keys jingling as I took them from the hook next to the front door. It was dark out and the Joker had plans. I honestly didn't need restrictions to be allowed to go outside, not right now. She had no idea the magnitude of the consequences.

My mom squinted her eyes. "Where the heck're you going at..." She took a second to look at the clock, "Half eleven? And in that?" She skimmed my outfit- skinny jeans, tight combat boots and a tight leather jacket- all black. My hair was tied back into a ponytail. "You look like you're gonna raid a bank, hun."

I shrugged innocently, biting my lip. Who knows. I might be. "Um. Cassidy-"

Mom munched and slurped on her food and sent me a cautious glare. "Cassidy's on holiday."

I gulped. She's right.

"Um..." I hummed, trying to think of an excuse. I felt my face grow red hot in panic and my stomach churned a little. What could I do?

"What's going on?" She asked me, looking suspicious and clearly concerned. It intimidated me.

I took a deep breath. Lie lie lie lie. "Mom, I... I met someone."

Silence. That was it. Silence and cold, distant stares passed back and forth. Her eyes looked like hurricanes, her throat swallowing down an awkward lump. I closed my eyes and clenched my fists nervously. I hated this. I was lying. I was complaining that my mom was sneaking off, and now she caught me doing the exact same thing. Only it wasn't for fucking a heroin dealer, it was for fucking a miscreant psychopath, which I was certain was worse, far much worse. It was hypocrisy at its finest.

She swallowed her food and blinked, sitting back. "Who, sweetheart? A boy?"

I sucked on the roof of my mouth and blinked a few times. Who? Christ, wouldn't she like to know. Hell, why don't I just offer to invite him round for Sunday dinner? I'm sure she'd be plenty eager, at least until she realised that the Joker was the 'lovely boy' squeezing her daughter's ass.

I looked down and bit my tongue. "Yeah. A... guy. I... I met him on the bus. A while back. Um," I said, looking back at her, my mouth dry. "He's... he's good to me." Half of it was truth, but I wasn't sure if that last bit was a lie or not. He made me feel like a walking piece of poetry, he made me feel like the exception amongst all the things in his life- but then again, I was always second best. Batman always came first. Chaos always came first. He himself always came first. I'd tangled myself up in a web of torturous love, I'd let the serrated edge of his knife cut me deeper. I suppose being with him was like a weighing scale, there were just as many cons as there were pros- one of them being that he was a rampaging schizophrenic, of course.

My mom's brows raised, but she was frowning. "Is he much older than you?"

I shook my head. "Not by a lot." Does five years count as a lot?

She nodded and blinked hard, as if blinking back tears. "Right. And you're going to see him... now?"

I nodded, my lips seemingly stuck together, making me stutter, "Please." I wanted to beg, get on my knees right there and then and claw at her ankles, I love him so fucking much, don't let him hurt me.

She stared blandly at the floor, sighing shakily. "You're crazy," She breathed out, shaking her head at me. I held in a laugh of self pity. Trust me, I know. Then she just shrugged. "Go. I want to see you back by tomorrow morning, Stella. This is just your tit for tat. After what I..." She coughed and dropped the subject.

I went over to her and she stood, and I hugged her tightly. I was so damn grateful. Too grateful. I was happy that she was letting me go into the hands of a murderer. "I appreciate this, mom. I really do." I said, staring behind her as she nodded into my shoulder. She didn't deserve this. This was going to have to be my best kept secret, I'd lock away my lies in a safe and only let them out in my grave. I wasn't sure if I was keeping this a secret for me, for those around me, or for the Joker.

"Stay safe, promise me." Mom said, holding my shoulder and staring me in the eyes.

I stood there for a second, contemplating for a moment, then nodded.

"I promise."

And with that she kissed my cheek and held me tightly once more before letting go. She watched as I grabbed my keys once again from by the front door and I left the house as she gazed from the living room window. Seeing Joker's van parked up ahead, but turned to the other side so the scratches weren't visible, I hoped he wouldn't roll down the window and wave and call me and let the secret out. I turned to look back at the living room window and I gave my mom a slight, crooked wave and a reassuring smile, although fake. She simply smiled through foggy eyes and turned away, presumably going back to eating her takeaway. The relief that soaked through me was absolutely unexplainable.

I caught myself still staring at the window for a moment, thinking of her. I sighed. I was becoming a selfish person.

I went over to the van and got into the passenger's seat, shutting the door with a stressful sigh.

Joker turned to me and grinned wildly, giggling maniacally. "Oh, we're gonna have fun tonight." He laughed excitedly whilst leaning into me, grabbing the back of my neck harshly to kiss me. Without a word I responded, eyes shut and lips parted to kiss him. If there was any drug that worked better than painkillers, it was the Joker. Despite his rough intentions and careless attitude, his kisses were soft and tender and surprisingly full of emotion. I wouldn't call it love, but I knew it was something he'd never think of giving to anyone else. The feeling of kissing him felt like he was passing me a secret that he'd never told anybody before. It felt like a game of Chinese whispers, only I'd grown to love his voice so well that I'd never get his messages mixed up.

But before I knew it, my reeling thoughts came to a stop just as the kiss was. Joker pulled away and left me there, my head hung forward and my lips apart, heaving in much needed air. He grinned and pressed my chin up, closing my mouth. I must've looked like a perch fish.

He sighed confidently as he sat back in his seat, driving out of the road. He was happy, he was on top of the world. He seemed to be dancing on starlight, each step filled with divine purpose. "Wanna know why I'm-ah, happy tonight, doll?"

I sat back in my seat, bringing my feet up on the seat, but not pulling my knees close enough to stay against my chest. I pursed my lips. "Why?"

Joker giggled gleefully as he got to the main streets of the town and that was when he began speeding up and swerving. My eyes widened in shock and I grabbed the sides of my seat. "Getta do my favourite thing in the world with my favourite, uh... gal in the world. Ain't that neat, Stell?" Joker asked me, enthusiastically tapping my knee with his gloved palm. He rarely ever had it gloved and it felt a little distant, as if the material between my touch and his separated us by miles. The leather was thick and cold and it was so different from his warm, smooth, sandpapery hands. But hey, I mean, it was just a glove.

I nodded, not as excited as he was. I had no idea what we were doing, or what he was planning. Hopefully he wouldn't expect to take me back to my house to have sex after it all, mom was home. "It is."

"It's what?" He demandingly asked again, looking expectantly at me.

"It's real neat, Jack."

"Joker. It's, uh, Joker tonight, hun," He corrected me, looking back out at the road, grinning as he purposely swerved towards any bird or straight for a person as they dodged in fear. I found it twisted and sadistic, like it were a game to him. He'd get extra points for hitting things, maybe a hundred bonus for running over people. "Or boss. Can't have ya blowing my cover, now, can we?"

I shook my head obediently. "Nope." I childishly agreed, popping the 'p'.

Joker giggled crazily, his hand reaching over to tease my ponytail like it were a cat's tail. "Atta girl."

We passed a few smaller white vans, most of them with Joker-like faces spray painted on them, black eyes and a red grin. I watched them curiously and even managed to peak into the driver's seat to see men with... clown masks. What exactly are we doing?

"Hey, Stell," Joker barked for my attention and smacked his lips. I turned. "You know the way to the Iceberg Lounge from here, dontcha?"

I looked where we were and nodded. "Yeah, but-"

"Great! Now, uh- honey, c'mere and take the wheel." He ordered as politely as a man like him could and nearly climbed from his seat if it wasn't for my objection.

"What?!" I yelled, my heart pounding. "I can't drive!" I shouted as loudly as I could over revving engines and distant gunshots.

The Joker laughed and reached over to pull me on his lap. "Well, tonight you're- uh- gonna have a little driving lesson." He said lowly into my ear, forcing my hands on the wheel. My clammy palms gripped onto the brown leather of the wheel as tightly as I could before Joker let go of my wrists and the steering was up to me.

Needless to say, I was terrified. "Joker, please, I can't-"

He ignored me. "Now, uh, your one foot goes here, on the acceleration pedal- or whatever it's called. Just don't take your foot off it," He instructed, tapping his one leg, the one on the accelerator. "And this other one, is the break."

"What about the other one?" I asked, my eyes glancing down to a third pedal as I tried to focus on the twisty road of Gotham at the same time. I had no idea there was even such a thing as the third pedal.

Joker's mind pulled a blank and he shortly hummed to himself. "Hm. Y'know, I, uh, honestly don't know. Psht, whatever, it probably ain't that important," He scoffed, patting my leg. "Right, I'm just gonna slip from under you to that other seat. Put your foot down right away- can't be having any, uh, crashes, now can we?"

"You're telling me!" I panicked sarcastically. "Wait, what about the gear st-"

"Go!" He yelled and slipped from under me. I screamed as my foot clambered for the pedal and slammed down desperately. Surprisingly, the van barely swerved and it still moved and my eyes widened in shock of myself. I was driving. Not at all safely, of course, but I was controlling a vehicle all by myself. I felt really out of place and I liked it.

Joker howled loudly in laughter, nearly a shriek of joy. "See? You're a natural! Ain't that hard, huh?"

"Hah!" I forced a sarcastic laugh as I swerved around a road, nearly driving onto the sidewalk. My eyes squeezed shut as I ran over what could've been either a pigeon or a cat or a person, but either way I was too scared for my own life to bother about theirs. A little morbid, a little selfish, very wrong.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I saw the Joker roll down his window and reach into the back seat where he pulled out a massive machine gun. It was cartoonish, like when they pull canons and stuff out of nowhere. My heart dropped as he cocked it and laughed lowly in his throat. My eyes widened and I had nearly forgotten how to think straight. The gun must've been at least half my height.

"What is that?!" I demandingly screamed over the commotion, trying to focus on not crashing the van. Not only did the precious vehicle hold precious memories of us that only I cared about, but it also held our lives and that was what I cared about most in the then and there.

He grinned wildly at me. "This, Stella dearest, is my favourite toy." Joker nearly shrieked in laughter as he stuck his head and arms out the window and began randomly shooting, not letting himself even breathe through his mixed giggles of delight and relentlessness. His bullets left behind trails of exploding cars and blood and screaming people and I was too scared to even watch as I tried to focus on the road, swerving down a horribly curvy path. The tires screeched painfully and the van would've nearly tipped over if I hadn't used all my strength to turn the wheel.

I sped over a speed bump so ridiculously bumpy at a horribly fast pace that I jumped up and hit my head on the ceiling of the van. I groaned out loudly in pain but it wasn't as if anyone would've heard me. I couldn't even hear myself over the mass commotion.

The Joker pulled back in to reload and as he did, he gave me a rushed, hard kiss on the lips right as I was driving. Not anything loving, not anything caring. Just full of pure adrenaline and energy and that one, tough touch that burnt off all of the excitement he felt. The kiss lasted half a second. I'd only realised it'd happened once it was over. I felt his joy, I felt his anticipation, I could feel that spark, that match that had lit the fireworks in him. I tasted chaos on his lips. And I loved it.

Soon enough the Iceberg Lounge came into view and I had no idea what to do. As we approached, I straight up drove the van right against the sidewalk and slammed the breaks down immediately, causing my chest to heave and slam against the wheel, sounding a loud honk. Joker arched forward as well and as the van's horn bellowed he shot me a quick glare and I swore I nearly saw my own life flashing before my eyes, the disgust that burned within his. But he simply shrugged and smirked.

"Well, at least they know we're here," He said and opened the glove compartment. In it was a clown mask and a simple handgun and without warning he forced them into my hands. "A present for my... bunny." Joker said before he opened the van door and got out, laughing to himself and greeting the other men who turned up, the ones in clown masks and dumb get-ups.

I looked down at the mask I had. It was sad, the eyes stuck in black diamond shapes with dots running down the cheeks and an over-exaggerated red frown. It had an elastic tie on the back to ensure it didn't come off. I stared at the jet black handgun and held it. It was much heavier than I'd expected. I had no idea about guns or what millimetre this or that was, or how big the bullets were or absolutely anything. All I knew was the obvious- pull the trigger, shoot to kill, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to hurt anybody, I didn't have the capability to. Hell, I could barely swat flies with rolled up magazines, let alone kill a man.

I stuck the mask on and sighed, scared. It smelt like him, unsurprisingly. I held the gun anxiously and opened the van door, hopping out. As I walked over near the Joker, machine gun casually rested on his shoulder, I stared up at the Iceberg Lounge. I'd only ever driven past there once, a long time ago, and I wished to visit it with all my heart. Perhaps not like this, but I doubt I'd ever forget this moment. The purplish blue sign lit up reflections in the puddles on the ground and it gave soft lighting to a very... unique scenery. No, I doubted I'd ever forget this. After all, it's not every day you get a date to one of the fanciest lounges in Gotham with the city's most feared homicidal maniacs.

I stepped over towards the Joker, holding my gun timidly by my side, I stopped when some intimidatingly burly guy, one in about twenty seven other men that stood before the Joker, began wolf whistling at me. It reminded me of that guy outside my college campus that one melancholic, rainy day. I immediately looked at the Joker, out of instinct, curiosity and fear for this muscled guy, and his face barely twitched, although I caught the sight of his tongue poking around his cheek in muted irritation.

The broad, burly guy chuckled. "Hey, fellas, s'been a while since we saw a, uh, lady, huh?" He hooted, causing a few others to chuckle in agreement. I felt my shoulders curl upwards as though I was trying to wrap myself up into nonexistence, trying to disappear. I knew they were doing it for the shits and giggles, just to try and intimidate me. It worked. "Hey, boss, after this, can we have a turn with h-"

Before he took another breath the Joker cocked his gun and shot the guy directly in the face, blood spattering over the guys who stood near him. I swallowed a small scream, my lips pursed in shock. My eyes watered with how wide they stayed open, drying up after a moment or two. It was crazy, one minute the guy was stood there talking, laughing, breathing and the next minute half of his head was next to his feet and he was backwards on the ground. I was amazed at how quickly he'd been deleted from the world, how fast he'd... vanished. Death was quick, it didn't wait for you to catch up.

Everybody fell silent. Nobody knew what to do or feel, I didn't know what the hell had just happened. I questioned for a second if this was even real- after all, gunshots were something you saw in the movies, not ten feet away from you on the same patch of road. But this was Gotham, and I had my ankles resting on a psychopath's shoulders half the time. It wasn't exactly a rare chance to see people simply drop dead, wiped from existence.

Joker rested his gun back on his shoulder, sighing and raising his brows, clearly unamused. He was just annoyed. Not at the fact that this guy was 'hitting' on me, but probably because he just wasn't on 'mission'.

Joker huffed, "Y'got two heads, guys. Think with, uh, this one, a'right?" He asked sarcastically, pointing to the head on his shoulders rather than the one... elsewhere. Then he changed pace quickly,"Shall we?" He mockingly happily asked, turning towards the Iceberg Lounge. All the men took that gunshot as their final and only warning and not a single one of their eerie clown masks turned to even look at me after that. He motioned for them to go in first instead of him, like a sarcastic gentleman and I loyally and fearfully stayed by his side, my breaths becoming fast and ragged. I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die.

As everyone else went inside, Joker sighed and peered down at me with a slight smirks as though nothing had happened. "Ever been to the Iceberg Lounge, doll?" He asked me, smacking his lips.

I shook my head.

Joker grinned and shrugged. "Not the first experience you had in mind, huh?"

I scoffed lightly. "First time driving, first time at the Iceberg Lounge, and now the first time shooting a gun. Probably. Hopefully not." I honestly admitted, my lungs heaving tightly. I was panicking. I didn't want him to think I was panicking.

Joker gently punched my arm, pushing me forward quite harshly as we made our way to the doors. "There's a first time for everything, toots. Just, uh, enjoy it."

"I'm shooting a gun, Joker," I said in a low tone. "It's not like I'm learning how to ride a bike."

He chuckled, but didn't smile. "Well, once you learn how, you'll never forget. So, it is, uh, kinda like that." He said before he theatrically burst into the Iceberg Lounge, the whole place falling silent.

I shook like a leaf. There were probably hundreds of Gotham's richest in here, and as soon as a clown with a gun walks in, they all fall silent. So much power, so much reputation, yet they all drop to their knees because of one man.

Many of Joker's goons lurked around the room and poked trembling people with their guns, chuckling stupidly. I sheepishly stood behind Joker but made my distance, almost as if I was pretending not to be with him, despite holding a gun and wearing a clown mask. That might've given it away.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd-ah, hate to so rudely crash your party like this, but I just have one question," He began, striding around the place as if he owned it. A woman in the back held in a scream as one of his goons tore off her necklace, pocketing it. Joker obviously didn't care. "Where is, uh, Harvey Dent?"

I furrowed my brows, my expression hidden behind that of the sad one on my mask. What would he want with Harvey Dent?

Suddenly in response, an old grouchy English voice obnoxiously bursted through the back. Out stepped Oswald Cobblepot, as fat and bird-looking as ever. "No-bloody-where 'round here! Get out of my frickin' lounge, or I'll blow your face to bits!" He threatened, a henchmen of his stepping out from behind him bringing out his own massive gun. My head grew queasy. One wrong slip and it could be my face that'd be the one blown up.

The Joker giggled loudly and looked around, as if looking for a laugh, but only his goons did, and that was out of fear. He then turned to me and glared, expecting a reaction, and I let out a high pitched laugh of my own, fake, of course.

Penguin stared at me. "Who's that you got back there, eh? Another harlequin o' yours?"

Joker looked at me and giggled again. "Mmm, pretty, ain't she?"

I would've blushed in flattery if I wasn't surrounded by thirty criminals, each one owning a gun.

The Penguin didn't answer, only continued to stare at me and chuckle. He then looked back at Joker and I was too caught up in my own panicked thoughts to hear what they were talking about. I had a gun in my hand, a mask on my face and I was surrounded by a fucking gang of criminals holding the whole room at gunpoint. Not my typical Friday night. Honestly, until Joker's call I was planning on watching Mean Girls with my mom, yet here I was.

A glint of tan stood in the corner of my eye and I glanced over to see a muscular henchman with a giant hammer slowly approach Joker as he was speaking. This hammer was so huge it was honestly comical. It was the size of a giant inflatable one, only it was real.

All that Joker and the Penguin did was talk, and it was obvious that the little midget was using this as a distraction. Penguin smirked like a maniac and as the henchman brought up the hammer, I reacted on instinct.

Without even thinking about it, my hand raised and my finger clenched around the trigger, shooting wherever, whatever. The gunshot made everyone flinch, including myself and I'd shot the henchman in the arm, causing him to grunt and drop his hammer. Everyone looked over and even the Joker, and the henchman looked furious. He began growling loudly as he marched towards me but I kept my arm raised, looking away with eyes closed and shot him once, twice, a hundred times, and every time I hit him in the chest. But one. One bullet landed slap bang in the middle of his skull and he fell to the floor as limp and lifeless as a puppet with cut strings.

Oh, shit.

Joker turned back around to see the Penguin glare angrily at me and that was when everyone began shooting. The Joker started off by shooting the henchman next to Penguin and everyone went at it after that as more of Penguin's men came out. The innocents inside began screaming and either ducked or ran. Many managed to make it out yet some stayed in fear, paralysed, or even some (women) were kept behind as Joker's goons groped them or even shot them just for the heck of it. It was madness, absolute inferno. The Joker laughed louder than any noise in the room and nearly twirled as he just shot wherever he damn liked and the Penguin eventually retreated.

My heart stopped. My gun was out of bullets and I was thankful. I dropped it to the floor and it hit the ground with a slam. I stared at the man I shot, laid face down in a puddle of his own blood. There was a clean hole in the back of his head where the bullet went through but was bleeding and oozing parts of brain. I wasn't disgusted by what I saw, just what I did. The blood and guts I could handle, the responsibility and guilt, I could not. I took a man's life and I barely felt.. anything. Just scared. I was numb but I could feel myself sobbing. My whole head had turned to white noise and I was so sure that this was all just some crazy, fucked up nightmare. I didn't shoot anyone, I couldn't have. I didn't have the capability to. I refused to believe it.

"F-fuck..." I stammered, my bottom lip quivering. I curled my toes and felt myself want to vomit. "Oh, shit... what the fucking... dammit..."

During the shooting, Joker looked back at me, too happy and grinning too much to even bother trying to look concerned. He couldn't see the amount of horror of my face of course, behind the mask, but I stared at him with a look that was begging for help. Pleading for us to just stop. But all he saw was the sad clown face and he didn't say a word, just laughed and shot.

Before he ran out of bullets, a dark figure crashed through the stained glass ceiling of the Iceberg Lounge. I knew who it was.

"Batman!" Joker gasped mockingly. The shooting stopped. "Oh, you came, I'm thrilled! Maybe you could help me on my, uh, little search, yeah?"

"Where is he?" Batman growled in his gravelly voice. The poor guy sounded like he was in need of a cough sweet.

"Who, Harvey?" Joker asked, tutting. "You lost him too, huh? Y'know, that's really-" Batman instantly lunged forward at him but Joker pressed the long barrel of his gun against Batman's throat. "Ah, ah, ah." He tutted, slowly stepping backwards, gun raised. Batman stood stock still, eyeing me thoughtfully, wondering- who was I? The Joker then slowly stood behind me and all of a sudden held me in a death grip, tearing off my mask. I screamed lightly and trembled, tears of fear threatening to spill.

What is he doing? This is just all for show, right?

Joker discarded his now empty machine gun and pulled out a smaller handgun, placing the barrel against the side of my head. My breaths rapidly quickened as did my heartbeat and my eyes widened. My gasps caught in my throat and I was on the verge of tears. Batman stood completely still, staring at me, as if trying to place me. "One more step, and she dies." Joker threatened, making my heart sink, but the arm locked around my neck wasn't really all that tight and his thumb somehow found my skin and relaxedly rubbed circles, almost comforting me but I was just blinded by terror. I was scared and confused and I wish he'd have pulled the trigger already or let go of me or just done something instead of using me as a goddamn pawn.

"Drop the gun." Batman ordered, stepping one step closer, as Joker took one back with me.

Joker whistled loudly, specifically to his men and the gunshots began again, many of them dropping their weapons completely to fight the Batman, distracting him. They all seemed like feral dogs, their owner finally letting them at and have it at that piece of meat. It was a scary thing to see. It was barbaric. Batman grunted and rushed at them instantly, as Joker pocketed his gun and pulled us out of the lounge.

"And as for us, well, we're going, uh, home." Joker laughed maliciously to himself as he rushed me into the van, and as soon as we were in and I'd belted myself up, he revved up the engine and drove off.

I shook in my seat, terrified. "What was the point of that?" I asked, staring at him.

He smacked his lips. "There, uh, wasn't."

My face contorted into one of rage and pure pissed off-ness. "W-what?"

"I was improvising. I'm bored, honeybee," The name was teasing yet he slapped a comforting hand on my thigh. "Not with you, of course. My... sunflower," He giggled jokingly to himself, rubbing my leg cheerfully. "So? Did you enjoy that? I enjoyed that. I really enjoyed that."

I was speechless, gawking at him with my mouth wide open "I... I fucking shot someone, and you're telling me it was for fucking nothing?!"

He grinned widely, as if he were proud. "I know, I saw! Y'know," His tongue smooched in his mouth as he turned down a road, much more smoothly than I had. "I honestly didn't think you had it in ya. You, uh, you did good." Joker said, rubbing my leg in encouragement.

I buried my head in my hands. "I thought he was gonna kill you. I-I didn't mean to shoot him, I just..." I blinked and looked at him. "I just did and... oh, God." I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, leaning back in my seat. I just wanted to wake up, this couldn't be real.

Joker glanced back at me and softly sighed, taking his hand from my leg to place it back on the wheel. We came up to a familiar road leading up to my street but Joker ignored it completely and drove straight past it. I shot him a look.

"Hey, that was my street, we drove straight past-"

"I know," He smirked, licking his lips. He leant back cooly against the seat and continued driving. "I know. Uh, bunny," He giggled. "You just-ah, sit back and don't worry about a thing."

"What're you doing?" I asked calmly, my voice soft. I was becoming tired and my fear had worn me out. "Where are we going?"

"Home," Joker said and then tutted to himself. "Oh, didn't I mention?" He rhetorically asked, grinning. "You're coming back with me toni-"

He didn't finish his sentence. A giant black vehicle came speeding into the scratched side of the van and before I could even scream, the entire van was flipped over, hitting the ground on its side, skidding across to a wall. It seemed to carry on for minutes, the tires screeching and the glass smashing, shards scattering like hail.

And all of a sudden, it was over. The van stopped moving. Everything fell silent. Too silent. I scrambled to find my chest, finding my heartbeat. Oh my God, I was alive. I sighed in relief. I was okay.

Joker.

I dared to open my eyes and saw the Joker underneath me, against the smashed window of the driver's seat, unresponsive. My stomach churned, my emotions numbing.

I screamed for him and my bloody hands fumbled for my belt buckle, undoing myself from the seat. My first priority was to crawl over to the Joker and I whimpered, reaching out for him. He hadn't worn his belt. "No," I whispered, placing my hands on his face. "No, no, no, no...!" I started to panic, tears welling up in my eyes. I could hear him breathing, but he wouldn't move. He couldn't move. I held his shoulders and shook him, turned his head to see blood trickling down his forehead down to his cheek. A droplet of blood swam down his scars, the scars cradling the blood between all the cracks.

For the first time in my life in a long time, I was actually terrified. Finding out he was a murderer in the beginning was nothing compared to how scared I was now. I could lose him. I could lose him forever. Now I understood. Now I understood why he feared attachment, and why he wouldn't say he loved me outside of sex. I finally grasped his concept. This was the adventure that I hadn't planned for, the adventure that might've been just too big. I exhaled, my lungs shaking violently, and I held onto his shoulders. I leant forward and laid across his chest, burying my head under his chin. I began to quietly cry, tears slipping down my cheeks. I wanted him to wake up. I wanted the van to be upright, and see his one hand on the wheel and the other on my thigh, I wanted him to tease me, call me names, let me on his lap, kiss me, touch me- I wanted him to wake up. The thought that he might not've was the scariest thing in the world to think of.

I desperately tried to stop crying, my breaths growing short. For a second, when I held my breath, I could hear his heartbeat. My throat swelled and my heart jumped. I placed my ear back to his chest. I could feel his chest rising and falling. He was alive. Oh my God, he was alive.

Through tears of joy I whimpered happily, knotting my arms around him and hugging him as tightly to myself as I could. He wasn't awake, and I took the chance to be as affectionate and as cuddly and as corny as I wanted to be. He couldn't judge me now. I buried my nose into his jacket and inhaled softly, taking in his scent like a drug. God, it smelled like safety and comfort and the thing I loved most in this world- the Joker. I reached up to kiss his closed lips, stroking his scars with my thumbs. He was alive, he was okay, he was breathing, and he'd made it. That was enough for me.

I nearly smiled at the thought, but the pain that rung throughout my head was too much to handle. The shock was exhausting, but now I knew he was alive... I think I was going to be okay.

As glass lightly crunched between the weight of our bodies and the sirens in the distance wailed further and further away, my eyes drooped shut, and I was almost certain it was the end, if it weren't for the reassurance of his light, soft, bubbling breaths erupting from his chest reminding me that so long as we were alive, it was never the end.

Haha I suck at writing dramatical scenes :)

YES STELLA WAS SO OOC AND THIS WAS HELLA CHEESY. I feel like the scriptwriter of Life is Strange, it's that cheesy.

Meh, it's been 2 weeks, I don't wanna leave you without an update :(

Hope you tolerated this corny ass chapter, hopefully it'll get better :/