DISCLAIMER: i dont own these characters except of course, for 302

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Chapter 25: Responsibility

Alec looked at his watch while staring out the window. Was he really about to do this? He found himself getting distracted with thoughts of Max, he couldn't help it for where he was about to be. He knew he should probably skip it, stop, but he couldn't.

It seemed the longer he was out of Manticore, the more haunted he became. He was no closer to finding his connection to Max then when he first escaped. Maybe his connection, his draw to Max, really was something creepy in his DNA, something thanks to his twin brother, Ben.

494 stared at him, he hated him. He was starting to believe him. Maybe the psycho really was placed in this cell on purpose, to drive him crazy. Watching 302 sleep, he wanted to take the opportunity. Suffocate him. End his pathetic existence. But he knew it would only serve to prove that 302 had been right all along- that 494 was crazy, that he'd failed just like his "twin". If 494 killed 302 like he wanted to, it would be the ultimate show of his own insanity. The death would not alleviate the situation, it would only get worse for 494.

494 was usually capable of ignoring his crazy cellie. He was pretty good at keeping his cool. But tonight's events were altogether unsettling for 494, and he couldn't take it anymore. He was sick of being bombarded with all of it, the idea that this was all another test, the shots were methods of control, that he was constantly scrutinized for his brother's failure that he wasn't even ever going to be informed about.

494 thought of his brother with hatred that went beyond his thoughts. If he ever came across him, he didn't know what he would do. His own existence would have gone so much differently if it wasn't for his brother's failure, a brother he'd never met, never claimed.

494 pictured himself punching his twin upon the sight of him. Trying to punish him for being such a damn screw up.

494 wasn't violent. But something about the blame being upon him, blame that never was his, being forced at him upset him and made his composure go out the window.

If 302 was right, he was daily being tested and punished for something he'd never done- his twin's shortcomings. If 302 was right, he held the blame for her death.

494 punched the wall to escape the thought. He hadn't killed her. Why should he feel guilty. "I didn't kill her!" he said aloud, wanting to shout it. He felt tears coming from his eyes and he realized he really had lost it, he'd lost control over his emotions and thoughts, he may as well be insane.

302 snapped his eyes open as creepy as ever. He'd been awake the entire time, but waiting to see what 494 would do. 302 couldn't help it, it was partially why Manticore considered him a worthless soldier- his curiosity and neverending search for the truth. His theories, they called him crazy, but he knew he was right. It was why he was so dangerous. His own existence stood to prove that his Manticore theories were true. This was his mission. If he could get 494 to crack, he himself would be considered worth something. Maybe he would manage to escape psyOps.

But 302's own will to uncover the truth was stronger than the will to survive. He didn't want 494 to crack, fall apart. 302 had seen enough to know- 494 wasn't a failure like his twin. He was one of Manticore's best. If 302 could show 494 the truth, than even if 302 was disposed of in true Manticore fashion for knowing too much, 494 could continue to uncover and spread the truth.

302 was a narcissist to the 10th degree. He didn't want his work to go on someone else, but he knew he would be killed for what he knew. If not killed, he would be sent to solitary forever, only to be brought into the open for routine memory probing and erasing. Solitary was death for 302. Not being able to watch and see what was happening, not being able to share his stories, his truths. It was the same to him as death.

302 had been in solitary before the idea came along that he could make 494 crack. Manticore hadn't planned on 494 being as amazing of a soldier as he was. If any other designation had been placed in a cell with 302, they surely would have either gone crazy by now or killed 302. 302 knew this, and he knew that 494 was special- he could pass along his work to 494.

302 was a narcissist, but he knew that 494 was better. He admired 494 for all that he was, the perfect soldier. It was 494's perfection that could destroy Manticore. It was ironic, really. 493 was the ultimate failure, and yet, in his twin 494, was the ultimate success, the perfect soldier. They shared the same DNA. 302 marveled at this fact. It went against what should be. 302 loved it. He didn't want to admit that 494 was better, to pass along his own bizarre discoveries to 494, but 302 realized his own ultimate truth- he was destined to die in this place. He would never get out, he would never get the opportunites that 494 had in front of him.

Part of 302 was jealous. He wished for just a part of 494's perfection, to be able to come close to that level of greatness. 302 hadn't seen training since he'd made his mistake, realized his worst flaw, his own self-obsession. He couldn't keep the truth to himself, they all needed to know. He would tell them.

302 knew that 494 was better. He would be able to succeed where 302 could not. 302 knew his fate- he would die here. Either a warrior's death (what 302 could only hope for) by standing against Manticore and being too much of a threat, or by solitary confinement. It was the same to 302, either way was death to him.

Part of 302 wanted to watch 494 fall apart, let him fall into Manticore's wishes. Manticore wanted him to fail. It would help explain away their own failure in his ultimately flawed twin. But if 494 fell into permanent insanity, 302 would be watching his own desires die along with the sanity of 494. 494 was 302's only chance to see his work go somewhere.

"Shut up!" 302 demanded, taking the typical words of 494. It seemed for the moment, their roles had been reversed. 302 would have to comfort his cellie, as he was at his most vulnerable.

Luckilly for 302, it was all that 494 needed. If 494's sanity relied upon 302's ability to console and talk normal and speak some sense into 494, they both would have been doomed. At 302's words, really, the recognition that he wasn't alone and someone was watching him in his most vulnerable state, 494 came back to reality.

He looked down at the pillow he'd been clenching, the one that just a moment ago, he had pictured himself placing over 302's face with all of his strength behind it, ending his cellmate's life. The pillow had his hands indented in it momentarily.

494 fluffed it and threw it at 302 in a joking manner as if he wasn't just pondering killing the weirdo. "I knew you were faking, loser," 494 said, adding a smirk at the end.

"I have all the time in the world to sleep," 302 replied, "why would I do that when I could be watching you."

494 cringed slightly. It was no wonder he found himself on the edge of insanity at times with his creepy cellmate. Of course, watching 494 probably was the highlight of 302's day. After all, while 494 could escape his cell on missions and training and debriefing, 302 was constantly there.

"Why don't you ever get the shots?" 494 asked, giving in for one more moment to all of the questions and confusion he tried to pretend wasn't there most of the time.

"You know why," 302 answered, as cryptically as ever.

494 swallowed, allowing the responsibility and guilt of her death to come to surface. He did know why, somewhere inside of him. He'd blocked out all thoughts of it as a Manticore soldier would, but deep down, he did know.

494 plopped onto his military bed and accepted it. Her death was his fault. He took the moment to bury the memory and the acceptance. There was no need to dwell on this fact any further. It would not benefit him in any way, he would forget about it and when he woke up in the morning, it would be like tonight had never happened.

Alec knew why what he was about to do bothered him. He hadn't realized it until he connected his recent actions with Max and how she would take it. He saw her at her most vulnerable, seeing again in his mind the Max he'd seen in a white dress, the one he was sure he would never see again.

Alec pulled the black gloves over his hands, staring again at his watch. Damn. He was already running late.

Was it habit? Is that why he wouldn't refuse, not even for Max? Was it that he wanted to somehow deny to her face his feelings for her? Was it to somehow pretend like she hadn't changed him at all?

He didn't need to do it, but that really wasn't the point anymore.

Whatever his reasons, he did feel like he was running from something. Responsibility.

"Fuck that shit," Alec said aloud, dismissing his own guilt for what he was about to do. And then he denied it again before grabbing the bag and heading to his destination. "I didn't kill her."

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a/n: thanks so much for reading! and as I always say, I really appreciate reviews! (ps- this "flashback" stuff is such a guilty pleasure for me! I love writing about that stuff! haha. hope you enjoyed)