AN: Wow!!! The response for last chapter was MIND BLOWING! I really hadn't expected that! A lot of you asked if Alice was broken now too...so I decided to give you this chapter early as a way to answer your questions. If by some miracle I manage to get as far ahead as I'd like to, the following two chapters will be posted today as well. I like to stay a few chapters ahead...just in case so if I hit a writer's block at some point,I still have something on hand to provide for all of you. It's not the only reason I horde them before releasing them either..so please don't bombard me with messages demanding them LOL..I keep them until I'm sure that I've passed a point where I'm not going to randomly change part of the plot previously set in those chapters. It would be quite a mess if I did that. Okay..enough of my rambling...ENJOY!

Disclaimer: All Twilight related characters belong to SM...I only own some boring teachers and one briefly mentioned student.

Apologies and Wistful Lullabies

APOV

I patiently sat and listened...well more appropriately watched...carefully to Bella's story of her past. I was shocked to say the least. It hurt horrendously to learn of the pain that she endured, and to realize just how much she blames herself for what happened that day. What I couldn't understand though, was why her parents were running. Her father was the Chief of Police, he shouldn't have had to run from anything. I'm not even sure if Bella realizes that that's what happened.

Her parents were running from a source of danger for their family, and it found them anyhow. But why? And how? Couldn't he have gotten help from his department in the matter? Shouldn't they have been safer if no one but his officers knew where they exactly were? It just doesn't make sense.

Her bravery in re-telling her story astounded me. I understand completely why she's never told the story to anyone before, and it humbles me that she would choose to tell it to me. It was obvious how detached she kept herself as she made her way through all of her memories, but honestly, I don't think she would have made it through the entire thing had she not been that way. It was just too horrific of an experience to live through once, much less force yourself to re-live just to allow someone else to know what you've been through.

I wanted to ask her a million questions, most of which pertaining to why she thought any of that was her fault, but I couldn't bring myself to do that to her when she finished. The only thing I could do, and wanted to do for that matter, was hold her together when the onslaught of emotions broke through.

We stayed in that dressing room for the better part of four hours. It wasn't until we heard the overhead announcement that the mall was getting ready to close, that we finally cleaned ourselves up and opened the curtain to join the rest of the world once again.

As we exited, the sales girl smiled sadly at Bella, and apologized to her for what she experienced the last time she was in the store. It hadn't dawned on me that she was the same sales person from that day, and it made her looks of understanding from earlier make sense. We thanked her for allowing us to stay in there so long, and also for making it so no one could interrupt us. She was incredibly gracious in this entire situation.

Bella and I made our way to my car silently, but I kept a firm grasp around her arm. I think we both needed a few minutes to sort out our emotions that were running rampid from being exposed to her past.

When we got into the car, Bella's phone immediately started chirp alerting her to an incoming message. She opened the phone, and we were both surprised to see that her inbox was full of incoming messages from Esme, who no doubt was frantic as to Bella's where abouts. I had called Esme on the way to the mall while Bella was lost in her thoughts, but even I hadn't expected to be here this long.

Bella made to send Esme back a text, but I took the phone from her. She looked at me curiously, wondering what I could possibly be up to, but the look turned to understanding and gratitude when I called Esme's phone and apologized for our lack of response to her messages. I told her that Bella accidentally left her phone in her book bag in the car while we were in the mall and we lost track of time. I wasn't sure if she believed it, but it was the best excuse I could come up with. I told her we were on our way home, and we should be there within the hour.

The ride home was completely silent, but when I didn't need my hand to shift, I kept a firm hold of hers. She needed to know that I wouldn't run now that I knew her past, and that she wasn't alone in feeling the things she did. I only hoped that it provided her with some form of comfort as she got lost in her thoughts once again.

True to my word to Esme, 45 minutes later we arrived at the house. We both climbed out of the car and slowly made our way to the front door. We were spent, both physically and emotionally. Once we got in the house, Bella asked me if I'd spend the night, she said she didn't want to be alone. I told her of course, and that I'd be back in a little bit. I had to go home to get anything I'd need for tonight and the morning.

As I made my way back into her house, I went off to find Esme. After checking a few rooms, I finally found her in the laundry room folding clothes. I figured Bella had already gone upstairs, so I took the opportunity to talk briefly with Esme about the days events. I really felt horrible about lying to her earlier.

"Esme, can I speak with you for a moment?" I asked cautiously.

"Of course, dear. What's on your mind?" she replied warmly.

"Well, first of all, I wanted to apologize to you. I wasn't entirely truthful with you earlier on the phone... Bella didn't leave her phone in the car...we just didn't realize it had been going off," I said hesitantly as I looked at the floor.

"I don't understand, Alice. What do you mean you didn't realize it was going off? Where were both of you this afternoon?" she asked sternly.

"We were at the mall. We were only supposed to go into one store, but Bella came across that store where Lauren cornered her that day that we went shopping, and out of nowhere Bella took off into it, and launched herself into the dressing room, pulling the curtain shut behind her," I said quickly, willing Esme to not be angry that I had led Bella back to a source of pain for her.

"Why on Earth would she do that, Alice?" Esme asked worriedly.

"I think she needed to prove to herself that she could overcome her fears, honestly Esme. I never expected her to do that, and I even told her so, but she got this fierce look of determination and took off towards the dressing room. I followed her in the store, but I stopped outside of the curtain, and waited for her to come out. When she didn't, I knocked on the wall and gestured for her to let me know if she was alright or not and she grabbed my hand and pulled me in with her," I said reassuringly.

"Was she alright?" Esme said, worry still marring her beautiful and normally serene features.

"Yes, she actually seemed at peace in there. But it's what happened next that I actually wanted to speak to you about. Esme, how much do you know about Bella's past?" I asked curiously.

"Well...not much exactly, dear. Bella's never opened herself up to anyone about that. The only things I know about her past, and her traumatic experience for that matter, came from the counselor at the group home we found her in. Carlisle and I were debriefed, if you will, about her situation before we took her in. The reports were horrifying, but I have no doubt they didn't even come close to what actually happened to her in Phoenix," Esme replied sorrowfully.

"That's not exactly true, Esme....Bella told me the whole story today. That's why we didn't realize her phone was going off. We sat in that dressing room for 4 hours together as she worked her way through her memories. I just don't know what to do, Esme. I don't know how to help her now that I know exactly what she's been through. I can't even imagine being able to survive through that, much less knowing how to recover from it..." I said anxiously, worrying that now that I knew her past I would be expected to know how to help her move on from it, and I didn't. I didn't know. I had absolutely no clue how to help her.

"Oh, Alice dear..." Esme started comfortingly as she embraced me, "Alice, honey. You don't have to do anything to help her. Just being her friend has helped her in more ways than you know. She's a completely different person than she was just weeks ago. No one expects you to have the answers as to how to fix her overnight. That's impossible with what she's been through. You're an amazingly wonderful young woman, Alice. Please don't feel that you've failed her in any way. She would never think that of you. And she would never expect you to have answers that even she doesn't have, dear," Esme said sternly but in a consoling tone.

"Thanks, Esme. I really needed to hear that," I said gratefully as I smiled up at her. Esme really was as warm and compassionate as they come, and I couldn't imagine a better motherly figure for Bella in the absence of her own mother.

"You're quite welcome, sweetheart. Please always remember that should you ever need to talk to anyone, both Carlisle and I are always here for you. We like to think of you as family, dear Alice, an adopted daughter if you will, and I could only hope that you would feel comfortable speaking to us about anything that troubles you," she said warmly through her smile.

"Thank you, Esme. I think of your family the same way...speaking of adoption though, have you and Carlisle ever considered fully adopting Bella?" I asked curiously.

Esme's face lit up and a wide grin spread across her lips. I couldn't help but smile in return, wondering what pleased her so greatly. She gestured for me to stay put and she took off down the hallway quickly, only to return just minutes later clutching a manila folder in her hands, wide grin still intact.

She placed the folder on top of the dryer and opened it, exposing the adoption papers held within. I smiled widely as I ran my fingers down the papers in front of me before turning towards Esme.

"When?" I asked simply.

"Well, we planned to ask her on her birthday. She absolutely abhors anyone buying things for her, so we thought we would present her with a gift that Carlisle and myself can only hope she wants just as much as we do. A true family," she replied wistfully.

"I think she'll love that, Esme. Truly, I do," I responded honestly.

I stole a quick glance at my watch and realized that it was already after ten. I really needed to get ready for bed if I wanted to be prepared for the day ahead of me.

"Well, Esme. I'm going to head up to bed...I'm utterly spent after today's events," I said softly as a yawn broke its way through my carefully composed energetic facade.

"Good night, dear. If Bella is still awake, please tell her I'll be up in a few minutes to say good night," she said softly as she hugged me and kissed my cheek before releasing me.

"Will do, Esme. Good night," I replied before turning and making my way to the stairs with my bag.

Bella was sitting on her bed with her laptop perched on her lap when I entered her room. She looked up at me and smiled as I put my bag down on the floor and fished through it looking for my pajamas. Once I found them I stood and whistled to get her attention, and quickly signed that I was going to quickly get washed up and changed and I'd be right back. She nodded and looked back at her computer screen.

I made my way to the bathroom, and quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth, and changed my clothes before exiting to return to her room. When I got there, Bella had her laptop put away, and she lay under the covers with only her head, shoulders sticking out from the covers, and her arms resting above them. She had her iPod in her hand, and the ear buds in her ears. Her eyes were closed, and I briefly thought she had fallen asleep.

I made my way over to the bed and climbed in on the opposite side. The movement on the bed alerted her to my presence and her eyes opened as she turned her head to smile at me. I quickly signed to her asking her what she was listening to, but instead of replying she took out the ear bud from her right side and passed it to me. She restarted the song once I had the ear bud in my ear, but I didn't recognize the song. It was incredibly sweet, and I could imagine a mother singing it as a lullaby to her daughter.

I quickly signed to her asking who the artist was and what the song was called. She replied telling me that it was 'Sweet Angel of Mine' by Kassie DePaiva, and that it was the song her mother used to sing to her. I remembered her telling me about it earlier this afternoon, so I nodded to her to let her know I understood. When the song ended, I looked to Bella and saw that a single tear was starting to make its way down the side of her face, but she still had a smile on her face.

I was glad that she could at least find comfort in the song now. I hoped that it made her feel closer to her mother somehow. At this thought, I remembered that Esme had asked me to tell Bella that she'd be up in a few minutes. I patted her shoulder lightly to get her attention and relayed the message from Esme. She smiled and nodded her head as she shuffled through her iPod looking for a new song. It was Paramore's 'Emergency', and I couldn't help but think that the song held more meaning for her than it would for most.

My curiosity was eating me alive, so I turned to her and asked her what this song meant to her.

'It's hard to explain, but I heard it on the radio tonight on the way home, and I felt that it encompassed a lot of what I feel and what I should feel. It makes me realize that I'm alive for a reason, but it reminds me that I need to feel I deserve to be alive. To most, I guess this song would be rather depressing, but for me it's the opposite. It gives me hope.' she replied with a wistful look.

I smiled at her and signed my response as a new song began. I recognized this one immediately as Secondhand Serenade's 'It's Not Over'. I had a good feeling I knew the sentiment for her behind this song. If I was being honest, it's obvious that they both feel the same way about the situation, it's just a matter of Bella realizing it the way he recently has.

'Bella, if anyone on this Earth right now deserves to be alive, it's you. You've been through so much, and lost so much of your life that others take for granted, but yet you push forward through every day. You're incredibly strong, and I have no doubt that one day you will feel complete and whole again.' I replied encouragingly.

'Thanks, Ali. It means a lot to me that you feel that way, I have a hard time dealing with the fact that they aren't here anymore, but somehow I am. It makes me feel like fate made a mistake sometimes and took the wrong people. That it should have been me and not them, but somehow it got reversed.' she signed with a sorrowful look. It broke my heart that she felt that way.

'Bella, do you ever think that things happened the way they did for a reason, and the reason behind it is what keeps you from being able to move past it in a way?' I asked, willing her to see that there had to be something else going on at the time that she was unable to understand at the time.

'Who knows why things like that happen, Ali. They say everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I think that terrible things happen to people just because their strength enables them to survive it. It's a depressing theory, but there has to be a reason why fate never lays tragedy on the weak, and only allows the strong ones to bear the burden.' she replied with a pensive expression.

Esme came in at that point and bid us both good night. She embraced Bella warmly, and kissed her cheek, wishing her sweet dreams as she made her way back out of the room. I hoped that for once she actually would have sweet dreams. All the nights I have spent here, I've been a first-hand witness to her sleeplessness.

She only ever sleeps for 2 hours at a time at most, usually waking in either fright or tears, and it takes her forever to get back to sleep. I can't even begin to imagine how she functions on such levels of sleep deprivation.

Bella shut the iPod off, and I handed her the ear bud as I relaxed back into the pillows. She bid me good night and I returned the gesture. I watched her as she fell asleep, the room only faintly lit by an LED flicker candle on the dresser that she kept lit every night. I'm pretty sure after what I learned today that she did that to avoid waking up in complete darkness. I can only imagine how terrifying that would be for her when waking from a nightmare about what she experienced.

Her face remained peaceful, and her breathing evened out. I allowed her rhythmic breathing to lull me into my own sleep as I hoped and prayed, however vain that hope might be, that she would be able to sleep soundly through the night.

AN: I just want to thank you all for your incredible support this far into the story. I sincerely had doubts I would ever make it this far without being flamed and forcing myself to hide in a closet lol. Thanks again for all of your encouraging words! R&R PLS & TY! ~Jersey~