B A Y O – B A Y O :

Look how nice I am. :3 I planned to keep you guys in suspense for another week, but I decided to give you this chapter. And it's another treat—it's in Toushirou's point of view! Yay! I hope you guys enjoy, because submitting quick chapters is very hard for me now. ;3

. F U R A R E T A .
… "love hurts"… a bleach fanfiction

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Furareta © b a y o – b a y o
Bleach © Kubo Tite

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CHAPTER T W E N T Y – F I V E :
"A Captain's Confusion"

Opening Theme: "We Can Make It" by Arashi

( HITSUGAYA TOUSHIROU )

Captains' meetings were always so unnecessarily drawn out. Yamamoto had a sticking habit of dragging out simple points into two-hour (and sometimes longer) lectures. Half of the captains (except maybe Byakuya and Komamura-taichou) were already long gone by the time the first fifteen minutes passed, myself included. Sometimes I wonder if it was solely because he was old(-er) than the rest of us that he talked so much—that was Matsumoto's assumption, anyway. I just figured that was how Yamamoto was.

It had been a while since I last visited Seireitei. It felt like I had spent centuries in the human world because of the onslaught of things that had bombarded me during that (brief—it had only been two and a half months, much to my shock) time. What was supposed to be a simple patrol for mysterious activity turned into a battle to protect myself, my subordinates, and a human girl who managed to get herself wrapped up into this mess. The last report that I wrote (which was yesterday) recorded the events of the House of Horrors, the main highlight of the entry. Upon reading that "I would need more reinforcement than planned," a captains' meeting was scheduled.

Matsumoto was ecstatic about me leaving, not much to my surprise.

I told her to keep an eye out for anything unusual and to especially make sure Nagasuki was safe both during the day and night. After her luck resulted in her being trapped in her school, vulnerable not to just Hollows, but to other people as well, it was confirmed that she was going to have to be watched twenty-four-seven. Or I'd have to put a tracker on her or something—otherwise, she might as well be found dead in a dark alley one morning. Or worse—she'll be found as a pile of ash.

Stepping through the Senkaimon led me to a familiar scene—the white marble grounds of Seireitei, the headquarters of Gotei 13.

"Yamamoto-soutaichou requests your presence in the first division quarters for your meeting."

The hell butterfly fluttered around my head, repeating the message once more before flitting away. I sneezed. "Dang it," I murmured, sighing. I thought I had gotten rid of that cold. Nagasuki was an idiot, making me trudge through that downpour…

(You are still sick, master?) Hyourinmaru's voice rang in my head just as I began heading towards the said destination.

'I guess so,' I responded with aggravation.

He chuckled. (And to think the prince of ice cannot conquer a mere cold… I do believe Nagasuki-san has already gotten rid of it.)

'Shut up, stupid dragon.'

His laughter faded into the depths of my mind. Sometimes I just wished he was out of my head.

Everyone had already been waiting for me as I entered the division. Standing in this room always made me uncomfortable. It was enormous in capacity, but carried so little furniture. In fact, I don't think it carried anything of the sort at all. Yamamoto-soutaichou stood before the line of eleven Shinigami captain, his hands resting comfortably on his wooden staff. When the large heavy doors of the room were pushed open, all heads turned to face me. I nodded in apology and hurried to the end of the line.

"Welcome back, Hitsugaya-taichou," Yamamoto's voice boomed from wall to wall. "I trust you had a smooth return?"

"Yes. Thank you, sir," I replied, bowing my head slightly.

"Now we can commence our meeting. As you all know, Hitsugaya-taichou and his fukutaichou were stationed in the human world to watch for any strange activity. Recently, Kurotsuchi-taichou and his division have been picking up strange traces of reiatsu that were inconsistent in activity and wavelengths; and after a few weeks of study, Kurotsuchi-taichou had come up with a surprising theory. He suggested that the Bounto have risen from their graves."

This was all review to us. Of course it was a rumor at the time and was kept a secret to the lesser Shinigami, but the captains and second-in-commands had been investigating this for almost five months already.

The small, beady eyes of the old man turned to me. "Would you please give us your personal report, Hitsugaya-taichou?"

"Yes, sir," I nodded. "Kurotsuchi-taichou's speculation is correct. The Bounto have returned, although it is not the same band that had infiltrated Soul Society a few years ago. According to their leader, Daijiro Yasuo, there are six in all, and I have met with just two—the other being Minamoto Riana."

"Have you fought with any of them?" The calm, composed tone of Byakuya flowed across the room.

"Yes. I have fought with their leader, Daijiro. He possesses the element of fire; it is no surprise that he's their leader."

"Fire? Does that mean you lost?" Zaraki's gruff voice inquired.

"… Yes." Ignoring the circulation of surprised murmurs I continued, "It's unclear what his objective is, but I believe that it centers on a human I met."

"A human?" Soi Fong repeated. "Does she know about you?"

I nodded. "Two of the Bounto had been her friends, but their identities were revealed shortly after she discovered mine. It was inevitable that she'd know about us and is directly involved. Daijiro seems to be obsessed with a deceased family member of hers. She has come in contact with four of the six Bounto."

"Interesting," Ukitake murmured from beside me. "Who is this girl?"

"Nagasuki Megumi," I responded. "Her mother, Nagasuki Akina, is who Daijiro has definitely had a connection with. How, when, or why is unknown."

"So what have you deduced from your surveillance as a conclusion, Hitsugaya-taichou?" asked Yamamoto.

"These Bounto are stronger than the last batch. They have a Bounto that seems to specialize in barriers and something reiatsu-related; it took Hinamori-fukutaichou and Tessai, both masters of kidou, a massive expanse of their energy to break open the barrier around their headquarters long enough for us to escape. Daijiro controls fire; Minamoto Hikaru controls ice; Romeo has an explosive doll; and the last known Bounto, Minamoto Riana, has an unknown power. The other two I have yet to meet. All in all, we will need much more Shinigami than the current three in order to completely destroy Daijiro Yasuo and his group."

A low whistle interrupted the three-second silence. "That bad, huh?" Kyouraku sighed.

"So even Hitsugaya-taichou was defeated," Komamura added, just as shocked.

"I can offer a subordinate for physical support," Unohana suggested.

"That would be appreciated," I nodded. "Also, Yamamoto-soutaichou." He looked at me. "Considering the heavy stacking of the odds against myself as I stand, may I suggest that we ask the ryoka to assist us?" The thought of asking for help from those humans almost made me feel inferior; but those humans were much stronger than even some of the Shinigami here.

"Ichigo? If Ichigo's involved, then I'm definitely in!" Zaraki exclaimed excitedly. I swear his obsession with Kurosaki (or rather, his death) was on the borderline of terrifying, even for me…

I heard Byakuya huff on the other side of the line. "If that fool is involved, things will get obnoxiously chaotic…"

"If Ichigo gets to help, we should ask Yoruichi-sama as well. She's much more talented than that human!" Soi Fong piped.

Yamamoto quelled the outbursts with a heavy tap of his staff to the ground. "I will consider your suggestion, Hitsugaya-taichou. If I do concur, there will be less need for me to issue Shinigami… however you will be held responsible for their actions, as well as for any other help you seek outside Gotei 13. That includes Urahara and his crew." His gaze turned to the scientist captain. "Kurotsuchi-taichou, I would like you to gather information about the known Bounto and their connection with Nagasuki Akina."

"Of course," the man replied.

"And Hitsugaya-taichou," he turned to me again. "You are still the operator of this mission; although, considering your human acquaintance is an official target of the enemy, you will be in charge of her personal safety as well. If she is lost, the Bounto will win. She will be your first priority."

I bit my tongue to stop myself from blurting that I already did that anyway. "Understood."

"Unohana-taichou, please select a subordinate that you would wish to assist Hitsugaya-taichou."

"Yes sir."

Ukitake nudged my side. "If Ichigo's going to be helping, I'm sure Rukia would want to join in. Would you mind?"

"Not at all."

"Bah, Ikkaku's been whinin' about wanting to go to the human world anyway," Zaraki added.

"I will see if Abarai would like to join," Byakuya monotonously added.

"Thank you for your help," I spoke up with a small smile.

Yamamoto nodded and stepped off his platform. "Have them ready to ship out as soon as they can. Hitsugaya-taichou, come with me, please."

I bowed to the rest of the captains and followed after him. I suppose that, despite what I was told, I would be able to leave much sooner than three days. I couldn't help but be relieved; Nagasuki, even with Shinigami around her, would undoubtedly get into trouble again. Honestly, that girl is like a child—you couldn't leave her alone without expecting her to get involved in some sort of chaos.

(Are you worried, master?) Hyourinmaru questioned.

'Worried? No,' I responded heatedly. 'Anxious? Yes. That girl is like walking destruction!'

(I find your relationship with her deeper than the average Shinigami-human bonds,) he argued playfully. (You know, you have been thinking about her a lot recently…)

'I have not,' I retorted. Maintaining a straight face while talking to the dragon was hard; but if I did otherwise, Yamamoto would think me as a freak. 'Just shut up, Hyourinmaru.'

(And most of those thoughts revert back to that night she was stuck in the thunderstorm. I think you were more worried than her uncle and sister combined.)

'Hyourinmaru…'

(I expected you to shun her away when she asked for your shoulder, but instead you complied. Her head felt nice on your shoulder, did it not?) He was having fun with this.

I, on the other had, was not.

So I completely turned him off.

Ah, sweet relief. I didn't want to try counting how many times he's bugged me about that incident…

Hey, would you mind if I leaned on you?

You're comfier than your bed.

With a scowl I shook those memories, along with the chortle of an annoying dragon, from my mind. I couldn't think about that, and definitely not now.

When I was completely free from my thoughts I realized Yamamoto had led me into his residence—a small, even room. What was I doing here? He walked me to a low square table.

"Please have a seat, Hitsugaya-taichou," he said, motioning across from him. I obeyed. "My vice-captain will be here with tea soon."

"Don't worry about it…" I replied absent-mindedly, more or less distracted by the sudden change of atmosphere. "What is it that you needed?"

"Straight to the point as always," he observed. "Actually, there is something I wanted to speak with you about that I'd rather keep from the other captains."

"Oh?" That surprised me. What did he want to talk about that he could talk to me about in front of the others? Was I in some sort of trouble?

Sasakibe Choujirou walked in carrying a platter with two cups. "Forgive my tardiness," he humbly said as he placed them in front of us.

"Thank you, Choujirou," Yamamoto nodded. He took his cup and motioned me to do the same.

"Uh, yes, thank you…" I trailed off. He bowed and took the platter away.

Yamamoto's chuckle drew my attention back to him. "There's no need to be tense, Hitsugaya-taichou. It's just a casual talk between men."

"I'm sorry," was all I said. Curiosity drove me crazy. "What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

"Just a few questions," he replied. "I just wanted to question you about Nagasuki Megumi."

That was all. How relieving. "I see," I said, feeling relaxed enough to take a drink. It soothed my parched throat.

"I'll be blunt," he said.

I was prepared now. "Yes." I took another drink—the tea was surprisingly good.

"Are you and Nagasuki Megumi having a secret affair?"

… But I wasn't prepared for that.

Immediately I spewed the contents of the tea as my heart leaped to my throat in surprise. My eyes, wide and unblinking, were now focused on my captain-commander who now had jasmine tea decorating his face. We stared at each other in silence for the next few minutes. I was about ready for a demotion. Or a scolding. Or another two-hour lecture on how I should react to abrupt questions…

"… I suppose I was a bit too blunt."

"My deepest apologies," I blurted out, leaping to my feet. "I'll find you a towel!"

Without waiting for him to respond (and without knowing in the slightest where I would find a towel) I found the nearest outlet to the room. Luckily, that happened to be near a bathroom. I disregarded the towel for a second and wet my face, still shocked. What made him think that Nagasuki and I were—no, that was out of the question! But why was I so flustered? My face had never been this warm since Matsumoto dug out those embarrassing old Rukongai pictures of me…

(Yes, why were you so flustered?)

'Not you again,' I growled mentally. I grabbed a towel, stood at the door to the tea room, and took a deep breath. Whatever I did from now on, I had to keep my composure.

But did he honestly think that Nagasuki and I were…

I shook my head, banishing the thought from my mind. With a shaky sigh I stepped inside the room.

Impossible.

"I'm very sorry," I murmured as I handed the commander the towel.

"Thank you," he said in a tone that almost showed humor. He lightly wiped the liquid from his face. "Allow me to rephrase that."

I sat anxiously across from him.

"What," he began, folding the towel on the table, "is your personal relationship with that girl?"

I almost sighed. No wonder he wanted to ask me this in private; and I was very, very grateful he did. Otherwise, Ukitake and Kyouraku would be like leeches giving me stupid romance advice… "There is no special connection, sir," I responded. "She's a human and I'm a Shinigami. I protect her because of her involvement in our case, but we're nothing more than just barely friends." My lip twitched and I was suddenly uncomfortable.

"Barely friends?" he repeated, nodding. "I see. That's good. What do you think of her, Hitsugaya-taichou, as a person?"

What did I think of her? I have never even thought about that before. Nagasuki had always been… Nagasuki to me. There really was no other way to describe her.

I couldn't turn down his question, though. That much I did know. He was looking at me intently with those tiny eyes that were colored with curiosity. I wonder what thoughts were swarming in his mind right now. "Nagasuki is… an interesting person," I started, unsure of what else to say. Words just began filing from my mouth. "She's nosy, troublesome, dependent, clumsy, and sometimes she talks too much."

Yamamoto's expression didn't alter.

"However," I continued thoughtfully. "She has her perks, as well. She's passionate about what she does, and is easily brought to tears. Her love for her friends is strong and drives her to (attempt to) do what is seemingly impossible, as long as it's for them. I think of her as a capable friend, but it's difficult trying to describe her in words, sir. I think it'd be better if you met her yourself." If Nagasuki ever met Yamamoto Genryuusai, my reputation would be tarnished.

"Hmm. Perhaps I shall one day," he commented, raking a hand through his beard. "Is she fair?"

I stared at him blankly. "Pardon?"

"That is," he said again, a certain glint in his eye. "Is she good-looking?"

Instead of choking on tea, I managed to choke on my own breath. I coughed into my fist. "Um… I… uh…" Was Yamamoto really asking me this?!

(Crazy old man.) Hyourinmaru barked a laugh. (Looks like you are in a bind now, master.)

"She's unsightly, then?" Yamamoto inferred.

"No," I sputtered, my face growing, once again, abnormally warm. Nagasuki's features came to mind: her pale skin, her thin, frail frame, her long blue-gray hair, her big, cobalt eyes—and for some reason that only made my face grow warmer. Something was wrong with me. "I mean… I… well, she's not ugly," I mustered pathetically. What was it with all these questions? Was he trying to get something across to me?

Amusement exhibited on his face. He was enjoying this. "I see."

Before he could ask another embarrassing question I spoke up. "Soutaichou, why are you asking me these questions?"

"Forgive me, Hitsugaya-taichou," he responded serenely. "You must think of me as strange right now. I'm simply checking up on you."

That phrase confused me. "Checking up on me?"

"I'm making sure you know what your feelings are toward this girl." Yamamoto propped his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his interlaced fingers. "You do know how I've warned you about your involvement with humans—and especially those of the opposite sex. We mustn't have you develop unnecessary emotions for her."

That's what he was worried about all this time? "Sir, I can assure you that there are no deeper feelings that we share," I stated. "Nagasuki, probably, is more focused on trying to survive rather than harboring affection for me."

"I trust your word, Hitsugaya-taichou—I sincerely do," Yamamoto nodded. "You are aware that Hinamori Momo is now in charge of your reports?"

My lips quirked. That was random. "Yes, sir."

He reached under the table and drew out a manila folder that I didn't know he had been hiding. "And I understand that there has been a massive thunderstorm not too many days ago."

"Yes sir…" My voice trailed off as he thumbed through papers in the folder and pulled out one.

He read, "In her latest report, she states: 'Hitsugaya-taichou left his house without a word to Rangiku-san and me and was gone for the next few hours. Worried, we went searching for him and found traces of his reiatsu inside an abandoned school building at midnight. When we found him sleeping in one of the rooms inside, Rangiku-san and I knew why he had disappeared so suddenly; he had been searching for Megumi-chan, who had been stranded because of the storm, and found her'." He proceeded to slide a picture across the table to me, which my fingers stopped.

I involuntarily bit my lip. Matsumoto must have taken this picture; we were sleeping, a blanket pulling us together, and Nagasuki's head was on my shoulder. I knew it wasn't a good idea to let her do that. Inwardly I groaned. I'm sure those stupid vice-captains sent the picture along with the report as a jest; but they didn't know how strict this man was concerning Shinigami-human relationships. My brows knitted together.

"Hitsugaya-taichou, do you have any feelings for Nagasuki Megumi that delves deeper than that of friendship?"

My fist clenched in my lap impulsively. "No, sir."

"Would that answer change if the question were reversed?"

I wasn't completely sure, to be honest. "I'm not positive, but I'm sure it wouldn't." I heard Hyourinmaru say something, but I quickly tuned him out.

"For her sake, I hope that's true," he said.

I nodded somberly. If she were to hide any feelings for me, she would have to be brainwashed for both her safety and mine. Those kinds of emotions would lead to rash, and often fatal, moves; and Nagasuki's done enough of that in her lifetime. Shinigami and humans weren't meant to mix that way; it was forbidden, especially in Gotei 13.

"Is that all?" I asked.

"I believe it is," Yamamoto replied thoughtfully. "I just needed to make sure."

I nodded slowly. Impossible—there was no way that Nagasuki would think that way about me. Why would she? We were so… different. Our likes and dislikes varied so much. We argue almost every time we talk. She's a human, I'm a Shinigami. So I shouldn't be worried about that. Yet…

Why am I so anxious?

(Good inquiry.)

"Is something the matter, Hitsugaya-taichou?" Yamamoto asked, noticing my distant expression.

"No, sir." I shook my head and apologized. "I'll excuse myself. Thank you for the tea—"

Beep, beep, beep.

I nearly jumped. Instantly my hand flew to my chest. It was my cell phone. I glanced at Yamamoto apologetically. "Sorry," I murmured, flipping open the top. It was Nagasuki. With an aggravated sigh, I turned. "What is it?"

"Taichou, we've got trouble!"

I started. "Matsumoto?" I responded, confused. "Why do you have Nagasuki's phone?"

"I'm wondering that myself! Anyways, you won't like the news I've got for you…" I could hear another voice—probably Hinamori—in the background.

"What did you do?" I pinched the bridge of my nose.

There was a small pause. "Um, well, I kind of don't know where Megumi-chan is…"

"… What?"

"She's missing, sir. I don't know where she is!"

"You lost her?!" I shouted, startling Yamamoto and myself. I bit my lip and flash stepped outside the building. "Matsumoto, I told you to keep an eye on her!"

"I know, taichou, I'm sorry! I woke up late!"

I growled, smacking my forehead and pacing back and forth. "How do you know she's missing?"

"Well," she started nervously, "When I came to check up on her this morning, her uncle was running around the neighborhood calling her name. He mentioned something about Metsuki-chan too. I tried to find her, but her reiatsu just… vanished. I'm serious! I sensed it, but then it just disappeared! I found her phone sitting in the park! Hinamori and I are searching the vicinity for any signs of her but so far we've come up empty…"

"Great," I murmured. "I tell her to be careful, and she goes and disappears! That girl is the queen of idiots…" I took a deep breath, and I realized something. "Wait. What did her uncle say about Metsuki?"

"He sounded nervous. He talked like he didn't even know who she was! It was really weird—do you know what happened, taichou?"

I bit my lip. Has it happened already? "I'll be there as soon as I can, Matsumoto. You and Hinamori wait there."

"Taichou—"

I snapped the phone shut. When I turned, Yamamoto stood in the doorway to his house. "Has something happened, Hitsugaya-taichou?" he asked. It looked like he already knew the answer.

"Yes, sir," I responded in a hurry. "I'm sorry, but I have to go back."

"It's no problem," he nodded. "Hurry to the gate. I'll have reinforcements following right behind you."

I bowed at my waist. "Thank you, sir."

As I turned to leave, he called me again. "Remember to keep yourself in check, Hitsugaya-taichou." His tone had a certain tone—a warning.

I didn't turn back to him. "Don't worry."

I ignored the surprised shouts of captains and Shinigami as I blurred past them towards the Senkaimon. Nagasuki was in danger, and I had little to no doubt in my mind that her disappearance was the Bounto's doing. A migraine developed as I thought about the possibilities—and especially with her uncle who seemed to have forgotten Metsuki. That brought another onslaught of questions. What was going on? Why did all this have to happen when I was gone?!

(Master.)

I growled. 'Now's not the time, Hyourinmaru.'

(I understand. You should not be worried, however; if Nagasuki-san is with that girl, is there really any reason for anxiety?)

'There's plenty,' I replied in irritation.

(… That is not the only cause for your worry, is it?)

'What are you talking about?'

(Master…) His tone was hesitant. (When the captain-commander asked you that inquiry about Nagasuki-san… I could not help but think that you were…)

My brows furrowed. 'What?'

There was a small pause. (I could not help but believe that you were lying, master.)

I leaped through the gate and into the human world, my palms and forehead damp from both anxiety and confusion. I hovered in the air for a second until I confirmed that Nagasuki's reiatsu had, indeed, vanished.

'Hyourinmaru.'

(Yes?)

A gust of wind followed me as I flash stepped towards the park.

'I really don't know anymore.'

Ending Theme: "Love So Sweet" by Arashi

A/N: Not exactly a cliffhanger, but not exactly a satisfying ending, huh? I really need to stop that… but they're so much fun! We finally get to see a change in Toushirou's view towards Megumi—but what will it result to? Now with the law hanging on his shoulders, what will he do? What can he do? And the big question right now: What is Metsuki? Forget Megumi's safety—what about the cute little blondie?! OH THE SUSPENSE!

To make the author really happy, please click on the bottom-left hand button. Thank you.

Oh yeah, and I hope Toushirou wasn't too OOC in this chapter. It was really hard trying to imagine what he'd say in the situations I put him in. Hope it was okay!

Special thanks to:

aminea88, Kana090 ("Furareta" means "love hurts." And who knows why I chose it? It could be because it has a nice, ominous ring to it. Or it could be because it holds some significance. Or maybe it's just something I used because I suck at thinking up logical titles. Who knows?), ih o w a l o n, DragonAlchemist-ArwenElric, Skylite, Hatsukoi Samui (Thanks for the correction! I was just going with the subtitles in episodes. xP But I think I'll just keep to 'taichou.' It would be kind of weird to suddenly change it after 25 chapters, you know?), Mei Fire, Snow Wing (Thank you very much! Difference is what I aim for!), Lulu4ever, Amiellia Angel, xxlemon, xxSHiNJiRU (Actually, that link didn't work for me either! It makes me sad. My first gift as an author and I can't even get it! Maybe try Photobucket instead?), Slothy Girl, Michiko75, erina destiny, anime.storm, JC-WV, Sakiru Yume, rosesRred16, fanny-kun, MangoMandarin (That really surprised me, actually. Thank you so very much! I'm honored that my story is loved!), moogle in paradaisu (Hey, I'm an author. Am I supposed to be predictable? ;3), veittvnt, aoitsuki77, LifesA(censored)ToMe, Naruto-Lover227 (Well, thinking about how fast I'm going, it just might be longer. xD), hitorijinsei3, Minako, Hiei's-Dark-Little-Phoenix, RyuseiStreamGirl, Talye Kendrin (Yes, he did. Poor Megumi. xP), Morbid Mello (I like twists, don't you?), TheKingJingles (I'd love to. :3), invisible-gurl, joster13 (Yes, that was a long review. And I LOVE long reviews. So thank you very much!), Itami-chan, glamouredFaErIe, nonday (If you die because of me, I'll be very sad.), anime0angel, UchihaFanGirl, haku fan1, Feather's Shadow, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! THIS CHAPTER IS FOR YOU ALL!

Slothy Girl asked a question on how to develop original characters. I started typing and I just kept going and going, so I decided that I would just post it in paragraph form here for everyone who wants advice for me on how I develop my OC's. I'm not perfect and neither are my characters, but I'm willing to give advice to anyone who's planning to write a story with an OC in it. So here it is:

Original characters, especially if they're the main character, is very important. When I made Megumi, the first thing I had to do was make sure she wasn't a Mary-Sue because I know that those are major turn-off's in fan fictions. I had to make her completely normal—as if she were like your next door neighbor. I didn't give her any special qualities, yet I try to make her unique in her own way—and usually I do that through her personality. I gave her interesting strengths AND flaws; for instance, Megumi can play the piano well, but she sucks at anything sporty. Balance your character out; make her believable inside and out. Outward appearance, to some people, affects the outlook of the OC as well. I was on the borderline for Megumi since I gave her blue-gray hair. I suppose that really just depends on your readers. As far as abilities go—and I'm very cautious about this—if you're going to make her extra-strong, you must BUILD IT UP. Don't make her Superman when she first appears, because that's just… no. It's much more interesting, anyway, to watch your own character develop. If she's a human, make her like any other girl you see at Walmart or at the gas station.

If she's a Shinigami… well, don't make her stand out. If she doesn't stand out in the beginning, you can make her stand out little by little as the story progress and it will seem natural. And if she IS a Shinigami, it's best not to make her very high on the ranking scale. For instance, don't make her a captain or a vice-captain. And maybe not even a third seat unless you have a GOOD, BELIEVABLE REASON. And most of those "good, believable reason" aren't good enough, so it's wiser to just stay away from it completely. People, myself included, don't really like OC's who are particularly above other canon characters. "Original characters" are called "original" for a reason. You must keep them original. They aren't supposed to rule over canon characters.

And also a peeve of mine: don't make your characters related to canon characters. I don't care if they're brothers or sisters or third cousins twice-removed—just don't. That makes a HUGE difference to how many readers and reviewers you will get. Believe me, I know.

Peeve #2: No instant relationships. Toushirou doesn't fall in love at first sight—he just isn't that kind of guy. A girl's appearance would matter little to him. I mean, look at Matsumoto. She's gorgeous, and he's with her ALL THE TIME. If you want Toushirou's heart, it must be won through sweat, hard work, and tons of patience.

Now OC'S that AREN'T main characters have more privileges. For instant, Yasuo. He beat Toushirou in a battle, is the leader of a group of Bounto, and controls fire. If that were Megumi, that would be a big problem. With Yasuo, it isn't. Why? Because he's the main villain. Villains, to me, typically always have some sort of talent that makes them eligible to oppose the good guys (which, in this case, was Toushirou); and using that mindset, I created a character that was able to defeat Toushirou and not make it seem stupid. If I were to write that Megumi defeated Yamamoto in a battle single-handedly, you all would hate me and Megumi. But if I were to write that Yasuo had power equal to that of Yamamoto (maybe not stronger, but equal), you wouldn't think it was as bad compared to the last instance. The role of your originals plays a big part in the popularity of your story, as well. The main good OC has little to no privileges when it comes to personality, abilities, and status; the main villain/minor characters have more freedom in their development because they'll most likely be the less liked anyway. Keep that in mind.

I wish you all luck if you plan to write a story. Remember that my views of OC's may differ a LOT from others, and mine are definitely not the perfect OC's. Although, I'm honored that so many people have asked me for advice. I hope it was a help.

… MAN THAT WAS A LOT MORE THAN I PLANNED TO WRITE.

I want more reviews for this. xD

-- bayo – bayo, signing out!