A.N. This is a weird chapter, and as I'm sure you can figure out it's sort of a filler. I've got the MotB part of the story pretty much planned out now and I'm looking forward to getting this part over and done with so I can start something relatively new! Thank you all so, so much for putting up with my non-existent updates. I promise I'll be good :)

midasthedonkey - thanks for such an in-depth review! This has been written in chunks over the course of almost three years now, so the style and such has shifted a fair bit, but I'm planning on doing a re-write of the first few chapters after this chunk of the story is finished. Evelyn is a personal favourite character of mine, precisely beacuse she's about as realistic as you can be in a world like FR. It's difficult to do in first-person POV, but I like to think I made her likeable, despite her being one of the most aggravating, stubborn, naive, oblivious and sometimes just plain stupid characters I've ever had the pleasure to write. Rest assured, though it's fairly obvious what will happen in the next few chapters, I'm trying to make MotB a little more interesting. The goal of this story has always been to inject realism into the game while still keeping it a fantasy, and I don't think any hot-blooded character would take what happens in MotB lying down. None of this 'sorry, he's dead, now shack up with this Hagspawn' nonsense for my stubborn little demonspawn...

Chapter 25

"So what do you think, anyway? I'm probably just being stupid, right?" I mused, kneeling by a chest and digging deep into its contents.

"…"

"Yeah, you're right, Connie. I guess it's never been my strong point."

"…"

"I mean you understand, don't you?" Triumphantly I yanked out a scrap of material, which was immediately replaced when I realised it wasn't what I was looking for at all. "It's not easy trying to figure it all out when there's so much more to think about at the same time. Maybe if it was just the two of us, and I didn't have to lead an army to war any time soon, maybe I could figure it out then. But as it stands it's just...I don't even know what it is, that's why it's not easy."

"..."

"Do you ever talk? It's because I'm not Grobnar, isn't it?"

"..."

"You won't tell Casavir, will you?"

"..."

"Yeah, you probably can't." It was then that it dawned on me exactly what I was doing, and how absurd it was. "I should shut up and stop thinking about it. That always makes things easier," I muttered, "And maybe while I'm at it I'll stop talking to insentient objects. Even one as lovely as yourself."

I gave the Construct a pat on the shoulder plate as I wandered over to the other side of the room, determined to find just the right bits of scrap to fix up my armour. The smithy had banged most of the dents out of it but didn't have time to make repairs to its individual parts. With a sigh, I squatted next to another chest and heaved it open, forcing myself to focus on cataloguing each distinct part I came across so I didn't have to think about how I'd actually told Nevalle I thought we were ready for battle, and how now there was nothing left to do but wait and stew in my own fear. Mustn't think about that. No way.

The slap of leather shoes on stone steps alerted me to the young Greycloak messenger way before his call of my name did. They never had good news. Squaring my jaw and forcing the fear bubbling up my throat back into my belly, I stood up and turned to face him.

"M'lady, you're needed upstairs. The enemy is on the horizon."

"...what?"

"We think it may be a preliminary invasion force. Sir Nevalle said to fetch you immediately."

My heart was suddenly alive and pummelling against my chest, threatening to burst through my ribcage as I ascended the stairs from the Keep's basement, my legs unsteady and unwilling to carry me to my death. Not yet. Not now. I wasn't ready. I couldn't face it. I didn't want to die...

I felt my hands shaking and gripped the handle of my sword as hard as I could to stop it from showing as I approached the war room. I schooled my face to provide my best impression of someone who was completely in control and not at all pondering the best route of escape. Most of my companions were already there by the time I arrived, and they all looked a lot more relaxed than I did about the whole thing.

"What's going on?" I asked, surprised to hear that the lump bobbing up and down in my throat only made my voice quiver a little.

"We've spotted a small force of Garius' men on our borders. We think they may attack, perhaps to test our strength, perhaps to serve as a diversion. Whatever their purpose, I agree with Kana's suggestion that you take two or three of your men along with a handful of Greycloaks to investigate and deal with the forces. That way the Keep remains manned, and we can give the enemy a show of strength."

"So...you do not think this is...it, then?"

"Casavir informs me that the bulk of Garius' forces are simple shadows that can likely exist only in the darkness," Kana chimed in, looking up from where several maps were spread beneath her palms, "It is unlikely he would choose to attack in the daylight."

"We've decided the best course of action is to take them on as soon as we can. Strike at them before they can strike at us with all their power," Nevalle said, looking directly at me in a way that made me feel I should be standing to attention.

"As I'm sure you are aware we have called for help from our allies in Waterdeep and the north, but we know not whether they will arrive in time," came a deep, commanding voice I recognised at once as Nasher. I hadn't even noticed him earlier, probably because he'd been sitting down for once. His leg was clearly still troubling him, even with all the healing magic we'd thrown at it, and he regarded me with lowered brows and a stern expression.

"But...there is a chance they will be here...right?"

"There is a greater chance the King of Shadows will tear this place apart before they arrive. Whatever plans we make must assume we are on our own," Nevalle added.

"He is right. We gave this Keep to you, and it is your responsibility to defend it. If there is anyone who can do it, I think it is you. Neverwinter depends on your defence of this place," said Nasher without a hint of irony. My fists clenched at my sides. They made me a captain, then a knight, then the proprietor of this damn place, all because it suited them. I had no illusions that the second my role in this tale ended all of those things would be whisked away as if I'd never earned them. To him, to all of them, I was just a face, someone they could manipulate as it suited them. The moment I started to disagree with what they said they'd threatened to give my position to someone else, probably kick me out of Neverwinter, but when there was a pretty high chance I'd die fighting for them they were more than happy to load me up with responsibilities.

"I'll do what I can," I managed, looking slightly to the left of Nasher's head to maintain the aura of calm I was forcing upon myself. I was already terrified, and the lot of them weren't making it any better. The least they could do was pretend that I wouldn't be standing alone with my army against an endless wave of shadows and skeletons.

There was a general murmur of agreement around the room, as if something significant was taking place. Qara looked bored, as usual. I didn't know why she kept showing up. It was more trouble than it was worth at times. Next to her, Neeshka was biting her lip and clutching the hilt of one dagger, her wrinkled forehead making her look exactly as worried as I felt. Khelgar in contrast was the picture of contentment, studying the maps on the table which was barely at eye level with the air of one who would at least pretend to know it all, even if he didn't. Sand's eyes were focused discreetly on Qara, making me think he was more worried about her fighting than the battle itself. He caught me looking at him and regained his composure instantly, nodding almost imperceptibly in my direction, hopefully as a gesture of faith. Bishop lurked behind him, glaring at Nevalle from under lowered brows as if he was the source of all our troubles. Thinking about it, that wasn't such a strange thought. Had I never met him, I doubted I'd be a Captain at all, let alone a Knight. If I died in service to Neverwinter and couldn't find my way to Sune's realm, Nevalle's dreams would be the first I'd haunt so I could shake my fist accusingly. Or however that worked.

Ammon was staring right at me. Or, rather, my neck. He must have known I was wearing the necklace he'd given me. It was probably due to its influence that I could concentrate on what was happening at all. Since I'd put it on, pushing all thoughts of our immanent destruction out of my mind had suddenly become a lot easier. Well, that and something else. My eyes settled finally on Casavir, and the bubbling pool of nervousness in my stomach settled for one brief moment. I didn't know quite how I felt about him, just that I definitely felt something. It was this rather fragmented thought that I'd tried to get across to the Construct earlier, with little success. It wasn't that I'd expected any response or comprehension on his party, but trying to articulate exactly what happened to my heart and my head every time I woke up next to him and felt that now-familiar rush of happiness and peace and...and I didn't even know what else... trying to put it into words confirmed just how confused I was about the whole thing. Which shouldn't have been possible for something that felt so easy, so simple, so natural. We were nearing the end, in any case. And then... then when this was all over I'd have time to stop and think and decide exactly what it was I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and exactly what role I wanted my tall, dark and handsome paladin to have in it. I suspected I already knew the answer, but if the Construct's faithful encouragement hadn't coaxed it out of me I doubted anything else would.

"We're ready when you are," Kana hinted, nodding towards the ledgers and reports scattered around the table. It was then I realised that something had been said, and I was supposed to respond.

"...hmm?" I enquired obediently. Kana picked up a report near her, the ink barely dry, and what followed was an unnecessarily long, detailed account of the findings of our scouts from the past few days. What it amounted to was the fact that the enemy had been sighted around the bridges to the south of the Keep, and they were advancing.

"The bridges themselves have been captured, and the enemy defends them well. It may be an attempt to lure you out before attacking, but we have to take that chance," Kana finished, leaning over the map to mark out the enemy's position according to the scout's reports.

Bishop broke his silence. "Can't let 'em think we're powerless, huh. If they have the advantage we have to take it back. I'm game." His eyes caught mine and held my gaze with a challenge. And now he'd think I'd take him with me because it was his idea, not because he was simply the best archer we had. I hated the way he thought.

"Kana's right," Casavir said immediately, "It may be a distraction while they gather their forces. If you must go then take no more with you than necessary. We may need to cover your retreat." My mind drifted back to the conversation we'd had that morning, where we lay warm in his bed before the obligations of the day stole me from his arms. He'd talked of how his training hung over his every thought, even though I came in as a close second. How hard it was to let me go without healing while he focused on someone else who needed it more. Sometimes even the ranger. He wasn't looking into my eyes even now, and I knew it was because strategy was more important than what he'd wryly called his 'senseless' impulse to keep me safe despite the fact I was more than capable of defending myself. Looking at Casavir just made me annoyed at everyone else in the room. I hadn't wanted to get out of bed this morning, and thanks to the rest of them, here I was, in full Knight-Captain regalia, having to talk to the man I'd kissed goodbye this morning like he was some nameless underling.

'Soon. Soon it will be over. Then...we'll have time...'

"We cannot let them keep the bridges," Ammon barked, interrupting my daydream, "They will have the advantage for too long if we tarry further. We must take our ground back and destroy both the enemy and the bridges themselves. Let them swim if they wish to attack us again."

"Fighting them back I can understand," I started, drawing on the power of my sparkly new necklace to force myself to concentrate on the matter at hand, "but what use will destroying the bridges be? It will read as an act of desperation rather than heroics, and if I remember correctly shadows, able to fly as they are, won't be bothered by a little water between us and them."

"The scouts saw more than shadows, Captain," Casavir started again. I hated it when he called me Captain. At least we'd progressed beyond the 'my lady's in private. "The army the King of Shadows brings includes vampires, who would have difficulties anyway, and skeletons. The smaller ones will have the current to contend with and will likely be washed away. If we can reduce the bulk of his army in any way it will help with morale, even if all we do is slow them down. Every hour is precious at this point." His eyes met mine, and I wondered if he was truly talking about time to strategise.

"Speaking of morale, any victory at this point can't hurt," Kana started, "A show of strength from their leader will inspire the men before the battle itself."

"And...when do you think that will be? How much time can this get us?"

"A day or two at best. We should be prepared to face them at any moment, Knight-Captain," she replied, her face grave.

"Right...then we best waste no more time in giving them a disadvantage. What's the plan?"

"Take only a small number with you. As few as you think you can manage. A handful of greycloaks should help you as well. I can brief them as you get yourself ready. Archers or fighters?"

I considered my options briefly. "Fighters," I concluded, thinking through the list of my companions and picking out the ones I'd need. "Bishop and Neeshka, I need you two to watch my back and pick off the ones I don't." Neeshka smiled tensely and shrugged, obviously wanting this to be over with as much as I did. Bishop just smirked at me. "With so few of us I can't risk taking you along, Zhjaeve, so Casavir, you're in too." He nodded neutrally, while Bishop rolled his eyes in an automatic reaction I'd come to expect. "And Ammon, if there's a Shadow Reaver I'll need you to take care of it for me."

"There is still the question of the bridges themselves. My magic will not break them," Ammon said in that gravelly tone of his.

"Hmph. If you had the foresight to ask me for assistance I doubt they'd still be standing," Qara offered, inspecting her nails.

"Stone bridges fear little from fire, girl," Sand quipped, his lips curling in distaste, "calm yourself before you try to burn the stone Keep down as well..."

"Why don't you come along too, wizard?" Qara shot back, her voice rising, "I'll give you a lesson in what burns and what doesn't."

"Shut up," I snapped, "I'll invite you along if I plan on getting cremated, not before. Now does anyone else have a bright idea about how to deal with the bridges?"

"Well, we could always use blast globes." So eloquent was the suggestion that it took me a few seconds to register that the owner of the voice was none other than Grobnar. I hadn't even noticed him hovering around the table. "Yes, such a spectacle they are! Explosions of yellows and oranges and reds, though often I find that the red is due more to the victims and less to the globes themselves. Reminds me of a song, it does. Why..."

Evidently, some sort of conclusion was eventually reached, as Grobnar stopped talking and sidled past me towards the basements of the Keep. He was useful, I'd give him that, even if I couldn't concentrate for more than a moment or two on the bizarre series of thoughts he frequently shared with the rest of us.

"Another thing, Captain," Kana piped up as we began to file out of the room, "your father, Daeghun, is here. He said he'd meet you down by the outskirts of our borders. He's been scouting the area, and as I'm sure you know his skills are second to none." Bishop snorted to my side and I restrained myself from shooting him a hateful look. "He's been such a help as an informant. If we didn't have him on board I'm not sure we'd still have so many men left alive." I thanked her and left, wondering why I hadn't heard of his helping us before. There was so much more to the man I called my father that I wish I knew, but I wasn't sure it'd make me any happier. For so long I'd thought we were too bizarre to be a real family in any sense of the word. He was always so cold and distant, and the gods knew how I always reacted to that. I'd always thought that one day his exterior would crack and I'd see the loving man who'd managed to marry a woman as warm as I'd heard Shayla was. But now...I was just content for him to be here. I was starting to learn that his actions spoke louder than his words, and for a man who everyone thought couldn't possibly love me, he'd sure given up a lot to make sure I was happy.

The talk we'd had wasn't enough. It had unearthed a lot of mysteries, but somehow I'd thought the earth would move and we'd embrace and he'd be my father, not just the man who'd put up with me for years. But nothing of the sort happened. And a cool, steady realisation had dawned on me, like finally bringing attention to a noise you'd been hearing all along. It would never happen. We would never be closer. And, more importantly, that was ok. I could live with it. I could live with no one but the two of us understanding how we managed to still love each other after all this time, all the hurt we'd caused one another. And so I stopped trying to change him, to force something out of him he'd never give, and I just accepted him, like he'd done with me. At least if I died, I could die knowing I'd made peace.

-+-+-+-

It went better than I had expected. No, that was an understatement. I thought we'd crash and burn. Instead, we won. We fought and killed every last one of them, and only one of the fighters was hurt. A preview of the impossible odds we were up against had threatened us, and we had fought it off like they were a group of bandits. We could win this.

You could have bounced things off my ego.

The final blast globe shattered the stone foundations of the last bridge leading up to the Keep. Mission officially accomplished. The twelve of us watched it burn from halfway up the hillside with a sense of ceremony, until, little by little, the men and women surrounding me began to filter off towards the Keep. Daeghun placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me the closest thing to a smile I'd seen on him before following the greycloaks back. It had been good to fight alongside him again. It felt strange to admit it, but I'd missed him these past few months. Almost a year, now. Maybe more? It was hard to keep track. Either way, it made me smile to know that at least now, at the end, he was proud of me. It made all the times I'd had to defend him to other people seem worth it.

I took a deep breath and released it slowly. There was a storm coming, if the heavy air and greying sky was any indication. With any luck it would come and go before the battle did. I took a last look at the sweeping scenery before turning back to the Keep. There, leaning against one of the huge, stone posts that flanked the path up the hill, was Bishop, looking like he had all the reason in the world to be there. He was the only one left. Casavir had headed back straight away with the injured soldiers, and, unsurprisingly, the others hadn't felt like tarrying too long. As I headed past him he effortlessly moved to my side and kept my pace.

"You did good today," he said neutrally. I racked my brains to think why he would be here and came up blank.

"We all did," I replied, "you were no exception. I imagine some of the others will want to celebrate the victory, however premature it is."

"Wouldn't surprise me if they were splitting the kegs already. It's the night before the biggest battle any of them have faced. Anything could happen." I felt his eyes on me and immediately turned to meet his gaze. As usual, he gave nothing away. It was getting to be frustrating that I couldn't read him, no matter how hard I tried. It was only then I realised we'd stopped walking. I started for the keep again, using every ounce of willpower I had to stop my cheeks from burning. I hated how he could still make me feel embarrassed for even looking at him.

"The others can celebrate all night if they want, long as they're fit for fighting on the morrow," I said quickly, lengthening my stride to be within the Keep's walls once more. At least there I had some kind of power. "Warm food and blankets, that's all I'm after." I heard him smirk behind me as the Keep's gates passed us overhead.

"Just ask, princess."

Had I even heard that? I turned to question him, but he was gone. With an annoyingly large amount of effort, I pushed him and his words from my mind. I couldn't afford to be distracted. Not here, not now. I made my way through the small crowds that had assembled, accepting their praise with smiles and nods and reminding them to rest up before tomorrow. We didn't know when the enemy would be here at last. And whenever it was, I wanted to be well-rested.

"Evie?" I'd have recognised his voice anywhere, and the sound of my name on his lips made me grin as I turned mid-stride to face him, an eyebrow raised in question.

"Everyone alive and well?" I asked, noting the direction he'd come from. Casavir nodded, looking back towards the infirmary.

"There's one or two who still need patching up, so I can't get away just yet. It's just... I need to talk to you," he said, his voice low and inviting as always.

"Well there's no one else here..." I started, taking a step towards him.

"Not here. Somewhere private. It's...important. I'm thinking about tomorrow, and...I know, I'm sorry for reminding you, I'm just...worried I won't get another chance." He looked serious, which immediately had me worried. More to the point, I didn't want to keep him waiting. I shrugged.

"The upper battlements, then? No one ever goes there, and I want to be the first to know if we're being attacked."

"Okay, but I..." I put my finger to his lips quickly.

"...need to go, I know. I'm going to see Kendra before. I'll find you up there?" He gave me a small, private smile, covering my fingers with his hand, kissing them, and letting me go before he disappeared around the corner.

A few minutes later once my heart rate had cooled, I creaked open the door to Kendra's room and immediately a wave of sympathy crashed over me. She sat on her bed, back against the wall, eyes closed, her hands cradling her belly. She was huge, and by the looks of it she wasn't exactly comfortable. Slowly, her eyes opened and she saw me. With a tired smile she waved me over and sighed deeply.

"It's over a week late," she said a little breathlessly, "I don't know when it's getting here, but I hope to the Gods it's soon. I'm not sure how much longer I can take this. I can barely even walk." I took one of her hands between mine as I sat next to her.

"Bertha say anything?"

"Not much I didn't already know. I was scared before, scared as hell. But now...I just want to get the gods-damned ordeal over with, y'know?"

I smiled and shook my head as I looked into the same, blue-grey eyes I'd giggled and gossiped with into the early hours of the morning. "I can't believe you're having a baby. I've known you all my life, and now here you are, about to give birth to a child. It's…surreal."

She rolled her eyes. "You're telling me. I don't think it's hit me yet. Maybe when I'm actually holding the damn thing it'll feel real. But for now…I don't know, just seems like I'm watching it happen to somebody else."

"I know what you mean. It still hasn't sunk in that I'm in charge of this whole thing. Or that the army waiting outside is mine…" Her face fell.

"I didn't even think of that. It's hard to think of much else when y'can't see your feet. I mean it's weird to know I'm gonna be a momma an' all, but I'm just doing what millions of women before me have done. Might be messy and hurt a whole lot, but it ain't exactly complicated if it goes right. You're leading a whole army. And you're younger than me. Makes me feel downright inadequate," she grinned, and I grinned right back, happy to see some signs of the old Kendra coming back.

"That don't make you and your baby any less important. Not to me, anyhow. I'll do what I do best, and...you do what you do best." She looked at me suspiciously, not really understanding my words.

"Get…pregnant?" she tried.

"Survive," I corrected with a smile. She shrugged.

"I'll be fine. At least, if you manage to stop them from tearing this place down while I'm still in it, I'll be fine."

"Don't remind me. It's bad enough that I have to hear about it from my companions, let alone you," I said with a smirk.

"They can't be all doom and gloom, Evie. That demon girl's nice. And that woman that looks all pickled, the one with the veil, she's always helpin' people out. And…oh, I can't remember his name. Tall, dark, ridiculously good looking…"

"Casavir?" I prompted.

"Mm, that's the one," she purred, "I was, y'know, waddling along, and the steps in this place are so damn steep at times, so I was having a little trouble. Lucky he was there to give me a hand. I swear, I knew there'd be a good number of soldiers around, but I didn't realise they'd be so...well..." the look on her face told me exactly what she meant, and I couldn't suppress the downright smugness that welled up inside me. She must have noticed, for her jaw dropped open and the corners of her mouth curved up into a triumphant smile. "You! You're...sleeping with him, aren't you?" Now it was my turn to be shocked. How did she...I mean...I hadn't even said anything but...somehow...what?

She always did know what I was thinking. Perhaps it was because we were so similar in matters such as this. It was like we were back in the Mere again swapping stories and gossiping about anything even remotely interesting. She'd always had such interest in my conquests, my flirtations, and seeing as she was my self-proclaimed 'best friend' had always demanded to hear the newest twists and turns the second they happened. Many things had changed since we'd parted, but some things, it seemed, always stayed the same.

"I'm not sleeping with him," I said matter-of-factly. The fact that I spent most of my nights in the same bed as him didn't stop what I'd said from being mostly true...

"But you are doing something..." she narrowed her eyes, as if intense scrutiny would somehow reveal an answer. "Have you kissed him?"

"Well..."

"Don't answer, I already know," she said instantly, her eyes never leaving mine. I imagined this must be what interrogation by an illithid must be like. "Are you...like...his lady?" The way she said the word, combined with the devious twisting of her eyebrows, left no doubt about what kind of nefarious and debauched kind of lady she thought I'd make.

"I don't know! It's hard to say. We haven't really talked about it..."

"'We', huh?" Her eyebrows shot up.

"Don't be like that. I mean..."

"Cm'on, you have to admit this is weird..."

"What is?"

"Oh for crying out...you're blushin', Evie! More to the point you've always been able to say exactly what's goin' on with any man in your life without a second's hesitation. It's always been a source of both jealousy an' amazement, not just from me, and you know it. An' now I leave you for a couple'a months an' you're stammerin' an' blushin' over some guy from Neverwinter! It's more'n a little strange, tell you that much."

"He's different," I said firmly, willing the heat that rushed to my face to disappear. "He actually cares about me, for one thing. And he's seen me looking all kinds'a awful and didn't so much as bat an eyelid. More to the point, I actually care about him."

"Oh Gods," she said with a smile so big it threatened to cut her face in two, "you love him, don't you?" I wasn't expecting that.

"What? No. I mean. Maybe..." I saw the triumphant gleem in her eyes and threw my hands up in frustration. "I don't know! And that's the truth. I really don't. An' I'm scared, because there might not be another chance to do anything about it, 'cause far as I know we'll all be dead tomorrow!" It all came out in one long breath and for a moment we just stared at each other. Then her hands enfolded mine and she gave me a strange, half-smile.

"Then what you still doing talkin' to me?" I sighed, the reality of the situation hitting me in its entirety. I wouldn't sort out my love life or save us all from imminent death if I just stuck around here all night, no matter how comforting and familiar it was to talk to her.

"I should get some sleep, huh?"

"Something like that. I'll pray for you. An' me, of course." I smiled, recalling that Kendra had always found more to Lathander's teachings than I had. She was hardly a paragon of his ideals but she'd always been full of vitality, and nearly as athletic as I was. She'd told me when she got here that she'd been biting out prayers the whole time she was half-walking half-running to Highcliff, alone and heavy with child, begging him to let it be alright, if not for her sake then for the sake of the life within her. Maybe it had worked. I liked to think prayers made a difference when us normal folk sent them up to the heavens. I'd never channelled a God's power to heal a wound or strike down an enemy like Casavir, but maybe if I asked them kindly enough they'd either take me or this whole damn thing far, far away.

"I think I could use a little divine intervention."

"If that don't work, gettin' some sleep will. The sun's goin' down, and if they're gonna come soon like everybody says there's no use tirin' yourself out waitin'." I was about to tell her to take her own advice, but thought better of it. She'd always been better at looking after herself than me. I kissed her brow and bid her goodnight. I'd be no good to anyone if I sat with her all evening worrying myself sick.

Besides. I had a paladin to see to.