Sorry To everyone for the long wait for this chapter, unfortunately with University it's been hard to find the time to write, but that doesn't mean the stories stopping, it just means you all have to be patient with me while I find the time to write the next bits and pieces especially as my beta writer, Kate, is also dealing with university workloads as well xx
Warning: This is a really fucking sad chapter.
It was mum's car wrapped around that tree and I stopped before I got to close. My breathing was shaky, my whole body was trembling and I was crying before I'd even reached it. I was so scared. She had to be alright, maybe she was just hurt...maybe she wasn't even there and had gone to get help? People survived car accidents all the time, people had minor accidents and major accidents the cars were always worse off than the people involved...or at least that's what I kept telling myself.
I reached for my phone. "Hello?"
"Stiles...I'm really scared and I...mum's car and..." I started walking towards the car again, I felt safer with Stiles on the other line. I felt like I wasn't about to see something horrifying, I felt like I wasn't surrounded by ominous trees and blinking eyes in the dark. I felt okay. I felt like I could do this.
"Lottie, sweetie, where are you? Where are you?" I'd never heard Stiles so scared. So, so scared. Like he knew something bad was going to happen, like he knew what was happening before even I did. I could feel it. The dread. Part of me refused to believe what my heart was telling me. It wasn't bad, it wasn't that bad at all. It couldn't be. I won't let it be bad.
"I…the road coming into town, the...the little one..." The wind whipped around me, the cold winter air only added to my trembles, the torch light shaking in my hand as I finally made it to the car, too scared to look inside but knowing that there was no other thing for me to do, no other way. So I did. I looked.
"Stay on the line, I'll be right there, stay right there!"
I screamed down the line, the phone dropping because...because she was in there and she... "Mum?!" I tore the door open and leant over her, shaking her, please wake up, please, please. "Mum? Mum...please wake up...mummy..."
I barely remembered to check her pulse. Her skin was so cold against mine, and I couldn't feel it...I couldn't feel it all...I just cried, cried and wailed and held onto her, she was so cold, so still and...and I couldn't. She wasn't ', cried and wailed and held onto her, she was so cold, so still and...and I couldn'knowing that there was no other t She couldn't be. She was my mum and she...we'd only just started talking again and she just couldn't do this to me. She couldn't.
Sirens and bright lights found me clutching at her in the seat, holding on for as long as I could, because she wasn't gone and she wasn't...she couldn't be dead. She was too young, too needed and I...I couldn't without my mum...she...she was the only consistent I'd ever had. She was always there even when she was angry at me, she was always there, "Mum...please don't do this".
"Charlotte?" The voice familiar but I didn't listen, couldn't focus on anything but the...the body in my arms because she was dead, wasn't she? She wasn't coming back...she was...she was just going to...to go in the ground and I was going to have to live without her...knowing that she was trying to see me, that she was just on her way to the meeting...
"No!" Hands gripped at me and I struggled against them as the pulled me away from my mum, "Let me go! LET ME GO!" I tried to scrambled away and back, but people were in my way. They were moving her, they couldn't move her, they couldn't!
"Mum!" A familiar face slid into view, Stiles, hands were still holding me down but Stiles' just held my face, "Lottie..." That was all it took for me to launch into his arms, sobbing...because she was gone, and I knew that, as much as I didn't want to believe it. She was dead and the only thing keeping me from running blindly into the forest was Stiles and the arms wrapped around me, the friend that was shushing me and rubbing a hand against my back.
"I'm so sorry, i'm so sorry" and I believed him because he was crying and I was crying and she was on a stretcher now and she was so still and so pale and...and she was dead and I had no idea how I was supposed to deal with this, to handle the fact that my mother was dead, that those dark stains were blood and not something else, that she wasn't still from sleep or unconsciousness, that she was still because she was dead.
"It's not fair, it's not fucking fair, this isn't fair!" It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair that I had no father, no mother, that I was thrown misery after misery, misfortune after misfortune and I was just expected to get back on my feet and smile. That I was supposed to be okay with this at some point.
"I know...I know, Lottie...I know...Fuck..." I stopped crying at some point, just staring at the space she was in, clutching at the back of Stiles' hoodie, hoping it would somehow make this less real, bring me out of some horrible dream I was having even though I knew this wasn't a dream.
"Dad?"
"Get her up, she needs to...we have to get her to the hospital and let her family know..." I felt Stiles nod at his dad, and tightening his grip on me.
"Lottie, c'mon, up we get." I didn't resist as he helped me to my feet, one arm coming to rest across my shoulders as he walked me towards a familiar cop car. I felt like I could barely walk, my knees felt weak, my throat was dry, my face irritated from tears...and I felt numb in a sense...like the pain was just pulsing there rather than stabbing at me, like I couldn't talk, but perhaps my eyes showed more than my words would because Stiles didn't me go the whole ride and the Sheriff didn't once comment on the lack of seatbelt and just let me curl into his son like he was the only respite I'd ever get. Because he was at this point the only comfort I had. Stiles never ran like I did even when he wanted to, even when he came close, he never ran from the shit that happened and...and I needed someone who didn't run in that moment, I needed someone who'd run after me instead. Who wouldn't let me experience this alone...I needed someone who knew what it was like to lose their mother, to know, to remember, to feel that pain...and to have it affect you every day.
"Stiles..."
"Shhh, it's okay..." But, it wasn't okay and he knew that. He wasn't saying it was okay he was saying it was okay not to speak, it was okay to be quiet, it was okay to think, or not to think, it was okay just to curl up there and hope that this pain wouldn't haunt me forever.
I had lost people before...but never someone close, never a parent to death, and never had I found them. Never had I been forced to see glassy eyes, cold skin, unbreathing, unliving...that was not something i'd ever had to deal with and I didn't know how anyone could handle this, finding the body, not being able to save them, not knowing what to do or who to call. How did you do that? How?
The hospital came upon me quicker than I expected and I didn't want to leave the car, I didn't want to see her again, to do that all over again. Stiles pulled away from me and came around the other side to open the door, a hand outstretched towards me, "Lottie?"
"I'm scared...Stiles, I'm so fucking scared..." My voice was rough with tears and couldn't help but shake my head at him, I didn't want to go in there, I didn't want to see her.
"Hey, it's okay to be scared...but, i'm not going anywhere...and...and I know it's hard, but you need to do this for me...okay?" The hand gripped mine and I didn't let go, not after I got out of the car, not as I made it through the front doors, not as Melissa McCall saw me and made the one face that said pity, not when I entered the elevator, or walked down the hall or looked through the window to a room where my mum laid...still.
"S-Stiles..." I was so scared, the type of scared and frustrated that brought you to tears and made you want to leave, made the adrenaline run. Made you want to go, to run as fast as you could until there was nowhere left to run. "I know...but, you need...dad, needs a statement and I...I think you should go in.." He was right, I knew he was right...she. I needed to say goodbye or maybe just to let it sink in, to understand what was happening, what had happened...what had just changed my life entirely.
I let go of his hand and pushed the door open carefully. Doctors and nurses looked at me with pity and left as I sat in the chair beside the bed. I could feel eyes watching me through the glass window and chose to ignore it, instead I took a cold hand in mine. She was so cold, an open wound was on her head and I knew she'd hit the steering wheel...I didn't want to think about that, about her last moment. I didn't want to think about how scared she must have been, how she died or how she tried not to. I didn't want to think about each little detail before the last breath...if I did I don't think I'd ever sleep again. I think I'd have nightmares of her face, of finding her, of each moment forever if I did.
"Mum...I...I'm so sorry..." I pressed my forehead into her hand. "I didn't...I know I couldn't have done anything but I'm sorry...and I... I miss you. So much, I miss you." I sat there with her for a while, until the Sheriff walked into the room, until he took me by the shoulder and pulled me away, until I found Dori and Norman outside in tears and I couldn't. I just walked away into the hall way because I needed time, a few moments. I needed to think before I made any statement before I saw Norman and Dori both as heartbroken as me...but without the imagery and the fear of finding her...without being the first to know.
"Lottie..."
"I'll make the statement in a minute, Stiles." I was sat on the floor, back pressed into the wall, "That's not why i'm here-" Stiles sat down beside me, hand grabbing mine, holding it again. It was like an anchor or a rope, anything to hold me down, to remind me that I wasn't alone no matter how alone I might have felt. I always had people beside me. "-I'm here, whenever you...whatever you need. You just need to call or tell me"
He came when I called. He brought the Sheriff, he brought an ambulance. He brought everything and he came and he was there when I needed him most. Stiles might lie at times, but he was always there for me when I needed him, when...
I leant my head against his shoulder, "Thank you. For coming. For being there. Here. Thank you." A hand slipped out of mine and an arm slipped around my shoulder and pulled me closer. "You don't have to thank me." We sat there and I thought that this was the moment that confirmed that Stiles Stilinski was my best friend. But it also confirmed just how strongly I felt for him, just how much love and affection was in my bones for my best friend...because when all I could do was cry, scream, grieve, and fear, he was there to keep me grounded, to remind me of what needed to be done and give me the time to do it. He didn't push me, he encouraged me.
"I... I need to make a statement..."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"Yes."
I'd never had to make a statement to the police before and the fact that the one time I had to it was about my own mother...the thought of reliving it all, of running through it was terrifying, but it was Stiles and it was his dad and...and I could do this because I had to and the sooner it was done, the sooner I could forget this whole night happened, the sooner I could hide under my covers and cry until it didn't hurt anymore.
"Tell me what happened?"
"I..." Stiles was sat next to me, the Sheriff across, we were in a private room where I could speak without prying ears or prying eyes. "I was at the parent-teacher conference with Norman...and she didn't...mum didn't show and she didn't text. I got worried..." I had a right to be worried. She was dead. I was right to be worried.
"So I decide to drive around and see if I... if I could find her...I turned onto that backroad and...and I saw a car wrapped around a tree...so I decided to have a look." I took a deep breath, it was hard, but I had expected it to be harder...maybe it was shock, maybe it was something else.
"I phoned Stiles because I was scared and then I, I saw her in the car and I... I felt for her pulse and I... I just stayed with her...I couldn't think...and then you all turned up." Should I, could I have done more at the time? Would CPR have helped? Would...could I have saved her?
"Charlotte...sweetie, thank you..." I knew the Sheriff wasn't sure what to say. It wasn't the same as consoling a stranger, consoling your child's friend, a friend you knew well.
"Can I go now?" I received a nod and walked out of the room. I needed to see Norman and Dori. I found Dori outside the room, Norman was inside holding mum's hand. He was crying.
Dori grabbed me the moment I was close enough and the two of us cried together. As a rule, Dori didn't cry. But this wasn't normal and this wasn't just anything, she was my mum but she was Dori's mum too. She was our mum. And we'd lost her...all we had was Norman and a house that would be quiet tonight. Quiet and cold and sad. But it was home.
"I want to go home." I mumbled into her jumper.
"Me too, me too, Char"
Let me know what you think of the chapter! I'd love to hear from you and so sorry for the pain!