Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers.
Chapter 25
Can't be much further, can it?
Natalia had been aware for a while now that even if she was incapable of walking at a normal pace, they had slowed noticeably over the last twenty minutes or so.
Olivia, firmly at her side, arm wrapped around her middle, had solidly propped her up for the entire length of their journey but had become very quiet, too quiet for Natalia's liking. She'd also noticed there were a few times recently where Olivia had stumbled, leaving Natalia the precarious balancing job of remaining on her one leg while also attempting to support Olivia's weight.
When Olivia stumbled again in the space of a few steps, Natalia decided enough was enough.
"Hey, Olivia? I really need to stop again."
"Hm? Oh yeah, sure. Let me help."
In an almost practiced routine, Natalia made her way to the ground, while Olivia appeared to waver above her.
"Why don't you sit down for a moment? You must be about as beat as I am."
Olivia looked hesitant and then sat.
Sitting at the same level, Natalia noticed the sheen and slightly unhealthy pallor Olivia was sporting again. Fearing she was having a relapse of some sort and determined to make the most of this rest stop, Natalia tried to start up a conversation. While there were many things she still wanted an answer to, she figured there was a least one safe topic she could count on, as long as it didn't have Olivia suddenly charging ahead.
Turning to the woman who had just put her cell away after checking it for a connection for the umpteenth time, she watched as Olivia wiped her brow and let her hands fall relaxed between her legs, elbows on her thighs.
"I bet Emma isn't having this much fun," she speculated.
The quirking of lips, "Hm, if only we'd brought a blanket eh?"
Natalia knew she was looking at Olivia funny when she followed up with, "We could've made a tent."
"How's the ankle?" Olivia continued.
Natalia regarded it, "I'm thinking I wasn't built for this terrain, maybe a nice solid sidewalk, the occasional dirt track but that's about as adventurous as I want to go."
"Maybe you should try adventurous now and again. You might surprise yourself."
"Or end up with a sprained ankle."
"Well there is that." Olivia sighed, "You know I worry. I look at Emma and I see this formidable little girl who tends to go after what she wants and I worry that she's going to..."
"What?" Natalia asked when Olivia appeared to trail off mid-sentence. "She sounds just like her mother."
"Fitting, I was going to say that she's going to go after the wrong thing."
Natalia was about to protest when Olivia spoke again, her voice strained, "It's my job to protect her."
Not knowing where this was coming from but keen to keep Olivia in the now, Natalia responded, "You do Olivia. You do protect her, you love her and cherish her and she is a very lucky little girl. You should be proud."
Olivia was shaking her head now, "You don't understand."
"Understand what?"
"Do you know how many times Emma has been taken from me? How many times I have been threatened with the life of my daughter? Do you?"
Natalia really didn't know but her curiosity was peaked now and she was unable to stop herself from asking, "Is that why you threatened Gus with a gun?"
Eyes turned to lock on hers and narrowed. A questioning tilt to her head and Olivia's brow furrowed further, "What did you say?"
"Last night, you...it looked like you were holding a gun. On Gus. You were saying something about..."
Olivia was shaking her head now, "No, you can't possibly, you weren't there."
"I, it's just that it sounded like Gus had done something, taken Emma or..."
"He, he threatened me. You have to understand that, he took my little girl and he threatened me. They all did, Philip, Gus, even Reva, can you believe that? All of them, taking my daughter away from me."
Noting that Olivia was progressively getting worked up and berating herself for allowing it, Natalia attempted to calm things down again.
"I do find it hard to believe, yes. Nobody should harm another's child or use a child in that manner. I understand, really I do."
"We have to get back. We've got to pick Emma up and I don't want to be late."
Olivia abruptly stood up, turning to resume her role as Natalia's crutch, when Natalia noticed an unusual dark patch at the belt line of Olivia's jeans.
"Olivia?"
Caught up in her need to get back to Emma, Olivia ignored Natalia's query.
"Come on, we need to get going. I'll carry you if I have to but we can't stay here."
"Olivia is that blood?" Natalia was trying to pull Olivia close enough to lift her cropped top.
"What? No, it's no...'s not..."
Natalia watched in dismay as Olivia wobbled and then collapsed.
~/\~
The repetition of one foot in front of the other was becoming a mantra of sorts. Thinking back on some of her many harebrained ideas, suggesting going for a walk in the woods was gradually becoming top of the list, correction, deciding to go on further than they'd originally gone was top of the list because up to that point everything had been okay.
And whose idea was it to keep going, hm?
Since their last stop, Olivia had been attempting to maintain a regular steady pace but worryingly, she was finding it increasingly difficult to lift her legs enough to allow for ground clearance as she was sure that was the second time she'd caught her foot and been forced to stumble.
And the less she did that the better because it was having the effect of Natalia pulling on her side to regain balance and numb as her side was becoming, her head was starting to thicken so that each footfall caused a dull thud to reverberate around her skull and through her brain.
Needing to wipe the perspiration falling into her eyes and blurring her vision, she was somewhat relieved when Natalia called another halt but was increasingly aware that they needed to keep moving to ensure they got back in a reasonable time to collect Emma.
After helping Natalia to sit, she began weighing her options, whether to continue at their current pace against the benefits of going ahead and leaving Natalia. Nope, not going to happen, I'm not going to abandon her here.
"Why don't you sit down for a moment? You must be about as beat as I am."
Could Natalia tell? Could she see that Olivia was half afraid that if she sat down she'd never get up again and that would never do as she had somewhere to be. Thinking she'd draw more attention to herself if she argued, Olivia sat and removed her cell phone in hopes of finally getting a connection. No such luck, maybe I should consider changing my provider.
"I bet Emma isn't having this much fun."
"Hm, if only we'd brought a blanket eh?" Olivia found Natalia's expression to this amusing and much as the idea of laying down right now appealed, followed up with "We could've made a tent."
After querying how Natalia's ankle was, Olivia was saddened that Natalia still seemed to want to play things safe. She recalled how much she had had to push Natalia before, "Oh, just grow a backbone. I mean, really, how can you stand there and lecture me about my life and fighting for it when you just roll over like a scared kitten. Why don't you take a chance?" Hadn't taking a chance worked out well back then?
Certainly did for me. She wanted to remind Natalia of that but Natalia seemed to be taking the pragmatic view again and using her ankle to illustrate her point.
Unable to argue against such evidence, Olivia found her thoughts returning to Emma, how wilful and headstrong and how scarily like her. No matter how kind Natalia's words were intended to be though, Olivia's mind, which had begun registering a distant buzz, began slipping; regressing and thoughts of her own mother came to the forefront.
She'd been so wrong, so childish when she thought she was being so adult. How badly did she wish she could go back and tell her that she understood now, that she was wrong and that her mother had been right, that with hindsight she could see how all her mother was trying to do was to love her, want what was best for her and to protect her. And that was Olivia's job now.
"It's my job to protect her."
Natalia was trying to placate her but the images began their cascade, scrolling like film through a projector and highlighting all the times she'd failed, failed to keep her daughter safe.
"You don't understand."
"Understand what?" Natalia was staring at her perplexed.
"Do you know how many times Emma has been taken from me? How many times I have been threatened with the life of my daughter? Do you?"
"Is that why you threatened Gus with a gun?"
Olivia went cold. Of all the responses she could have expected this was not one of them, she had to ask Natalia to repeat herself.
When Natalia began explaining, Olivia blocked out her voice, already drawn back to those moments of terror she'd experienced and desperately disbelieving Natalia could know, refuted, "No, you can't possibly, you weren't there."
Her life laid bare, destined to repeat itself and having to withstand the current scrutiny of someone else she was failing to protect, who clearly couldn't see, yet who clearly wanted to. She had to make her understand.
"He, he threatened me. You have to understand that, he took my little girl and he threatened me. They all did, Philip, Gus, even Reva, can you believe that? All of them, taking my daughter away from me."
The dream was returning full force now, she could feel herself shaking.
Natalia was saying something but she didn't have time for that now, she had to keep moving, had to escape and get back, get back for Emma.
"We have to get back. We've got to pick Emma up and I don't want to be late."
Pacing now she turned back to Natalia who suddenly seemed very far away, receded down a long tunnel as her vision, dubious at best, narrowed.
Natalia was saying something again, her name?
"Come on, we need to get going. I'll carry you if I have to but we can't stay here."
She was reaching for her now, something about blood?
Thinking the whole thing ridiculous and gripped with an urgency to get back, she attempted to swat Natalia's reaching hands away and wavering, wondered why the buzzing had gotten louder and if she had managed to finish the statement she had started before everything went dark.