We find the portcullis open for us, and that's when Hope decides to be noticeably pissed off about something. Her humming, which has been more like a buzzing since I woke yesterday, now turns into a frantic and offbeat screech inside of my head. I'm just glad nothing has attacked us.

Yet.

"This is strange," Alistair says once we cross the courtyard.

I snort, ignoring the annoying screams in my head. "That's an understatement." I pull my bow off my shoulder. "Weapons ready."

I jog up the set of stairs leading into the keep itself, the others on my heels. Talith is a little closer than I'd like, but he seems so intent, the way Alistair gets when his Templar stuff kicks into overdrive or something. I decide to ignore him and the creepy stare, checking Alistair to see if he looks similar, and sure enough, he does.

The guys push the massive oak doors in, leaving Leliana and I to cover them if anything bursts from the main hall. Nothing does, and there's a strange feeling that accompanies the loud boom as the doors shut. It sends shivers down my spine. The instant I take a step closer to it, I feel like a bucket of cold water was thrown on me.

"The Veil is thin," I whisper. "Almost nonexistent."

"Fantastic," Talith mutters, shrugging his shield off his back. He starts forward, but I grab his armored shoulder and pull him back.

"Let me go first," I say. "I have a strange way to deal with magic. It'd be safer."

Alistair snorts now, rolling his hazel eyes. "If that's what you want to call it."

I shoot him a look, releasing a very uncomfortable-looking Talith, as I take the lead, flexing my fingers on my bow. It's a short hall leading into the room where the Arl would hold court, and the sight I find waiting for me is not a pleasant one.

"At last!"

"Connor?!" My jaw drops and I start, but Alistair grabs my arm, holding me back. "What in the Maker's name is going on here?!"

Connor's eyes flash purple and for a moment, he falters, sagging forward. "M-mother?"

For the first time in several seconds, I realize we're not the only ones in the hall. Several knights stand guard, along with Teagan, Aedan, and everyone else. Wolf bounds to my side immediately, tail wagging.

"Connor?" Oh I hate Orlesian accents. Blech. Especially Isolde's. "Connor, is that you?"

Hope's angry screeches turns into an all-out war over control of my body. I completely miss what Connor says to Isolde and what happens, but the next thing I know, I've lost to her and she's incapacitating anyone within reach. After smacking Aedan with a blast of cold air, she races after Connor, who fled upstairs. Suits of armor attack us, but she deals with them easily, using my own knowledge of the castle to chase the young boy upstairs. The door separating the floors has been barred shut, but she kicks it in and sprints down to his room. That door is still open, and Connor is in the corner, shaking with each sob that wracks his little body.

Hope marches up to him. I don't need to think; I know what she's going to do.

Connor looks up, sniffling. "Elissa?"

My heart breaks. Don't do it. Please dear Maker, don't do it!

"Weak," Hope spits, raising my arm. Lightning crackles in my fist. "Abomination."

But then the lightning shifts into that fog I saw at Ostagar, and I'm yanked from my body.

The Fade. Great. Because I love it here so much.

"Get moving," Hope orders as I climb to my feet.

"Why am I here?"

"Because you didn't want me to kill the boy," she says.

This version of Hope scares me. She's not the same white, featureless human from the Circle Tower. Now she's that, but sending off waves of hate and fury. It comes out like a breath, rolling closer and affecting me just as much. My muscles twitch.

"Forcing it out would be much easier than the traps it is sure to have in place," Hope says, setting off without me. I take a step, but stagger and fall. She looks back at me, confused and annoyed. "Use your feet and move it." Scowling, I get back up, but I trip and fall again. She pauses another time, staring at my weak attempts to find my footing for a third time. I can't do it, and she seems to reach this same conclusion the moment I do. "I wasn't aware going back and forth like this could weaken you."

Groaning, I force myself into a sitting position, proud of myself for accomplishing that. "Well it obviously does."

"Obviously," she repeats indignantly.

"So now what?"

"I can either send you back without me or send us both back," she says. "The demon is holding the boy through the Veil, so we could kill it here and not bother him, and if I only send you back, it will cause much pain when I am drawn back to you."

"And if I say we both go back?"

"Then the boy dies."

That's not happening. "Then send me back. We all live this way."

She seems pained by this decision. "Elissa, you don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"I can't just let Connor die!" I exclaim furiously.

She sighs, looking defeated, before she nods reluctantly. "Do not say I did not warn you."

I wake up on the floor of Connor's room. The boy is sprawled out on the ground several feet away, looking to be sleeping. I reach out and touch his hand, sighing in relief when he twitches and moans tiredly.

And then my shoulder starts throbbing, followed by my head, and then my chest. It doesn't necessarily hurt, but it's annoying, and lying here, I can feel the pain begin squeezing. It feels like I'm being squeezed all over, like my bones are being crushed. I struggle to get to my feet, using my bow like a cane. I stumble, catching myself on the wall.

The boy moans, stirring weakly. I try to stand on my own, but my legs give out. It feels like they're not even there anymore.

This is what you get for being weak! Hope snarls.

I'm human. All humans are weak. What the hell does she want from me?

I chose you because you're better than this!

I'm better than nothing. I'm just as bad as the next person.

Weak!

Just let me die on this floor. I can't breathe. I hurt everywhere. There's a mage here somewhere, a hostile one. They must have cast one of those damn crushing spells on me.

I warned you!

Since when do I listen? I listen to nobody. Everything goes in one ear and out the other with me. I never hear anything. I daydream too much. I ramble too much.

My lungs feel like they're on fire. Part of me believes I can feel the Taint itself, slowly but surely shortening my life. My blood feels like it's boiling in my veins. I seriously believe my heart is being squeezed in the Maker's fist right now. I swear there's an invisible ogre sitting on me. I swear. It'd bet my life on it!

And then I'm floating. People are speaking in rushed voices. I faintly hear my name and 'dead' several times.

You know, if I wasn't wishing I were dead at this very moment, I'd find it grotesquely amusing that I always end up like this. I'm pretty sure there's someone out there laughing their ass off at this. I wouldn't doubt it.