Arthur didn't sleep at all. He poured over everything.
He felt an unbelievable anger.
How could you not tell us!
We didn't meet until I was eight, I don't see her as my sister.
Arthur had spent his early years of adolescence and young adulthood thinking about Morgana. How pretty she was and how much he wanted to touch her.
Father were you blind? Couldn't you see I loved her? Even back then?
He thought back to that day at the stream so many years ago now. Even now he could remember all the details. How beautiful Morgana had looked in that violet silk dress and her hair fastened with the silver butterfly clasp. Arthur had no idea just how sinful it had been.
At least we produced no child.
But now? How many times had it been? At least seven by his quick count.
We didn't know! How could we have!
My feelings are real. I love her, I want to marry her.
We've already been sleeping together.
Why Father, why?
And then Arthur started to think what would happen if the truth got out.
The king who mocked God. The king who produced a child of incest. The king who loved his own sister. The king with no morals and no shame.
That will be my legacy.
He knocked at her door after breakfast. Morgana welcomed him. She remained sitting on her bed. Arthur was reticent in her presence, no doubt he thought all her tears were about the broken engagement.
"What are your feelings today?" He asked, very concerned.
Arthur hated to be the bad guy, and no doubt wanted to take all the responsibility for what had happened.
Morgana conveyed resignation, "We didn't know, Arthur, how could we have?"
"We know now, though," He replied sadly.
Morgana knew this was the crux of the issue, "What if I'm already pregnant?"
"I don't know," Arthur looked completely forlorn. "There was no intention to sin, I don't blame either of us for that."
Arthur took both her hands in his, apologetically, "But I can't marry you, I can't make love to you, ever again," He looked very miserable to admit that, "I need an heir, a child of incest is an abomination."
Stupid rules! Morgana snapped, "So that's it, you want nothing to do with it, if I am pregnant."
Arthur's tone turned soothing, "I'll always take care of you, and any child you have, I hope you know that."
Morgana's voice became low and threatening, "You would call our child, made in love, an abomination, and deny that child."
"I've just been made high king of most of Albion, I can't afford to have all the Christian kings rebel against me, it was going to be hard enough as it is…"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Morgana snapped.
"Everyone thinks you're a sorcerer," Arthur reminded her.
"I am a sorcerer," Morgana reminded him indignantly.
"It was going to be hard enough for the Queen of most of Albion to be a sorcerer, but my half-sister as well," Arthur sounded desperate, "I need the respect of the royalty and the people."
"We don't even know it's true, Arthur," Morgana tried to argue, "The truth died with my mother, Uther might just have thought he was."
Arthur shook his head in disagreement, his tone dismayed, "He confessed it in his will, I think Father must have known, Morgana, maybe your mother did tell him a long time ago," Arthur responded.
Morgana felt so angry at him, "So that's it, for us." Stand on your own two feet Arthur. Don't do everything because someone else expects it of you!
Arthur had his consolation offer all ready, "I want you to stay and be my adviser, I think your abilities make you invaluable to me."
Morgana lost her temper, "You think your precious nobles and royals are going to want you to be advised by a woman, a sorcerer and an unwed mother!" She yelled her contempt.
Arthur's expression was one of shock, "You are pregnant?"
Morgana saw the fear in his face, "It's too soon to tell."
Arthur off-handed remarked, "I'll find you a husband, then."
Morgana scoffed, "Don't you dare!" You completely missed the point!
Arthur was intransigent, "I can't tell anyone it's mine, I'm sorry, I don't want this, but I have to serve Albion."
This is why I really would have hated being married to him, unless he was constantly bending to my will.
Arthur suddenly embraced her, a passionate kiss, his mouth and tongue moving with a desperation he hadn't displayed before. Morgana responded accordingly. She gripped his back, pulling him in closer to her. She slid her hands beneath his shirt. His hand went to her bodice. Then he regained his senses and pulled back completely from her.
Arthur immediately hung his head in shame, "I'm sorry."
He stood up and walked a few paces away deliberately putting the desk between them.
He is torn.
Morgana changed tact, "No one knows we are related, burn the will."
Arthur was stunned at her suggestion remaining quiet.
She tried to appease him, "On The Isle siblings produce children all the time…"
Arthur was positively horrified, "Morgana, everyone in the kingdom, from the peasants in the fields, to the nobles and the priests, all despise incest."
"Only if they know about it," Morgana retorted pointedly.
"I'll know," Arthur stated bluntly.
His honor weighed him down. The silence hung between them. Morgana could feel her hopes and dreams being crushed.
She asked quietly, "Are you going to let people know we are… siblings?" Morgana asked.
Arthur shook his head, "I don't want to lie, but…"
"Everyone already saw us, you slept in my tent, I slept in yours," Morgana reminded him, "We very publicly shared a room at Olaf's Castle."
Arthur agreed, "I think the less people know about our familial connection, the better."
"Then let's go ahead, pretend we don't know," Morgana tried again.
Arthur became frustrated with her urging him to lie, "I can't do that," He further explained, "It also puts your claim on Tintagel into question."
"What?"
Arthur seemed surprised Morgana hadn't realized herself yet, "This revelation makes you a bastard, and not related to Gorlois, from whom the title of Duchess of Cornwall comes from."
Morgana felt annoyed he even raised that as an issue, "I couldn't care less about a land claim."
"No one must know the content of Father's Will," Arthur came to the answer that he would repeat from here on out, "I will tell people that our relationship has been misinterpreted, we were raised as siblings, and that I see you as my sister, that I sort out your comfort, as family does for each other in a time of grief, there is no romantic relationship between the two of us."
There is no more argument, Morgana realized to her dismay. The only thing he's ever had any conviction about!
))))))
Morgana raged the day away. She met up with Morgause that night. The situation was changing so rapidly, it was making her head spin. She hadn't reported what had happened via the crow, she wanted to talk face to face.
"Sister," Morgause kissed Morgana on the cheek, "What's wrong?"
Morgana was dejected, "Everything's changed."
"How so?"
"Uther wrote a will before the battle," Morgana was full of contempt, "He has confessed he's my father."
"What!" Morgause was caught completely off guard by this revelation, but Morgana fathomed she had never told her sister about the relationship.
"Do you believe it's true?" Morgause finally managed to say.
"I knew they had an affair," Morgana admitted, "I saw it in my dreams, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Sister," Morgana said guiltily, "I didn't want you to think less of my mother."
"So, it is true?" Her sister deduced.
Morgana shook her head, "I confronted Uther about the affair, I could see it in his reaction, it was true," Morgana was bothered more than she could say by the latest revelation though, "When Uther learned I had magic," She said full of hurt, "He kept saying, as if by explanation, that I had bewitched him, which justified his unnatural attraction to me."
Morgause, who wasn't easily disturbed, was appalled.
Morgana wasn't sure, but she relayed, "In anger he said 'how could I have produced a sorcerer' or something like that."
Morgana hadn't stopped being bothered by that exchange since it had happened.
"At the time, I felt Uther had accidentally admitted he was my father, but he may have just meant it because he had raised me since I was ten," She recounted.
Morgause observed, "You don't sound sure."
Morgana was bothered, "When he threw me in the dungeon, Uther came to…" Morgana realized she had left this part out of what she had told her sister as well.
Morgause held up her hand to block further explanation, "I can guess what he did to you in chains, Morgana," The blonde supplied.
She was relieved not to need to spell it out.
"I called him 'Daddy', to see if it… excited him…" Morgana felt ashamed and needed to justify her actions, "I was pleading with him, I was so worried he was still going to let me burn."
Morgause held her shoulders, making Morgana stare into her big brown eyes, "I'm glad, you convinced him not to kill you, make no apologies for doing what you had to do," Morgause sealed her words with a kiss.
Morgana felt so safe with Morgause, she was showing that nothing Morgana could do would make Morgause stop loving her or see her as dirty or soiled.
She returned to her narrative, "Right before he left, he said, 'I'm not your father. If you want to get my attention, act like your mother' or something close," Morgana remembered shaking her head, "I felt he was telling the truth at the time though."
"When did the affair occur?" Morgause always knew how to logic things through.
Morgana dismayed, "I don't know with any certainty, there wasn't any way to date the visions from what I could see, Uther would have been 27 when I was conceived, he could have been that age in my visions, his hair was completely brown."
"Do you think it's true?"
Morgana shook her head, "If he would lie to me then, why confess it to Arthur? In his will no less? Why did he feel the need to do that?"
Morgause thought immediately, "To stop you two from marrying."
"Uther didn't suspect anything between Arthur and I," And Morgana reiterated, "And at the time, there really was nothing between us."
"Why else confess it?" Morgause was intrigued now, "Well, we know what Uther intended for you, if he'd told you the truth, that would have made you more resistive and disgusted by him, he probably didn't want that, he probably felt guilty enough as it was."
"Heavy conscience?" Morgana drew the logical conclusion from Morgause's words, but she didn't really believe that.
Her mentor remained unconvinced too, "Uther took so many other sins to his grave, he was never going to tell Arthur about Igraine, why admit to that?" Morgause asked off-handedly, "Could the will be a fake?"
"It's Uther's hand, his unbroken seal, it sounded like him… he is sometimes sentimental," Morgana wasn't sure of that either, "Who would do that? Why?"
"Someone who doesn't want a sorcerer queen," Morgause appraised.
Morgana argued, "They had to know about the affair, and who knew?"
Morgause was silent a while. Sometimes Morgana felt she could actually see the pieces of information being sorted and tried against all her sister's existing understanding and then rechecked and placed elsewhere.
Something else was bothering Morgana. She kept going over the will. Something in the wording.
"I have always considered you both my children," Morgana recited.
Morgause was confused.
Morgana explicated, "That's what Uther wrote in his will."
Her sister shrugged, not understanding.
"It's not the incest that bothers me, I'm no Christian, you know that," Morgana smirked at her lover, "I look like my mother, I know that's what… drove his desire."
Morgana became flustered, "But… it's…" She struggled to express herself, "Mordred is my son. When you become a parent, you worry about your child, are they safe? Are they happy?"
Morgause was intrigued but remained silent.
"If someone forced him, hurt him, the way Uther did me," Morgana shook her head, "My instinct is to kill them, to rip their head off with my bare hands."
"How could he do that if he knew all along and saw you as his child," Morgause finished Morgana's thought.
Morgana nodded, she felt troubled.
"Uther was a broken man," Morgause observed eventually.
A long silence hung in the air.
Her sister pointed out, "You're older than Arthur."
"So?"
"So, you are heir to the throne of Camelot," Morgause realized.
Morgana was yet to even consider that possibility.
Morgause looked excited, "We could crown you queen."
"Didn't I say the same to you once?" She replied, "And you told me then, that an unacknowledged, bastard girl would never rule Camelot?" Morgana reminded her sister before she got too carried away.
Morgause paused, and nodded slowly, "Uther has formally acknowledged you, but you're right, Arthur is known throughout the land as Uther's son and heir."
"What would be the point now, anyhow?" Morgana asked, "Arthur's going to lift the ban, regardless."
The older woman honed in on Arthur's response, "How did our new king take the news?"
She was resigned, "The engagement is off, Arthur will keep me as his advisor."
Her sister was very happy at that news, "A king's adviser is a very influential position, Morgana."
Morgana hadn't given that much thought. The wounds were too raw for now. From queen to adviser felt like a huge fall from grace.
She relayed, "I told him to burn the will, but his honor won't allow him to lie."
"Who else knows?" Morgause probed.
Morgana shook her head, "Just us."
Her lover thought for a moment.
"Is there a way to use magic to be sure?" Morgana asked her mentor, full of hope, "If I could convince him it isn't true…"
"I'll ask Ninianne," Morgause responded immediately, but then she wanted to know, "What if you're already pregnant?"
Morgana allowed her frustration to show, "Arthur says he'll take care of me and the child, but he won't acknowledge them," Before becoming forlorn, tears welling in her eyes again, "He's angry, he's torn, but Arthur's too honorable to come back to me."
Morgana began to cry in earnest now as the reality sunk in.
Morgause announced, "You carry Arthur's heir."
She didn't really believe it, "He'll marry someone else now, probably a princess from one of the kingdoms that just made him their high king."
Her lover disagreed, "Ninianne isn't sure why, but she believes your child will succeed Arthur on the throne."
Morgana didn't know what to make of that.
"Arthur won't accept our child as his heir, he told me," Morgana informed her sister, "He said the child of an incestuous union is an abomination."
She wiped a tear from her cheek just recalling those words.
Morgause spoke with conviction, "He may feel differently, in time."
Morgana felt so drained from everything, she had hardly thought through the possibilities. I carry the future king. It was a comforting thought, though in light of what she'd just lost, she couldn't appreciate it.
Morgause sat on the ground in the leaves, and dirt, and motioned for Morgana to sit in her lap, which she did. The blonde held her close, as she sobbed. Morgause soothed her as best she could. Morgana eventually must have run out of tears. Her cheeks burned.
"You've done more for The Isle, for all magical people, than any of us dared hope," Morgause comforted her.
Morgana laid against her, too overcome to speak.
Her Blonde Beauty stroked her hair, and kissed her neck softly, "He loves you, he'll always listen to you, The Pact will hold."
Morgana listened, but it still felt like little solace.
"I know you wanted to be queen," Morgause said, "But, this might work out better."
She didn't understand what her sister meant to begin with.
Morgause kissed her lips, and made clear the intention of her words, as her lover's hand disappeared under her skirts.
Morgana let her. But she felt annoyed. She was so mad about the injustice of it all. She was so close to getting everything.
"We'll both be at court," Morgause whispered between her lips sucking on her throat, "We can make this work."
"It's too risky," Morgana began to protest, but her heart wasn't in the resistance.
"Mordred can read minds," Her lover replied, "We can put him to good use, he'd make an excellent look-out."
Morgana was horrified, "He's my son!" She chastised her lover, "I can't ask him to do that!"
"Like he doesn't already know what we get up too," Morgause sneered.
Maybe it was the mention of Mordred, or all the disappointment of the last day, but Morgana pulled Morgause's hand away. She just wasn't feeling it.
"I can't, I'm sorry, not today," Morgana apologized.
Morgause nodded her understanding, though she seemed dissatisfied. The blonde and kissed her chastely in parting.
"Until next time, Sister."
I guess we aren't sisters now? Morgana suddenly grasped.
When they had first become involved, Morgause's admission that they had the same father had repulsed Morgana and made her break off their romantic contact. But now their connection was soul deep. The possibility that they weren't both of Gorlois actually made her feel sad.