Hi readers!
I have been reading your comments as usual. All I want to say at this point is, DON'T jump to conclusions, especially when it comes to Callie.
As for those of you who don't like my story, feel free to stop reading! I am just writing my story as I have envisioned it :)
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The five days following the baby shower were complete chaos. It was as if Callie had intentionally scheduled surgery after surgery. When she was out of surgery, usually sometime around six, she had some other obligation she didn't need me for, so she would send me home. From an outsider's perspective, she was treating me normally. We continued to eat lunch together and work side by side throughout the day. Yet, our subtle day to day interactions changed. The looks from across the OR, the graze of her hand on my waistline when she moved past me, were absent. She was no longer dragging me to our basement bungalow whenever we had more than 15 minutes to spare. All of our conversations were superficial. The conversation between her and Addison at the baby shower was never brought up, as much as I wanted to address it. I wanted to clear the air, to make it known that I was not as anti-children as I made myself out to be. I just...I hadn't gotten around to thinking about kids yet.
So that fifth day of frenzied scheduling and lack of breaks, I told myself I was done with it. I was going to tell Callie that I had committed to the University of Washington and was staying in Seattle. I was going to tell her that I was serious about her, serious about us. I would explain that while kids were not in my immediate life plan, they could be, some day. That I would make this work, make anything work if we could be together. I was going to tell her that we should stop hiding, stop pretending that we are just colleagues. And that she should divorce Owen so we could finally be something out there and real instead of two people crouching in the shadows, afraid of exposure.
"Callie, can we talk for a minute?" I said as we entered her office at the end of our relentless surgical day.
"Well, I am supposed to go to a meeting..." Callie said, avoiding my gaze.
"You have been in meetings all week. We, on the other hand, haven't talked in a few days" I said.
"What do you mean? We have been together all week" She said.
"You know what I mean" I said firmly. I sat down next to her while she was staring at my computer, still avoiding my gaze. I put my hand on her leg and felt her tense beneath me. Withdrawing my hand, I cocked my head to the side, looking at her.
"Callie, what is going on?" I asked. She closed her eyes and sighed, finally looking at me. Her face was frozen, her expression unreadable. I recognized this as the face she made when she was about to give a patient bad news. She had told me once that she has to prepare herself before she delivers bad news because otherwise, she starts to cry right with the patient and his or her family. Why in the hell was she giving me her bad news face?
"You start medical school in 6-7 weeks, correct?" She asked stoically.
"Yes...but that's what I wanted to talk to you about..."She cut me off before I could complete my sentence.
"Go to Hopkins, Arizona" She said. Her expression was unchanged, her eyes frozen on me, but not really seeing me. I had no insight into what she was thinking or why she was saying this. It was like she wasn't really there.
"Why would I go there, when you are here?" I asked.
"It's the best medical school in the country" She said.
"I don't care" I replied quickly.
"Well, you should. Go to Hopkins, Arizona. I mean it" She said more assertively. I felt my heart begin to race in my chest, my stomach was in my throat.
"What are you saying, Callie?"
"I am saying there is nothing for you here" Callie said flatly.
"What do you mean? What about you? What about us? Is this about the baby shower? Because I could want kids...one day...I just need time"
"Jesus, Arizona, just stop. This is not about the baby shower..."
"Then what is this about? One minute we were happy...and...we weren't together, together, but we had each other. we were...we are SO happy. That's something! Right? How can you negate that?" She looked away, her face beginning to crumple. She remained silent. I grabbed her hand, stroking it with my thumb. I was grasping at straws and we both knew it.
"Calliope Torres, I love you. In a really big...pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So please, pick me, choose me, love me" I could feel the tears running hot down my face, my eyes pleading for her, begging for her to hear me.
"Love isn't enough, Arizona. Not anymore" She pulled her hand away from mine, wiping her right eye
"I have to go" She said, leaving me alone in her office.